Home is Where the Heart is
AN: I can't be the only one who didn't like the way they made Ezra return from the first Malcolm visit… so here's my take on how I think it should have gone down.
Wes came to visit, but him and Aria did not kiss or anything.
-PLL-
The streets of Rosewood were deserted as Ezra drove towards his apartment building. The clock on his dashboard glowed with the numbers 2.45 am and he let out an involuntarily yawn. The plan had been to be home well before midnight, but two accidents and construction on a bridge had delayed him by several hours. At some point he had considered stopping at a motel, but in the end he had decided to push through and sleep in his own bed. He was ready to go home. He needed something familiar. Everything he had known had suddenly turned upside-down, and even though he knew that things would eventually turn right side up again, it would never be the same as it once was.
He was a dad.
There was a seven year old boy who needed him in a way he had never been needed before. It was a thought that both excited and terrified him all at once. He still had trouble wrapping his head around everything that had happened. His relatively simple life was suddenly everything but. A child complicated and changed everything even in the best of situations, add the fact that said child was kept from him for seven years and that he was in a committed relationship with someone else and things get a whole lot more tricky. Until he had found out about Malcolm his biggest worry regarding kids was what they'd do if Aria got pregnant.
Aria.
His chest swelled with guilt as her face appeared in his head with that heartbroken and worried expression she'd had the last time he saw her. He knew he should have called her, but he hadn't known what to say, and a part of him was terrified that she'd walk away. She was just seventeen years old. How could he ever expect her to want to stick around and play stepmom? She had been ten years old when Malcolm was born. Ten.
He let out a frustrated sigh as he pulled into his parking space. Normally their age difference wasn't something he thought about. Aria was an old soul and the fact that she was younger was something that rarely showed.
He couldn't ignore it when it came to this though. He just couldn't.
They had fought their way through battle after battle just to be able to stay together, but he was worried this might be one battle too many. She shouldn't have to deal with kids and parenting a seven year old at only seventeen. It was something he had told himself over and over while he'd been gone. He loved her to pieces, he really did, and as much as it killed him, he knew he'd let her go if she decided to walk away. It wouldn't be fair to complicate her life further. She had dealt with so much already. Maybe that was why he had put off calling her. A want to delay the inevitable. He wanted her to be his for a little while longer. Even if she didn't walk away, their relationship would never be quite like it was, and he wasn't sure he was ready for that change.
Lifting the suitcase out of the trunk he continued through the front door and up the well worn stairs.
Letting out another yawn he pulled his keys out his pocket as his door came into view. It felt as though an entire lifetime had passed since he had locked it behind him when he left. In some ways he guessed it was the case. Nothing was quite the same anymore.
The door opened almost soundlessly and he quickly stepped inside before closing it again. Abandoning the bag, he kicked off his shoes and slung his coat over a chair. Unpacking could wait until tomorrow. First he needed sleep.
That's when he saw her.
Her face was relaxed in sleep as she lay on top of the covers fully clothed. He took a shaky breath before walking over to the bed. Reaching out he turned on the bedside lamp so he could see her better. Her thick hair fanned out around her head as it always did. The dark color was a stark contrast to the ivory complexion of her skin, but that was just Aria. Delicate, like one of the porcelain dolls his grandmother had collected. She was stronger than she looked though. Her strength was one of the things he admired the most about her. She had gone through so much, but she was still standing with her head held high. She was a fighter.
It wasn't until he let his thumb brush across her cheek that he noticed the tearstains on her face. Thin, darkened trails remained where salty tears, mixed with mascara, had once run.
She had cried herself to sleep.
The thought physically hurt him. He hadn't called and she had been hurting. Glancing down he noticed the framed picture she was holding onto. He didn't have to turn it around to know which picture it was. It was the same one he looked at every night before he went to seep. A moment of pure happiness captured by one of her friends. She had developed it in the photo studio that summer, back when things were finally what could be considered normal.
Heaving a sigh he wondered how many times she would have to experience having the rug pulled from under her feet. How much more could she take?
As carefully as he could he pried the frame out of her hands before he untied her shoes and slipped them off. Her sock clad toes curled as she pulled her knees up, and if it hadn't been for the guilt and pain currently cursing through his veins he would have smiled at the sight. She had an innocence about her when she slept that he had found completely mesmerizing from the very first moment he had witnessed it. When sleep cast its sweet spell on her, her guards fell down and she truly looked relaxed.
With a sigh he let his body sit down on the edge of the bed as he buried his face in his hands. He had never, not once, wanted to cause her any kind of pain, and yet that was exactly what he had done. His actions, or lack thereof, had caused the tears in her eyes. He was the reason she had cried.
He hadn't meant for that to happen. He just wanted to protect her from the reality of the situation. He should have known that that would never be possible. Truth of the matter was that she had actually known about his son longer than he had. And instead of running off scared she had stayed.
She had battled with herself about how to tell him what she had learned, but she had stayed. Even when he had left her standing alone and broken on the side of the road she had found comfort in his apartment. She chose to wait for him.
A loud buzzing and sudden flash made him turn his head just in time to see her stir slightly before relaxing again.
Her phone lay lit up on the comforter next to her and carefully picked it up. The text shed received was still partly showing on the screen and despite knowing better he found himself unlocking the phone so he could read the entire message.
Hanna:
Where are you? Your mom called asking if you were here. I told her you decided to stay over since its Friday and that you were in the shower.
CALL ME!
The ease of which these girls could lie to each other's parents astounded Ezra. Not that he hadn't ever lied, he had, but he knew for a fact that he owed Spencer, Emily and Hanna for quite a few dates in the past.
Don't worry, she's in my apt. fell asleep on the be before I got here. If Ella calls tell her Aria came over here. She knows she stays over.
-Ezra
His fingers typed up the message quickly before he dropped the phone back onto the mattress. No more than 5 seconds later it flashed again.
Don't break her heart, Fitz. It's already showing cracks. You put her through hell.
Hell.
Hanna told it like it was with things like these. She didn't hold back.
Letting out a sigh he deleted the message and turned back to Aria. Her chest rose and fell steadily with each breath and he absolutely hated that the moment she woke up her face would show all the emotions she'd dealt with the past few days.
He could just let her sleep, sleep until she woke up and deal with everything then, but there was a part of him that knew that this couldn't be put off any longer. No matter how long he waited he couldn't outrun this issue, and he knew that she'd ask him why he didn't wake her when tomorrow came around.
It had to be now.
If anything, he just wanted her to know that he had missed her. He had missed her a lot more than he thought he would. She was such a big part of his daily life and suddenly she wasn't there anymore and it all just felt wrong.
"Aria," he whispered as his index finger ran gently down her nose. A crinkle appeared and he had to smile. Some things didn't change no matter what state their relationship was currently in.
"Wake up, baby."
His finger moved its gentle touch to her cheek and her eyelids fluttered slightly, but stayed closed. He kept on moving down her neck, over her shoulder and down the length of her bare arm until he reached her hand.
"Aria," he said slightly louder as his thumb rubbed gentle circles on her knuckles.
"Mmmwhat?" she groaned, burying her face further into the pillow.
"Wake up."
A second or two passed, but then her eyes shot open and she was suddenly looking straight into his. He half expected her to be angry at him, but what he saw fill her eyes was instant relief.
As if she had been scared he wouldn't come back to her at all. His chest tightened, and then the first tear fell from her eyes, and his heart broke.
"Hey, now," he said gently, wiping the tear away. "Don't cry, don't cry."
His words seemed to do little to soothe, and she took a shaky breath, but didn't break their eye contact. Several seconds passed until he couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't just sit there and watch her have an emotional battle with herself. He had to do something. Anything.
Careful not to put weight on her, he climbed over and settled next to her on the bed so he could pull her into a hug. Her body immediately molded itself to his and the tears she had fought to hold back escaped one by one. Her small hand grabbed a fistful of his shirt tightly as her body shook with each uneven breath she took.
Ezra closed his eyes as his hand cradled her head and his lips gently kissed her hair. He could feel tears well up in his own eyes and he desperately took a deep breath to try and keep them away.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."
Her only response was burying her face further into his chest as her shoulders shook.
"Aria,"
"You could have called…" she said quietly.
"I know."
"Why didn't you?"
"I didn't know what to say," he answered honestly.
"You called Wes."
"Yeah…I called Wes."
"Why couldn't you call me?"
Until that moment he hadn't thought about the fact that calling Wes would cause her pain. He hadn't realized what that one small action would mean to her. To her he had chosen his brother over her, and it hurt her to not be trusted, or viewed as important enough to know what he was doing.
He'd done everything all wrong.
"Everything turned upside down, Aria," he sighed.
"Trust me, I know…"
"I didn't want to put you in the middle of this chaos."
"But I already am in the middle, Ezra."
"I know that. I just… I don't know. I messed up. I wanted to protect you and all I did was hurt you. I never meant for you to get hurt."
His voice was laced with emotion and as he spoke Aria clung even closer to his warm body.
"I was scared you wouldn't come home," she whispered. "Scared that what you found there was better, easier and less risky… It felt like you had forgotten I even existed." Her voice was quiet and still slightly shaky from the tears she had cried.
"No. God, no. Maggie is part of my past, you're part of my present and for a long as you want to, you're part of my future. I want you in my life, Aria. Every part of it, but only if you're willing. I know this isn't an easy situation for you."
"I just missed you…and it didn't feel like you missed me at all."
"Aria, baby, look at me," Ezra said gently as he moved his hand to tilt her head so he could see her face. Big, shimmering, hazel eyes blinked up at him, vividly displaying the pain she had experienced.
"I missed you. I missed you so much; I just dealt with it all wrong. The last thing I wanted was for you to be upset," he paused and took a shaky breath. "I hate being the reason you cry."
"You came home," she whispered a few seconds later. "That's all that matters."
Giving her a slight smile he pressed his lips against her forehead. He knew the road ahead would be tough. So many questions remained unanswered, but right now they could wait.
Worries about paternity tests and lawyers melted away when she connected their lips in a gentle kiss.
"We'll figure it out," she said quietly; her breath tickling his face. "We always do."
AN: There you have it :) Let me know what you think.