(Around the time of the multiple conversations update, I came to terms with the fact that Davesprite is dead in this timeline. So I drew some art of him, then I realized he was missing his sideburns. My friend referred to them as cowboy-boot sideburns... and I guess that's all there is to the inspiration story behind this.)


After a few hours of waiting John finally made his appearance before his long missed pals. He sauntered on through, waving and making a few polite comments to those he recognized before taking a seat between Kanaya and Rose.

John began, "So... hi everybody! It's been a long time since we've really gotten to know each other but I assume we're still pretty cool right?"

"Naturally," Rose chimed, followed by Karkat nodding in response.

"Alright! So I know I could never be caught up fully. But could someone try to brief me on some crucial stuff I may have missed?" John asked.

Rose went to speak but abruptly stopped and grimaced at the being behind John, Kanaya was unsure how to behave in such a situation.

John felt a hand grip his shoulder followed by a familiar voice, "Howdy y'all, well if'n yer lookin' for some info I'm all about that scene."

John looked behind him and saw Davesprite, he had a much more prominent accent than John had been expecting. John uttered a completely merited, "Holy shit."

Davesprite continued, "Now, 'f I reckon. Ya died on the golden ship here that-that there lassie lass was pilotin'," he pointed a neon orange finger to the sleeping Jade on the other side of the disc, "but no frettin' since yer clearly alright. Or at least a version of y'all selves is."

John cracked up at this, not even trying to hid the large smirk he was sporting as he snickered, "Rose where is Dave, this is the most literal thing that I could compare to gold."

The group went quiet for a moment, even Davesprite knew not to interrupt the silence. Rose decided to take the position of messenger, "David met an unfortunate end before he could ascend to godtier. We took the initiative to insure Davesprite could live on in his name, bringing him along for the meteor ride."

John processed this for a moment before looking sullen, "Oh... how did he die?"

Rose didn't have the heart to really say it so Kanaya decided it was her turn, "We Don't Really Like To Speak Of The Exact Instance In Which Dave Was Compromised, Sorry."

"That's s'alright," Davesprite piped up, "I don't mind 'splainin' them there circumstances one bit."

Rose glared at him, "What the hell, we just said-"

"If my recollection serves me c'rrect then 'm pretty sure 'e was crushed to death under a pile a' muppet like sex toys and suffocated beneath the large surplus of ass n' phallic on top of 'im," Davesprite stated bluntly.

"What the fuck," John said quietly but finished shouting, "Why would you tell me that?!"

"Thanks for trying to spare me from knowing the asinine truth Rose and... I don't remember your name sorry, Rose's plus one. Even if your efforts ended up in vain," John would've liked to remember Dave as the cool guy who didn't die under a mound of dildos or whatever Davesprite said.

John started up again, "I cannot believe that things supposed to honor my dead best friend, and it's nothing like Davesprite from my timeline. I don't get it!"

Rose finally spoke again, "Believe I am the most sincere that I could be when I say on our behalf, that we are so fucking sorry, John."

Davesprite offered up some more of his divine intellect to the nonexistent table, "Now don't y'all look so glum, I'll be stewin' up something awful tasty in the ol' crock-pot for supper tonight. Come on, who wants ta 'elp m'?"

"I want to die, can I be in the stew?" John said sarcastically, angsting off to the side.

Rose quickly responded, "John! Rude."

"You have the nerve to call me rude right now?" John responded a bit agitated.

"Sorry But That Was A Little Impolite Jonathan," Kanaya added in Rose's defense.

"I see no probl'm with it actu'lly," Davesprite chirped, then he narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not yer Dave, do it. Fuckin' do it Jonath'n," Davesprite said with malice.

John was a bit surprised but didn't want to express his shock, Davesprite took this as a green light and dragged John out behind the makeshift kitchen that had been set up. Davesprite tied John's hood around his hands, securing him before he used the rest of the elongated garment to gag him.


Rose looked down at the grey surface beneath her, studying the unique lines it sported as a distraction, Kanaya looked to her and spoke, "I Don't Think It Is Wise To Keep Letting Events Such As This Transpire Weekly, It Is Clearly Putting Us All Under Stress To Have Been Witnessing This For As Long As We Have."

Karkat had joined them shortly after seeing John get dragged off, "WE CAN'T KEEP LETTING HIM DO THIS SHIT! WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO COMPLETE THE GAME BECAUSE BIRD FUCKER OVER THERE INHERITED DAVE'S ODD HOBBY OF LIKING SHIT DEAD."

Rose looked up, "I know but, what can we do? If we bother him then Davesprite may crave all our blood once more. We've gotten him down to just harassing John, it's the best we can do in our situation."

"OR WE COULD JUST, KIND OF, YOU KNOW, KILL THE FUCKING MONSTER SO THE TIMELINE CAN GO ON NORMALLY. WE LITERALLY HAVE TO LET ONE JOHN LIVE AND THE LOOP WILL END."

"No!" Rose shouted, "I can't fucking lose him again, none of us could fucking handle that. Okay? Johns are expendable, Dave has never made a return, he's out of the loop now. It's fine, everything is fine. Just, let it go."

"ROSE-"

"Karkat, Hush, Now Open Your Eyes, Look Up To The Skies, And See," Kanaya placed a finger over Karkat's lips then recoiled after it made contact with his weird ass teeth.

John appeared in a haze of blue and slowly drifted down to the group, "So... hi everybody!"