Jackie and the three…

Kelso's too fast, Fez is too Slow, But Hyde was just right. A drabble set to the tune of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, I'm probably going to go to the special hell for this. JK/ JF/ JH FK PWP ZENFIC!

Right, so I've put my stories on hiatus for the moment, and I wasn't going to write anything new until I got my other stories done, however, this little yet viscous plot bunny attacked me yesterday and well…what better way to get back in the game than to write smut set to Goldilocks and the Three Bears? I'm so going to the special hell.


It's hard and fast and she's barely had time to consider what's happening let alone enjoy herself when he comes, making a harsh whining noise in her ear.

She looks at the clock. 10:05.

Three minutes exactly.

She said do it fast, but she didn't mean that fast.


The good news is that over time, he gets better.

Of course, she has nothing to compare it too, so she might be wrong, but she's learned how to make herself come by putting her hand in between her legs. Of course, he thinks it's him that makes her scream, and because she does love him, even though he is an idiot, she lets him.


Sometimes, she wonders if Laurie might have taught him a few tricks, because now he really is getting better. Now she barely has to help herself along during sex. He's learned how to touch her in the right spot, how to angle his hips just right to hit that sweet spot.

It still only takes three minutes, but at they're a pleasurable three minutes.

Granted, she still doesn't have anything to compare it to.


He takes his time, is almost painfully slow in his ministrations. He kisses every single inch of her, says how beautiful how each individual toe is.

She doesn't want to be here. There's a mall open, and the man (boy) next to her isn't what she expected him to be. He's like her best girlfriend, and one doesn't have sex with her best girlfriend.

At least, Jackie doesn't.

By the time they actually have sex, she's so bored that she starts making a grocery list in her head.

She's on bread (after eggs, cheese, lettuce, sandwich meat, fruit rollups, beer, shampoo, and deodorant) when she orgasms.

If one could call it that. It's more of a tickle. But, it's probably her fault, given that she wasn't really paying attention.

But dear god, the man took over an hour on foreplay alone!


They only have sex three times after that, because, with the helpful guidance of Cosmo, he realizes something about himself that the rest of them knew all along.

She gives them her blessing, and tries her best to smile through the awkwardness.

She wonders how the hell Too Fast and Too Slow are going to work out, but she knows soul mates when she sees them.

She always said she thought they would last.


She's hot and sticky and she doesn't remember feeling that way ever. His kisses ignite something deep inside her belly that she's only felt once before; his hands roam over her body, squeezing her breasts, flicking her nipples with his callused thumbs, sending electric currents straight to her core. She can feel the fire building inside her already and they've only just started.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Better than." She whispers back

He fills her like… well Michael wasn't… She had no idea, no… okay so she isn't thinking straight.

He makes her forget herself.

He makes damn sure she comes before he does, and because she can't help herself, she looks over at his clock.

10:30.

She forgot to look at the clock when they stumbled in, but she knows that it was longer than three minutes.


She takes it upon herself to learn exactly what pleases him, because then he's more apt to do that thing…

Michael never did that.

But he does, and while intellectually she still thinks it's kind of gross, she forgets all about that the minute she feels her muscles clench.


"Let me save you the time." Jackie said, "Two of your ex's are gay, haha on you!" She did a fairly decent imitation of Hyde.

"I was going to ask if you could pass me a beer." He smirked at her, "But really, how does it feel?"

Jackie chose not to respond, but instead handed him two beers, "One for you, one for the whore you're currently with."

"Ouch." He replied.

"Seriously, Steven," She looks over his shoulder, "Where do you find them, Whores R Us?"

Hyde shrugged, "Eh, she's easy."

They both know what he meant, and fortunately, Jackie decided to let it go. "Well, have fun."

"I will." He said, winking at her.

The next day (2.15 A.M) when he knocked on her door, there was about one minute of awkward silence before he crossed the threshold to her apartment, picked her up and swung her around as their mouths met.

"I thought I was going to have to wait forever."

"I had to get rid of Shana."

"I thought her name was Sheila."

"Whatever."

It's the last thing either of them says for the rest of the night. Everything they have to say is spoken in kisses, touches, moans, sighs, squeals, etc.

He hasn't forgotten how to make her spontaneously combust inside her skin.

She hasn't forgotten that whispering I love you into his ear makes him shake.

This time, he whispers it back.

This time, he means it.

This time, he's not letting go.

The End