FIRE AND ICE
DISCLAIMER: I wish.
A/N - I recently watched all 3 films almost back to back. This is the product, 'cause a couple of times I could swear there were a few long, lingering glances between Rogue and John. Or maybe it's just me... Anyway, it's been a long time since I saw any X-men Evolution cartoons and I've never actually read any of the comic books (ducks for cover) so all characterisations etc are based on the movies. It's set at the end of the 2nd movie.
It wasn't supposed to be this hard. In all the movies, in all the books, all the songs, falling in love was easy. It felt right, everything just fit, you felt safe.
Not for Rogue though.
There was always going to be the issue of her mutation between her and Bobby, and it weighed on her heavily, but that was to be expected. What she didn't expect was John.
He and Bobby were friends, possibly the closest thing to best friends that guys could become without fearing they were less 'macho'. It was a surprise to many people when they started hanging out, they were so different from each other. Bobby was friendly, moral, loyal…nice, for lack of a better word, the complete opposite of John. Oh, he had his moments – he would be loyal, he'd fight on your behalf, he'd reach out to you. As long as it was worth his while.
Fire and Ice. They would make the same decisions for completely different reasons, as opposite from each other as their mutations were.
Maybe that was the appeal. Bobby was safe, and John was dangerous. She feared hurting Bobby when she was with him, always being so careful, always aware of his body next to hers, the distance between them, any exposed skin on her body tingled with alertness.
She didn't worry about hurting John. Looking back, maybe she should have. It was common knowledge that he'd always loved the rush that came with standing on the ledge, walking the line between safety and danger, enjoying the spice that impending disaster added to his life.
Which was possibly the reason she let her guard down around him. Accidentally touching Bobby would be disastrous, would scare him, send him running in fear of her. She'd seen it happen before, saw it in the way her parents had looked at her while they sat in the hospital waiting room that first time, the boy she'd first kissed fighting for his life beyond the doors. But accidentally touching John wouldn't frighten him, it would bring him one step closer to the edge of the cliff he hovered so near.
When Jean said he was with Magneto, Rogue's mind flashed back to the look in his eyes when he'd walked off the plane, the slight shift of his gaze between her and Bobby like a silent accusation, and she thought of the first time they'd kissed.
Arguments with Bobby, no matter how they started, always ended up on the same course. He wanted to touch her, to be able to hold her hand, stroke her hair, kiss her. He never understood that she wanted it too, but she'd seen first hand what happened when she let her guard down and touched someone. She didn't want him to look at her with that fear in his eyes.
John understood. He knew her apprehension, and knew that what she was afraid of was true, that Bobby would be scared. He wouldn't leave her, not on purpose, but if she let herself lose control and hurt him, just once, he would pull away from her. It would be him making excuses not to touch her, him who would be aware of her exposed skin and the distance between their bodies.
John had always stood closer to her than anyone else. Something that would seem weird to anyone else, would make anyone elses boyfriend jealous. But both she and Bobby knew that it was another risk take to him. The possibility that one or the other of them would shift and bare skin would touch bare skin added a danger that was rarely found in the safe environment of Xaviers Academy for Gifted Youngsters.
So his hands hovering so closely over her arms that she could feel his warmth as he stood before her and looked down at her angry eyes and listened to her talk about Bobby were no surprise. It did surprise her though when something unreadable flickered through his eyes and he moved his hands…
…Grabbing her arms. He didn't give her chance to pull away, cutting off her gasp of surprise and fear when his lips crushed onto hers, shocking her into submission. His hands moved from her arms to the back of her waist, holding her against him, the only bare skin touching was their lips and tongues, locked against each other.
Dimly she knew she should pull away from him but it wasn't until fire flashed behind her eyes and burned through her mind that she wrenched herself free with a gasp that was only partly fear.
John looked shaken and weak, but the look in his eyes and the grin on his face wasn't fearful. She still felt the fire burning in her head, could still feel him, glowing recklessness blazing a pathway between her thoughts. Saw him through his own eyes, a misfit, an outcast, feared by his family because of something that wasn't his fault, waking from a dream of flames to realise the house was ablaze.
She saw herself through his eyes. Dangerous, just like him. Hated and feared, unable to be trusted around others, incapable of human contact. She saw his expectation that she would realise what she'd been fighting against and accept herself. Accept that she was dangerous to others, that no matter what they said, those who had sworn to stay with her would leave her the first time she lost control.
She saw his hope that she would stand with him. That she would realise he would never be afraid of her and they wouldn't need to fit in with anyone else.
And she ran.
Ran back to Bobby, seeking the ice to extinguish the fire that rushed through her veins. To take away the fear and horror that she'd unwittingly let John see.
So now he was gone. And she had lost the chance to tell him that it wasn't him that she feared. She was terrified of what she would do if she let herself lose control enough to love him.
The End
