Disclaimer: I own nothing, how many times do I have to say it before you'll believe me?
Warning: This story contains a relationship between two females, if you don't like that, don't read this.
AN: A story I wrote up for all the fine folk at Voq Je Bang.
I saw it coming long before the Captain or the Doctor did. I didn't say anything, it wasn't my place, she wasn't my responsibility. I don't think the universe owes me anything, but I don't owe it anything either so why should I get involved? I remember one of the first times I saw her after the initial surgeries. Damned sight to see, even then I could see how lost she was. How much she didn't want to be with humans, how little she felt and thought like a human. People don't seem to get that biology doesn't mean that you suddenly will act like what you are. I know this lesson better than anyone else on board, I'm not human. I'm not Klingon. I'm not anything at all, but I am both and I am my own species. I found that she was the same way, human but not human at the same time. The first time I spoke with her was to see if she thought like a human or like a drone, no surprise that her Borg-ness kicked in really.
Why couldn't they see the problems they were creating?
I doubt she wanted lessons in humanity or philosophical debates. The first time she really tried to change something with out my permission, and had been around long enough to know better I made my decision. Life sucks, end of story. I didn't want her anger to be everywhere and on everyone like mine, so I decided to do the best thing for her I could. I gave her a focus for her emotions. I screamed and shouted, cursed her and insulted her for who she is. I don't think fondly of when I got the same treatment, but I needed it to survive and so did she. Voyager is a picnic compared to Earth and the Federation at large, and she still couldn't fit in with a crew of aliens, criminals, and misfits. I could only help her by giving her strength, by being the only person who spoke to her face with what she believed was honesty.
It's hard not to laugh when Janeway lectures me about being nice and treating her well. She pulls all the cards I know she has, my life and my experience are key points in why I shouldn't treat her so badly. Janeway doesn't see that she compels me to try harder. I want to seem like a fanatic, I want others to back away from being cruel to her so she can focus. She won't be accepted and I feel like I'm the only one who realizes that. So I get more and more vicious, I hit closer and closer to home. I want her to feel damn it! I want her to feel, not just pretend to.
I think I scared her when my plan finally worked in a way. No one else can hurt her, not even those she doesn't know. She dismisses them because of what they say, it doesn't cause her pain anymore. I'm the only one that can get under her skin, but she still didn't feel anything until I finally pushed her for too long. I'd never seen her move so fast, she spun around in the Jefferies tube, I didn't even know you could do that in her shoes. Then she flattened me, punched me right in the nose. Broke it and my left cheek from the pure force. She knocked me out with that single hit, her eyes blazing with anger. I woke up to find her punching the hell out of me, it hurt terribly, it hurt everywhere. She grabbed my collar and threw me against the bulk head telling me to cease and desist.
I couldn't help it, really I couldn't. I laughed. Not at her, but at the fact that she really felt an emotion for the first time so strongly that she had to hurt to get it out. Maybe I'm just demented or have a death wish but I was proud of her for doing what I'd never been able to do in my life. Let my anger out at the person who deserved it most. I don't even know who that would be. She dropped me to the floor and just stared at me, her jaw practically resting down right next to me. I hauled myself up and flashed a smile at her, "Welcome to humanity Seven."
It took much longer than it should have to drag myself up to sickbay. I told the Doc that I'd run a program with out the safeties. The Captain came down to lecture me and revoked my privileges. She confined me to quarters outside of work and told me she was disappointed that I couldn't move past this immature action. She apologized later for being so harsh with her words, I told her not to worry. I think I scared her too.
Seven avoided interacting with me like I was a plague victim. Didn't mean I didn't see the good that came from our altercation. For the first time in her life she genuinely enjoyed one of Harry's jokes and she found pleasure in her meal. In a fucked up way I was proud of that too, it was nice to see that the gates had finally opened and she could ascend to a realm where pleasure truly existed. She wouldn't talk with me for several months. I kept quiet, for the first time Janeway called me to ask if I was ok because I was not fighting with Seven. I managed to not laugh until I was back in my quarters, I laughed until I felt nothing but my own pain and I cried that out too.
Her release from what she was expected to do and who she had been granted me a breath of fresh air I'd never had. Finally one day we had to work together...in the same Jefferies tube she decked me in. Before we could even start she'd thrown me up against the bulk head and I wondered what I'd done to piss her off this time. For a long moment she seemed to just look at me in wonderment and then she very quickly leaned forward and kissed me. It was the kiss to end all kisses, I felt it in every molecule of my body. I'm sure it must have leapt off me in waves of pure energy. When she tried to pull back I grabbed her and pulled her back. Somehow we ended up on the floor, naked, and doing one of the things humans do best.
Afterwards I lay with my body wrapped around hers and as I traced my fingers across her bare middle she began to talk to me. I'd apparently been the only one to evoke any strong emotion from her and she'd wanted to see if it could cross outside of anger and pain. I began to get up to get dressed, angry myself, before she held me in place and continued to talk to me. She asked if I wanted to know her conclusion from this experiment. I asked what it was, she ran her hand down my body to rest back between my legs and told me not to get up.
We aren't the lovey-dovey types, but what we have is not just lust. I can feel that we are meant to be here together doing what we are doing, but is it love? I don't know if it is, we started off too rough and coupled for what most people would consider all the wrong reasons. I've never known love from anyone so I can't really compare how I feel. I've never felt this way for anyone else, sometimes it scares me.
Last night as we rested together, body to body, soul to soul, she asked me why. Why did I treat her the way I did. I told her that our lives are not the same as most humans out here, our pasts are not the shining beacon of hope. We don't strive for the Alpha quadrant to go home, I did for her what I believed would help her the most. I was afraid she'd kick me out of her life again and I tried to memorize the feel of her skin, her scent, the sound of her voice. Just in case I would never receive these gifts again. She held me closer.
"I don't know what I feel for you B'Elanna Torres, you confuse me." She sighed into my hair.
"Maybe it can be love." I whispered it more for myself than for her.
"Maybe it is love." She nuzzled into me.
"Then let it be love that you feel for me. I'd like this to be mutual." I held her closer as she smiled.
She never let me go from her life again, she just held me close, a small grin tugging her lips up, as she plants kisses across my soul and I feel whole again.