Summary: All his life Naruto has dreamt about his past lover, the one from another life, another time, another world. So you can imagine how surprise he was when he actually found him. But there's a slight problem. He's his Phys Ed. teacher, he's married and he wants nothing to do with him. SasuNaru
Pairing: SasuNaru is main, even when it doesn't seem so.
WARNING: Yaoi, Swearing, Violence, Character Deaths, Sexual Abuse, Prostitution, Incest, Suicide, Mind Fuckness? Underage-ness (Naruto is 16), Unconditional Love (yes it's a warning~) and other mature things. Not all of these things are in this chapter, but will be in future chapters.
So no unnecessary complaining, all the warnings are right there. *wiggles index finger at you*
I had this idea for a while now and there were always two ways to go about it that had me stumped;
1. Make it humorist and light.
or
2. Make it dark as hell.
And in the end I went with option number 2.
Enjoy.
ooo
Infinite
Chapter One:
"Drunk mind speaks the sober heart."
ooo
You come rushing to me, as fast as your eight year old little legs can go. Sitting, I am sitting on a worn out wooden bench. We are outside; it's not sunny, but very dark. Night time, you should be sleeping and I should not be here. Sitting on this worn out bench, all alone.
But you come running towards me, out of breath and cold. I feel cold as well, but I will not tell you that. I will not tell you that I feel cold, but my neck burns.
You grab me by my shoulders and I stand up. Smaller, I am smaller than you. I feel your breath as you heave. You came running for me. My neck burns and so does your eyes. Not from waking up, not from rubbing them.
We are in front of a lake, standing on a dock. Not far from your house. But not close either. Did you look through your window? What woke you up? How did you see me? Please don't get in trouble.
The moon is barely out. Peeking at us. Shines when you embrace me and is clouded over when you let go.
You are finally able to speak, though not strong when you do. Crumbling. You are crumbling and I understand. I feel it too. I do not want to cry, so I hold the sleeves of your sweater. I smile, swinging your arms gently.
It's fine, it's fine.
You're angry. I see your eyes forming storms. A hurricane crashing down. And rain, so much rain. I see it all in your eyes.
No, it's not fine. It was never fine. Don't smile, don't smile!
You rip your arms from my tender hold. Head bowing down. It lands on my shoulder and I feel the rain from your eyes, but my shoulder stays dry.
Don't smile at me like that. Where does it hurt? Tell me, tell me…
Crackling voice, it makes me adore you even more. I stay quiet for a bit and you understand why. It always takes me a moment to have to say the words. It always stings my lips and suffocates my insides to say words that children are not meant to say. So, not to say much and die from no air, I say two words.
My neck.
Your head snaps up and you hands automatically go to my thin neck. You barely graze it with your fingertips. Your gaze peeks through thick black eyelashes, making sure you do not hurt me. But I do not flinch, or waver or recoil. Because it is you. And you will not hurt me.
And then my eyes widens considerably. Softness. Sweetness. Tenderness. Your lips on my discoloured neck.
I laugh, I'm healed, I'm healed!
You rest the side of your cheek back on my shoulder, facing my "healed" neck. I feel your sadden smile.
Magical powers…I wish I had.
Magical powers to mend you. To turn us invisible. To make us fly. I swear I'd bring the stars out every night.
I listen to your little rant. It made my heart race. Painfully.
Idiot, you do have magical powers!
You look up at me with a confused stare. I place my hand on top your chest and smile because my heart is not the only one racing.
Right here. It's magical.
Right here?
I nod my head.
Eyes snap open.
Blinking way to fast, it causes the wetness that accumulated around the lower eye lids to fall and slide down smooth skin. Both sides of his head, near his ears and on his pillow were damped. The groggy boy brought one hand to his face first feeling the bridge of his nose and then the corner of one of his eyes. Sighing loudly, he grips the end of his blanket and pulls it over his head. Tossing onto his side, he buries his head into his pillow and yells.
"FUCKING HELL! Again? Crying in my sleep, again? I don't even REMEMBER anything!" He pushes the blanket off his head, his face no longer buried in his pillow.
"If I can at least remember what I was dreaming, then this wouldn't be so…so…SO AGGRAVATING!" He was huffing, frowning and disheveled, but most of all he was tired. He felt mentally and physically exhausted, he even went to bed early because lately he felt so sleepy.
Maybe it was the dreams fault, he thought. He's been having so many dreams lately, some he remembers, some he doesn't. Sometimes the little things he comes across during the day triggers something in his mind and makes him remember. He always had dreams, ever since he was little. But everyone dreams, everyone forgets, and everyone remembers. It's just his dreams were…
"Naruto, baby?" His train of thought is broken by a female voice calling out for him. He sits up in his bed, before pulling his blanket aside.
"Narutooo?" The boy hops out of his bed. The sole of his feet touches the cold flooring making him shiver.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He yells back. Opening his bedroom door, he walks down a very short hallway and turns, entering a small living room. He looks around and notices that there are cans of beer everywhere, as well as clothes and trash.
"Mom, what the hell? Seriously, last night I cleaned up EVERYTHING! What the fuck is all this?" The boy, Naruto, is mad and annoyed. He walks around the room picking up the clothes lying about, a lot of which belonged to his mother, while the others he had no idea.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorr~y." The woman says in a airy tone. Naruto walks to the couch where she is laying and stares at her. She is sprawled along a worn out looking couch. She had long red hair and it greatly contrasted with cream-coloured sofa.
Naruto throws down the load of clothes in his arms down next to the couch angrily. He'll clean up later, right now he had to help his mother snap out of whatever she is on. He reaches down and grabs her by one of her thin wrists and at first lightly tugs at her. "C'mon, get up, mom. If you want to sleep go to your room."
"Naruto baby, I dun wanna…" She whines, her voice slurred. The boy rolls his eyes and tugs a little harder on her wrist.
"What happened last night?" He doesn't know why he even bothers asking. He knows. He heard.
"The usual, baby. It was good." Naruto cringes, he was tempted to let go of the thin wrist in his hold. But he doesn't, instead he leans down closer to his mother and moves her so she is sitting up. It is a struggle but he manages. Her tired body reeked of alcohol and Naruto frowns. He lets her sit for a second so she doesn't feel sick from the sudden movements. She opens her eyes, they are emerald green. Dull and cracked.
"Dun look at me like dat Naruto baby…Dun, jus dun." Slurring, she shakes her head from side to side as though she was a little child.
"What look? You want me to fucking smile, mom?" Naruto interjects with a look of bewilderment adoring his features.
"You! You know I dun mean..it like dat, I…I…" Naruto this time shakes his head, he then gently grabs her again by the wrist.
"You want to make me happy, mom?" The redhead nods her head vigorously, "Then please go to your room and sleep. Please." She nods her head again, not so vigorously.
Naruto helps her up, and let her weak body lean against his as he aids her through the living room and down the short hallway. Her bedroom door is cracked open, so he uses his toes to push it open fully. It too is a mess, but he ignores it for now. He sets her down on her bed, helping her bring her legs up onto the mattress and then pulls a blanket over her.
"I will bring you something for your head and some water, okay? And if you need to throw up, you know the drill." He eyes the trash can next to her bed side and she nods her head. He stares at her for a couple of seconds before turning around. Before even taking a step a clammy hand grabs his fingertips. Turning around slightly, he looks over his shoulder and at his mother.
"You…not too mad at mommy, baby?" Naruto looks at her dead in the eyes and shakes his head, not verbally answering her. She doesn't mind, and let's go with a smile on her face. When she closes her eyes Naruto resumes leaving the room, closing the door behind him as quietly as he can. He presses his back against the wooden door with his face cast down.
ooo
After taking care of his mother and making sure she was going to be okay, Naruto headed back into the living room. He scans the area, overlooking the mess and makes sure nothing is missing. It was a small room with only a 3 seater sofa, coffee table, an outdated television and two small end tables. Decorations such as figurines and photos are all around making the place look a little more homely. It seems nothing was missing, but honestly there wasn't really anything to take.
He turns and leaves the room. He heads inside the apartments one and only bathroom. He didn't even get to take a piss before his mother started calling for him. Entering, he leaves it open halfway and does his business. He flushes the toilet and washes his hands. He looks at himself in the mirror as he grabs his toothbrush and toothpaste tube. His hair was a mess and nowhere close to the colour his mother has. He was blond, light and golden. His eyes were shockingly blue, but at the moment also very tired. He had faint bags under them, they showed unclearly on his tan skin.
Shoving his toothbrush into his mouth, he begins brushing his teeth. He swings his head from side to side. He looks nothing like his mother. The only thing he got from her is a pretty shaped head and features, height, thin body and anger issues. None of which is a positive, at least to him.
He spits out the toothpaste foam and rinsed his mouth. Putting away his toothbrush, he begins washing his face. She tells him his eyes, hair and skin is all from his father. That he has his personality, that it's just like his. God knows if that's true.
Done, he leaves the washroom and heads back to his room to change, or at least put on some pants. He's still in his boxers. He picks up a pair of dark blue pyjamas pants from off the floor and puts it on. His room is also small, he has a desk and chair and a bookcase half filled, there are two beds; a single bed that he sleeps on and a mattress on the floor. He looks to his desk and notices a light blinking on his phone. There were several messages, all from the same person.
Don't stay out late
Be home by 9
I don't like it when you stay out late
Make sure you lock the door
Eat the food I left
Make sure you lock your door
I love you
Stop ignoring me
Are you sleeping?
Be home late
No shit, it was close to ten. It's always the same messages everyday, or at least along the same line. He puts his phone down but doesn't let it go. He debates against himself whether he should message them back. Sighing, he picks his phone back up and quickly taps a message out.
Ok. Come home safe
Cerulean eyes stares at the message and then taps send. Dropping the phone back onto his desk with a thud, he's probably going to regrets this later.
ooo
Naruto collapses onto the living room sofa, exhausted. All the beer cans were collected and clothes separated, among other things he found. The balcony door is open, and cool wind is blowing into the apartment. It relaxing and soothing as it flutters Naruto's blond locks. Reaching out, he grabs hold of the television remote and presses the on button. It flickers on and he can hear the jolly voice of a weathercaster even before she appears on the screen.
He rolls onto his stomach, and his arm goes limp with the remote controller as it hangs on the edge of the sofa. Absentmindedly he surfs through the channels, with nothing in particular sparking his interests. He does feel tired though. But he doesn't want to fall asleep. But at the same time he does. His dreams aren't horrible, but they still do frighten him because…because.
It's me. He thinks to himself, it's me in those dreams. Always me and…
And he doesn't know who the other is. He can't even finds words to describe them. Like a hero, always saving him, always comforting him, embracing him and warm. The person in his dreams is so warm. Waking up in tears is common for Naruto and sometimes it hurts his heart so much, other times he's breathless, weightless, sometimes frozen.
Naruto feels a vibration coming from his pocket. It's his phone, he had picked it up after he was done cleaning. He drops the remote control and fishes out his phone from his pocket. He looks at the screen to see who's calling him. He lets out a soft laugh when he sees the name and accepts the call.
"Yo!"
"Dude, you're not coming to school today either?" The person on the other hand said right away, completely ignoring Naruto's greeting.
"What? No, hello, how do you do, Kiba?" Naruto rest the side of his face onto the sofa cushion.
"Fuck that. Are you home?" Naruto hums in response. He listen carefully, it sounded like Kiba was outside. Maybe on the school's rooftop. One of his favourite spots.
"So, what's the excuse today?" Kiba sounded annoyed, and Naruto understood why.
"Hmm, I slept in?"
"Dude, are you asking me, or are you telling me?"
Naruto laughs, "I'm telling you, Kib." He says, calling him by one of his nicknames.
"And I know you're lying. You know if something is wrong, you can tell me, Naruto." The blond frowns, yes he knew.
"I'm sorry, Kiba." He knows the other boy is frowning as well, "Sometimes I just feel so tired."
"Anemia?" Kiba questions.
"I don't know. Maybe? And…and then there's my mom. You know I gotta take care of her sometimes." No, Kiba didn't know. He knew she drank a lot, but that's all.
"I see…you know if you need anything, I'm here. Fuck school! I'd be there for you the second you ask!" The confession makes Naruto smile so widely it hurt his face.
"I know, I know." Naruto says in a sing-song voice, "Just take good notes in class, I'll need to borrow them later."
"Ah, right notes…" The voice on the other end mutters. Naruto can practically see Kiba scratching the back of his head.
"Kibaaaa!" Naruto wails.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Notes, notes I got'em." And Kiba laughs, lifting Naruto's spirit with it.
They go on talking for five or so minutes more before Kiba explains that he probably should get back to class, that he asked to use the washroom and has been gone for a while now. Naruto goes to make a witty comment, but instead hears a sting of knocks coming from his front door.
Startled, Naruto sits up, " Someone's at the door, I'll talk to you later, Kiba. Get back to class!"
Kiba hums in response, "Ah, okay. Later than, man." And the blond bids his goodbye as well.
Naruto places his phone back into his pocket as he gets up and off the sofa. The knocking wasn't hard, but it was quick. Walking to the front door, the blond tippy toes up to the peep-hole. He sees a man, early thirties if he had to guess. He had a black trimmed beard and his head was covered with a dark grey baseball cap. The teen never seen him before and was tempted to just ignore the man. Stepping back, he was still knocking.
"I know someone is in there, the balcony door is open, and I heard talking." Naruto bit his lower lip, okay that's not creepy…He thought to himself.
"Listen…I…I forgot my watch…last night. Can I please have it back?" The man is whispering, he also sounds desperate. "I know you're in there…so…please."
Naruto knows what he is talking about, he did find a watch while cleaning up. It was a fancy silver one. Looks expensive too. Naruto looks through the peep-hole again, the man looks nervous, the watch was probably important to him.
"What kind of watch?" Naruto questions, still eyeing the man. He looks to the door in surprise, probably not expecting Naruto's voice.
"A…it's a Dreyfuss & Co. It's silver and black." He whispers out, looking from side to side.
"Wait right there. Don't do anything funny." Naruto says.
"Thank you, thank you." He repeats over and over, face all red. Naruto pushes away from the door and goes into the kitchen. In one of the cupboards is a box and in the box is all sorts of items that has been left behind, things Naruto didn't know what to do with. He could pawn them off, but what if they came back like this man and demand their belongings? He'd be in trouble in more ways than one.
He pulls out the only watch in the box. He's pretty sure this things cost a pretty penny. No wonder he's sweating bullets. Naruto thought to himself as he walks back to the front door. He slides on the chain lock on the door before opening the door. Who knows this guy might be a psycho and try grabbing him.
The man looks down at Naruto in shock, "You live here, boy?" Naruto feels disgusted not only by the question but by the way the man is looking at him. It was a mixture between pity, guilt and concern.
"Your watch. Take it. Go." He pushes his hand holding the watch out through a small crack of the door. The man snatches it and holds it tightly.
"Thank you. My wife bought this for me. If sh-she found out I lost it…" Naruto zones him out, because he doesn't care. He doesn't care about the adultery man outside his door.
"Listen, my brother is on his way home. If he sees you here, your wife is going to be the least of your worries." Naruto hissed out with a glare and shuts the door before even hearing the man's response.
Naruto peels himself away from the door after he sees the older man hesitate before speed walking away with heavy footsteps. Shaking, he removes the gold painted chain lock and leaves the entry way. He walks into the living room and looks around, he turns off the TV and closes the balcony door, but not before peering around for an early thirties bearded man outside. His feet then takes him to his mother's room, where he quietly opens the door. She is sleeping soundly, in the same position he left her. The bucket next to her bedside is empty and Naruto sighs in relief. He really didn't want to deal with vomit right now.
Closing the door just as quietly as he opened it, he goes to his room and plops himself face first onto his bed and doesn't move. His droopy eyes, his blue, so blue eyes felt heavy. He didn't want to sleep, he wanted to stay awake. But his bed felt too inviting and his pillow so soft. He turns his head to a side so he doesn't suffocate in his pillow. His breathing was calm as his eyes flutter open and close.
School, maybe he'll go tomorrow, or the day after, or the day after that. Or maybe just never. To be honest, he felt trapped inside this apartment. If he left will it be the same when he comes back? It always scares him and weighs heavily on his mind. Naruto used to go to school everyday before. He used to wake up early and take the bus. He used to walk to class with Kiba and others. He used sit in class and crack jokes that even made his teachers laugh. He used to take notes and do his homework. He used to anticipate lunch time.
He used to never anticipate home time. There were times where he never wanted to come home. And now, now it's the only place he's ever at. Because that one day…
Naruto eyes finally stops fighting against the heaviness of his exhaustion and just closes. He thinks backs on his memories of school. And he's out. Falling into a familiar darkness and light. Cool and warm. Inviting arms.
Don't you just hate school?
No, not really.
Blah! And look, your notes…there, there so neat. Every single page. Okay, okay it's decided, I will be borrowing this.
Decided!? You didn't even ask…
They were in a classroom, break time, summer time. Sitting in the back, there were only a couple more students in the room. Sitting in the front. They were not near the windows, they were near the door, but they still felt the warm breeze.
Argh…may I please borrow your holy notebook of knowledge?
…You don't have to lean so close to my face. I could have heard you perfectly fine from where you're sitting.
He wasn't sitting in front of his desk, he had taken over the one next to his. To his left. Chest. Arms. Legs. The way his lower back dipped. Leaning forward and arms sprawled on top the desk. He didn't even have to try. It brought impure heat to the other cheeks.
What? You don't like my face. Do I smell? Huh!?
Stop frowning. And you know it's neither of those…
….
I said stop frowning. Stop sulking! Don't cover your face. Okay, now you're just doing this shit on purpose.
Head ducks into crossed arms, with a mischievous smile. Still not at his own desk. His eyes peek out. They were so lovely and bright. Felt like it was made just for him. He was made just for him. And HE was made just for him.
Hehe. I am. I am. Now you're the one sulking, huh? Don't make that face. It makes me want to kiss you. To bad we're in class.
Their voices are not so loud anymore, or at least his isn't. The other one rarely speaks loud. But when he speaks it's like a rope of charm wrapping around his neck, luring him, bounding him. And it always feels good.
Why the hell do you think I didn't want your face so close to mine…
Yeah, it feels good. This time his cheeks are dusted with red and pink. Red and pink and pureness.
Mumbling to yourself again? Hehe.
…Come here.
Eh? Hey! Don't grab my…don't grab my cheek. It hurts! It hurts […]! I said it hurts, […]!
Shh…you're being too loud, […]. Tch, idiot.
The wind blows. A little bit cooler this time. It twists and turns the curtains. Papers on the desks nearby rises and drops.
Don't whisper in my ear like that, it tickles.
And now the books are rising and falling. Pencils, pens, erasers and rulers. They all rise and fall, because the wind is no longer gentle and cool. Every time something hit's the ground a static noise is made.
No one is looking, okay?
Everything rises, desk and chairs, they rise and fall and they make that static noise. Everything rises, students disappear, except for the two boys. The two boys in the corner of the room, on the other side away from the window. Everything rises and falls, but not them. The static noise is loud as if it's running all around the classroom.
Eh?
I really want to kiss you, […].
It's loud, so loud. He can't hear him, but neither of them are looking away from each other. Static, lots and lots of static. He opens his mouth, his lips are moving, saying something, but the other can't hear. Only the sound of static is leaving his lips.
Huh…wait, what's that sound, […]? It's so loud. I hear static. Why? What are you saying?
Steady painful white noise erupts and the walls begin to peel, leaving trails of black in its wake, until everything is gone. And everything is black. No classroom, no two boys, no sweet talks of affection, just a halo of gold and echoing of words. But the voices are no longer of adolescence.
Do you love me?
From all the beginnings.
What does that even mean?
Rustling.
Naruto hears rustling of clothes. And he hears his bed creak. And he feels weight on his back.
There are fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp and slipping down his neck and repeats. From his peripheral view he can see a familiar black trench jacket on the mattress on the floor. And then there is a head, a heated face, on his shoulder, still massaging his blond locks.
And the person is humming a tune in his ear and into his neck.
"I would appreciate it if you take a shower first and go sleep on your own bed, big brother." All of Naruto's sleepiness has vanished, and he is wide awake from the needy strokes on his body.
Incoherent words, or maybe it's just groaning, comes from the much larger but lanky body on top of his.
"It's 12. Why are you so late?" Naruto questions, still and unaffecting by the fondling. The man on top of him usually finishes work at 5am and reaches home at 6. Sometimes drunk, sometimes not. Sometimes he showers, sometimes he just goes to sleep. Or sometimes he does this. Drunk or not.
"I did finish at the bar at 5..." When he speaks Naruto can smell the alcohol in that deep vibrating voice and sighs. "But then someone asked for me to accompany them…"
"And what? Fucking hell, are you like mom now?!" Naruto is angry, he buries his face into his pillow, emotions bubbling in his throat.
"No! No! Naru, baby brother, no!" The man pushes his body down and Naruto finds it hard to breathe.
"Ge-get off me, I can't breathe like this." The teen wheezes out, using his arms to push his upper body up. He moves so he is sitting up, his back facing his brother, his legs crossed legged. The older man sits up with Naruto, bringing his large hands to the side of the blond's considerably smaller shoulders.
"It's nothing like that, Naruto. We just talked. He just talked, I listened. Work problems, family problems. He gave me so much money. I'll buy you the most yummiest dinner ever, baby brother." The hands are no longer on his shoulders, but wrapping their way around his chest, around his waist. He's lifted by those arms, till he feels a broad chest press flush against his back. Red long strands of hair tickles the base of neck and fall along the side of his face. There are lips pressed against the back of his ear. A kiss and then breathing. Shallow breathing.
"But when I saw baby brother's message on my phone…I, I wanted to come home so fast." The alcohol breath assaulted his nose.
"On the subway, I read it over and over. I got so hard, Naruto." The teen closes his eyes. He feels nothing. Inwardly he feels nothing. Outwardly, he feels a large palm and long fingers snake their way up his shirt. Yeah, he felt the hardness, he felt it the moment he woke with the older lying on top of him. He just chose to ignore it.
More kisses on his ear, then his neck and soon he is on his back. Hips align with hips. Arms on either side of his head. Caging him. But he feels no hatred. This is his older brother. The only person who would probably kill for him, with that sick twisted love inside him.
"Why…why aren't you hard, Naruto?" Blue eyes stares up into honey brown ones. Red shoulder length hair falls around him like a blood waterfall.
"Maybe I'm sick."
The redhead shakes his head, "No, I'm the sick one…" he bends his head so the blond can't see his expressive eyes.
"At least you know." And Naruto feels his brother head fall on top his lower abdominal for a second. He stays there for a while and Naruto thinks it's over. But he's wrong, the lean body pulls away and sits up.
"Please, Naruto. Help big brother." And the large slender hand is pulling down his pants zipper. With begging, pleading honey liquid eyes. His broad back is pressed against the wall, one leg extended, the other bent. And his hands, his hands are all over it.
Naruto stares and stares and stares. He knows it's best to get it over quickly, then prolonging it. So he crawls like a cat on his bed, till he's on bended knees, in front of his intoxicated big brother.
It's wet and dripping, standing tall and straight. Naruto lowers his head. Not touching, but he feels it throbbing near his lips.
"Please, Naruto." He hears the whine and his head goes down.
The throaty moan that leaves his brother's mouth is nothing short of bliss. Naruto doesn't think. He just licks, he just kisses, he just swallows, he just bobs. He doesn't think. Not even when a hand comes crashing down on top his head and grips his hair, or even when the other hand does the same.
"Baby brother, I love you. I love you!" The blond places his hands on the hips that are currently thrusting upwards, up and off the bed. Bouncing. The nails on his scalp and neck are scratching and digging into him with each plunge. Creaking bed. The redhead is sweating, mouth hanging open.
"Do you love me?"
Naruto eyes brows furrow.
Do you love me?
Cheeks hurting.
From all the beginnings.
Throat burning.
What does that even mean?
The creaking is loud. The moaning is deafening. The redhead's neck is arching backwards. His cries of paradise vibrates the room, bouncing from wall to wall. It travels outside their bedroom, through the hall, the living room, bathroom, kitchen and finally, sweeps under the door of their mother's bedroom, where she sleeps peacefully. Dreaming of a man who will not come back.
He writes in sand; it means we are soul mates.
ooo
Infinite
Chapter One:
"Drunk mind speaks the sober heart."
ooo
If you made it through this long, weird and disturbing chapter, congratulations and thanks haha! How was it? I hope it wasn't boring. I'm very curious on what you all think. I hope to improve on my writing with each chapter So, any criticism is fine, or comments, or questions, errrmm…concerns? Or…just anything really, haha. I'll probably edit along the way if I see any glaring mistakes, which there probably is...
See you guys next time, and thanks again!