TRIGGER WARNING
TRIGGER WARNING
TRIGGER WARNING
The cold wind shot through the open window and tingled my once warm skin. The hairs on my arm stood up as I tried to pay attention to Jesse- I really did- but I just could not. My eyes just wandered back to her. Her complexion was flawless, and her ginger hair cascaded down her neck, splayed across her back, a perfect painting that spoke to me in a way I could not describe. Jesse finally noticed my wandering eyes, and shook me a bit to hard, making me spill my boiling coffee all over myself. Her attention was diverted and then laid on me, and I could feel the heat rising to my face.
"Fuck, Bec I'm sorry. You just weren't listening to me. Again." Jesse consoled.
"It's fine Jesse, it's fucking fine."
I watched his demeanor change, and the guilt rose to his face. I couldn't help but feel bad, I mean I wasn't paying attention, right? But hey, blame the gorgeous redhead, who managed to slip out of the door, giggling.
"Jess, don't blame yourself, I wasn't paying attention. I'm going to go to my room and change, I'll text you later. Bye."
I rushed out the door, struggling to cover the stain splashed on my jeans. I took off my flannel top, and wrapped it around my waist, trying to keep it from being seen. I slipped my phone out from my back pocket and opened Twitter.
' amylicious you seen red around? meet me at my room, asap.'
I barged into my room, ignoring my roommates' devilish glare, which then turned to a sympathetic smirk at the sight of my jeans. She'd be leaving in a month, and I actually was pretty delighted. I could use a bit of peace and quiet, and less of her yelling over the phone with her relatives, who as well, hated me.
I slipped into a pair of black jeans, and a loose Rolling Stones tee. A twitter notification buzzed my phone, alerting me that Amy was on her way. Kimmy Jin left the room, still glaring at me until leaving the room. I turned up one of my mixes and splayed myself on my bed. I rolled up my sleeve, staring at old scars. I never understood that period of my life. And I still don't. I get the urge too, return to that once dark part of my life, but I've found people who have distracted me from the pain. The beautiful but tragic pain, that lingered through my body, an unwanted disease that plagued my life.
Amy stormed through the door, letting out a burp that I swear shook the dorms.
"WHADDAAAAAAAAP BECS." She hollered.
"The ginger got me again today. Ruined my time with Jesse today."
"Then engage in contact you dumbass. You're not getting anywhere by stalking from a far."
I thought about that for a second. She put me in a state of euphoria that no other person ever has before. But I doubted she was lesbian, she's too perfect. I decided I would, tomorrow.
"Thanks FA. I'm gonna shower, I'll see you in class tomorrow."
Amy left without a word, which was peculiar. But I didn't stress it.
I took another glance at my arm. I craved the pain. Just one little slice would do no harm, just a little rush of excitement. I opened my drawer, and retrieved the smallest blade. My arm quivered, and my fingers shook. My forehead was sweating, and my palms got moist, and I couldn't help but smack my lips. The surface of the blade sent a cold rush through my body, and my body craved the alluring misery. That's when I saw her flash of hair pass my open window in the dark light of the afternoon sun. My fingers stopped in their tracks. The blood dripped down my arm, and I dropped the blade at once.
What the fuck would she think of me when she saw my disturbing scars?
What I expected her to think of my scars, was nothing close to what actually happened.