Smiling Down

by redhandedwickedlittlemachine

Kate goes through a myriad of emotions in her second pregnancy as she recalls her first. ONESHOT.

A/N: This is my first step into the realm of writing for the Castle fandom. Quite honestly, I wanted a baby with the finale, but since we didn't get one, I crafted this out of a confession idea someone shared on the Castle Confessions tumblr page. I've tried to tread lightly with the subject matter, and keep straight the rules of pregnancy, but given that I have no children yet, I apologize if anything is wrong. I'd also like to add in that Philip Wesley's 'Dark Night of the Soul' drove the inspiration for most of this oneshot and is an instrumental I feel fits nicely with the plotline. This was also edited by myself, and I think I've caught every typo, but I apologize if I missed any. That said, I hope you enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. I reap no benefits of any sort to this, other than getting the idea out of my head. The title is from the lovely song of the same name by Stasia Conger.

Summary: Kate goes through a myriad of emotions in her second pregnancy as she recalls her first.

Smiling Down

Day One/Month One

The day Kate finds out she's pregnant, it's raining. It's the middle of May, four days after her and Castle's second wedding anniversary. She'd hoped in the days leading up to it, that the day would be nice and warm; that maybe they could get out and take a walk-provided they could close the case they'd been working on. Instead, they spend a good portion of the day indoors, trying desperately to avoid being outside. Their case is quickly running cold, as though the rain is washing all the leads away with its downpour. Kate's getting more frustrated by the hour, and her emotions are driving her to the edge. She's low on sleep from the night before, so Castle sets out to make her an espresso-which she quickly rejects at its scent. That's when she knows, because she remembers the first time.

She sends Lanie off to the pharmacy for a test to be sure, but she's wary of Castle in the meantime, sending him off with Ryan and Espisito to chase down a lead because she needs time to process. It's been a while-some eight months-but she's not really reached a point where she's entirely ready to say she's ready to go for number two. It took herself and Castle equally several months to get back onto an even keel where they felt normal, and discussion of another baby hasn't even come up yet. But if life intends it, then she tells herself that that's what they'll do.

After Lanie turns up with the test, she spends most of the rest of the day waiting for it to end. Of course, there are a few moments that brighten it. The boys track down an associate of their prime suspect. Castle brings her a (very) late lunch when they return. By the time they head home at nearly two AM, Javi and Ryan have dispatched police somewhere in Ohio to track down the suspect in an assumed location. The boys are supposed to call her when they hear something, but she's sure the sun will be up before then.

When they get home, she's all but dragging Castle to bed. Normally she'd be just as exhausted as he is-they've been up for eighteen hours already-but her mind is still racing with the fact that she's pregnant. She follows Castle through the penthouse, kicking her shoes to the side next to the door, and they both head towards the bedroom, though she walks to the shower while he heads towards the bed. When she doesn't follow after him, Kate half-expects Castle to come asking what's going on in her head that she needs the alone time. Even so, she's left alone in the shower, and she's grateful for that.

It's under the pouring water of the shower head that she can't help but remember the last time she found out she was pregnant. It had been early March, and there was still snow on the ground at the Hamptons home. She and Castle had taken the weekend away-and thankfully this time, no bodies had dropped into their pool. They'd invited Alexis up, but she'd had a mid-afternoon class, so she didn't show up until after dinner. Meanwhile, Castle had ordered in Thai food for them from Montauk. There'd been a bit of a wait for it to arrive, but when it did, they dug in quickly, curled up with their legs tangled in front of the fireplace.

The food itself had been great, but not long after they'd finished, Kate had dashed off to the bathroom and thrown up the dinner. They'd considered it might be food poisoning, but when Castle didn't fall ill and Kate's only symptom seemed to be nausea and vomiting, she started to wonder if it was something else. She made an off-the-handle remark about possibly being pregnant, and she and Castle exchanged a look before he'd left the house and headed up to the pharmacy. When he'd returned, she followed the directions on the box, and then they waited.

Alexis had arrived shortly before the timer was up, and they'd become momentarily distracted. They both headed into the foyer and greeted her, and then Castle headed out for Alexis' bags while she and Kate headed into the kitchen. Alexis had started picking at the leftover thai food, and the smell of the red curry had nauseated Kate, sending her back to the bathroom.

By the time she'd managed to stop retching, Alexis was standing in the doorway, asking if she was okay. When Kate had stood back up and moved to rinse her mouth in the sink, their gazes both seemed to catch on the forgotten test. Alexis had looked at Kate, surprised.

"Are you- I mean do you think?"

Kate hadn't had the words for the younger girl. She'd been terrified that the wrong answer would upset Alexis. What if she didn't want siblings? What if she didn't feel ready to be a sister? In those minutes, Kate probably should've been worried about what being pregnant would mean for her and Castle-both short- and long-term-but all her attention had been on Alexis, and her need to know that her step-daughter would be okay with this.

Alexis surprised her. The red-haired girl must've seen what the results meant on the box still resting on the counter-at least that's what Kate told herself. She preferred to believe that rather than the idea that Alexis had found herself staring down at a pregnancy test so young and untethered. But the girl had launched herself at Kate, all smiles and giggles, as she hugged her tightly.

"Oh, Kate, this is so exciting," she'd exclaimed cheerfully as she'd hugged Kate. When Castle had found them a few minutes later, Alexis was still hugging Kate and telling her how excited she was, and then they had all been celebrating together. There was never a single thought of whether it was too soon or not right. They'd all embraced it from the very first second that it was true to them.

Exhausted as she is-so much so that she can feel it in her bones-Kate spends nearly half an hour in the shower before she drags herself out from under the now-cooling spray of the shower. She dries herself before heading into the bedroom. She pulls fresh panties from the dresser and tugs them on before grabbing one of Castle's t-shirts from atop the dresser. She'd folded a load of laundry before they'd left that morning, but never got the chance to put it away.

"You okay?" Castle asks sleepily.

Kate turn towards him as she pulls the t-shirt down over her body. It hangs down over her thighs, and the sleeves fall to her elbows, but she doesn't mind. She loves his t-shirts. They comfort her.

"You're still awake?" She asks as she strides towards the bed.

"I figured something was up when you didn't come back from the bathroom right away," he says.

As she slides into bed and turns to face him, his hand drifts down the side of her face, clearly wondering what's afflicting her. Kate rests her head on his shoulder, slips her arms around his right arm. Her hands grip his bicep, and part of her wants to cry because she's not sure she'd ready for this conversation when she's so tired and feeling...raw. But it's not fair to not tell him.

She tilts her head up to up at him, solemn and weary, and completely terrified. "Castle, I'm pregnant."

He's completely exhausted. She's known this since they left the precinct. Yet somehow he manages to become wide awake with her announcement.

"Are you sure?" He whispers, brow furrowed.

"Well I vomited at the smell of coffee, and the drugstore test was positive," she responds. "I'll call my OB in the morning, but I'm pretty sure the test was right."

"Oh Kate," he murmurs her name softly, and it's the first time she feels safe enough to let all her walls down. Tears flood her eyes, and she buries her face against his arm, inhaling and exhaling in deep breaths while she tries to stay calm.

"Kate," he says again just as softly as he turns to face her. He brushes his knuckles down the line of her jaw and then into her hair, cradling her skull. "Is it too soon?"

She lifts her head up after a moment and looks up at him. Her eyes are shiny with fresh tears.

"I don't know," she whispers. "But I'm scared."

"Kate-" He tries, but she shakes her head. She knows everything he'll say to her because she's heard it all before.

"Castle, it doesn't-"

"Katie," he whispers softly, and she hates it, because he only started calling her that after the last time. It comforts her the same way it does when her father says it, and the way it did when her mother was alive, but that's the very reason she doesn't like it. It's like he's opening her up and seeing everything inside of her. "If you're not ready..."

Kate lifts her head, but only to bury her face into his chest. She inhales deeply, loosens one of her arms from around his and wraps it around his torso. Castle kisses the top of her head, wrapping his arm around her and brushes his fingers up and down her back.

They're both quiet for awhile, but both remain awake. Though Kate cries, she never falls into sobs, and her breathing stays even. Castle starts to wonder if she's going to fall asleep that way. Finally though, when it seems as though she's not going to say anything for the rest of the night, she looks up from his chest rests her chin against it, staring up at him.

"Okay?" He asks.

"Mmm," she murmurs after a few seconds. She stares silently at him for a few minutes before she whispers "are you ready for this?"

She can see the reaction in his eyes to her words-how it's never occurred to him that this choice, this decision, affects him too. He's been entirely focused on her since she told him, that it just now phases him that this is a decision they have to make together.

He moves his hands, lifts the to her face, and holds her cheeks in his palms, smiling wearily at her. "Yes. As long as you're with me."

And in a way, it's just like the first time. The choice is made just that fast. This is happening.

.,.

In the first few days after, Kate considers the question of what would've happened if Castle's answer had been no, or if her own had been. She wonders where they'd be instead. But she tries not to dwell too much on it because it isn't a reality she has to face. Instead, she makes the appointment with her doctor as planned, and confirms the pregnancy. She's already three and a half weeks along-mere days away from her second month and also dealing with the nausea and vomiting more frequently. And though both are becoming a relatively regular occurrence, she keeps the news to herself, too scared of the possibility for loss.

She picks up her old go-to's from the last time-What To Expect When You're Expecting, Your Pregnancy & You-but doesn't dare to even touch the book of names, let alone do a Google search on their meanings.

Castle wants to tell his mother and Alexis, but Kate is wary of telling anyone at all. Instead, she keeps the information to herself, and she and Castle compromise on waiting until she's closer to the end of the first trimester. She'd requested Lanie not tell Javi or anyone else until they make an announcement as well, so the news stays between them. Of course, she has a few near-misses when her emotions try to get away from her, but she dismisses them without much discussion if and when people question her teary eyes. Before long, days have passed, and with each twenty-four hour cycle, Kate breathes another sigh of relief that this baby is still with her.

-.-.-

Month Two

She starts counting the days. At first, it's unconsciously, more-so keeping track of the amount of days she puts into work, one after the other, without a break. But as the weeks continue to stack one over another, she she marks them off on a calender, watching the days fold into one another.

She starts spending her time off reading pregnancy websites. Sometimes it's reading the changes that are happening to her body; other times, she reads forums, or peaks around on Facebook. She never comments on anything, too wary of losing what she has, but she takes it all in.

Castle caters to her every need, of course. They fought over coffee consumption the first few days after the doctors appointment, but eventually she got him to agree to allow her decaf, and one shot of espresso in a cup of coffee a week. Of course, the morning sickness has kicked into high gear, so she's also gulping down plenty of tea and crackers, and building a stack of excuses as high as the shelves filled with boxes in the cold case room. But if anyone suspects that she's with child, no one says a word, which she appreciates.

Her aversion to Thai food returns too, along with a disgusted feeling towards most meat after Alexis makes an off-the-handle comment about how 'it used to have a face', and it becomes all Castle can manage just to get her to eat a burger.

The days at work are exhausting of course, but they do manage to keep her distracted, because when she's at home, it's all she can do to block out the memories of the last time. Castle tries to coax her into talking, but she's late into her eighth week before he finally gets her to open up.

"Mmph," Kate groans as Castle digs his thumb into her heel. He lightens his touch briefly, but she insists he keep going while she taps away at her keyboard.

"Kate," he murmurs from the end of the bed. She looks up towards him.

"Hmm?"

Castle glances down at the blankets they're still sitting on top of, clearly nervous about approaching the subject.

"Babe, what is it?" She asks.

He glances back up at her, inhaling a deep breath. "Do you still think about it? What happened?"

Kate inhales a deep breath, straightens up in the way she's sitting, and then sighs. She nods, gently lowering the lid of her laptop before she moves it to the floor. "Every day."

Castle nods, and Kate reaches out for his hand. He moves to the head of the bed, sits up against the headboard next to her. Kate rests her chin on his shoulder while she takes one of his hands between both of her own.

"Lately, I've been remembering what was going on at this point, last time," she says softly. She lifts her head to look up at Castle. "You remember the trip we took with Alexis to California?"

Castle chuckles. "I wouldn't really call it a trip. We were supposed to be doing interviews for the Naked Heat movie. Alexis tagged along so she could hang out on the beach."

"Give the girl the benefit of the doubt, Castle." Kate swats his arm playfully. "She took her text books with her."

"Anyway," Castle interjects, pushing her to get back to the story.

"Anyway," Kate repeats. "We were in that little hotel room that first night, because they screwed up the reservation."

Castle nods."I remember." His eyes drift shut, and Kate can't help smiling at watching him relive the memory via her story-telling.

"I was all up in a mood about the lack of more amenities because I was refusing fast food," Kate continues. "And I screamed at you to leave because you tried to get me to eat part of your steak that you'd gotten with Alexis at lunch."

Castle opens his eyes and looks down at her. "Where were you?"

"At the hotel napping," she reminds him. Castle nods and makes a sound akin to an 'ahh'.

"So you leave, and I cried for like five minutes, and then I couldn't remember why I was upset with you to begin with, just that I was frustrated because I was hungry." Kate starts to chuckle. "Then I called Alexis, and she told me you'd just called her to explain what had happened, and she talked me down. By the time we got off the phone, I was ready to call you to whine again about the lack of food, and you walked in with veggie burgers and milkshakes."

Castle opens his eyes and looks down at her smiling. "I remember that that's all you wanted to eat for the rest of the week."

Kate laughs. "They were good."

Castle nods, but his smile falters after a moment. He exhales a deep breath, and Kate's expression becomes more serious once more.

"Castle, do you regret it?" She says suddenly, looking up at him. "Going into work that day?"

Castle glances up at her, but he doesn't speak. Kate isn't really surprised. He never does answer when she asks him that. She thinks the answer is yes, and that it always has been.

"Do you?" He asks instead of answering.

Kate inhales sharply. She turns her blank wall where the lion photo used to be. She long ago convinced him to get rid of the one of it on the merit that it would terrify a baby. Castle begrudgingly took it down more than a year before, but it was never put back up anywhere else or spoke of again. Kate's pretty sure he sold it after everything happened.

"All the time," she answers honestly. "I wonder if I could've changed things by staying home. I wonder a lot of things about it, still."

"Still," Castle murmurs, echoing her words. Kate looks up at him once more, but his expression is blank, not giving way to his train of thought.

She inhales a deep breath and leans into him once more. "I try to think less about it lately. Try to tell myself...all those stupid things you're supposed to tell yourself."

Castle looks down at her, cups her cheek. "It's not your fault, Kate. Never was. You didn't do it."

She opens her mouth to speak a myriad of excuses about why it is-Castle knows she is-so he silences her with his mouth. If Kate wants to argue the fact, she doesn't try to push him away. They're just together in that moment.

The subject doesn't come up again.

-.-.-

Month Three

Kate counts every day in the third month consciously because she can't help it. She's too far down the rabbit hole believing that a pregnancy has to pass the first trimester to be viable-and she's lost too much already to let herself believe otherwise.

Of course, there are plenty of highlights. She starts to see a slight gain in her weight, and Castle insists he sees the formation of a bump starting as she edges into double digits in her weeks of pregnancy. Kate's sure she sees it sometimes, but she's not always entirely positive. Even so, it doesn't stop her from staring.

She finds herself longing for the days to pass quickly because selfishly, she wants to get to the good parts. She wants to feel movement, and see the baby. On a whim, after Kate has an anxiety attack due to spotting, Castle buys her a rather expensive fetal doppler. She thinks he's nuts, until she hears the sound of her baby's heartbeat rushing through the speaker. After that, it becomes a source of comfort for her.

People are starting to question what's going on with her more and more each week, and while it earlier made her nervous, she warms more to the idea as the days fold into each other; each day coming and taking with it another that she's still carrying their baby inside her. She's not been innocent to the woes of pregnancy this time around, but there's still something to be enjoyed about it...when she's not vomiting or complaining about how disgusting something smells.

-.-.-

Month Four

The final week of the first trimester, Kate and Castle are mostly silent to one another at home, waiting with bated breath through the final moments before they're supposed to be in the clear. She waits through each day with fear and panic, and then relief as she makes it to another morning. But as she stands in front of the calender on the first day of her second trimester, she cries.

Castle finds her on the floor leaning against the wall after some fifteen minutes of waiting for her in the kitchen and drops down next to her.

"What is it?" He asks her in that same soft voice he's used since the day she told him she was pregnant again.

"I keep waiting for the floor to fall out beneath me. Us." She says. A small smile pulls across her face. "I didn't think we'd make it here."

He smiles warmly at her and then leans over and kisses the corner of her mouth, brushes his thumb against the edge of her cheekbone.

"It'll all turn out alright," he says. "I believe it."

Kate should believe him, believe in his words. She knows she should. And yet, there's a fear within her that's too strong to quell with just words. Even so, she refuses to let herself be swallowed up too much by the fear itself. She determines that she's got to stomp out the fear, lest it take her over.

"Let's tell Alexis," she says a few days later as they're heading out to work. The look Castle gives her makes her suspect he's been waiting on those words. After all, she'd promised him that they'd tell once they were out of the first trimester, but they've been working late on a case, and they haven't really gotten around it yet.

"You sure," Castle questions as they walk out of the building and head for the subway. Normally, they'd drive in to work, but they're already running late, and the subway gets them there faster.

Kate nods. "She's coming home for the weekend, right?"

Castle nods as well.

"Then we'll tell her when then," Kate says. "As long as she doesn't have the bright idea of ordering in Thai again."

Castle chuckles at her food aversion, but doesn't argue the subject any further.

They want to tell everyone at work, but Kate knows the fair choice is to wait until their family knows first, and that starts with Alexis. So instead, the subject stays between them-and Lanie of course-for another three days.

When Friday arrives, they're lucky enough to be home early. They wrap a case at six AM after thirty-six hours of no rest, and then head home to crash. Alexis is the one that wakes them-or so Kate thinks-when she hears Castle's phone ring. To her surprise, Castle is already out of bed, though she assumes he's still around the penthouse somewhere given his phone is still in the bedroom. She speaks shortly with Alexis and then untangles her limbs from the blanket and heads for the shower.

Sometime after she finishes washing up and is mid-way through shaving her legs, the bathroom door opens.

"Kate?" Castle's voice echoes off of all the tile.

"Where were you?" She calls out.

The shower door slides open slightly and Kate peers over her shoulder at him. Castle grins at her.

"Went for a run after I picked up dinner," he replies. He wiggles his eyebrows at her.

"Uh-uh, Rick," she admonishes. "Alexis is going to be her in-" she grabs his wrist, turns it to see the time on his watch. "Fifteen minutes."

"All the more reason," he teases. "And I can be quick." Kate rolls her eyes at him, but she can't help chuckling.

"Just let me finish this," she insists. Castle has already moved away to start removing clothing.

"Once I'm in, I make no promises."

-.-.-.-

Castle keeps his promise, and they're both out with minutes to spare. He dresses quickly in a pair of NYPD sweatpants that Kate's not sure how he acquired, and a loose t-shirt before heading out of the room just in time to greet Alexis.

Kate is more fastidious with what she puts on. She still isn't showing much more than a slight bump that's just enough that she and Castle can spot, but somehow this feels like an important moment, and she wants to be dressed properly.

After nearly five minutes of picking over the clothes in their drawers and closet-and knowing that Castle and Alexis are probably wondering where she is-she finally settles on a pair of grey yoga pants and a t-shirt that has 'property of the Alcatraz swim team' printed on it. She rarely wears it because it's not as loose as she normally prefers on a day off, and it's not really appropriate for work. Castle had gotten the shirt for her during their second Christmas together as a joke, though she didn't find it very funny as a cop.

She heads into the kitchen a few minutes later, in time to find Castle and Alexis stacking their plates with food.

"Kate!" Alexis calls her name cheerfully as she walks up. Kate welcomes the hug from her step-daughter, inhaling a deep breath. Even in the midst of the present moment, she can't help but remember that night in the bathroom at the house in the Hamptons. She's desperately hoping Alexis will have the same reaction today.

"It's so good to see you," Kate tells the girl as they break from their embrace. They don't see Alexis as often anymore, because she's living on her own now. She's started graduate school at Columbia, so she's also been studying even more than she used to, and on the rare chance that she's got a free moment, she's usually out with her friends.

"I feel like I haven't seen you guys in forever," Alexis comments as she turns toward her food. She walks around Kate towards the fridge and pulls it open, rooting around for something to drink.

"Well you spent the whole summer in Barcelona," Castle reminds his daughter while Kate sets about preparing a plate of food for herself. Castle brought them back vegan burgers and at least three different kinds of fries, plus a vegetable stirfy he must've picked up for her on his way back because it's been her primary craving as of late.

"I know, but it was so pretty," Alexis comments as she emerges from the fridge with a bottle of wine. Kate catches the look on Castle's face that she only knows too well, but neither of them speak. Castle doesn't love the idea of his daughter drinking alcohol, regardless of whether or not she's twenty-two or drinking at home, but there's not anything he can really do about it. Kate has tried to talk him down about it in the past, but it doesn't usually do much to change his mind on the subject.

"I'm spending the night," Alexis reminds her father as she settles the bottle on the counter. She looks up at Kate. "Did you want a glass?"

Kate quickly shakes her head. "N-no. Did you see any grape juice left in there?"

"I just bought some earlier," Castle announces as he steps over to the fridge. He opens it up once more and pulls out the bottle of juice before turning back and setting it on the counter. Alexis places three wine glasses on the counter. Castle pours grape juice into one while Alexis fills the other two halfway with wine.

A few moments later, they've all settled around the table with their food and Alexis is regaling them with a story about one of her classes. The waiting makes Kate nervous, but if Alexis suspects anything, she isn't rushing to get to the point. They all pick over their food and continue to listen to Alexis' stories until most of the food is gone.

Some thirty minutes later, Castle's daughter drops back against the back of her chair and sighs, apparently out of words and room for food.

"So are you guys going to do anything next week?" Alexis asks. She asking if they have plans on the anniversary of that day, and Castle and Kate both know it. They exchange a glance, and then Castle picks up their plates and walks over to the kitchen. Kate clears her throat and sits up straighter.

"I- er, we don't know. Might have to work," she says dismissively.

"Well, I um-"

"Alexis," Castle calls from the kitchen. Kate doesn't look up from her plate to know that he's telling her to drop the subject. It's a tone that's easy to pick out, because the man rarely ever takes it.

Kate turns in her chair and glances at her husband, watches him as he leans against the counter for a moment. There's a lot that's not being said that she can see in his expression-the pain from the loss, and the fact that it's still so fresh. The anniversary.

"Castle," she calls softly across the room. He glances up from the counter at her, and his expression changes quickly.

"Mmm?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asks softly.

"Katie-"

"Don't, Castle," she admonishes in the same soft tone. She waits a moment before speaking again. "We all have feelings about it. Do you want to talk about it?"

Castle inhales a deep breath, staring into the sitting room as a myriad of emotions pass over his features.

"I know I made it untouchable, in a lot of ways," Kate says. "That was selfish of me."

Alex and Castle both call her name this time, but Kate is determined.

"No." She insists. "I cried for weeks, and then I said that it didn't matter anymore. But it does."

The room falls silent, and Kate wonders if she's made a mistake, but then Alexis speaks up, and she turns back to face the younger girl. Castle's daughter has large tears brimming her eyelids, and her bottom lip is trembling.

"Alexis-"

Alexis quickly shakes her head. She whips a hand up to swipe away tears, and exhales a deep breath.

"I just hate that that day even happened," she says. "I mean, why give something just to take it away?"

Neither Kate or Castle speaks because it's a question they've both had for months.

"I used to think another baby would just make it all better," Alexis continues. "But when we were in Barcelona, my friends and I were helping out at these shelters, and some of these women just had little babies...It made me so mad."

"Me too," Kate says softly.

Alexis looks up at her. "What?"

"Every time I see a mother with her baby, I hate it," Kate admits. "I hate that I don't have my baby, and someone else has theirs. It's not...fair. And I try to tell myself that the world isn't here to please us...but it's certainly a twisted joke."

Alexis stands from her seat and walks around the table wordlessly. She sits down next to Kate and wraps her arms around tightly around her stepmother. The action surprises Kate, but only due to the fact that she wasn't expecting it. After a second, she hugs the girl back. Castle joins in on the hug after a moment, and in a way Kate hadn't expected, it makes her feel better. Worlds better, because she still has a family and its right here.

"I choose you," Alexis murmurs softly as she continues to hug her parents. Kate and Castle exchange a glance, and they both smile. She'd started making that statement shortly after Castle and Kate got married, and when they had asked what she meant, Alexis had explained that if she could go back and do her life again, and choose her parents, it'd be them. So while she'd never called Kate mom-and Kate had never expected it-it was their own way of saying 'I love you'.

"I choose you, too," Kate whispers back.

They all part after a moment, and Kate smiles at her stepdaughter, reaching up with both hands to wipe away the tears on Alexis' face.

"Now that I've brought down the whole mood of the house," Kate chuckles. "Maybe I can lift it up a little."

"You sure?" Castle asks. Kate looks up at him. He's asking if she's sure this is the right time to tell Alexis. Kate nods.

"What's going on you guys?" Alexis asks.

"I didn't entirely intend to have that conversation before sharing this news, but I guess," Kate says with a slight chuckle. She pauses for a moment, and looks up at Castle. He nods at her.

"I'm pregnant," Kate says. Her voice is softer and more tentative than she expected to be, but the words are out there.

Alexis' whole face lights up, and her expression is somewhere between a grin and jaw-dropping surprise. "Really?!"

"Really," Castle says cheerfully with a nod. Alexis shoots up from her seat and hugs him tightly before turning to Kate as though she's momentarily forgot this is a family celebration. The three of them embrace in another family hug, and Alexis is squealing when they finally part.

"Is everything going good?" Alexis asks. "How far along are you? Do you know- no, it's gotta be too early. Oh my god!"

Castle and Kate both laugh, but Alexis' jubilance is refreshing. It's likely the first time the both of them have felt real joy since they received confirmation of the pregnancy from Kate's obstetrician.

"We're just out of the first trimester," Kate says after they've had a beat to finish laughing. "So no answers to the rest of your questions. But yes, as far as we can tell, the baby is healthy."

Alexis opens her mouth to speak, but whatever she wants to say won't form into words, so she just hugs Kate and Castle once more.

-.-.-

Once they've told Alexis, Castle invites his mother to brunch the next morning. They're all up relatively late spending time together as a family, so when the next morning arrives, they're all dragging a bit. Fortunately, Martha rescues them with breakfast picked up from Kate's favorite café so nobody has to cook.

Of course the announcement with Martha is a bit more subdued. They're all taking their share of food when Kate nearly vomits at the sight of sausage in her tray. Martha makes an off-the-handle remark about the last time, and when no one responds to the comment, she asks them outright if Kate is pregnant. Once again, hugs are shared about the room, but there are less questions, and Kate is grateful for it.

The first time around, Martha was full of questions about the baby. She was at every appointment with Kate and Rick, and she was usually the one who remembered to keep a list of all the things they wanted or needed to know. She'd even been there in the first days after everything had happened, willing to do anything Castle and Kate needed in order to help. It comforts Kate to know that Martha seems to trust they can handle things this time, though.

Kate's father is out of town the weekend they tell Alexis and Martha, so they decide to hold off on telling him until he returns to town. Meanwhile, she alerts Lanie that she and Castle have told his mother and Alexis, and they arrange a dinner later in the week. In the meantime, they return to work, and Kate resumes trying to keep herself distracted by the impending date, even as she exhausts herself.

Sleep becomes harder, because she has nightmares of that day, but try as she might, she can't shut the memories out of her head. More than once, she wakes Castle from a dead sleep with her cries, only for him to have to wake her and calm her before they can both fall back into slumber.

The night that they have plans to have their friends over, they all get caught on a hit-and-run, which has them working through the night instead of eating at Castle's penthouse. Their dinner ends up being fast food that they grab on the go, and Kate's intended announcement instead becomes her forcing down a cheeseburger to get some food into her body while her boys look on sympathetically. Ryan is the one who formally asks if she's pregnant, but there's little time to celebrate while they try to work out leads.

When Jim finally returns to town that Friday, Kate is almost sure she won't have time to see him. Part of her hopes that work will keep her busy through the anniversary, but they manage to close the case they're working on, and without so much as a reason why, Captain Gates tells the whole team to take the weekend.

They invite her father for dinner, along with Alexis and Martha, and just as everyone else before him, Jim tells Kate and Castle he's happy for them when they tell him about the pregnancy. He doesn't say much, but then Jim Beckett has never been much for words to begin with. Kate also thinks though, that it might be because of what happened last time.

When all their guests have left for the night, Castle tugs her into the bedroom in an obvious attempt to keep her distracted from the coming day, but there's little he can actually do to distract her, even though he tries.

Somewhere in the midst of Castle's attempts to distract her, they end up in a lengthy game of Call Of Duty. Kate isn't really one for video games, but she manages to pick up on the hand-eye coordination relatively quickly and they spend the better part of the next few hours gaming.

Sometime after midnight, they both fall asleep, but it doesn't stop Kate from being plagued with nightmares of that day. She tries desperately to sleep as much as she can, but by seven thirty, she's tossing and turning so much that she cant bare to stay in bed and keep waking Castle. Instead, she drags herself from the blankets and gets into the shower. She forces herself to think about mundane things to keep herself distracted.

After her shower, she picks up the bedroom as much as she can while leaving Castle to sleep, and then she makes breakfast for the two of them. It's a rare sentiment, as she's usually rushing out the door with him, and when she's not, Castle usually makes the meals with his obnoxiously magnificent cooking skills.

When Castle finally wakes and joins her, nearly an hour has passed, and she's trying to decide what meat she'll have to force herself to cook to add to breakfast. Fortunately, he rescues her from the task, and she settles down with a measly cup of tea-he's officially cut her off from coffee-and watches while he cooks.

Breakfast is quiet. Kate can't bring herself to say anything, and she knows Castle is also thinking about everything that's happened. After they're finished, Kate cleans up the kitchen while Castle showers. When he's finished, he walks out of the bedroom fully dressed, carrying one of Kate's jackets.

"Do we have to be somewhere?" She asks.

Castle shakes his head. "I want to take you somewhere."

Kate raises an eyebrow at him, but she doesn't argue the issue. She heads back to their bedroom long enough to change into clothes that aren't covered in breakfast muck-a fresh pair of jeans and a black t-shirt-before she heads back to Castle in the kitchen. He eyes her conspicuously for a moment, but doesn't say anything as they head out.

Instead of going down to the parking garage, where she assumes he'll take her, he leads her down to the lobby and then out into the street. Kate doesn't question where he's leading her, but instead lets him pull her along and tries not to be annoyed when someone with a camera jumps out in front of them.

She's grown used to it, somewhat. They used to follow herself and Castle around like a mob, right after they got married, but after one of their own was nearly killed by a serial killer Castle and Kate were trying to catch, they backed off for a while.

Until she got pregnant, of course. Then they followed Castle and her to and from the prescinct each day, though they had enough brains to back off.

After that day, though, the one that had happened a full year before...they stopped for a while. Kate never requested it, they just did.

Castle leads her through the streets, into the subway, and across town. When they finally arrive to where he's leading her to, Kate can't help but smile as he turns to face her.

"Castle..."

He smiles at her, reaches a hand up and brushes his knuckles against her cheek.

"This is where we met," he reminds her as they stand outside the building. "I was probably an idiot, and you were far too involved in your work to pay me much attention at the time...but this was our first page. This is where we first put ink to page, and where you inspired me to put words on a page for the first time in months. This is where you changed me, Kate."

She can't help the tears that form in her eyes, or the smile that tugs across her face as he reminds her of that very first day. She leans into him, wraps her arms tightly around him. Castle kisses the side of her head and holds her tightly for a few moments before she leans back and kisses him on the lips.

"I love you," she tells him happily. He smiles at her and kisses her once more.

"I love you too. But we have more places to be," he says as he pulls away from her and takes her hand once more.

He leads her through the city, stopping in front of the 12th to list off a myriad of moments she's mostly forgotten with pregnancy brain, and then they have lunch at The Old Haunt where they have a thirty minute argument over whose sudden realizations have led to more closed cases. Castle insists, as always, that he's been the saving grace on the majority of their cases, but Kate is stubbornly insistent that she's the one who is normally right.

After lunch, Kate is sure they're headed to the swings, but instead they head back to the penthouse for one of the cars. Kate spends more than a few seconds staring longingly at her motorbike, but alas gets into the car and lets Castle continue with their day.

She falls asleep shortly after they leave the building when Castle tells her they've got a bit of a drive. Kate's pretty sure they're headed to the Hamptons, so she sinks into the heated seat, grateful for the nap. When she wakes up, they're driving through Montauk.

"Dare I ask what this part of your live-action story required this drive?" Kate asks.

Castle chuckles, glancing towards her. "Stop trying to read ahead."

"Fine," Kate sighs. She looks back out her window and then sits up straighter. "Stop, stop, stop. I want ice cream."

"Seriously?" Castle sounds genuinely surprised. "It's like forty-five degrees outside."

Kate looks back at him, glaring. "Richard Alexander, your child is very hungry for Chocolate Peanut Butter Crumble. Pull over."

Castle's face deadpans in a way that Kate knows he's trying to keep from laughing, but she's used to him laughing at her random cravings. He pulls the car over to the curb after a moment and then turns it off before Kate gets out. She waits until he's out of the car before she starts to head towards the small shop. Castle catches up to her quickly though, and they head into the building. Not surprisingly, it's relatively empty except for a couple of kids in the corner.

"Hey," a waitress greets in her best cheerful tone from behind the counter. "Can I get you anything?"

Castle nods, reaching into his pocket for his wallet. "We'll take a Chocolate Peanut Butter Crumble and a Strawberry Cheesecake."

"Both medium," Kate adds. "And a mango pineapple smoothie." She pushes up onto her tiptoes and kisses Castle on the cheek before whispering in his ear that she's going to use the bathroom. She heads towards the facilities while Castle pays for the ice cream.

By the time Kate returns to the counter a few minutes later, Castle is attempting to hold their order in both hands. Kate takes her ice cream and smoothie from him before they head out of the building.

"So what does coming to the Hamptons have to do with today?" Kate asks when they're outside.

Castle sighs at her insistence curiosity. "Our first vacation as a couple? The wedding? A lot actually."

Kate exhales heavily, leaning into him as she attempts to scoop a bite of ice cream into her mouth. "I'm sorry, Castle. It's-...This day-"

He stops walking and turns to face her, lifting a hand to her cheek. "I know. My point in it all was to remind you of all the good there is, even when it all hurts like hell."

Kate nods, staring down at her ice cream. After a moment, a smile slowly starts to tug across her face. "So, why doesn't your tour of memories include a visit here?" She points her spoon up at the ice cream parlor.

Castle's brow furrows. "Uh...we've been here before?"

Kate rolls her eyes. "Of course the only thing you'd remember about our first vacation is the murder." She walks past him, feigning.

"So enlighten me," Castle tells her as he scoops himself another bite of ice cream.

Kate walks a few feet forward and sits down on a bench outside the building. Castle follows after her and sits down next to her.

"It got really hot out the day before we were supposed to go back, like too hot to cook. So we drove out here and we were going from shop to shop, trying to find cold food. We ended up having dinner at that bar by the marina because they were the only place that would make us subs because they were basically empty. But when we left it was still like ninety degrees, so we got ice cream here and came outside to eat it. I turned around to say something when we came out, and you bumped into me and smushed most of the ice cream into my chest."

Castle's eyes lit up and a smile tugged across his face. "I went back in and ordered pints to go, and then went home and licked all the ice cream off of you."

Kate chuckles, nodding. "I can't believe that didn't make your highlight reel."

"I'm a little surprised it made yours," Castle teases. Kate rolls her eyes again, and he leans over, kissing her wetly. Her lips part to allow his tongue entrance, and she tries to lift a hand to his hair, only to remember that both her hands are full.

They separate a moment later, and Castle smirks at her.

"Peanut butter tastes good."

Kate laughs at him, shaking her head. "Just eat your ice cream."

Once they're both finished with their ice cream, Castle tosses their garbage into a nearby trash, and then they return to the car.

Castle drives them to the house in the Hamptons, and continues on with their walk down memory lane. Afterwards though, neither of them is quite ready to make the two hour drive back to Manhattan, so Kate suggests a round of laser tag. Castle has to track down the equipment in the house and it takes him a bit, but afterwards, they split off down different sides of the house-Castle goes towards the pool while Kate heads towards the study-with the agreement that they start after two minutes.

She waits a bit, but after their time limit is spent, Kate knows better than to stay hidden. She usually wins these games because she's pretty lithe. The few times he managed to get an upper hand against her were all the previous year, and she's pretty sure he cheated anyway.

Kate makes her way out off the office, wary of movement further in the house. It's very unlikely that Castle is actually outside, given that the laser tag vests are rather expensive and the pool is too close to the deck to risk it.

Something crashes in the kitchen, so she's quick but stealthy as she moves towards it. When she reaches the room, she ducks down and charges behind the counter space by the sink, staying low though she peers over the edge. Castle isn't in the immediate vicinity in front of her, but after a few seconds, she's pretty sure she spots movement in between all the chair legs under the table. She narrows her eyes, and sees that he's on his stomach with his eyes trained towards her direction.

Kate glances around herself, looking for something to shield herself with. Still staring at Castle, she rests her laser gun on her lap and eases open the cupboard to her left. It's pretty bare, except for a few paper bags left behind from a shopping trip last Christmas. She picks one up and tests its sturdiness. It's a bit flimsy at the ends, but otherwise seems as though it'll hold up.

She pushes the cupboard shut and then stands with the bag in front of her, runs across the room. The short distance isn't long enough for Castle to get turned around, and by the time she reaches him-not shot a signal time, thank you very much-he's still scrambling out from under the table. She trains the gun on him and shoots at the target multiple times, each time causing the vest to chime with points lost.

"Cheater!" Castle bellows out as Kate dashes around the doorway into the sitting room while her giggles echo off the walls of the empty house. She's not fast enough though, because just as she ducks behind the couch, her vest chimes twice. She quickly drops down and trains her gun at him, firing off several shots and hitting him twice more. Castle scowls. He's halfway through the amount of shots allowed. He ducks behind a chair, but just as quickly, Kate charges out of the room towards the hallway.

She sneaks back into the study and heads over to the open chest where Castle got the vests and guns. She pulls out one of the guns and then walks over to the chair and settles it inside before turning the chair around, leaving the gun mounted enough that it appears that she's sitting in the chair before she ducks back behind the door. Castle's footsteps are already approaching.

"Castle, my leg!" She cries out dramatically. He picks up his pace and races into the room far enough that Kate gets a clear shot on him. Castle turns suddenly at the sound of the shot registering with the vest and gapes at her. Kate grins as she shoots out the rest of his lives and the vest makes noise affirming the death.

Castle narrows his eyes at her as he lets his gun drop to the ground-albeit relatively gently-and walks towards her in a way that Kate knows she's about to get it.

"Castle, you cheat all the time," she reminds him.

"You cheat with malice," he says as he comes to stand toe-to-toe with her. Kate gulps.

His hands grip her hips and Kate twists against him, giggling as his fingers dig deeper. She tries to shove him off of her, but he topples to the ground and pulls her with him, her knees going down next to his hips. She gets a grip on his wrists and pulls them away from her body, smirking at him. After a moment, Castle smirks back at her.

"What?" She asks, questioning his expression.

"You're pretty hot up there with the vest, and the dominance," he replies.

Kate laughs, rolling her eyes at him. She leans down and kisses him chastely before she moves off of him and stands up. Castle follows after her, and they remove the vests and pick up the guns, returning them to the chest. Castle suggests watching a movie, but Alexis calls before they pick one out to ask if they're going to be home for dinner, so they head out instead.

The drive back is quiet, and Kate falls asleep again. They stop at the farmers market before getting back to the city, and Castle picks up various vegetables for dinner. He buys a large vase of flowers for Kate on their way out as well.

When they get home, he sets about making dinner while Kate calls into the station to check in. Even though she's got the day off, she can't help making sure things are going alright.

Alexis shows up after she gets off the phone, and the two women set the table while Castle finishes up dinner-chicken stir-fry made from scratch. Kate is less than enthusiastic about the meat, but she eats it without complaint, and finds that the mixture of flavours mask the taste of the chicken and make it easier to eat.

Alexis decides to spend the night, but she's got a lot of homework, so she doesn't join them when Castle suggests a walk. Instead, he and Kate head out alone into the darkening night. They're both grateful for the movement too, after spending four hours in the car.

Kate knows where he's leading her shortly after they leave the house, but she doesn't question the choice; instead leaves the direction and leading up to him.

She finds she's grateful for the silence as they walk. Sure, there's people milling about around them, talking on their cellphones and to one another, but it all mixes together into a buzz that somehow fits nicely against the sound of the cars rushing by along the streets. They've spent this whole day talking about one thing or another-when she hasn't fallen asleep, that is-and she enjoys the quiet moments, allowing what this day means to them to truly sink in.

They reach the park some twenty minutes later, and walk straight to the swings. Kate inhales a long, deep breath as she runs her fingers against the cool metal chains after sinking into the seat. She hasn't been here since last year, but the swings still look the same.

The air smells of barbecue; likely people are grilling out before the last of the nice weather is gone and snow comes. She inhales the smell deeply and rests her head against the chain nearest to Castle, sitting next to her.

"I remember finding you here," he says after a few long minutes. Kate turns her head and looks up at him.

"Hmm?"

"It was three days after," he continues, staring at the grass. "You were barely speaking to anyone. Captain Gates told you to take as much time as you needed, and Espo and Ryan couldn't get you to talk...When you were awake, you were either nearly catatonic or crying, sometimes so hard that I couldn't calm you down."

Kate's hand drifts down the chain of the swing and she reaches out towards Castle, brushing his fingers where the rest lowly on the chain of his swing, just above the seat. His fingers drift off from the metal and interlace with her own.

"I woke up that third day, and you were gone. No note, no mention that you were leaving, you'd just left," Castle tells her. He looks up at her. "I remember thinking for a moment that this was too much for you; that you'd left and you weren't coming back because it was too hard.

"And then Alexis came down from her room, and she told me you'd eaten together-it was the first time anyone had seen you touch a bit of food since-and she said you'd said you just needed a bit of time."

Kate nods, doesn't reach up to swat away the tears that are thickly brimming her eyelids, threatening to fall at any second. An involuntary blink sends them rushing down her face.

"I waited an hour, and then I left, and I found you here," Castle finishes. "I remember being so surprised when all the reporters didn't follow because normally they never left us alone."

"They saw me crying when I left," Kate says. Castle finally meets her eyes, reaches up and wipes the tears from her face.

"They were all standing there like they didn't know what to do or say, and I walked past them and a few of them started following me," she explains. "I remember I still didn't want to talk to anyone, and so I just turned around and told them that I needed a moment. That we needed a moment. They didn't follow us for months after that."

"We sat here, and you kept telling me it was your fault," Castle says after a few minutes of silence. "You wanted to go to work that day, on your day off;.Help on the case because they thought it had to do with that guy you'd read about in your mother's journal. But it was storming pretty badly, and the subways were flooding, so we took the car."

Kate nods. "And a drunk driver ran a red light. A drunk driver in the middle of the day ran a red light and..." Her voice trails off and more tears run down her face.

"I brought you here because it's not your fault, Kate," Castle tells her. He lets go of her hand and reaches up for the chain on her swing, pulls her closer to him so that their hips are touching. "A really terrible thing happened that day, but it wasn't something either of us could have done anything about. There's no way of knowing that it wouldn't have happened some other way. It just was what it was."

"I picked my job over our baby, Castle," Kate tells him. "I decided my job was more important, and it cost us."

Castle exhales heavily. He lets go of her swing and stands, stepping in front of her a moment later and pulling her to her feet. His hands rest on her hips. "Your job is always dangerous. Life is dangerous, Kate. Every time we leave the house, we're risking someone hitting us in the crosswalk, or a madman shooting from the top floor of a building six blocks away."

Kate rolls her eyes, but Castle smiles. He's breaking down her resolve.

"A bus could hit me on the walk home," he informs her. "There is no knowing what will happen tomorrow. But unless you put a gun to your own head, its not your fault. Because as I recall, I agreed that the case was worth checking out that day, and that we should go in."

For once, she's silent. She doesn't remember that part, has never in all her self-hatred, recalled that part of that day.

"No one made you go in that afternoon. We made the choice together," Castle says. "Just like we do any other day. And just like we'll continue to. And God willing, there will be a baby six months from now waiting for us when we get home."

"Eight," Kate finally speaks. Castle's brow furrows.

"What?"

"More like eight months," she says. "Maternity leave and all of that."

He nods after a moment, understanding what she means.

"So, to summarize," Castle says as he lifts his hands to cup her cheeks. "Accidents happen. It's not your fault. And maternity leave lasts..."

Kate rolls her eyes at him again but she smiles. "Six weeks, Castle."

"Right. Six weeks. Of sleepless nights. Awesome." He grins at her.

.,.

The following week, Castle surprises her when he suddenly literally jumps into bed carrying Goodnight Moon. When she asks what he's up to, he tells her he's going to read to the baby. She thinks he's nuts, so she facetime's Lanie...who assures her that Castle is correct about the timeframe, but there's obviously no clear way for them to know if the baby can hear them. Even so, it doesn't stop Castle from settling in and reading the book to the unborn baby.

It becomes a nightly ritual, whether they're working or not. On the nights they have off, Castle pampers her as much as she'll allow, and then settles in with the book of the week. They both quickly grew bored of the childrens books-and wanted to allow themselves the ability to not hate them by the time the baby was born-so instead they've taken to reading Castle's novels, taking turns with each chapter.

On the nights they work late, Castle seeks out just about anything to read, even if it's the murder board. Javi laughs at the idea of it the first few times, but everyone else finds it endearing-and Ryan gives him a death glare so strong it should've knocked the man over-so Castle's discussions with their unborn child become so regular that within a matter of weeks, everyone expects it.

Kate is glad to find as well, that her hatred of meat is slowly tapering away-though she still refuses to eat it at the mere mention of whatever animal she's eating was in it's previous form. Even so, after her monthly check-up-and a thirty minute debate with her doctor on the issue-her meat issue is curbed even more at the mention of the possibility of low levels hurting her baby.

The final week of the month, she's all but jumping for joy and squealing as she stands in front of the mirror early one morning. Castle is still passed out in bed-they're on-call, but haven't been called in-and the slight bump that her stomach has been for the previous few weeks has officially turned into an actual bump.

Castle wakes up in the midst of her celebrating, and they proceed to celebrate together in the shower. Afterwards, they dress with plans to head out to breakfast. Though she normally dresses for movement, Kate decides to wear a form-fitting t-shirt with her jeans, though she's moved up two sizes. Of course, just as they're heading out the door, her cell phone rings with a double murder on the other side of town, and breakfast out turns into breakfast burritos on the go. Even so, they don't end up celebrating alone. Given Kate's outfit, her bump is quite noticeable to everyone else, and Captain Gates allows them to order in, so Castle puts in a call to The Old Haunt and orders food for them. They end up eating in between interrogations, but Esposito and Ryan still manage to squeeze in a small toast to Kate and Castle in the midst of it all.

.,.

Month Five

As the weeks continue, Kate's bump continues to grow, and she digs out her abhorred maternity clothes from the back of their walk-in closet for good. It's not necessarily that she thinks the clothes are ugly-she and Alexis made a day of finding clothes she actually liked last time around-but she hates the fact that most of her pants come with room for an expanding waistline. Castle helps though, regularly reminding her that their baby is simply demanding more room. Somehow, that always manages to plant a smile back on her face.

Of course, the long days are less enjoyable for her body. Whenever they manage to be at home for the night, Castle massages her from the top of her neck to the soles of her feet, given that hot baths are out of the question.

When she reaches the middle of the month-and is officially halfway through her pregnancy-Captain Gates insists on putting her on lighter duty. Kate hates the suggestion of it, but the shorter days make her ache less, and get her home most nights at a decent time. Fortunately, Castle still aides in most of the detective work outside of the precinct, so she still gets some sense of involvement on the investigating because he shares every detail with her.

The same week, they attend her second trimester ultrasound. Thankfully-and as hoped and expected-everything appears to be in the right place, and the baby is growing as it should be. They've spent weeks discussing whether or not they want to know the gender-they found out last time, and Kate can't help but wonder if knowing this time will bring back the pain she's just starting to release. In the end, they decide to find out, and are exited to hear that a girl is on her way.

Their good week rounds out perfectly-in Kate's opinion-when a late night ends with with the arrest of a serial killer they've been tracking for two months, and Kate first feels the baby kick. They're on their way home when she feels it, and she nearly squeals at the feeling of it. Even though he's driving, Castle gives her the most confused expression she thinks she's ever seen on his face.

"I just felt the baby kick," she informs him. She's got tears in her eyes and a knot in her throat, but she's pretty sure she's also never grinned so wide as she is in this moment.

Castle's entire expression lifts, and he smiles at her as they pull up to a red light. "Seriously?!"

Kate nods. She can see Castle is having a dilemma-wanting to feel the baby move but also wanting to get them home safely-so she reaches out and takes his hand. And it seems as though the baby is on the same page with them, because she doesn't feel anything more until they've gotten home and are standing in the elevator, riding up to the penthouse. The tentative movements she feels are taking a bit of reacquainting, so he's well alerted when she feels the baby move again, due to her jumping when she feels the movement.

The first time Castle feels the baby, they're still standing in the elevator while the doors sit open, waiting for them to step out. They're both acutely aware of the fact that they should get out, but they take the moment to relish in what has taken months to get to this point, and enjoy it together.

.,.

Month Six

The rest of the previous month comes to a joyful close. Kate's sixth month comes with a refreshing dose of...not much. Being at her desk for most of her days keeps the days pretty routinely managed, and she's usually home in bed before ten PM. Castle of course still aids to her every want and need-and diligently, insistently keeps reading to their baby. Kate has added in music now as well, and after a three-day argument over what to play-she wanted contemporary pop and country, while Castle wanted to add in heavier rock and roll-they've managed to reach an even balance with a little of each genre put into a playlist on Kate's phone.

Of course, she's not entirely jazzed whenever Nickelback or Guns N' Roses pops up on her playlist, but she embraces it because she's making Castle listen to Adele and Taylor Swift on their days off. The upside in the entire argument though comes in the fact that they both are okay with every bit of Andrew Belle she plays, no matter how long she plays the same songs over and over again.

Less enjoyable are the days she only vaguely recalls from her last row with pregnancy, but this baby girl is demandant that her mother is aware she's with her by kicking her in the ribs pretty regularly. Kate and Castle have both read all the pregnancy books more than once at this point, so they know well enough about what to do in just about every conceivable situation, but shifting from one side to another in her desk chair does nothing to alleviate Kate's annoyance when her daughter is insistent on kicking her as though she's peddling a bicycle. She tries desperately to curb her annoyance at the movements by reminding herself that her current situation is, in fact, a gift and a privilege, but when the kicks come hard enough that she's lost her breath, sometimes she wishes she could poke her baby back.

In their off time, she and Castle have started redoing the nursery. Last time around, they were preparing for a boy, which led to the bedroom being painted in a turtle theme-apparently Castle used to be a huge Ninja Turtle fan. This time around though, Kate and Alexis all but kick him out on the design decisions. There's a near-mishap when Kate threatens to do the whole bedroom with a Frozen theme-it's still running rampant, especially with the sequel release coming in just a few weeks at Christmas-but she wanes on the decision, and instead somehow the girls come to a compromised agreement with Castle...on superheros. They mix together DC and Marvel, painting the room in a soft shade of gray.

They line one wall with all of the essentials-changing table, crib, rocking chair-and stack already-gathered supplies along the opposite wall. On the two remaining walls they paint the superheroes-it takes ten days between the three of them. They take Iron Man, Spiderman, and Black Widow from Marvel, and Batman, Wonder Woman, and The Flash from DC.

Thanksgiving falls two days after they finish the bedroom, and both Kate and Castle invite Martha and Jim. Alexis is home to help, and brings along with her several kids from her school who stuck around for the holiday. Though Kate is usually determined to keep dinner done the way her mother used to do it-it's been that way since she and Castle got married-she allows Alexis and her friends to help with all the side dishes while she works on desert and Castle keeps an eye on the turkey.

They all settle down for dinner shortly after the sun goes down, and conversation flows freely from one end of the table to the other. Martha and Jim's discrepancies towards one another have long since perished, and more than once Kate and Castle overhear them discussing what sound like future plans for a family gathering after the baby is born.

After dinner, they all settle in the sitting room and after a long discussion on what movie they should watch and why, Alexis and her friends decide they should have a Santa Clause marathon.

The remainder of November-the entire week of it, that is-Kate and Castle spend compiling a list of things they need, both for the baby, and for everyone for Christmas. They've both gone a cheesy route and bought their parents each a shirt that says 'grandmother' and 'grandfather' on it. Of course, Martha has been a grandmother for over twenty years, but it's something that means a great deal to all of them after the last time. Kate also manages to find an adult size t-shirt for Alexis that says 'big sister' on it.

Actual presents are a bit harder for them to decide on, given that all three of their immediate family members are adults. Castle insists that money is no object-though he also insists on limiting whatever Alexis gets to something that won't injure her-so they decide to buy JIm a relatively expensive fishing pole that Castle swears is better than the one he owns, as well as new tackle. Martha is a tougher person to buy for, but after considering what to get her for three days, Kate tells him after a phone call with her mother-in-law that Martha is planning to add on to her studio, so they decide to offer to pay for it instead.

Alexis is by far the easiest of them all to buy for, since she's insisted after the baby is born, she'll be moving out for good. Kate compiles a list of basic essentials she'll need-sheets, towels, appliances-and then nonchalantly attempts to question Alexis on what she's thinking for those purchases.

They don't actually start shopping until the first week of December, and even then, quite a bit of it is online due to the fact that Kate has long since lost sight of her feet-really more than a month before, but they're also aching with each passing step each day. They do go out to shop for Alexis' appliances though, simply deciding that it's easier than trying to order in something that may not work or be broken when it arrives.

By the middle of the month-the end of Kate's sixth month-all of the gifts have been bought, wrapped, and placed under the tree, which Alexis and Castle put up the day after her Christmas break starts. Plans have also been made, unbeknownst to Kate, for a baby shower for just after the new year.

.,.

Month Seven

The holidays are a long, tumultuous couple of weeks. Castle sets up a birthing class for them to attend-something they didn't get to do last time-and they begin attending that. Kate's workload has lessened even more so as their baby continues to take up more room. In her off time, she works on a pre-baby memory box. She's been working on it since she first found out she was pregnant, but the extra time at home gives her more time to actually put it together.

Most of the work comes from printing off pictures, and there are definitely hundreds. She compiles photos from Castle of Alexis from newborn to her current age, as well as week-by-week photos of her pregnancy, as well as ultrasound photos. She also includes on from their lost pregnancy.

When she's not working on the box, she's scribbling letters to her yet-to-be-born daughter or taking over as Castle's editor on his latest Derrick Storm novel. Everything she does is in a determination to keep her mind off of the numbers that are ticking by day by day in her head.

She's tried to stop counting, desperately tried. But as much as she does, each day that passes is another number counted in her head, another day closer.

Kate finds it ironic. She and Castle made it pass the anniversary of their loss with, what compared to this was a small speed bump. But the closer she gets to that number-day two hundred and one-the harder it is to focus on everything else.

Christmas comes, and it's just about the only relief she gets from her thought process, if only because of the fact that all the things they have to do keep her busy. But then the holiday is over, and she's back to milling about inside her own head.

For all his determination, Castle tries to get through to her and understand what she's dealing with, but Kate doesn't know how to explain it to him, so instead she stays silent as another week ticks by slowly.

In the days leading up to that day, their baby girl is as active as ever, tossing and turning at every moment of rest that Kate has. It's only made worse by the fact that she's growing increasingly uncomfortable with each passing night, tossing and turning with determination to find an easier position to sleep in.

When the day finally does arrive, she awakes to find the house empty. There's no note from Castle either, leaving her to wonder where he's taken off to.

She drags herself from bed and into the shower, working diligently to distract herself with her washing up and then getting dressed. Afterwards, she makes herself a quick breakfast-cereal and juice-before settling on the couch with a book. She reads for well over an hour before coming to the conclusion that wherever Castle is, he's not in any rush to get back.

She scribbles a note to him and leaves it on the kitchen counter before donning a jacket before heading out of the penthouse apartment.

She takes the elevator down to lobby and then heads out of the building, of course followed by several photographers and reporters. They've taken to questioning her about every bit of her pregnancy every time she leaves the building. Even so, she ignores them, walking as quickly as she can towards the subway. When they become too much of a nuisance, she pulls out her phone and ear buds, plugs them in, and then turns on her music and ignores the rest of the world.

They don't follow her into the subway station. In fact the only company she has as she walks is the sound of her music pumping through the ear buds. She bounces lightly on her heels to the beat of the song she's listening to, taking in the sound while she and several dozen other people wait for the next subway.

When it arrives, she follows the other passengers onto it and then takes a seat located away from other passengers. She's only traveling a few blocks over so it's a short trip.

Some fifteen minutes later, she steps out of the subway and heads back up into the city. It's quieter here; less hustle and bustle. The penthouse is only a few blocks away from Times Square, but she's far enough out now that there isn't as much foot-traffic.

Oliver James Castle is buried in a small cemetery just a little over four miles from the penthouse that Kate and Castle reside in, but it's still too far for Kate. Its too far, and she didn't have enough time with him.

Though there's fresh snow on the ground and it's not exactly warm outside, Kate lowers herself to her knees and brushes the fresh snow from the small headstone in front of her.

Her due date had been in mid-December the previous year. She'd had her birthing plan tentatively worked out by the time she was midway through her second trimester, and she and Castle had known his name for ages.

Oliver had been Castle's suggestion, and Kate swore he decided it on the fact that he and Alexis had developed a childish obsession with the kids movie Oliver and Company at the time. James was for her father. They'd already been calling him by his name, as though he'd already arrived.

The day of their car accident was just like any other. They were spending the day indoors because of the storms, and neither of them really expected the phone to ring because of the weather. Even so, when the call had come in, Kate and Castle agreed it was worth checking out, and so they'd headed out into the rotten weather to head to the precinct.

The roads were wet and slippery from the near-constant downpour that had been coming down since the night before. A tropical storm was ravaging the lower east coast, but New York was taking a much lighter dose of the rough weather.

They'd been about a mile from the precinct when the accident happened. Neither of them had been worried-they were taking their time making the drive. But a drunk driver ran a red light and the rain sent them spinning until the front drivers' side tire slammed into the curb, stopping the car.

The brunt of the impact had come on Kate's side of the car, and though it hadn't injured her much, she began having contractions. Because of the way they were hit though, her legs were pinned. She couldn't move, but she could feel what was going on within her body and knew it wasn't right.

The ambulance should've arrived quickly and pulled them out. She should've been taken to the hospital right away. Their son should've been saved.

But it was storming hard and bad car accidents were happening all over the five boroughs. It took the ambulance longer to arrive, and even longer for them to get her free from the car.

By the time she was out, her body was in active labor, her water had broken, and she was bleeding heavily.

She gave birth naturally in the ambulance, but she never heard Oliver cry, and when they arrived at the hospital, she, Rick, and the baby were separated to be treated.

She never saw her baby alive. She never asked if he was still alive when she gave birth. Castle knew. She knew he did, because he'd offered to tell her on more than one occasion.

But she didn't want to know, because it didn't change anything. Her baby had been ripped from her before he'd even had a chance. She vehemently hated that drunk driver for that.

.,.

"Kate."

She's been kneeling there for a good fifteen minutes when she hears the voice over her shoulder. Her husband's voice. She glances up at him. Her face is tracked with tears. She shakes her head at him.

"He didn't make it past two hundred and one," she tells Castle. "He never had a chance, Rick."

He walks over to her and takes her hands, helping her to her feet before he takes her face in his hands. "I know. But she will."

Tears flood down Kate's face, and a sob escapes her. Castle embraces her, though his own eyes fall to the marble stone next to them, and tears blur his own vision because everything Kate is saying is true.

"She'll survive Kate. We'll get to hold her, and see her, and hug her," Castle whispers into her ear. He kisses her temple. "You'll braid her hair and yell at her to brush her teeth. She'll like Alexis better than you because Alexis will tell her yes to everything, and you'll want to pull your hair out. But she'll always love you, and you'll always love her."

She hiccups sobs into his shoulder for a while, taking in every word she tells him. Her heart is simultaneously breaking and mending at the same time, for her son and now her daughter. For the brother her daughters will never know-both Alexis and this baby. And for the life Oliver will never live.

Whether it's because she's cold or tired of crying Kate doesn't know, but eventually she pulls away from Castle, determined to pull herself together. He wipes the tears from her face, smiles at her with that knowing smile, because he does know. He leans over and kisses her, and it makes her heart warm because she loves this man so dearly, and he continues to hold her hand through all her grieving, even though he's been grieving all this time too.

They spend a few more minutes at the grave before Castle leads her back to the car.

"Where were you?" Kate asks when they're settled inside the car. It's still warm, even though it's been off for a bit.

"Helping Alexis get something together," he tells her. Kate tries to question him further, but he doesn't provide anymore answers.

The answer itself comes two days later when their family and friends show up for the baby shower. It's co-ed, so Ryan and Esposito both attend with Jenny and Lanie. Ryan and Jenny bring Sarah-Grace as well, and Kate lets the little girl tell her every story that comes to mind for well over an hour. When Jenny and Ryan finally come to attempt and pull her attention from Kate, Sarah-Grace accidentally announces, though only to Kate as everyone else isn't paying attention, that her mother is having a baby too. And though Ryan insists it's not the case, Kate tells him that the news of another baby is better than any material item they've gotten her.

They all play a few cheesy pregnancy games, and then everyone settles down for lunch. Sarah-Grace insists on telling Kate more stories, and though Ryan tries to tame her once more, Kate insists its fine. Castle joins her in listening to the little girl's wild stories, and they somehow end up making the offer to babysit for a night or two before Kate gives birth.

After lunch, they settle in the living room where Kate starts opening the myriad of gifts that have stacked up in front of the still-up Christmas tree. One by one, she starts opening the gifts. A number of them are clothes, or gift-cards for various things. She finds that most of the things she actually needs but didn't think of-thermometer, grooming kit, bouncer, teething rings-are gifts brought by her female friends. The boys seem to have stuck to practical gifts. Their biggest gifts come from their parents though. Given that they've already got a crib and changing table, Jim swung for the stroller-a buggy that both makes Kate squeal with childhood delight and roll her eyes at such an extravagant purchase. Granted, it's practical, and made so that she can run with it. Martha's purchased the car seat complete with a base, and in a girly pattern of pinks and browns, as well as a cover. They're also surprised, and incredibly grateful, to find out that Alexis has purchased both a highchair for the baby, as well as a floor seat that's got very little moving room so as to keep the baby secure in the how she's seated.

After the opening of gifts, they cut the cake and visiting commences once more. Everyone starts to head out when it starts getting darker, though Jim and Martha stick around to help Kate and Castle move everything up to the baby's room. Afterward, Kate settles in for a nap.

When she wakes, it's late in the evening, and Castle and Alexis are already in bed asleep.

She finds a plate in the microwave with homemade tacos waiting for her. She reheats them and then heads up to the nursery and sets about putting away the clothes that are resting in a basket from earlier in the day. She eats while she puts things away, and then she moves on to the unopened packages of diapers they have. There are a number of them in her and Castle's room as well, along with a bassinet that's taken up a generous spot in the corner of their room.

When she returns to bed some two hours later, Castle wakes from her movement.

"Mmm?"

"Shh," she whispers as she sinks down into the blankets next to him. "Go back to sleep."

.,.

Month Eight

Baby Girl Castle continues to take up more and more room in Kate's body over the passing weeks, and her discomfort continues, but she tries to make the best of it. She wakes up every day relieved to feel her baby still moving-and usually exhausted given that the baby wants to squirm all night long-and hopeful for another day every night when she falls asleep.

Kate and Castle continue attending the birthing classes. She finishes ironing out her birthing plan, including a replacement plan if the first one falls through.

Her work load becomes lighter than ever after she ends up falling asleep more than once at her desk. Though she's not fond of all the time off because she sees how much work it's putting onto her boys, it allows her to get everything in order for the baby.

.,.

Month Nine

The final month of Kate's pregnancy comes quicker than she expects it to. Though the baby's bedroom is just about set up, she keeps rearranging things and finding more things last-minute that she wants. Castle doesn't try to stop her though, and she appreciates him letting her be a little crazed over every detail.

They finally put together the bassinet completely, and move out most of what's cluttering the far side of their bedroom. Kate finally manages to convince Castle to put something in place where the lion photo used to be, and he brings home a large framed photo of a landscape the next day that she much prefers in it's place.

In Kate's thirty-seventh week of pregnancy, Castle installs the car seat in the backseat of the car while Kate prepares her go-bag, as well as the baby's.

Conversation comes up about the baby's name, but just as they did the last time, they've already got names chosen. The name Kate chooses becomes the first name, as it flows better against Castle's choice for the name he's decided on.

For all that she's felt over the course of her pregnancy, Kate becomes the most irritable and moody she's been yet as the weeks close in towards D-day. Her sleep is scattered and often uncomfortable, though Castle soothes her as much as he can with full-body rubdowns. The one upside she finds in all of her frustration at how she feels each day, is the lack of anxiety she hears everyone else talking about. After all she's been through and waited on, she's excited.

Captain Gates officially requires Kate to take leave in her thirty-eighth week, and Castle joins her. In the final days leading up to her birth, they take a trip to the Hamptons where they set up the few things they have for the baby for the large vacation home. After a long weekend away though, they return to the city. Castle devotes every free moment to finishing the latest Nikki Heat book while Kate binge-watches everything that piques her interest on Netflix. And then at night, she steals Castle's computer and reads everything he's never printed and shown her.

.,.

Birthday

Kate goes into labour late in the evening at the end of February. She's been feeling the contractions here and there throughout the day, but it isn't until after the sun goes down that she really starts to feel them getting stronger and closer together. She's half-asleep on Castle's chest, curled up on the couch watching Orange is The New Black when he starts timing them.

When her contractions are five minutes apart, Castle grabs their bags and phones while Kate grabs their coats and the keys from near the door. They exit the apartment quiet and weary, but excited.

The ride down to the garage is silent, and neither of them say much as they walk over to the car either. Castle drives while Kate takes the passenger seat, and he does his best to comfort her as they drive, though there's not much he can do.

Fortunately, the hospital is only a ten minute drive away, so they arrive shortly. Kate insists that she's good enough to walk and that Castle should park the car, so he parks and they walk into the hospital together. They're just starting to check in when her water officially breaks, and a doctor leads her back to a room while Castle rushes through the forms they've given him to fill out.

When he finds her some twenty minutes later, she's already changed into a hospital gown and settled into a bed up in labor and delivery. She's pulled her very long hair-it's grown almost a full foot throughout her pregnancy-into a long braid so as to keep it off her face.

"How're you doing?" Castle asks as he walks up to her and takes her hand in his. He leans over and kisses her temple as Kate squeezes his hand lightly.

"Good. Five centimeters so far," she announces.

Castle nods. "And no epidural?"

Kate shakes her head. She's been determined this entire pregnancy-and Castle's sure it was probably the same with Oliver-that she wants to do it all herself.

Her labor progresses slowly-only a centimeter by the time two hours have passed-and they're both restless, so Castle digs out Kate's iPad and they start playing Scrabble against one other. She's still capable of frustrating him with her ability to spot the high-point spots to play, but he's gotten good at spotting them himself, and her own scores have driven him to play better, so their win/lose ratio is closer to fifty-fifty now.

The late hour continues to progress towards morning, and they both try to rest in between the nurses coming into check up on Kate's progress. Even so, it's hard to sleep for very long. Once Kate reaches seven centimeters, the nurses are checking in on her several times an hour.

Just as the sky is starting to lighten, one of the nurses announces that she's fully dilated and calls for a doctor. Castle, who's been half-asleep for the past hour, stands and stretches in an attempt to put some energy back into is exhausted body while another nurse helps Kate shift into a more seated position.

The doctor enters shortly thereafter, and settles between Kate's legs while Castle stands at her right side, takes her hand. They share a knowing look with one-another, smiling because their baby is almost here. He leans down and kisses her chastely, quickly.

"Love you so much," he whispers as he brushes his lips against her ear. Kate squeezes his hand.

"Alright when this next contraction hits, I want you to push, okay?" Her doctor instructs. Kate nods.

Her contraction comes, and she pushes until it ends. The process repeats. Some thirty minutes later, Baby Girl Castle's head finally appears. Several pushes later, and she's fully birthed into the world. Castle cuts the umbilical cord. Kate panics for the briefest moment because her daughter is silent, but after two or three seconds, she emits a cry loud enough to assure everyone she's just fine. Their daughter is placed on her chest for several seconds, and the little girl blinks, looks up at Kate.

"Hi, baby girl," Kate says in a tone that's somewhere between a cheerful giggle and an excited whimper. She glances up at Castle.

"Hi, sweetie," he whispers down to their daughter.

A few seconds later, the nurse take her to fully clean her off, and Kate finishes her birth-passing the placenta-before several nurses help her to clean up a bit.

"Time of birth marked down as five-thirteen AM," Kate's doctor tells them as he writes on her chart. He looks up at Kate and Rick. "Name?"

Kate and Castle smile at each other.

"Audra Lucille Castle," Kate announces. The doctor nods and writes it into Kate's chart before one of the nurses writes the name onto the white board at the front of the room along with Audra's weight-seven pounds, eleven ounces.

Once they've finished cleaning, measuring, and weighing her, one of the nurses brings Audra back to Kate. Audra stares up at her for several moments, blinking, before she closes her eyes and nuzzles a bit further into the hospital-provided receiving blanket. Kate brushes her knuckle against her daughters cheek and leans down, brushes her nose against Audra's hairline before kissing her forehead.

Castle sits down beside her and Kate shifts over a bit, as best she can. He wraps an arm around her while his other hand comes up around the side of her and he brushes his index finger over one of Audra's tiny hands.

"I never asked," he whispers after a bit. "Why Audra?"

Kate turns her head towards him, though she doesn't look up at him until she's fully facing him. "It means strength." She inhales a deep breath. "She was strong enough to survive, Castle."

He nods, leans down and kisses her. She kisses him back and then kisses the corner of his mouth before he pulls away.

"What about Lucille?" She asks.

A smirk tugs across his face. "It means light."

Kate chuckles. They're really not so different.

After about an hour, she lets him take Audra and she attempts to actually get a nap in. Audra's sleeping keeps it quiet enough that she's able to as well, and when she wakes up, she finds Castle's passed out in the chair next to her.

She glances up past him and her brow furrows at the empty bassinet. One of her nurses enters the room a moment later.

"Where's my daughter?" She asks, already filling with panic.

The nurse smiles at her. "Your husband said it was alright to take her down for her bath and testing."

Kate nods after a moment. "J-just the regular ones though, right? She's okay?"

Her nurse nods again. "She's perfectly fine, Mrs. Castle."

Kate blushes. She's so rarely called that because everyone calls Rick by his last name.

"Is there any way I can shower?" Kate asks.

"Yes ma'am," her nurse replies. She calls in a doctor who checks her over to be sure she can be removed from her IV and move around, and then he removes the IV.

Castle wakes as Kate is digging through her go-bag for everything she needs. He ends up helping her and the nurse, though Kate finds she's able to stand just fine after a few moments. She's also entirely weirded-out by the lack of a large, hard bump no longer being present, but it slowly starts to sink in.

Once she's finished washing up, she redresses in her own clothes. When they step back into the room, several nursing assistants are redressing the bed. Just as they finish up, yet another nurse turns up, this time with one of the portable bassinets. Audra is resting inside.

"She was great," the nurse tells Kate and Castle as Kate lifts her daughter from the bassinet. "Didn't make much noise at all."

"Even in the bath?" Castle asks, though his attention is turned more towards Audra.

"She fussed a bit at first," the nurse replies. "But otherwise she was a trooper."

Their room finally empties out a few moments later, and Kate resettles in the bed while Castle takes Audra. He sits at the end of the bed while she sits cross-legged at the head of it.

"I suppose we should call Alexis," Kate says as she picks her phone up off the nightstand. Castle must've plugged it in while she was asleep because it's got a full charge. "And our parents."

Castle nods.

Kate opens up her contacts to find Alexis-she and Castle long-ago agreed she would be the first call to make-and taps on the girl's contact. She presses the button to make the call a moment later, and then lifts the phone to her ear. It rings several times, and Kate half-expects to find she's woken her step-daughter by the time the younger girl picks up.

"Hello?" She sounds wide awake. Kate's brow furrows.

"Hey big sister," Kate responds, a small smirk playing on her face as Castle looks up at her.. "Did I catch you at a bad time?"

"Hey, momma," Alexis responds in the same tone. It both makes Kate blush and her heart swell. "No, I'm just getting coffee and I left my phone in the car. What's up?"

Castle nods his head towards Kate, and she pulls the phone away from her ear, puts it on speaker.

"Hey, kiddo," he says once they can hear the static of the line becoming louder.

"Hey dad," Alexis replies just as cheerfully.

"This kid I've got here keeps telling me she wants to meet her older sister," Castle says with a large smile tugged over his face.

There's intermittent noises-not actual words-that come over the line for several seconds before Alexis finally seems to be able to form a sentence.

"She's here?!"

Kate and Castle both chuckle and reply affirmatively.

"Text me the room number. I'm coming now. Bye."

Kate and Castle both chuckle at her response, but Kate makes sure to send the room number to Alexis. Afterwards, she calls Martha, who sounds just as excited as Alexis, although her reaction is a bit calmer. Finally, Kate calls her dad. He's the calmest of all, but she expects it.

Shortly after Kate ends the call, Castle passes Audra to her and she sends him on a hunt for food. Kate cuddles Audra, rocking gently with her for a bit while she waits for Castle to return.

Martha is the first to show up, arriving while Kate is still waiting for Castle to return.

"Oh darling," the elder woman says as she steps inside the room. "Motherhood becomes you."

Kate smiles at her mother-in-law, easing Audra down off her shoulder and cradling her in both arms as Martha walks towards them.

"Oh, she's just perfect," the grandmother says happily. She looks up at Kate, opening her hands tentatively. "May I?"

"Of course," Kate responds. She moves her arms up towards Martha as the red-head leans forward and takes Audra from her arms. She stares happily down at the little girl briefly.

"How was it?" Martha asks after a moment.

"The birth?" Kate asks, though more just to be clear than anything else. "Fine. Good. A bit quicker than I expected."

Martha nods, and Kate smiles because she's not sure the older woman is actually paying attention to her.

A minute or so later, Alexis enters the room carrying two cups of coffee.

"Hi!" She says cheerfully. She walks over to Kate and hands her one of the cups before hugging her.

"Did you see your dad yet?" Kate asks when they've parted.

Alexis nods. "I ran into him on my way in-got him a coffee too on my way over. He said the cafeteria is pretty sparse, so he's gonna get some food from that restaurant on the next block."

Kate nods back at her, sips from her coffee. Martha and Alexis finally seem to notice one-another, and greet each other before hugging. Afterwards, Martha passes Audra to Alexis, and the three women talk a bit more about Audra's birth-something Kate knows Castle and her father would grimace at discussing in such detail, even though Castle was there.

When Castle finally returns, he's with Jim and they're both carrying food bags.

"I figured you probably hadn't eaten." Jim says as he places a bag filled with bagels and muffins on the side table next to Kate. "Ran into this one on my way in."

"There wasn't much in the cafeteria," Castle says as he places the bag he's carrying on the overbed table.

"Did they still have breakfast going?" Kate asks.

Castle nods as he opens the bag. "I got you the scrambled eggs and bacon."

Kate sighs. "Bacon. It smells so good."

Her family chuckles at her, but she ignores them as she opens her to-go container and sinks into her food. Castle opens up his own food, and Jim, Martha, and Alexis all each take a bagel-Castle insists they leave the one blueberry muffin in the bag for him. Audra is passed among the five of them as they eat and talk.

Sometime after they've all finished, Martha announces she's got to leave and head over to the studio, but Alexis begs her to stay long enough for a photo. They manage to get the help of a nursing assistant long enough to get a photo of the five of them-Castle and Jim on Kate's right while Alexis and Martha are on her left. Audra rests in her arms. The nurse takes the photo and then returns the phone to Alexis while Kate immediately tells her step-daughter she wants the picture without even seeing it. Alexis sends it to her, and shortly there after, Martha takes her leave. Jim follows in suit.

Castle leans down and kisses Kate's head after they've left. "Mind if I head home and grab a shower, babe?"

Kate looks up at him and smiles. "That's fine." She purses her lips at him, and Castle leans down again, kisses her. "Bring back some fruit for lunch, hey?"

"Sounds good," he says as he gathers up the garbage from their breakfast. He looks up at Alexis. "You'll be here when I get back?"

Alexis nods. "I'm here until you guys kick me out."

Kate and Castle both chuckle at her. Castle hugs his eldest daughter and then kisses Audra's forehead before kissing Kate once more and then heading out. Alexis moves to the edge of the bed and reaches out a hand towards Audra, placing her index finger in the baby girl's palm as her blue eyes open. She wraps her hand tightly around Alexis' finger.

"So do you choose her now, momma?" Alexis asks.

Kate smiles again at the term. Alexis started using it a few weeks earlier as a joke when Kate gave her the 'big sister' t-shirt, and started calling her that. Alexis had immediately retorted with momma, and she's sparsely heard her name from Alexis' mouth since. She's not entirely sure what she'll feel if anything else ever does. She loves and cares for Alexis just as much as she does Audra.

Kate lifts a hand towards. "I choose all of you. Oliver, Audra, and you. Always."