~Don't tell Sharon~
The 12th in my "deleted scenes" series. This takes place after the "Black Out" episode 412.
Disclaimer: I own nothin' of Major Crimes.
The second I entered the condo Andy was right there at the door. He helped me with my jacket and hung it up. Then let me set my hand on his shoulder lightly as I changed from my shoes to my comfortable Uggs. After having him here for a week we've gotten into a pattern, but this was a little different since he didn't come home with me. Andy was already here waiting this time. The reason why he's here before me, scares me to death. Not wanting to think of that just yet, I carefully without touching him lean up on my tiptoes and give him a hello missed you kiss. It was a light sweet kiss, an unspoken way to reassure us both that we are here for each other no matter what. After a day like today, we both need to know it more than ever.
I step back and the way he is smiling at me makes me smile too. I tilt my head and was about to ask why he was looking at me like that when Andy takes my hand and he says, "come on, sit," as he leads me to the couch. "I have everything ready." I look at him confused as he turns to head to the kitchen he returns quickly with a glass of wine for me. I haven't been drinking after work lately with Andy staying with me it didn't seem right to do that in front of him and I want him to see that I support him. Frankly, I haven't needed wine to help me unwind when I had Andy around. He took place of the need to release my day that way. With Andy here, we could easily talk out our frustrations we've faced at work or with one look we could see the other didn't want to discuss work and we would automatically find another subject. Like what we wanted to that night or plan out our weekend.
He sat down next to me as I stared at the half-filled wine glass. After dealing with Jack, hearing Andy talk about his health threats and the talk I had with Taylor I could really use the drink. "Go ahead Sharon, drink it. Wine was never my choice and it doesn't bother me to see other drink. I do it all the time with Provenza," he said with a light laugh.
I slowly look at him then back at the drink. What I really could use was a hug to feel his arms wrapped around me but I don't want to hurt him. So I make the decision to leave the glass and take comfort in just being able to talk with Andy. I need to tell him about Jack and what he told our team. For me it's hard because I told Andy I wouldn't say anything and my word is always my word. I never took into account that me talking to my kids would lead to my ex having private information to use on Andy to get back at me. Not that I don't put it past Jack to do that it's just usually he'll keep those tidbits to use against me when he wants something from me. He must have really felt his back was up against a wall to use it so early. Whereas I'm furious with Jack, I'm upset with Emily too. I'm happy that she's talking to her father but I'm not thrilled she's talking to him about Andy and me.
As I'm getting flustered and a little overwhelmed at the whole situation I feel my feet being lifted off the floor and set on Andy's lap. I smile as he slipped off the Uggs and starts to massage my feet. I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling. He does know how to distract me from my own thoughts. There has been complete silence since he had me sit down. I feel bad for not talking to him yet, but I have no idea on where to begin. There so much we need to discuss but I'm speechless. Mostly from being so worried about Andy's health. I've really only just started to come to terms with how I feel about the man that is massaging my feet with his therapeutic fingers, now something could happen to him.
Where do I start? With bombshell, Jack dropped? Or how my ex found out about his condition? Will Andy be mad that Emily talked to her dad about us? Though he did say I could tell my kids. Or do I start with how worried I am about him? That brings my thoughts back to the fact that I'm still ticked at Andy for telling Provenza about needing to go to the hospital today and from last weeks "don't tell Sharon" did he really think I wouldn't find out about that little comment? I know he was keeping from me worrying, but that's something to work out later. Right now I needed to handle the problems my family has caused. With my eyes still closed I resolve myself to start somewhere, it might as well be me apologizing for Jack once again. "Andy, I'm sor..."
Before I can continue I feel a squeeze of the foot that he is massaging. I slowly open my eyes and tilt my head in question as to why he stopped me. He just gives me that lopsided smile, the one that makes my heart skip a few beats and says, "Sharon, don't. Provenza called me. I know what's going on and nothing's your fault. Don't feel you need to apologize for your jerk of an ex and especially I don't want you to be mad at your daughter. I'm sure she was just trying to..." I watch concerned as Andy's eyes fill with moisture, seeing him struggle to find the words made my heart clench. I wiggle my toes that are in his hands to let him know I'm here and will help him through the moment he is having. Finally, Andy clears his throat and is able to speak, "at least she's talking to him. I know how it feels to go without hearing your kid's voices. So let her have that much for trying. Even if she gave Jack info that he in turn used against us she was an innocent party in all this and had no intent. Whereas I'm sure Jack did. It will be a shame when she finds out what her dad did and you'll need to be there for her when all that hits the fan."
As I ponder all that Andy just said I look into his now dry but worried eyes, to his hands that are still kneading my feet, to my lap. First off, I'm not sure how I should feel about the Lieutenant calling ahead and telling Andy about what Jack did. Wait, let me take that back, I know I should feel a little mad that he stepped over me to tell him first but I am actually grateful for it. Louie is Andy's best friend and is looking out for him too, but I can see the ulterior motive behind my second-in-command calling before I got home. He was taking that burden off of me. He already knows I'm worried about Andy's health and what could happen to him. It was the lieutenant's way of helping us both. It had taken quite a few years, but I would now call Louie Provenza a friend, which I almost laugh at. Not in a million years would I have ever thought that Lieutenant Grumpy and the Witched Witch would ever be friends, especially not after I had started dating his partner.
Thinking about partners I look up at Andy to see his dark brown eyes watching me as I work things out in my head. I know he'll wait for me to talk, but for now, I sit there enjoying Andy's fingers easing the tension from my body through my feet as I continue to contemplate the words he had said. I can see his side of the father-daughter situation although Andy is completely different than Jack. He has worked hard to mend the fences with his kids. The only thing the two men have in common besides me is the fact that both used to drink and I'm suspicious that "use to" is only true for Andy and not for Jack anymore.
Secondly, but much more important to me is that last part of what Andy said, about me needing to be there for my daughter. This thought in turns makes my eyes start to water. I need to swallow the lump building up in my throat and blink a few times to hold back the tears threatening to fall. Not that I didn't already know Andy was special to me, but this makes me realize how very deep these feelings are getting about the man next to me. After everything that had happened the last few days and even after Jack gave out personal information not only to the team but also in front of Chief Taylor. Andy is more concerned about how this will affect Emily than what will happen to him.
With a shoulder shrug trying to break the emotional tension that is building I say half kidding, "hmmm, you could be onto something there." I try and yank my foot out of his grip as he tickles the bottom of it, but he refused to let go or stop running his fingers up and down the arch of my foot. He knows full well my feet are sensitive; this isn't the first foot massage he has given me. Laughing while trying to keep still, I don't want to hurt him by kicking him accidentally. So I reluctantly admit, "alright, alright I give. If I say you are right will you stop?" He continues the assault on my foot as he ignores my pleas, "Andy, please." Relieved when his motions were back to massaging, I tell him, "I think you could be right, maybe I'll take tonight to cool down, then call Emily tomorrow."
Sitting up and tucking my now tingling wonderful feeling feet underneath me. The man could work magic with his hands. With the hardest part out of the way, I turn to Andy, leaning my back against the armrest of the couch. I take the time to explain to him what happened after Jack made his big exit scene. Though what the pain in my…neck of an ex-husband thought he did wasn't as horrible as he would have liked it to turn out. Jack won't have anything to gloat over let's just say that.
Andy laughed having to hold his ribs when I told him now I know how he feels when him and his partner-in-crime would get in trouble. Standing in front of my team and Chief Taylor, Provenza and I look at each other like crap what now? Thinking back on it, it was almost funny, almost. If I hadn't been so worried about what Jack had said and the way it was broken to the team and Taylor would do to the trust and functionality of the division. It had taken years for them to accept her. Would this set them back? I go on to tell Andy that it took awhile to calm down the team after my ex-husband's big announcement. Actually, I left the lieutenant to explain what was medically going on with Andy while I spent the next thirty minutes dealing with Chief Taylor. Before I had followed Taylor to his office I glance back to Provenza and he nodded in understanding. I slid over on the couch enough to take Andy's hand in mine and as I talk I smooth my thumb along the back of his hand. It's more a subconscious thing and comforting to me.
I admit that to Andy that I was a bit worried as I sit across from the Chief's desk. Andy agreed that it's hard to get a read on their chief. To tell if he was going to give a why didn't you tell me speech or do I have to remind you, why we do what we do lecture. For a moment as I sit there I feel like I'm a child called to the principle office to get reprimanded. Andy's medical issues had really only been a secret for a day and not really a secret at all. Everyone that needed to know knew. We had followed protocol. How bad can that be? Taylor hadn't said a word since we left the murder room. After Jack not very subtly let the personal information about Andy spill out of his mouth. A deep voice startles me out of my concerns as the Chief says "relax Sharon, I don't care what that blow-hard of an ex of yours said." At that, I did feel myself relax a little. Until he spoke his next words. "Wait, don't get me wrong I do certainly care what was said about Flynn but not that Jack was vengeful after losing his big payout of a client. With that being said, where is Flynn, anyway?" It was nice to see that he wasn't upset about what Jack said. It seems to me that nobody cared for Jack around here. Though I'm not sure if it's from their experiences with him as a lawyer or that they have all heard the rumors of how Jack was as a husband or how he basically left our kids to go off to live his own life in Vegas
Needing to get up and stretch my legs after telling Andy, Taylor knew all about everything now, from Andy staying at my condo, to the blood clot, to the 24/7 watch. I also clarify how no rules were broken that Andy had done what he was supposed to do by telling his immediate superior. Standing I stretch my back a little, "I'm going to change. I'll be right back," I say trying to hide the worry I feel for him in my voice as walk by him. I lean down carefully and give Andy a gentle kiss just deep enough to say I missed you and that I care. It's my way of communicating with him through the kiss what I can't quite say out loud.
I turn to pick up my glass of wine that Andy had so nicely had ready for me, but I don't need it, I need him. Going into the kitchen I pour it down the drain. As I head to my bedroom a heat flows through me as I feel his eyes follow me. I really do need to change, but also I need to think. The words blood clot has me panicked. I can see how Andy is trying to act like it's no big deal but I know he knows this is very serious. He's downplaying it for me even in my concern for him I feel deeper feelings for Andy for trying to protect me. Though I've already told him I don't need him for that. I can see why he would try to. Helping and protecting people is just ingrained in him just as much as it is in me.
Yesterday, it had been so hard to sit to there listening to Andy explain what was going on, but I'm glad that he did. Hopefully, Andy had told me all of it, even if he acted like it was a routine thing he was going through. I kept my hands link together the more he talked the tighter my hands gripped the other. I was trying to be his captain but by a lot of Sharon came out as he continued to say what the doctors had told him. I could feel the mist growing in my eyes as the words blood clot, carotid artery and surgery kept repeating on a loop in my head. Watching Andy play it off, I had taken a breath to settle all the emotions that were surfacing. When he asked if he could still stay at my condo I know my voice cracked a little when I quickly said, "of course." It was hard to hold back when he said he was still healing. I just felt the overwhelming need to hold him but I couldn't. Then I thought about all the hugs and cuddling while watching TV he had let me do this past week. Did I hurt him then? Was I a hinder to his healing? Was I making things worse? Were there things Andy's still not telling me? "Sharon, if you don't come out here if a few seconds, I will come into your bedroom to get you to stop over-thinking what is happening to me."
Even with me stressing over things, I can't help but smile as Andy yells down the hallway from the living room. I almost want to stomp my foot at how well he knows me. "I don't know what you're talking about. Can I have a minute to finish putting my hair up?"
"You have 57 seconds left." I can just picture the smirk on his face, as I'm sure he looks at his watch to time me.
I'm basically ready to come out but I have to make a point that I will take as long as I want to in my own home. In the last forty seconds, I have I take a long deep breath and slowly let it out. One last thought crossed my mind; in my office that day Andy had called this home. When he needing a ride he referred to my condo as home. That is very endearing to me that it would seem natural to him to already feel at home here. We had been pushed into a domestic relationship a lot sooner than I had thought would happen, if ever. After living with and dealing with the likes of Jack for so long, I didn't think I would ever be doing this again, but with Andy, it was organic, completely natural. Having him here was...nice and so easy to adjust to. I take one last look in the mirror, flip my hair back and leave my bedroom.
With two seconds to spare, I walk by the couch on my way to the kitchen. Not being able to help myself I let my fingers run along Andy's right shoulder slowing down as I get to his hair at the collar's edge. I take the time to run my fingers through the silver strands a few times then continuing along his other shoulder. It was nice and a peace of mind to have Andy in her home with her. There was that word again, nice. It's such a simple word but it perfectly described this. In the kitchen, I put the kettle of water on to boil. As I'm getting everything ready, I know already it will be hard to resist the want to touch Andy but I really don't want to cause him any more pain, any more than he is already in. I silently finish making us both some tea. Then set both cups upon the coasters that are on the table and sit close to him.
Sitting close enough on his good side to just have our legs touching, I softly place my hand on his thigh. I need to ask him something that had been bothering me for a week now. Did he think I wouldn't find out? He must know by now that I find out everything sooner or later. I know Andy had good intentions, unlike my ex who use to try and keep things from me to use against me later. Honestly, I'm not mad and am touched that he would worry about me that way. I just need Andy to know that I'm strong enough to be there for him as a captain and even more so as Sharon. At this stage in our relationship, we can't keep things from each other, especially very important life or death matters.
I smooth my hand along his leg. Andy places his hand on mine and brings it up to his chest. He lays both our hands flat with his over mine. I can feel the beating of his heart. I know it's his way of saying, see it is still beating I'm still here. I smile at the rhythm I feel against my palm. It's a good steady tempo; in fact, it's like music to me. Even if I can't hear it, each beat I can feel through my whole body.
From our joined hands I look up into his eyes. I can see in the dark depths that Andy knows what I about to ask. He had to know it was coming. I am Darth Raydor after all. I smile the smile I reserve just for him to relieve his worry. Once again, I'm not mad, well anymore. Mostly I'm just curious now. In a soft voice I ask, "So Andy, what's this about, don't tell Sharon?"
I thought it was an amazing episode and we got a Shandy kiss! It was a sweet goodbye see you later kiss but it was a kiss. After shipping Shandy since "Red Tape" Closer days so 7 years I'll take any kiss I can get. ;)
