(written in a state of frustration at all the debate over which book/author
is better)
All 3 teams have assembled to defeat the combined forces of Cassandra Nova and Vargas.
Cassandra: We are the next step in human evolution. We must destroy mutants to ensure the survival of mankind.
Cyclops: But you have powers just like us. Don't you think humans will fear you as much as they do us.
Vargas: Umm. We never looked at it like that. Umm.
Cassandra: It doesn't matter. I am evil. We are going to destroy you anyway. I will have my revenge on Xavier.
Jean: Why do you hate him so much?
Cassandra: Because I am his genetic twin and he tried to kill me while we were in the womb.
Nightcrawler: Excuse me. But I studied some biology and what you just said is completely impossible.
Cassandra: Shut up. Your mutant logic cannot begin to comprehend the truth of my words.
Suddenly, gunshots ring out and Cassandra and Vargas fall down dead.
Stacey-X: Sorry guys. I was getting sick of all their talking.
Storm: Who are you?
Angel: Guys, this is our new team member Stacey. Her code-name is Marvel ***** because of her powers to make men have amazing orgasms.
Thunderbird III: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Angel: This coming from a new guy. Who the hell are you anyway?
Storm: Warren, that's Thunderbird. He's been with the team for a couple of years.
Angel: John Proudstar? I thought you were dead.
Storm: No, THunderbird III.
Angel: Sorry, still drawing a blank.
Rogue: Hey! How come I'm not the center of attention? Everyone look at me.
Everyone ignores Rogue.
Storm: Warren, he's the reason Betsy broke up with you.
Angel: Betsy and I didn't break up. We had a fight and she ran off. Once she comes back I'm sure we can patch things up.
Storm: Betsy's dead.
Angel: What!? How come noone told me? Did you guys know?
All but the X-Treme team members shake their heads.
Cyclops: So, how's the search for the diaries going Storm?
Storm: How d you know about that? It was supposed to be a secret.
Jean: It was? I'm sorry. Beast, Wovlerine, and I knew about it, I thought it was Ok to tell. Where is Wolverine anyway.
Wolverine: I'm right here.
Wolverine II: and here.
Wolverine III: and here.
Jean: Three of you?
Wolverine: Yeah. How else did you think I can be in so many places at once?
Rogue: Everyone pay attention to me.
Jean: Shut up.
Rogue: Why don't you make me?
Jean: Don't start with me Rogue.
Rogue: Why not?
Jean: Because (Jean's power flares), I AM PHOENIX!
Rogue: So. We knew that.
Jean: You did?
Emma: We all knew. It's formula. Jean Grey dies, becomes Phoenix, repeat. It was only a matter of time. Watch.
Emma turns into her diamond form and stabs Jean in the heart. Jean falls down dead.
Scott: Jean! Emma why did you do that?
Emma: Oh hush. You know I never liked her.
Scott: That doesn't mean you should kill her. We're a team. We're supposed to help one another.
Emma sticks her tongue out at Scott.
Storm: Bishop, is Jean Ok?
Bishop: I'm a cop.
Storm: Uh huh. Ok. Well then. Emma, what's with the new power?
Emma: Well you see, Colossus was supposed to be on this team, but when he died I was picked as his replacement.
Rogue: Everyone look at me.
Emma: It was redundant to have two telepaths on the team, so I developed a "secondary mutation" which transformed me into a powerhouse, to replace the dead Colossus.
Storm: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Emma: Right. THis coming from a woman with a villain on her team?
Storm: Who?
Emma: Tessa.
Storm: Tessa was a spy for Xavier the whole time. She's one of the good guys.
Emma: Who told you that?
Storm: Tessa did.
Emma: And you believed her? THat's the oldest trick in the book. Never believe a villain when they say they're now good. Did Magneto reform? Sabretooth? Mystique? You are so gullible.
Angel: Hey, where did Cassandra and Vargas' bodies go? Bishop, you were closest to them. Did you see what happened?
Bishop: I'm a cop.
Chamber: He's real useful.
Cyclops: Who said that?
Chamber: I did. Back here.
Cyclops: Why are you back there away from all the action? Shouldn't you be closer to your team?
Chamber: Nah. I don't feel like I really fit in with them, so I try to stay in the background as much as possible. I only joined because they kept bugging me and making my life a living hell.
Angel: Chamber, we didn't realize you didn't want to join the team.
Chamber: What are you, stupid? I told you a million times I didn't want to join. I was having dirty sex with the Marvel Univers version of Britney Spears. Why would I want to join a team of mutants that I hardly know? Do you know how hard it is for someone with only HALF A FACE, to get laid?
Angel: Well, when you put it that way.
Rogue: Everyone pay attention to me.
Just then, there is a brilliant flash of light, and Jean Grey's body is restored.
Jean: I am Dark Phoenix. I will destroy all of you.
Cyclops: Well, we should have seen that one coming.
And the story continues...
All 3 teams have assembled to defeat the combined forces of Cassandra Nova and Vargas.
Cassandra: We are the next step in human evolution. We must destroy mutants to ensure the survival of mankind.
Cyclops: But you have powers just like us. Don't you think humans will fear you as much as they do us.
Vargas: Umm. We never looked at it like that. Umm.
Cassandra: It doesn't matter. I am evil. We are going to destroy you anyway. I will have my revenge on Xavier.
Jean: Why do you hate him so much?
Cassandra: Because I am his genetic twin and he tried to kill me while we were in the womb.
Nightcrawler: Excuse me. But I studied some biology and what you just said is completely impossible.
Cassandra: Shut up. Your mutant logic cannot begin to comprehend the truth of my words.
Suddenly, gunshots ring out and Cassandra and Vargas fall down dead.
Stacey-X: Sorry guys. I was getting sick of all their talking.
Storm: Who are you?
Angel: Guys, this is our new team member Stacey. Her code-name is Marvel ***** because of her powers to make men have amazing orgasms.
Thunderbird III: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Angel: This coming from a new guy. Who the hell are you anyway?
Storm: Warren, that's Thunderbird. He's been with the team for a couple of years.
Angel: John Proudstar? I thought you were dead.
Storm: No, THunderbird III.
Angel: Sorry, still drawing a blank.
Rogue: Hey! How come I'm not the center of attention? Everyone look at me.
Everyone ignores Rogue.
Storm: Warren, he's the reason Betsy broke up with you.
Angel: Betsy and I didn't break up. We had a fight and she ran off. Once she comes back I'm sure we can patch things up.
Storm: Betsy's dead.
Angel: What!? How come noone told me? Did you guys know?
All but the X-Treme team members shake their heads.
Cyclops: So, how's the search for the diaries going Storm?
Storm: How d you know about that? It was supposed to be a secret.
Jean: It was? I'm sorry. Beast, Wovlerine, and I knew about it, I thought it was Ok to tell. Where is Wolverine anyway.
Wolverine: I'm right here.
Wolverine II: and here.
Wolverine III: and here.
Jean: Three of you?
Wolverine: Yeah. How else did you think I can be in so many places at once?
Rogue: Everyone pay attention to me.
Jean: Shut up.
Rogue: Why don't you make me?
Jean: Don't start with me Rogue.
Rogue: Why not?
Jean: Because (Jean's power flares), I AM PHOENIX!
Rogue: So. We knew that.
Jean: You did?
Emma: We all knew. It's formula. Jean Grey dies, becomes Phoenix, repeat. It was only a matter of time. Watch.
Emma turns into her diamond form and stabs Jean in the heart. Jean falls down dead.
Scott: Jean! Emma why did you do that?
Emma: Oh hush. You know I never liked her.
Scott: That doesn't mean you should kill her. We're a team. We're supposed to help one another.
Emma sticks her tongue out at Scott.
Storm: Bishop, is Jean Ok?
Bishop: I'm a cop.
Storm: Uh huh. Ok. Well then. Emma, what's with the new power?
Emma: Well you see, Colossus was supposed to be on this team, but when he died I was picked as his replacement.
Rogue: Everyone look at me.
Emma: It was redundant to have two telepaths on the team, so I developed a "secondary mutation" which transformed me into a powerhouse, to replace the dead Colossus.
Storm: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.
Emma: Right. THis coming from a woman with a villain on her team?
Storm: Who?
Emma: Tessa.
Storm: Tessa was a spy for Xavier the whole time. She's one of the good guys.
Emma: Who told you that?
Storm: Tessa did.
Emma: And you believed her? THat's the oldest trick in the book. Never believe a villain when they say they're now good. Did Magneto reform? Sabretooth? Mystique? You are so gullible.
Angel: Hey, where did Cassandra and Vargas' bodies go? Bishop, you were closest to them. Did you see what happened?
Bishop: I'm a cop.
Chamber: He's real useful.
Cyclops: Who said that?
Chamber: I did. Back here.
Cyclops: Why are you back there away from all the action? Shouldn't you be closer to your team?
Chamber: Nah. I don't feel like I really fit in with them, so I try to stay in the background as much as possible. I only joined because they kept bugging me and making my life a living hell.
Angel: Chamber, we didn't realize you didn't want to join the team.
Chamber: What are you, stupid? I told you a million times I didn't want to join. I was having dirty sex with the Marvel Univers version of Britney Spears. Why would I want to join a team of mutants that I hardly know? Do you know how hard it is for someone with only HALF A FACE, to get laid?
Angel: Well, when you put it that way.
Rogue: Everyone pay attention to me.
Just then, there is a brilliant flash of light, and Jean Grey's body is restored.
Jean: I am Dark Phoenix. I will destroy all of you.
Cyclops: Well, we should have seen that one coming.
And the story continues...
