Hey guys, this is my first story ever. So i ask you all to go easy on me. I want to thank my friend 'WeirdButUnique' for her immense support. It would make my day if you guys could review. Even it's a criticism feel free to review! So enjoy! :D

The boys of Big Time Rush looked excited as they waited for the next award to be presented. The host came on stage and the audience welcomed her with a huge round of applause.

"Good evening everyone. The next award of the night will be for the favorite band member of the year and the nominees are…." trailed off the host as the big screen started to show the nominees for the category.

Big Time Rush band members' eyes widened in surprise as they noticed both James and Logan were nominated. After the nominees were shown, the host opened the red color envelope in her hand and took out a small card which carried the name of the winner. She looked at the card and smiled like the result was expected all along.

James' heart sped at the sight, becoming nervous all of a sudden. He always wanted to win this award but with Logan he knew it was a tough competition and he didn't want Logan to lose because of him either.

"The favorite band member of 2013 is ….. James Diamond from Big Time Rush"

Just as James' name was announced the audience erupted clapping, screaming and whistling. James was too shocked to move as Kendall jumped from his chair next to James and wrapped him in a bear hug, both Logan and Carlos joining him.

After the boy was given some space, James walked through the screaming fans on to the stage, still unable to believe that his dream finally became a reality.

The host congratulated him and handed over the award. Then she shoved him toward the mike stand for his thank you speech. He stood there for a few second thinking and organizing what he was going to say. He placed the award on the stand and straightened the mike before starting to speak.

"Hello everybody, I can't believe I won this. This is a dream come true for me." smiled James showing off his award.

"So …. First of all I want to thank my parents, friends and band members who are always by my side. I also thank our management, record label and my fans out there without whom I wouldn't have come this far."

He paused for a second thinking and continued.

"But there is this one special person I want to thank. That is the love of my life."

The other three boys looked at each other surprised, all having the same question on their minds. Who is this special person James is in love with that they don't know about?

James continued after a deep breath collecting all his scattered thoughts.

"That person became my inspiration and was always there for me since childhood pushing me forward through every bump in the road. Without that person I wouldn't be here tonight. And not only me but Big Time Rush wouldn't be a possibility either. That person once said to me 'Opportunities like this come once in a life time. So grab on to that dream with both hands and go big time." smiled James at the memory.

That was when it hit the rest of the band who he was talking about. Carlos' smile widened as Logan stiffened in place. Kendall was too shocked even to blink.

"So thanks to that person, I did it. I can't explain in words how grateful and indebt I am to you and I know this won't ease anything but my love for you is true as each word I spoke right now. So this goes for you from the bottom of my heart. I love you."

James ended his speech with a small bow and left the stage to another bear hug from Carlos.

"So proud of you buddy." he whispered into James ear.

Logan and Kendall were too shocked to move. James patted Carlos on the back and returned to his seat beside Kendall. He tried to ignore his fast beating heart as he enjoyed the rest of the show. To his surprise he was successful until they were called on stage to perform. Each was handed over a mike and they came on stage as the music started playing. James glanced at Kendall and noticed he was looking straight ahead. James knew for sure that Kendall is mad at him and he's going to hear a lot from him after the show. He sighed hard before he held up his mike and began singing.

They finished the song with one last spin and the audience went nuts again cheering for the boys. James turned his head towards his fellow band members with a wide grin which disappeared the second his hazel eyes met with the emerald ones. The emotions in them were too much to read. James stared at them trying to figure out what's going on the blonde's mind. Only he knew how much he wished that they were filled with love, which can never happen. Not in this life time.

They were brought to earth by Logan and Carlos who dragged them to their seats.

On their way home after the award ceremony, Kendall sat as far away as possible from James in the limousine pushing Carlos and Logan in between them. The ride home was silent none of them daring to speak. But when they got to the apartment it became too much for James to bear. He grabbed Kendall's arm and began to speak when he was stopped by the death glare that Kendall was giving him and shaking his head no. Kendall shook James' hand and went to his room locking himself in. He fell into his bed without changing, thinking hard. He didn't know whether he was supposed to be glad that finally James said what he wanted to hear for so long or be sad because what he wants can never happen. He cringed and curled into a ball remembering the pain in James' eyes as he shook his hand off. He considered every option he could think of and finally gave up the idea as sleep engulfed him.

"Who was he talking about?" asked Gustavo from Carlos next day which was a day off for them as they worked hard for the performance at the award ceremony. But Kelly called Carlos in the morning asking him to come to the studio as Gustavo was dying to know who James' lover was. Actually he needed to know so he could get prepared for upcoming scandals and poking reporters.

Carlos remained silent debating whether he should reveal the person or not and settling with the latter.

"Carlos, I asked you a question." barked Gustavo, startling Carlos. "Who the hell was he talking about?"

"I don't know." Carlos tried to play innocent but who was he kidding, he suck at lying.

"Stop fooling with me dog!" screamed Gustavo, scaring poor Carlos. "Tell me right now or you'll have to pay for this."

"Kendall" blurted out Carlos. What he said was barely a whisper but he knew Gustavo heard him crystal clear.

This made Gustavo angrier if that was even possible. "Stop lying Carlos."

"What I'm saying is the truth. The person he was talking about was Kendall. He is the love of his life." explained Carlos in a small voice.

Gustavo nearly fell from his chair when his brain registered what Carlos said. He knew it had to be true because Carlos is a terrible liar and that's the reason he thought of asking this from him in the first place. Gustavo took some deep breaths to calm himself down. He steadied himself before speaking again.

"H..how….how…c…come he likes Kendall?"

"Beats me too." whispered Carlos.

Carlos remained silent in his position as Gustavo thought through the situation over and over again.

"Tell Kendall that I want to see him", he finally said, trying hard not to shout again.

Carlos nodded and walked out.

Kendall went to Gustavo's office after he received the message from Carlos. He stopped near the door and took some deep breaths to calm himself down. He knew what he was going to hear. He knew too much about boy bands and popularity to understand what was about happen when he walked through the door.

He knocked and heard Gustavo's voice saying to come in. He took in one last deep breath before opening the door and walking in.

"Oh dog, sit down." Gustavo gestured towards the chair in front of him.

Kendall took the seat and prepared himself for what was coming next.

"Do you like James?" This caught Kendall off guard. This was more direct than Kendall imagined. He stared at Gustavo for few seconds before answering, "No"

Gustavo laughed now feeling happy for what he heard. "I knew you wouldn't be…"

He was cut short by Kendall whispering, "I love him."

"What?! What did you say?" asked Gustavo confused, staring at him as if he had suddenly grown two heads.

"I don't like him Gustavo, I love him." screamed Kendall unable to control his anger.

Gustavo nearly fell from his chair for the second time that day. For a few seconds he looked taken back.

"Kendall, what the hell are you talking about?" roared Gustavo not getting second to Kendall.

Kendall remained silent for few seconds and murmured, "It's the truth."

Gustavo sighed heavily. He tried his best not to scream as he said, "But Kendall you know…"

This time also he was cut short by Kendall screaming frustrated, "I know Gustavo I know!"

Then his voice became softer as he said, "I promise not to do anything reckless." Saying this he fled from the room tears gushing through his eyes. He went into the men's room and locked himself inside a stall. He cried his heart out knowing that he won't get to be together with the person he loves although the said person loves him back the same way.

After an hour or so Kendall washed his face and dried it with a paper towel to make sure that there were no tear marks. He walked his way to the Palm Woods and into 2J. He opened the door with his spare key and entered the apartment. He started to make his way towards his bedroom but then stopped dead on his tracks. The sight before him was breathtaking and heart breaking at the same time.

James was sleeping on the couch. His knees curled up to his chest and his hands in between his knees. He looked exhausted and all used up. Maybe because of what happened last night. Thinking about it made his heart to ache with guilt knowing that he's the one who caused him pain.

He didn't want to disturb the brunette but keeping all the feelings bottled up inside him was tearing him apart. He needed to get them out.

He walked towards James and knelt beside him. He brushed off some strands of hair that has fallen into his face and making him uncomfortable. He slightly caressed his face before taking a deep breath and started talking.

"I'm sorry about last night. You don't know how much it hurt to treat you like that but I had no choice. I want you to know that this is not one sided, that I return your feelings James, but this is the farthest we can go. We can't cross the line of our friendship, not without both of us falling to the bottom without any going back to the top. The worst part is that we won't be going down alone; we'll be taking Logan and Carlos down with us too. They don't deserve that and I don't want to be that selfish.

"This was your dream and you made it come true. You have made this far James and you have only a few more steps left. I'll always be there by your side as your band mate and friend in need but nothing more. If I become anything more, it will destroy you. I don't want that to happen to you.

"Thank you so much for loving me. I never thought you would. I hope that you would meet someone who would love you more than I do. So for the first and the last time I love you."

Kendall sighed deeply wiping the tears that were running down his face. He slowly stroked James' forehead and placed a light kiss before walking to his room and shutting the door.

After he heard the door lock, James opened his eyes to let the tears he held back to run free. He looked in the direction where Kendall's room is and whispered softly, "Thank you Kendall. I love you too."