And when I see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around, turns you around

But I know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

-Death Cab for Cutie

Five minutes until midnight

He was sitting alone. Waiting, just waiting. Simply hoping that any second she would walk through the door. Time seemed to move slow and every second felt longer than the next. He ordered a scotch neat. Over the years he had drank for many reasons. Heartache, loss, pain, loneliness, nervousness, and sometimes he drank just to drink, but before tonight he had never drank out of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of being alone. Fear of the unknown. Barney Stinson was a lot of things, but he was not one to pine over just one girl. But he knew he was kidding himself when he told himself Robin Scherbatsky was just a girl. She was the girl. She was everything he could have wanted and more. She was like a light flowing into his womanizing, self-loathing pit of darkness sent there to make him feel alive.

Four minutes until midnight

He moved his hand to the fast beat of the song playing on the overhead speakers. Anything to distract him from this ever present feeling of drowning. He could feel himself slowly beginning to fade in to the reality of his situation. He had cheated on Nora, he had broken up with her, she had given him another chance, and he had rejected her. All for Robin. It was always for Robin. He had thought he was in love with Nora, but he saw the truth now. She was beautiful, intelligent, talented, but she was a distraction. A distraction from reality. A distraction from his feelings for Robin. A distraction from Robin's lingering stares and indirect innuendos. A distraction from asking Robin to run away with him and never look back. His thoughts trailed off into nothingness and he took another long, lingering sip of scotch before ordering another. He could feel the harsh taste of the liquid in the back his throat and shook his head as he felt the feeling of the scotch shoot down his spine. It calmed him, the familiarity of the feeling, the scotch, the bar, the normalcy of everything because he knew in the matter of minutes his world was going to be turned upside down. The question was for the better or the worst?

Three minutes until midnight

He looked over at the clock and watched as the little hand ticked by the seconds. He knew those seconds were numbered until he knew his fate. He was scared to consider it. His heart wanted her to pick him, but his head told him to tell her to run away from him, far, far away. He was just so damn screwed up. He was a self-proclaimed jackass with his playbook, The Bro Code, his bachelor pad, his daddy issues, and his magic tricks. In his heart of hearts did he knew he was lying to himself each and every time he tried a new play, got another lay, or snagged a ten that he was happy. Yes, he knew he did. He was his own worst enemy; he was his own obstacle, always preventing his own happiness. He was the master of excuses, deception, and facades. The only one who saw through his charade was Robin. She saw him, really saw him, to his core. He knew it, she knew it. They were each other's kryptonite. They made each other weak, vulnerable, scared, but that was their irrevocable beauty. It was why they worked; it was why they had fallen in love. There was one thing Barney did know for sure, Robin could break his heart and that scared him more than anything else.

Two minutes until midnight

A girl across the bar became to make eyes at him. She looked like she was seconds away from ripping his clothes off with her teeth. But he paid her no attention. He only had eyes for one woman. It had been like that for a long time, he was just too late to realize it. He was always the last one to the party. Sometimes he wished he could be more like Ted. The type of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and lives for romance no matter how many relationships he had failed. Or Marshall the type of guy who had trouble getting a girl, but once he got one he was the poster child for commitment and though Barney hated to admit t even to himself, relationships. Ted was a romantic and Marshall was the perfect boyfriend and Barney…was well Barney. The playboy, the one allergic to commitment, the ultimate bachelor. They thought he could never change, but really he had no reason to want to…until now.

One minute until midnight

His heart felt like it was beating a million beats a minute, his palms were starting to sweat profusely, his throat was becoming dry. Only she could make him feel like this. What would he even say to her, what does talk about us even mean? He saw endless possibilities, endless scenarios, endless possible outcomes. But he knew one thing for sure he wanted to be with her. Whether tonight ended in heaven or hell he knew he would still want her. The thought that he had been trying to avoid all night suddenly crept into his mind, what if she picked Kevin? His mind literally would not let him register the thought. He knew Kevin was the better man, but he also knew that Kevin and Robin did not have the same allusive chemistry as Robin and him. The same fire, the same spark, the same passion. He knew it was up to Robin, the ball was in her court. He was utterly powerless. But he knew one thing for sure he was in love with Robin Scherbatsky. He looked back towards the clock and took a sip of scotch.

Midnight.

He saw Ted first, then Lily, then Marshall. He heard Ted say, "Hey how's it going?"

He turned and gave them an evasive look and as if in a trance he said, "Not great. Nora and I broke up."

He heard their gasps and whispered apologies and Lily's questions, but quickly reflected and said, "I really don't feel like getting into it, I think the worst part is over."

He then turned to face the doorway and he saw her. She looked tired, on edge, forlorn, but she was still effortlessly, beautiful. For the first time all night he smiled. A real smile, that reached his eyes and for a second all the pain, the heartbreak, the stress, everything was worth it just to be able to see her. But then Kevin walked in and something clicked in to place. She had chosen him. His smiled faded.

As they all moved to sit down several things happened at once. Barney stood up and gave Robin a questioning look that said everything, and in response Robin just shook her head. It was over. Sometimes hours can feel like minutes and sometimes a single second can last a lifetime. For Barney, the second that would never end was this one.

He expected to feel pain, but he felt nothing. All he felt was a mind numbing sense of loss, of rejection, of utter failure. He should have fought harder, he knew that now. He should have given her more, shown her more. And he would have, but now it was over. He had lost.

fin.

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