I really did think I had done it this time. But then again, that's what I always think. With time, one might expect to perfect patience to the finest art, but instead, all that's grown inside of me is desperation. My life in this world has come to an end. With the last of my waning strength, I lift my head and look at you. I can see the hope slipping from your eyes as the life slips out of my body.

Is there a world in which you could be happy? Where I could fight for you and we would win? We can play piano together, side by side, whenever you want. I promise. But this time, it will be different. It will not be because there are shadows within you and you are trying to chase them from your heart. No. This time, it will be simply because you are happy. Because you enjoy it with your mind and spirit. The notes will lilt in the clear air, flowing up into a warm sky where the angels do no harm. Where the only angel I see is the kindness in your heart and the comfort I take in your smile.

I want to see you smile. There is a world where you should not need a reason for it. You can smile whenever. Smile just because you can. A world in which youcan find happiness on your own because it's in everything. In the grass at your feet, in the clouds in sky. You do not have to look into the sky with fear anymore. Nothing is coming to hurt you. Maybe you can even find happiness in me not because you feel you need to, but because you want to.

But as everything dims around me and your screams are beginning to fade, I realize I can't do any of those things for you. Each time I reach out to grasp your hand, you fall away from me like a grain of sand into the wide red ocean. I won't find you ever again. I dissolve into the waves and become foam. Every time.

How many years have I searched for you and thought I had finally done it? I have stopped counting the centuries. How many loops have I had to endure where your face, twisted in agony, watches as I died? Dying rips apart the flesh, and ithurts… It hurts terribly every time - I can't get used to it. But that's not the worst part of it. The worst part is failing you. My agony and pain does not compare to yours. Over…and over again.

If it would help, I would beg for your forgiveness until the words bled from me in the color of red. I wish I could tell you I love you, but my heart bleeds then, too, every single day, and still it does not bring us any closer together. Even as the years rise up around us and I am running to your side again, our fingertips touch…and fate somehow slips you far from my grasp.

I want you. I cannot have you.

There are so many worlds, so many different terrors you've been torn apart by. You and I have died a million times and so much blood has been spilled from us, but I will not give up. I can still see your smile in some distant future. The pink in your cheeks. The warmth in your laugh. I know I can find it. I will die a million times more in search of it. Even then, if the results are the same, I will keep going because there are words I want you to hear again. There are words that you are worthy of. And some day, as human as I have become, I want to hear those words, too…

I know we can find that peace together.

As darkness takes away my sight again…and again…and again, I smile for you. I pour all of my love into that smile until there's nothing left of me. I'm happy to have shown you, but I want to actually tell you one day. I know it will be one day soon.

Wait for me.

I'm coming for you.