A Hell All His Own.
Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: Criminal Intent, it belongs to Dick Wolf and its other rightful owners.
She hated him!
Hated that he was so bright, smarter in equations than anyone had a right to be. So brilliant at theory, yet completely confused with social interactions. She hated being his water carrier, a pretty sounding board. She was worth more than that, damn it!
She was in awe of him.
The same things that sparked her resentment made her bow down to his whims. He was a genius at the game, getting those of the underworld to open up to him. He was far more brilliant than she, far kinder; he knew the right things to say and do to get someone to trust him. And God help her, she trusted him still.
She pitied him.
So brilliant, so kind and, yet, he was so haunted that no one could save him. Even he couldn't save himself, no matter how hard he tried. Yet he was still so loyal to the people, the 'creatures' that did this to him. He was so socially inept, all because of them. He would never find peace; their spirits' would haunt him long after their bodies decayed.
She worried for him.
He could be so frustrating! He would get an idea stuck in his head and follow it to the bitter, and usually bloody, end. He was naïve, stubborn, and half the time she thought he had a death wish! Oh, the situations he gets himself into were going to turn her hair gray soon. She knew she wouldn't always be able to save him, and that worried her more than anything else. Someone had to try and save him from himself.
She loved him.
He could never know. He wasn't able to love her, he was broken, and he didn't want to be fixed. She watched him silently, watched his eyes, for they always told her how he really was, not his elaborate words. She wanted to hold him and take his pain away, but it would never be.
His pain was to deeply ingrained in him, the hurtful words spoken, the good deeds spurned, never being loved no matter what he did, that he had turned himself off from the outside world, and lost himself in his dreams.
That didn't stop her from loving him. She would love him until her last breath, she would love him after.
All in all, nothing, no words ever written or spoken, could ever truly describe her feelings for him. Maybe, except one.
Soul mate.
Only it was an unreturned love, so that word only fit in his case in regards to his feelings of gratitude for what she did for him. Well, she would take what she could get.
Alex Eames sighed, and set down her journal. She was going to be late for work, and she didn't need Ross on her back. She wrote one last line, and turned to go to another day with, yet without, him.
The line ran in her head.
'Bobby Goren is a hell all his own.'
Valerie Portolano
Dec. 19th 2009
