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Summary: A little girl writes letters to her Factionless mother as the little girl grows up in Erudite. The truth hurts but it also heals. One-shot. In honor of Child Abuse Month, April 2014.
WARNING: Swearing, Child Abuse
"Letters from the Heart,"
Rachel didn't like being called Clara. Clara isn't her name. She doesn't like her new parents. She wants her mother and father back. She doesn't care if she lives in a shack. She doesn't care if she only sees her father when he can get away from his Faction. She rather live on the streets then in Erudite. She doesn't belong and no one is listening. No one understands.
Dear Momma,
I'm eight years old today. They changed my name to Clara, I hate that name. It's been two years since I left you. I miss you so much. I miss daddy too. I wish I could see you. I love you mommy. I really wish you did not let the people from Erudite take me away. I don't like it here. Why can't I live with you? I don't care how much I have. I just want to have you. Lou and Franky don't like it here either. They're always so sad. They never play with me anymore.
I go to school like a good little girl. I try really hard. But it's still not good enough. They call me stupid and worthless. But I am not stupid. They are for saying I am stupid. I do not understand people here in Erudite and they do not understand me.
Love,
Rachel
Rachel's mother held a hand to her mouth as she read the letter given to her by an Abnegation woman. She held her head to her knees sobbing. She only had wanted her babies to be happy. To hear they weren't happy in Erudite made it all seem meaningless. But it was too late now to get them back. Two years, too late.
Rachel kept growing up but she never got any happier. She's broken her arm twice, she's cracked two ribs and has scares no medicine can make go away. She's scared to go to bed at night. She sleeps with her older brothers Lewis and Franklyn for comfort. They try to protect her. But Lewis is only a year older than Rachel and Franklyn can only do so much. She tries to tell people but they don't really listen. No one believes her even when she has a black eye and she is saying her father hit her.
Dear Mom,
I'm ten years old now. I'm sorry I haven't wrote. I'm afraid they'll see it. I try to be brave like daddy always told me but sometimes it is so hard. I wish there was a way to talk to daddy and you. No one here in Erudite listens. I feel like I'm talking to walls. I miss you so much. I still love you and daddy. Please tell him that.
I feel like such a baby for sleeping with Lewis and Franklyn. But I'm too scared to sleep alone. Whenever I sleep alone bad things happen. Lou and Franky try to protect me when I sleep with them. I hate bedtime. I hate the dark. I feel like a coward for being scared.
I made a friend the other day. His name is Will. He lives two floors down. He has an older sister named Cara, she's the same age as Lou. I like playing with Will. He invited me over for a playdate. They said no. But I went anyways. I don't like lying but I can't stand being in the house with them. And I really like to play with Will, even if all we do is study.
Love,
Rachel
Rachel's mother grasp the letter to her chest as the same Abnegation woman gives her the letter. Her hands tremble as she read the letter. She sobs for hours. She's not stupid. She reads between the lines. No one will believe a Factionless Candor-born Erudite dropout. She weeps for her three children. She's made such a horrible mistake. When her lover, still her lover after all these years and being apart by a faction, reads the letter. He loses it. And swears if he ever gets to see his kids again in Dauntless when they are older and hears from leadership that someone abused them he is going to kill the son-of-bitches.
Rachel is thirteen and being a teenager at their worst. She's still afraid but she turns the fear into anger. She throws things when they try to hit her. She kicks and punches. She once hit the thing she calls a father over the head with a vase knocking him out. Franklyn is fifteen, next year he will be leaving Rachel and that terrifies her. Frank is her protector. Without him Lewis and she will be alone with them. Lewis tries to protect Rachel but he isn't as strong as Frank or as brave.
Dear Mom,
I'm thirteen. I'm sorry I don't write more often. I don't think I have to tell you the truth for you to know. It's frustrating that no one listens when I flat out tell them what is happening at home. Will listens but we're just kids, we can't do anything about it. Sometimes I feel so alone. But I know I have Frank and Lou. Next year Frank has his Choosing Ceremony. I'm so scared of losing him.
I don't cower in a corner anymore. I fight back. I'm strong enough to get a few punches and kicks in. I once knocked him out with a vase. The best day of my life. I know violence isn't the answer but I have no other choice. I can't be logical about it for God's sake. Talking about God, how does he let things like this happen? Does he really think I'm this strong? I know you don't have the answers but I still can't help writing to you about it. I have a diary too but I have to keep it at school, I don't want them to read it and destroy it.
I used to get upset about you letting Erudite take me but I understand now. You were just trying to do what was best for me. It's not your fault it ended up this way. Please don't ever think that. I love you no matter what. I don't care if I haven't seen you in seven years. You and dad will always be my mom and dad. Tell Dad I love him. I love you too. Don't ever forget that. And don't ever give up hope.
Love,
Rachel
Rachel's mother runs a hand over the writing. She is weak but she isn't dead. She's gotten over stealing by now, her Candor upbringing was the hardest part of being Factionless. The black and white thinking doesn't work when you are Factionless. Silent tears roll down her cheeks but she smiles. Her baby girl is growing up. She's so strong and brave. She holds onto the hope of seeing her baby girl again. Rachel's father finally cries for the first time. All the anger of not being able to help his kids when they were Factionless, not being able to protect them for their new 'family' and not watching them grow up boiled down into a single breakdown of sobs. The letter showed him that his little baby girl was growing up without him and had to be so strong and brave without him. No matter what she did he would never see her as a coward even when she hid from those monsters when she was little. No little kid should ever have to go through that.
Rachel would have been alone with them but she never shows up their anymore. She lives with Will and his sister, Cara, for the most part unless she goes over to Myra's apartment. Will's parents died in a lab explosion last year but they had already told her to come live with them after Lewis choose Candor, she was glad to see Lewis happy but she also felt betrayed. After Lewis left a lawsuit was filed against her 'parents' and if Rachel hadn't been with Will and Cara she would have ended up with a different family until her Choosing Ceremony. She is much happier now and actually now finally is a healthy weight and her wounds that never seemed to heal were now only white or pinkish scars.
Dear Mom,
Where has the time gone? I'm fifteen now. Crazy isn't it. Lewis choose Candor, your birth Faction. He's much happier there. Let dad know there is a lawsuit against those bastards now. I live with Will and his sister, Cara, now. Their parents died in a lab explosion last year but gave me permission to live with them before they died and Cara was eighteen and had already chosen Erudite. I'm much happier now. Sometimes I have flashbacks but the only thing that reminds me of what I went through on a regular basis is the scars. The flashbacks aren't half as bad with Will and Cara around. It's hard to explain but I think you understand.
I hope Frank hasn't joined you as Factionless. He choose Dauntless last year. I hope dad's seen him. He was happy when I saw him on Visiting Day. I will be visiting Frank and Lou this year, that's depressing. I'm glad both of them seem happy now though. They deserve to be happy.
I think of you every day. I pray for you. I hope one day I'll see you again. Dad too. I love you both so much. Sometimes I still hear you singing me lullabies. Those are good flashbacks.
Love,
Rachel
Rachel's mother smiles as reads the letter. She doesn't cry anymore. She can see her baby girl is strong now. She has people that care for her. Rachel's mother hopes one day her daughter will settle down and have a happy family of her own in a Faction but not too soon. She has a feeling she'll be seeing her daughter soon. She's glad Lewis choose Candor. She hoped one of her children would end up there. Lewis had always seemed like the Candor type. Her babies are all growing up now. She sees Frank around, he often visits her, even more than his father. Always sneaking her Dauntless food. He's such a grown man. Rachel's father reads the letter and smiles. His daughter reminds him of his lover and a bit like himself too. That worries him a bit but he doesn't think about it very long. He's glad she's happy. He is glad that Lewis is happy in Candor. He still hangs onto hope his daughter will end up in Dauntless with him. He loves her more than he's ever gotten to say.
Rachel's sixteen and her Choosing Day is tomorrow. She's terrified. She might die because of her test results. She is Divergent. She's both Candor and Dauntless, no big surprise really. She's scared but she can't run from who she is. She's gone through so much that she refuses to let a silly test break her down. But she isn't afraid to lean on Will for support. He's her best friend. Maybe he was more but she was never going to tell him. It might destroy their friendship. She doesn't mind talking about other girls. She tries not to let it get to her.
Dear Mom,
Well, here we are the day before my Choosing Ceremony. I don't think I have to tell you how old I am by now. I have to admit I'm terrified of tomorrow. I'm going to tell you my results even though we aren't supposed to. Stupid rule, I'm not afraid to break stupid rules like that. I also know you have no one that can take anything away from you. I'm Divergent. I'm both Candor and Dauntless, you probably aren't that surprised. I'm not. It doesn't make the choice easier. Lou is in Candor and Franky in Dauntless. I can fit into both. Ah, it's a freaking mess. Thank the Lord for Will. Given he doesn't know I'm a Divergent but it doesn't really matter.
Talking about Will I think I've liked him more as a friend for a while but I won't ever do anything about it. I think he'll be happier with someone else, I can just tell we aren't meant to be. It's just a silly crush. I hope that one day I'll find someone but I'm in no rush. For crying out loud I'm only sixteen, I have a whole life ahead of me. I running our friendship is on the top of my list of things to do. He's my best friend and I refuse to lose that to us. Stupid teenage crap.
So I'm not sure what I'll choose tomorrow. But whatever I choose I won't take it back. It will all work out. I've made it this far. Anyway I'm going to bed now. I love you and tell dad that I love him.
Love,
Rachel
Rachel's mother laughs as she reads Rachel's letter. Her baby girl is all grown up now. Rachel's mother couldn't be prouder. She can't wait to see her again. She just saw Lewis not too long ago. He's fighting to change laws to get Factionless off the street and protect Factionless children. She couldn't be prouder with all of her children. Her health goes up and down but she's been doing better since Franklyn has been bringing Dauntless food over. Rachel's father grins as he read the letter. Both of them know Rachel will choose Dauntless even if she doesn't know that yet. She has more Dauntless in her. Rachel's father will do everything he can to help her since he's now part of Leadership. No one will hurt his baby girl ever again. Soon he will have two of his three children with him again. Maybe soon he'll be able to see his third more often. Things are changing.
Thanks for reading everybody. Child abuse is a serious thing not to be taken lightly. I tried to take out as much as I could with the actual abuse because I just can't write it. I will start crying if I try. I'm not sure if this one shot will part of a series or not. If so the new story would replace 'Mavericks by Nature'. A story based on this plotline has a better standing point. What do you guys thanks?