Toboe's got questions. Unfortunately, he's got Tsume and Hige to answer them. Will the two elder wolves stop drooling over gorgeous strangers long enough to drop some knowledge, or will Toboe remain miseducated on feminism, male pregnancy, and the care and feeding of mysterious she-wolves? Knowing Hige and Tsume, it can only get worse...
A/N: Not my wolves. Not my Python quote. And if you recognize the original rant that Tsume pays homage to, I don't own that, either. Just a gentle two-part poke at some of the conventions in Suefics and bad slash. Now don't get me wrong, I love a good girl power fic as much as I love a well-written slash fic. I just can't stand it when gender-bashing or character vilification seems to be the only way to achieve this.
"You think I'm just a girl, don't you? Men are all the same when they can't get their way!" Oh, those were fighting words. Someone was going down.
When the flying fur finally settled, there was a clear victor in the battle between the scarred gray and the beautiful, mysterious female of uncertain but surely tragic origins. The conqueror stood above the defeated party, snapping jaws at the loser's throat.
"I would never put you down just because you're a girl. If we have to generalize, I like girls. I like their intuitive natures, their maternal instincts, and I especially like what they've done for equal rights. No, you see, the thing here is that you're trying to steal away my pack members!"
"You're more than welcome to join us." The she-wolf beneath Tsume switched to her pretty young human illusion, smiling seductively up at the gray wolf.
He was somewhat less than impressed. "I'm sure I should be honored, but no. I got places to go, and I need them - undistracted - to get there." Besides, the gray added to himself, Blue and Cheza'd kill me if I caught up only to be pulling a bunch of hotheaded idiots in my wake who are too touchy about their feminine honor to take reasonable precautions as simple precautions and not as insults. Kiba gives us enough of that as is. "Now, let my associates go, and I won't send you back to yours in pieces." Tsume remained a wolf, snarling over her.
"Fine," his captive sighed, signaling to her equally pretty companions to send over the other three males. Toboe ran back to Tsume quickly enough, but Kiba's steps were hesitant and Hige had to literally be dragged away from his "kidnappers."
"Gorgeous women, Tsume! Cute girls! Smoking hot chicks! All desperate for some big wolf loving! How are you still not getting this?" the reluctant brown finally managed something resembling a complete sentence once Tsume had towed him by the collar for what felt like half a mile, Hige's gaze still lingering on the retreating females. "Come on, guys, back me up!" the heavy brown appealed to Kiba and Toboe, seeing that he was getting nowhere with the cold-eyed lean gray.
"They were women. And they were beautiful," Kiba allowed, his eyes on his feet.
"Not paradise," Tsume reminded him, finally letting go of Hige's collar. The white wolf nodded, although he still wasn't speeding up.
"Besides, one of them said she wanted to eat me," Toboe murmured, shifting uncomfortably. Even the smallest wolf glanced back uncertainly, as if not sure whether he'd rather face the pretty "cannibals" than Tsume's unrelenting pace towards paradise.
Hige smirked knowingly. "Runt, do you have any clue what oral sex is?"
"Er, isn't that when you talk dirty to somebody?" Toboe scratched at the back of his head, looking away with a blush.
"There's usually not much talking involved," Hige informed the youngest member of the pack with an evil grin. "You are so easy to corrupt!" The brown wolf laughed as Toboe thought about this, flushing even brighter. "So why aren't we corrupting him further?" Hige complained.
"Yeah," Toboe added breathlessly as the red slowly faded from his face. "I think I wouldn't mind being corrupted."
Tsume didn't answer, but shot the auburn-haired boy an annoyed look before picking up the pace even further. At least Kiba had stopped complaining and started walking. The white wolf was nearly keeping up with their irritated would-be savior now, their steps sure and speeding through the snow.
"I should've guessed you were gay," Hige muttered, grimacing in the gray wolf's direction before rolling his eyes and jogging to catch up.
"What a shame. You're not my type," Tsume drawled dryly. "You don't know why they were missing their males."
"Doesn't mean you have to ruin everyone else's fun," the brown countered rebelliously.
"Do I need to tell you why I had to, then? One: Cheza. Two: Blue. Three: Quent and his gun. Four: you shouldn't eat that, you don't know where it's been." Tsume ticked off the reasons on his fingers as they walked.
"Is it really all that much different from how we met Blue or Cheza?" Toboe asked reasonably.
"Maybe not from how Porky met his girlfriend," Tsume grumbled, rubbing his arm in memory of his own introduction to Blue. At least she had fought Tsume simply for being a threat and not for being different than her, even if neither of them had realized just how similar they were at the time. "But any pack of females that think everything in pants that passes by wants them is not a group I want to deal with. Blue and Cheza proved themselves, eventually. Those girls proved what they were, too."
"Oh, come on, don't be such a prude. It's just instinct that draws 'em to us." Hige shrugged. The golden-brown certainly had his share of that type of instinct, in Tsume's opinion.
"I don't care if they screwed you until Cheza put them to sleep and Blue ripped their throats out. If they want to be treated 'as well as any man' and then turn around and say that all men are pigs useful only for breeding, I'll treat them as well as any pig." The leather-clad gray rolled his eyes. "How did they expect me to treat anyone I don't know?" Tsume muttered, still angry at the strange pack's double-standards masquerading as "feminism."
"With respect," Kiba said firmly for all the softness to his voice.
"Yeah, I'll stick to giving what I get." The lean gray waved him off and avoided Toboe's questioning gaze as the runt hurried up behind him.
"Fair enough, though I still think we oughta have given them more of a chance," Hige allowed grudgingly under Kiba's stare. Figuring that was as close to a "thank you" as he was likely to get, Tsume dropped back and let Kiba set the pace for a while.
"Hey, Tsume?" Toboe asked him quietly, walking at the older wolf's side.
"Hmm?"
"What is your 'type,' anyway?"
Tsume smiled. "Short redheads." He quickened his steps, leaving the runt to chew on that a moment.