Hey everybody! Deadpool here, and it's time for a fairy tale, narrated by me! Now i'm just like Morgan Freeman, yay!
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, four score, and blah blah blah, there was a young man. he was handsome, but poor. i'm talking really poor! like, so poor that he got excited when he saw a rock! i mean, he didn't have any money, so he collected rocks instead. the young man's name was Wade, and wade liked collecting rocks. one day, wade was gathering rocks he found in a bag, when a smoking hot princess rode by on a horse! she was escorted by two knights and some soldiers, but damn! you should've seen the tits on that girl! she had an amazing ass too! The princess had a nice hourglass figure, and blonde hair! She had nice luscious lips and amazing legs, and she basically had a perfect body! ... oh yeah, and she happened to be a very kind hearted person that loves animals, and she sees everyone as equals! but you didn't care about all that stuff, let's be honest, she had you at "princess". moving on! as the princess went by, she smiled at wade, and he melted! he couldn't believe he had seen the princess up close, much less that she smiled at him! he started fantasizing about marrying her, and how beautiful she'd be in a wedding gown... ok fine, he was imagining her naked. happy? lets continue! wade snapped out of it, because he remembered that he was poor. "No princess would want to marry me." he thought, sadly to himself, "i'm so poor that i collect rocks." wade went to market at the castle to try and get some food for a bunch of rocks, hey you never know right? anyway, while at the market, he noticed a poster, so he decided to go read it. "Princess seeks a suitor, come to the front gate at dusk. any men welcome to try." wade read aloud. he smiled at the very chance of getting to be the princess' husband! at dusk he headed to the front gate of the castle. There was a long line of men, so he got at the back. there were guards, and a royal advisor that were either letting the suitor go in, or telling them to get lost! wade waited patiently, but noticed some people just left because they had to wait, some people left because they were dissmissed. eventually, wade found himself to be one of three suitors, the final group. There was a prince, who was handsome, and rich, but a total prick. there was a lord, who was kind, and rich, but ugly and fat. then there was wade, who was handsome, and kind, but incredibly poor! he was as low and poor as dirt, wait... no. Lower than dirt. what's lower than dirt? loam! that's it! wade was poor and low as loam! perfect! so the three suitors were lined up in front of the princess, and were given a score on their handsomeness, their richness, and their manners. When the scores for each section were added up, it was a three-way tie! "What shall we do now?!" the princess cried, and the royal advisor explained, "in the event of a tie, there must be a tie-breaker!" "A fight to the death?!" The princess asked, gravely concerned. "No!" the advisor said, "a rock identification quiz of course!" "Oh, of course!" all the knights said in unison. Three rocks were laid out in front of the suitors, and they were told to pick the rock that was most valuable. There was a hunk of obsidian, a limestone rock,and a lump of coal. the lord picked up the limestone because of the bright color. because that was the wrong answer, they escorted him out. the prince picked up the coal, and said smugly, "obviously this is the most valuable, because it is more valuable than any rock!" wade picked up the obsidian and corrected the prince, "but the task was to pick up the most valuable rock, not the most valuable object!" and the prince was escorted out. it took wade a second to realize that he'd won. the hobby he'd taken up since he was so poor ended up being his greatest strength! he had earned the respect of the guards and the advisor, and most importantly, the princess! the buxom beauty stepped forward, and kissed wade on the cheek. "You are the best of all the suitors." she smiled, and he melted again. and the royal court cheered and aplauded his victory. the next day, he married the incredibly hot princess, and they lived happily ever after! well, except for when he cheated on her that one time, and then when she killed him for it, and then when she killed herself in despair, but that didn't happen for a few years! at least until then, they lived happily.
Well, that is the end of the story, and it is time for a snack! i wonder if taco bell can deliver chimichangas...
{Author's note: If you want more deadpool, just check out my other story where deadpool writes a diary. i did not take this idea from anywhere, it is completely my concept... except deadpool. though, i don't think he'd mind if i owned him. XD just kidding, you can relax stan lee, i'm not poaching anybody!
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