Mute
He wasn't strong enough yet. So long as he stayed silent, he was safe from reality. But maybe... maybe soon.
AN. This story came out of nowhere. I was actually singing the first few paragraphs as I wrote them… weird, I know. It's very ambiguous as to who the characters are. I wasn't sure myself as I wrote, although toward the end I did decide on two specific turtles, though I don't know if it came out in my writing. I didn't want it to. I'll let you decide for yourself who is who. Special thanks goes out to Nekotsuki for being a wonderful beta.
Disclaimer: The Turtles and all their friends are the property of Mirage Studios. I do not own them, but am grateful for the opportunity to use them in the unleashing of my own imagination.
Rating: This story is rated K for implied character death.
He hadn't spoken.
Not a word had passed from his lips since that fateful night; that final fight in which they had stood side by side for what they knew might be the last time.
Time had pastpassed, days had gone by. And in that time his eyes had remained dry. No tears had been shed for those who had bled. And his own wounds still so raw.
Yet he turned away aid and care from those who would help him, choosing instead to tend his scarswounds on his own. And as each cut healed, as each bruise faded he regained the strength that he had lost. Not lost through injury or illness, but through pain unlike any he'd ever known.
He recalled the days before… when they had been together, four brothers. How they'd fought over things so minor that now he could not remember them. How they'd laughed until they cried. How they'd run through the night so fast just to feel the cool wind above the heat of the city. How they'd fallen asleep to the sound of running water and snores coming from the next room. How he'd never felt alone.
He felt alone now.
But he knew that he wasn't; not really. His brother was there. He could feel his presence standing beside him as though waiting. For what though?
For him?
He wasn't ready. yet He wasn't strong enough yet to face him. To face reality. So long as he stayed here, he was safe. So long as he stayed silent, he wouldn't have to admit that he was scared. So long as he tended to himself, he wouldn't have to lean on another for support.
Physical strength had failed him here. There was nothing physical he could do to ease the pain. He'd tried. It only hurt worse. Mental strength had been no use. Thinking accomplished little to nothing. He used to think those things would be enough. They weren't enough now.
He could handle things so long as he was alone. But if he looked at his brother, if he spoke to him, he knew he would shatter. He wasn't strong enough yet.
He could hear his brother talking. He had been doing that a lot since that night. In his mind he noted that in this, as in many things, they were opposites. One finds solace in silence, the other in words. Funny how people can live together and learn together their entire lives and yet turn out so different.
He hadn't been listening. He'd known what he might hear and he wasn't ready to hear it. He wasn't strong enough before… but maybe now he would be. Maybe now he could, not speak or look, just listen.
"…Keep thinking I could have done more, but then I realize that there wasn't much I could do. He would have done it anyways."
He seemed to have started listening at the end of a one-sided conversation. He could guess who his brother was talking about, but he couldn't really be sure unless he asked and he wasn't ready to do that yet.
His brother sighed and seemed to start on a new topic. "It seems so different now from last time. When Master Splinter died, we got through because it was the four of us all together. But now it's just you and me. It's so quiet here now. I kinda wish you would talk to me. I don't even know if you're listening. Doesn't really matter though. I'd probably be talking even if there was no one here. I'm glad you are here though, even if you never talk to me or even listen, at least you're still here."
There was an odd tone to his brother's voice. It was sad but it sounded like he'd cried himself out a long time ago. It also held something like happiness. Not really happiness,; he figured it would be a long time before either of them could be happy again. It was kinda like… bittersweet, but in an odd way. He couldn't explain it.
His brother was talking again. He'd missed a part of what he was saying. Oh well.
"… Called today wanting to know how we were. I told them we were all right. They want to see us soon. I told them maybe in a few days."
A few days. Maybe he'd be stronger by then. He was listening now and it wasn't hurting. In fact it was sort of nice, hearing his brother's voice. Some of his loneliness seemed to melt away.
"Hey bro? I don't know if you're listening or not but… what are we gonna do? Are things gonna be okay? I-I know this isn't how they'd want us to be. They'd want us to keep… keep going."
His brother's voice cracked a little.
"Th-they'd want us to keep living. It's not like things have to end now. We've still got each other… But it's so hard. Everything hurts. Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe. I miss them so much. I know you miss them too. That's why you're quiteet, right? Does it hurt to talk?"
It hurts. Everything hurts. But he's not alone. His brother is feeling the same thing. His brother is just as scared. But his brother is so strong. Strong enough to talk. Strong enough to cry. He was crying now. He could hear it in his voice.
"I can't seem to stop crying. Every time I think I've stopped for good, they come back again. The tears. I wish they'd stop. I wish I could be like you. You're so strong. Maybe you don't talk… b-but at least you don't cry."
Him? Strong? No, his brother was the strong one. His brother wasn't hiding like he was. His brother wasn't afraid to cry. But his brother thought he was strong.
He could be… maybe. Maybe just a little stronger.
He could look at his brother. He wanted to look at his brother, to see him. He hadn't seen him in so long it seemed. He was already listening. Maybe he could look, too. Maybe he was strong enough to look now.
His brother had taken off his mask. His cheeks were streaked with tears. His bottom lip was slightly swollen from being chewed on. His wounds had started to fade.
His brother looked up at him and saw him looking back. He smiled a little but it was just as odd as his voice had been, in that sad/happy way.
He couldn't return the smile. He didn't think he knew how to smile anymore. He wanted to say something to his brother. But he couldn't speak. He could listen. He could look. But he couldn't speak. Not yet. He wasn't strong enough yet.
He could move though. That he could do. Maybe he could tell his brother another way, a way that he hadn't used in a long time.
Leaning over, he drew his brother into a tight embrace which was immediately returned.
"I love you too, bro.," Hhis brother croaked out through his tears.
And as he held his brother, the only brother he had left, he started to cry as well. He was stronger now. Strong enough to listen. Strong enough to see. Strong enough to cry. But Hhe wasn't strong enough to speak yet.
Maybe soon.