(written in a state of frustration at all the debate over which book/author is better)

All 3 teams have assembled to defeat the combined forces of Cassandra Nova and Vargas.

Cassandra: We are the next step in human evolution. We must destroy mutants to ensure the survival of mankind.

Cyclops: But you have powers just like us. Don't you think humans will fear you as much as they do us.

Vargas: Umm. We never looked at it like that. Umm.

Cassandra: It doesn't matter. I am evil. We are going to destroy you anyway. I will have my revenge on Xavier.

Jean: Why do you hate him so much?

Cassandra: Because I am his genetic twin and he tried to kill me while we were in the womb.

Nightcrawler: Excuse me. But I studied some biology and what you just said is completely impossible.

Cassandra: Shut up. Your mutant logic cannot begin to comprehend the truth of my words.

Suddenly, gunshots ring out and Cassandra and Vargas fall down dead.

Stacey-X: Sorry guys. I was getting sick of all their talking.

Storm: Who are you?

Angel: Guys, this is our new team member Stacey. Her code-name is Marvel ***** because of her powers to make men have amazing orgasms.

Thunderbird III: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Angel: This coming from a new guy. Who the hell are you anyway?

Storm: Warren, that's Thunderbird. He's been with the team for a couple of years.

Angel: John Proudstar? I thought you were dead.

Storm: No, THunderbird III.

Angel: Sorry, still drawing a blank.

Rogue: Hey! How come I'm not the center of attention? Everyone look at me.

Everyone ignores Rogue.

Storm: Warren, he's the reason Betsy broke up with you.

Angel: Betsy and I didn't break up. We had a fight and she ran off. Once she comes back I'm sure we can patch things up.

Storm: Betsy's dead.

Angel: What!? How come noone told me? Did you guys know?

All but the X-Treme team members shake their heads.

Cyclops: So, how's the search for the diaries going Storm?

Storm: How d you know about that? It was supposed to be a secret.

Jean: It was? I'm sorry. Beast, Wovlerine, and I knew about it, I thought it was Ok to tell. Where is Wolverine anyway.

Wolverine: I'm right here.

Wolverine II: and here.

Wolverine III: and here.

Jean: Three of you?

Wolverine: Yeah. How else did you think I can be in so many places at once?

Rogue: Everyone pay attention to me.

Jean: Shut up.

Rogue: Why don't you make me?

Jean: Don't start with me Rogue.

Rogue: Why not?

Jean: Because (Jean's power flares), I AM PHOENIX!

Rogue: So. We knew that.

Jean: You did?

Emma: We all knew. It's formula. Jean Grey dies, becomes Phoenix, repeat. It was only a matter of time. Watch.

Emma turns into her diamond form and stabs Jean in the heart. Jean falls down dead.

Scott: Jean! Emma why did you do that?

Emma: Oh hush. You know I never liked her.

Scott: That doesn't mean you should kill her. We're a team. We're supposed to help one another.

Emma sticks her tongue out at Scott.

Storm: Bishop, is Jean Ok?

Bishop: I'm a cop.

Storm: Uh huh. Ok. Well then. Emma, what's with the new power?

Emma: Well you see, Colossus was supposed to be on this team, but when he died I was picked as his replacement.

Rogue: Everyone look at me.

Emma: It was redundant to have two telepaths on the team, so I developed a "secondary mutation" which transformed me into a powerhouse, to replace the dead Colossus.

Storm: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Emma: Right. THis coming from a woman with a villain on her team?

Storm: Who?

Emma: Tessa.

Storm: Tessa was a spy for Xavier the whole time. She's one of the good guys.

Emma: Who told you that?

Storm: Tessa did.

Emma: And you believed her? THat's the oldest trick in the book. Never believe a villain when they say they're now good. Did Magneto reform? Sabretooth? Mystique? You are so gullible.

Angel: Hey, where did Cassandra and Vargas' bodies go? Bishop, you were closest to them. Did you see what happened?

Bishop: I'm a cop.

Chamber: He's real useful.

Cyclops: Who said that?

Chamber: I did. Back here.

Cyclops: Why are you back there away from all the action? Shouldn't you be closer to your team?

Chamber: Nah. I don't feel like I really fit in with them, so I try to stay in the background as much as possible. I only joined because they kept bugging me and making my life a living hell.

Angel: Chamber, we didn't realize you didn't want to join the team.

Chamber: What are you, stupid? I told you a million times I didn't want to join. I was having dirty sex with the Marvel Univers version of Britney Spears. Why would I want to join a team of mutants that I hardly know? Do you know how hard it is for someone with only HALF A FACE, to get laid?

Angel: Well, when you put it that way.

Rogue: Everyone pay attention to me.

Just then, there is a brilliant flash of light, and Jean Grey's body is restored.

Jean: I am Dark Phoenix. I will destroy all of you.

Cyclops: Well, we should have seen that one coming.

And the story continues...