Chapter One: As I Close My Eyes

Bella's POV

"Swan's Hardware, this is Bella speaking. How may I help you?" I asked the customer on the other line when I answered their call.

"Yes, I was wondering what brand of paint you sell?" The man on the other line asked.

"All of the major brands, sir." I explained. "Behr, Benjamin Moore..." I continued to list our most common name brands and then went to offer him our not so big paint samples.

Grandma Swan told me that when my Dad was a kid, she could barely get him out of the garage. He would spend all day hammering and sawing and just building things. Before he was born, my Grandma Swan had turned the garage into his personal workshop for his furniture building company. It was small and cramped, but he loved being able to work from home. When my Dad was born, Grandpa Swan had him in that garage the second he was able to hold a hammer.

Dad considered going to carpentry school to be like his Dad, but he said he wanted to do something bigger with his life. Grandpa was sad when Dad told him he wouldn't be carrying on the family business, but he couldn't be mad when he told him what he planned on doing. Dad decided to get his business associates degree and open up a little hardware store, just a few blocks down from my grandparents.

Dad was smart while he was building up his company. To help get him on his feet, my grandparents helped a lot and my Dad didn't need to hire anyone for the first few months. Then, his store got more popular since it was the only small, family friendly hardware store on the Northside of Jacksonville. Dad didn't become an instant sensation, but his company grew. By the time him and Mom got married, he'd had to move locations once and then he moved into our current store just after I was born.

I was really proud to my Dad's one and only daughter. From a young age, he had me in this store, teaching me the value of a dollar and good work ethic. Everyday after school, the bus would drop me off here and I would help him with inventory and then he'd always teach me something to do with tools. I was never very good and broke a few a my fingers when Dad let me have the hammer, but I didn't care. I got to spend time with my parents and that was what mattered.

Our lives were essentially perfect. Mom was an amazing third grade teacher and Dad was a successful business owner. My parents were so in love that it made me want to hurl when I was younger. But, now, it made me see what a perfect relationship looked like. With our lives as perfect as they were, we never would have thought the unthinkable would happen to us.

It was a normal day. I had come home in tears, like I had been since starting middle school, and Dad taught me a lesson. He told me that being different was a good thing and being normal was overrated. It wasn't what a twelve year old wanted to hear, but he was right. I didn't need blonde hair and blue eyes to be pretty and by the time I was finished crying, Dad was telling me I needed to get my homework done.

I sat at the front counter like I always did with Jenny, the high school senior just trying to get some extra cash. She helped me with my math questions while Dad helped customers find what the needed. When the phone started ringing, none of us answered it since I wasn't allowed to answer the phone and both Jenny and Dad were with customers.

But...then the phone wouldn't stop ringing. It rang the entire time Jenny checked out the customers and Dad helped the same customer. Finally, the man Dad was helping had gotten what he needed and Dad reached across the counter to answer the phone.

I'd never seen anyone turn to pale in such a short amount of time before. It was like a switch had been flipped and all the color automatically drained from his face. He hung up the phone and kicked everyone out of the store, and grabbed my hand. He pulled me through the store and barely remembered to lock the door before throwing me in the back seat of his truck.

We drove the the hospital and if I hadn't reminded him about me, he probably would have left me in the truck. He pulled me into the ER waiting room and demanded answers from doctors. No one could give us any answers so we sat and waited. I didn't know what we were waiting for, but I knew it was bad. ER's didn't mean lollipops and rainbows. I cuddled to my Dad's side, but he barely recognized my presence.

Finally, after an hour, a doctor in navy blue scrubs came and told us that they did everything they could. Dad cried out and fell to the floor and when I asked what he meant, he told us that they couldn't save my Mom. Some idiot on their phone had ran a red-light and hit my Mom...killing her.

The week leading up to the funeral was the first time I'd ever seen Dad close the store for more than a day at a time. He spent most of his time with the funeral home director and made me go to school. I was twelve, yes, but I didn't entirely understand what was happening so I didn't complain when he made me get up and go to school.

It wasn't until two days after the funeral when I woke up when I realized just how much we'd lost. Mom was Dad's best friend and my rock. She was their every time I fell...which was a lot...to make everything better. She studied for every spelling test with me. She braided my hair and helped me pick out my outfits for school.

She was everything to me and some idiot took her from me.

Dad was a champion about it though. I could tell everyday was hard just waking up, but he did it. He woke up everyday and made sure I had breakfast before going to school. He kept the store open so there would be food on our table and so we wouldn't be without water or power. He took my to soccer practice and to sleepovers and to the library. He did everything he was supposed to, and to this day I still don't know how he managed to do it.

"Yes, sir, we're open on Saturdays." I told the man on the phone after he asked me a few more questions. "Yes," I said once again answering his questions. "You have a good day sir. Thanks, I will. Goodbye." I hung up the phone.

"Hey, Bells." Dad mumbled as he walked over to the counter after coming downstairs from his office. One thing that did change dramatically when Mom died was the fact that Dad was in the store front less. When I was a kid, he was always down here, helping company and making sales. When Mom died, he quit doing that and hired a manager to help run the floor. He spent most of his time in the office working on orders and going through applications.

"Hi, Daddy." I smiled as he came behind the counter, kissing my cheek.

"How're things down here?" He asked as he looked through our order binder.

"You would know if you came out of that office." I pushed. I'd been pushing for him to get back in the store ever since my junior year of college, but he always refused. Today he resorted to shrugging and rolling his eyes at me.

I had gone to the University of Florida and got a degree in business, concentrating in finance. I had always been good with numbers and I had my Dad to thank for that. He started teaching me about how you run a store and how you manage all kinds of finance. So, when the time came to pick a college, I made the decision to follow in my Dad's footsteps and get a degree in business. When I graduated, Dad offered me a job at the store immediately working as his financial manager.

I couldn't say no to my Dad. With what he was offering to pay me along with the fact that I'd get to work with him, it was a perfect job. Dad was my best friend and all the other job offers sucked compared to his. I accepted his offer on the spot and took over for Marcus who had just moved due to his wife's job.

I had been graduated for two years and loved every second working for my Dad. He was an amazing boss, obviously, and we worked well together. We always had worked well together, even before my Mom's death. But, since Kate had just given birth to her first child, Dad was having a hard time finding her replacement. Kate was in college and was grateful for the job Dad had given her, but once she had the baby, she had to stop working.

So, I decided to fill in for her until he could find a replacement. I loved working in the store with the customers. It's something I'd been doing since I was fifteen and a freshman in high school and it was something I'd continued to do through college. Working in a hardware store wasn't the most glamorous thing in the world, but I loved it.

"When's that dumb ass boyfriend of yours going to be here?" He grunted, turning to me.

"My fiancé is scheduled for three, Dad." I sighed. Mike and I had been engaged for four months now and Dad had refused to call him my fiancé. Dad and Mike had never really gotten along, even when Mike and I were just friends.

Mike and I met my sophomore year and his junior year at UF and just clicked. I could tell he was head over heals for me, but I didn't know how I felt yet. But, he never let his feelings for me get in the way of our friendship and by the time that school year ended, we were attached at the hip.

When he asked me out at the start of the next year, I was hesitant. We were great friends and I didn't want anything to ruin that. But, then I realized that being best friends was an important part to a romantic relationship. Mom and Dad had been friends for years before he mustered up the courage to ask her out, and they'd still be happily married if she were alive.

We weren't very serious at first and I liked it that way. It took all the pressure off dating someone for the first time and I was able to breathe as I got ready for our dates. But, as the year progressed, we slowly got more serious and at Christmas, he told me that he was committed and he wasn't going anywhere. The decision on where the relationship was going was on me and I decided to commit to him as well.

Mike had graduated a year before I did with a degree in computer science. He had found a decent job close by but by the time I graduated, they were laying people off. Mike was one of the newest and youngest employees and he was one of the first people to be laid off. He kept telling me that it was okay and that he'd find another job soon, so I didn't worry about him. But, then he didn't find a new job and we needed to be a two person income family because we'd just signed our lease for a new apartment close to my Dad.

So, I begged and begged and begged Dad to hire him because he was desperate. Dad said that he didn't need any help in the store and he wasn't going to fire a loyal employee so that my lazy ass boyfriend wouldn't end up on the street. When he told me that I put my hands on my hips and stared him down, knowing that Jake needed help on the loading dock and he desperately needed help creating the orders and shipping them off.

Dad finally agreed, but only if Mike was willing to help with the computers when they were acting up.

"I still think you could do bet..."

"Dad," I wined, not wanting to get in this with him for the hundredth time.

"Sorry." He mumbled under his breath. "How is Jake doing?"

"He's a nervous wreck." I laughed. Jake was my childhood best friend and he also worked here at the store. Jake was always one who could never sit still and he wasn't the best in school. When he made the decision not to go to college, Dad hired him as a manager, and Jake accepted on one condition. Jake wanted to be working on the floor, running around and not at a desk. Dad made the deal and he'd been working here since he was eighteen.

"He loves that girl." Dad smiled a rare smile. "Marrying her will be a piece of cake."

"I don't think it's the marriage that scares him." I told him. "It's Carmen's family that scares him." His soon-to-be wife was amazing, but her family was nothing like her. Carmen was sweet and hardworking and loving. Her family was pretty cold, spoiled and...plain mean sometimes. Jake didn't even get her fathers permission before asking her to marry him, but he did it anyway because he loved Carmen.

"They'll get over it." Dad shrugged like it was no big deal.

"Just because you and Mom had the picture perfect romance, doesn't mean everyone will."

"Has Jake gotten everything together for while he's on his honeymoon?" Dad asked, changing the subject. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately whenever I would bring up Mom. When I was younger, he was always willing and wanting to talk about her. But, lately it was like he wanted to pretend she'd never existed. I wanted to know why he was doing it, but then I wasn't even sure if he knew he was doing it.

"Swan's Hardware, this is Charlie speaking. How may I help you?" Dad asked as he took a call, something that was rare for him. While he was talking to a customer, I began shelving our new order of paint rollers to help pass the time since we were pretty dead.

"Bella, I'm going back up to my office!" Dad called from the counter. When I was finished stocking the paint rollers, I heard the front door open and I went back to the counter. I smiled when I saw Mike walking down the aisle, his blonde hair too long and out of control.

"Hey, baby." I smiled as he leaned across the counter and brushed his lips against mine.

"Hi." He smiled. I knew he hated the situation. He hatted that he'd gotten his job because I asked Dad to give it to him. He hated that he spent $21,000 to work at a hardware store. I didn't want him to hate this job because I thought it was pretty great, but I could understand why he didn't want to be here. He'd worked hard in school and not everyone had a Dad who owned a business who could give them a job right away.

"Jake had to leave early to get ready for his rehearsal dinner." I told him. "But, he said he organized the orders in the back and you just have to box and pack them with the packing peanuts." He nodded as he pulled his apron on and headed to the back.

Since I was still Dad's financial manager, I got to work on the budget for the month on the downstairs computer while we were still kind of dead. As I was typing, I looked down at my beautiful engagement ring Mike had gotten me. He really was a great guy and I did love him, but sometimes I couldn't picture us married with kids and the white picket fence. Sometimes, I thought of my parents love and how intense that was before my Mom died. I thought of how Dad would have gladly been in that car if that meant she didn't have to be. I knew Mike loved me, but if I had a gun to my head...I wasn't completely sure he'd tell them to take him instead. I put those stupid thoughts in the back of my mind and started to focus again. Of course Mike would take a bullet for me. We were in love. We were happy.

But, were we happy? I mean, we were comfortable and we loved each other. But, were we truly happy? That was a question I found myself asking a lot lately. I was sure it was just wedding jitters and I would get over it eventually. Marriage was a big step and until I met Mike, I didn't really think of it a lot. But then he was down on one knee and I was so swept up in the moment, I couldn't say no.

"Bella?" I heard Mike's soft voice ask from behind me.

"Yeah?" I asked, turning to face him.

"It's time to go." He nodded to the digital clock setting on the desk. It was Friday and since opening the store, Dad always closed to the store earlier on Friday and Saturday. I nodded and finished quick what I'd been working on and went up to say goodbye to my father. When I got to his office, I caught him looking at one of our last family pictures before Mom died and I decided not to say anything. He was working through something and if he needed or wanted my help, he'd ask.

"Daddy?" I whispered, catching his attention. "Mike and I are heading out."

"Okay, sweetie." He nodded, putting his reading glasses back on. Some nights I wasn't even sure if Dad went home or if he just slept on the couch in his office. I wanted to believe that he was able to go home and sleep in his own bed, but I knew that house only gave him nightmares. The only reason we didn't move after she died was because she loved our house more than anything in the world. Dad knew she'd never want us to get rid of it, so we stayed.

"Ready?" Mike asked, pulling his car keys out of his pockets. I nodded and he placed his hand on the small of my back, leading me out of the store. When we got home, I made us dinner while he continued to job search. He'd had plenty of interviews since getting laid off from his first job, but most of the places he interviewed at wanted more experienced workers.

"You'll find something, Mike." I whispered as we ate dinner. "You're really good at what you do and someone's going to notice that."

"I just don't understand how I'm supposed to get more experienced if no one is going to hire me." He ran his hands through his hair. "I mean, do you get that?"

"I get why they'd want experienced workers." I nodded. "But, you have a valid point." I agreed. "Maybe I can talk to Dad and have him..."

"No." He shook his head. "No more hand outs from your Dad. He doesn't even like me."

"He doesn't know you." I insisted. "You two have barely spoken and we've been together for three and a half years and you've barely spoken to me."

"Because he doesn't like me!" He argued stubbornly. "And you know that I've made attempts with him, Bella."

"Give him time." I whispered. "He's stubborn and he doesn't want me getting hurt."

"I'm not going to hurt you." He rolled his eyes.

"Just be patient." I smiled.

"You're lucky I love you." He rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah," I laughed nervously. "So lucky."