A/N: Soooo, my first CM fic. Obviously is a Jemily fic because duh! I'm in love with Paget Brewster and my heart had not yet recovered from her departure when she appeared all hnnnng. Anyways, this came to me and wouldn't let me go. Hope you guys like it. Review please? But mostly, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own CM or any of its characters.
"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?"
Emily jumped slightly at the sound of my voice. She was waiting outside Rossi's house where we had come after a few drinks in the bar to enjoy the precious hours we still had with her. Garcia had told me that she was outside calling a cab and that she'd already said goodbye to everyone, everyone but me that is. I bet she was hoping to make her escape as swiftly as possible but I wouldn't have it. A few hours ago she saved my life and now she was getting into a cab to get to the airport without so much as a glance in my direction. "I really have to go now JJ. I already called and delayed my flight two times, I do have a boss you know?"
It was true. A combination of everyone's pleading and the sad eyes I knew she could not resist on me made her stay with us, if only for a little while longer. It wasn't exactly fair; I had enough conscience to know that. I somehow can't stop hurting her but I didn't think about that. I just wanted to stay in her presence a little longer. It was my fix and infinitely better that staring at her picture for hours on end like was my habit. I gave her the puppy dog eyes while Will had his arms wrapped around me.
Will, my husband. The man I tricked myself into loving because I was too afraid to go after what I really wanted. What I really wanted was standing in front of me with the same pain in her eyes that I had caused back then when I worried about the no fraternization rules, what my parents would think, what the world would think. I know for a fact the all of them were stupid worries because, since then, I haven't been truly happy. I actually thought I'd broken her beyond repair when the team found out about my pregnancy. Morgan said he forgave me for breaking her heart but I know he still resents me for it, she's like his sister and I can't help but feel that he thinks I ran her away. Sometimes I think I really did make her leave.
"Em…" I reach out and grab her arm gently. Instantly, the spark that was always present fills me with warmth but she jumps away like she's been burned.
"Don't, JJ. Please, let's not do this." Her voice sounds like it's going to break and those beautiful brown eyes I loved to get lost in watered.
She stopped calling me Jennifer shortly after everyone found out about will. It had always been our thing, and I missed it terribly. "I miss the times when you called me Jennifer." I lowered my head and had we not been standing so closely I don't think she would have heard me.
"You have somebody that calls you Jennifer now, it's not our thing anymore. You made sure of that." She turned her back on me and a feeling of dread replaced the calm her presence always instilled upon me. She sounded resigned, like she'd given up on me, on us.
I had to make her react, to see that she was still as invested in me as I was in her. Selfishly, I never wanted to let her go and didn't want her to let me go. "You didn't even see Henry. He asks about you all the time. He misses you."
At this, a tear actually rolled down her perfect porcelain-like skin and I felt my heart finally give away. Throughout the whole ordeal she'd remained stoic, to the point where I doubted if she even meant all those declarations of love before I looked into her eyes and confirmed that it was just her building up all the walls I'd gotten her to tear down. "Why do you keep doing this to me? I want to move on, I need to move on with my life as you have with yours. I'll die otherwise. But I can't do that if you refuse to let me go. You have him, please just let me go." This moment solidified my belief that watching Emily Prentiss hurt made me physically ache. Even worse, I was the one responsible for all the hurt and I kept doing it.
Just then, a cab turned onto Rossi's street as sobs I couldn't keep in anymore wracked my body. "Please, Emily, don't go. Stay with me. I need you. I love you."
She took a deep breath and steeled herself. The mask she'd developed while growing up in the politics world of her mother firmly in place she turned towards me. There was no warmth, no trace of the Emily that I fell in love with, my Emily; just the remains of the wreckage that I'd left behind. "No, you don't. You don't hurt the people you love. Goodbye, JJ."
She slammed the cab door and the sound resonated in my soul. So final. I had pushed her away at last. The love of my life was driving away from me and I just stood there. The taillights were blurry from all the tears and when the cab was finally out of sight I fell to the ground sure that this gaping hole in my chest was there to stay and I deserved it. I didn't even notice I was yelling her name until everyone came outside to witness my desperation. It was Morgan who stepped up to me and gathered me in his arms. "Hey, it's okay JJ. You'll be okay. We're here."
I knew that. But all I needed to be able to breathe again was her.