I wrote this during a particularly bad existential crisis in my philosophy class the other week. It made me wonder what must have been going through Abby's head before Gibbs walks into his basement during 'Bloodbath'. It is very, very short. Existential crises do not generally allow much time for writing.
A Little Internal Monologue
Where do we go when it's all over?
Do we just cease to exist, or is there a longer journey ahead of us?
There are days when I hope there is more to it than just 'live and die', that there is a point to it all and it has been worth something.
There are days when I hope that this is it – when we die we're dead and there is nothing more we can do.
Days like today.
I just want it to end quickly, for oblivion to swallow me up.
But what if this is as good as it gets?
What if after this it just goes down hill.
Then I better savour it, enjoy this miserable existence for it is all I may have, prolong it to delay going somewhere worse.
Maybe this is just a placeholder, a filler between two important episodes of our existence.
Maybe I will go somewhere nice when I leave, maybe not pink fluffy clouds or clean white sands, but somewhere nice.
Somewhere where I belong.
Or maybe I will not belong in such a place.
Perhaps I belong here, in the basement, the raw smell of sawdust and bourbon catching in my throat.
Despite the chill that surrounds the subterranean room, it feels like the safest place in the entire universe.
Maybe that's all I want.
Maybe all I want is to be somewhere safe.
For My reference: 10th NCIS fic.