All Dogs go To Heaven
Warning: This contains Spoilers from Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix.
The characters you don't recognize such as Sasami, Lauren, Kathy, and Annie are
mine.
Harry Potter is not mine no matter how badly I wish it to be… wah! It's not mine!
So please don't sue me... not worth your time anyways I don't have any money…
I just read the Order of the Phoenix in 17 hours, straight, not stopping for sleep
and I needed to write this fanfic.
"Today is the day," thought Remus Lupin morbidly as he uncurled himself and
got up off the bed. He glanced out the window in the small dirty room he had been
staying in number 12 Grimmuald Place. The weather outside seemed to be reflecting
his mood; it was overcast and gray, the rain clouds above threatening to spill over at
a moments notice. He pulled on a shirt and attempted to flatten his hair before
leaving the room to join the rest of the Order at a very silent breakfast
downstairs.
"Did you sleep any last night?" asked Tonks kindly, Remus didn't bother
answering, and he knew she could already guess from the dark bags under his eyes.
Last night had been better than most, he gotten maybe two, possibly three hours of
sleep last night. Since Sirius death the only thing that allowed Remus to get the
few hours of fitful slumber that he managed was the thought that Sirius was in a
better place, a place were he was free, free to roam, free from the dementers and
those who thought him a criminal and mass murderer. Also the thought that he was
with James and Lily. Most likely swapping stories of Harry, for stories of what
they'd been up to. Either that or pulling pranks on some unfortunate spirit who
happened to be in their general vicinity of them at the wrong time.
Molly pulled him out of his reverie by placing a large plate of eggs, sausages
and toast in front of him. Remus looked at if for a while as if he was confused by
what it was. He carefully took a bite of sausage, he then gave the rest of the
Order who had been watching him intently a half smile and swallowed the sausage
before looking back down at his plate, "You know… I never liked sausage… I always
ordered it to save it for Sirius. After he had finished his detention he always liked
to sneak down to the kitchen to get food, more specifically sausage, he loved
sausage. He always complained that they gave you detention during dinner time just
to starve you on purpose." Said Remus taking another bite of sausage. The others
gave him pitying looks before clearing their own dishes, leaving Remus to his
thoughts. When nobody was looking Remus slipped the remainder of the sausage
into his pocket out of habit.
He began aimlessly wandering around the house only stopping to pull the
curtains over Mrs. Black's incessant slanders. Ginny had pointed out to Remus, that
maybe she had started to accept that the Order was here to stay because they
hadn't heard from her much. At the time Remus had nodded his head at Ginny's
feebly attempt to cheer him. The only reason Mrs. Black had stopped yelling as
often was two very specific reason's neither of them having to do accepting the
Order. The first reason was that fact that Sirius made it a point to be as loud and
obnoxious as he could in protest of being locked in the hated house from childhood.
The other reason was that a few weeks ago, recently after Sirius had died, Mrs.
Black's jeers had been happy, and aimed at the fact that she would never again she
that 'Traitorous scum' in her house again. Hearing this Remus and Harry had gone
berserk and just about leapt down her throat admonishing her and praising Sirius
and had very nearly destroyed the painting and come very close to breaking the
spell that kept it on the wall. Since then Mrs. Black had not ranted about her son
while Harry and Remus were near. But, Harry had long since returned to his Aunt
and Uncle's house on Privet Drive, leaving only Remus to threaten the picture. But
that would change today, the Order was to pick up Harry, Hermione, Neville and
Luna and then proceed to Sirius private funeral.
Remus was supposed to give Sirius eulogy at the funeral, but how to say it
without offending anyone, or causing those who had only met him through the
Order and only known him a short while to spend the rest of their lives with a bad
last impression of Sirius. But if he couldn't do that how was he to give the eulogy?
Sirius lived to have fun by embarrassing others, in fact his favorite motto was a
muggle one, "It's funny if it's not you". Sirius had of course taken the meaning the
wrong way, no matter how hard Lily and Remus had tried to persuade him that it
meant you should think about how others felt before you pulled pranks on them. He
still took them meaning to be, to make people laugh, embarrass someone or injury
someone in a funny way. Thinking back Remus could still remember the first prank
Sirius had ever pulled.
It had been on their very first day of school, The first time Sirius laid eyes
on Snape he was talking to a couple of other Slytherins, Sirius knew right away,
that the muggle motto he lived by had been made entirely for him and Snape.
Coming from a Pureblood family everyone had expected him to be put into
Slytherin, Sirius himself didn't like the sounds of Slytherin. So when he had been
placed in Gryffindor, it shocked everyone, it was the very same reason that Mrs.
Black still calls Sirius a traitor. But because Sirius was a Pureblood, his family
having been bound to the Dark Lord, knew a lot of Hexes, Curses, and Jinxes that
even most of the teachers didn't know, so that day he decided to put those skills
against Snape.
~*~ Flashback~*~
"Would you look at that git," said Sirius through a mouthful of sausage, as he
nodded his head towards Snape chatting with two other Slytherin boys.
"I bet he hasn't washed his hair in a week!" said James.
"Longer than that I'd say," piped in Peter (a/n: grrrr! He needs to die! Die I tell ya!)
"Maybe his family can't afford Shampoo?" said Remus. All three turned to look a
him incredulously. James and Sirius burst out laughing,
"Yeah sure that's it! Good one Lupin!" said James sarcastically.
"The Snape's unable to buy shampoo!" laughed Sirius even harder.
"That's not very nice! You should stop making fun of him!" said Lily jumping in to
defend the underdog.
"Well, its not entirely undeserved Lily. I mean, he really does need to wash his
hair…or maybe he can just donate the grease to a fast food kitchen!" laughed
Sasami, getting a high five from Sirius for a well-placed joke.
"Good one huh Lauren?" said Sasami elbowing the extremely quiet Lauren next to
her. The girl responded by staring at Sasami, till she was slightly unsettled by the
girls stare, then Lauren returned to her breakfast. Sasami just shrugged at the
boys.
"I think-" began Sirius before James interrupted him.
"Really you actually think!?!" Joked James.
"Ha ha, very funny" said Sirius sarcastically.
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I think Snape's hair would look
good, oh, Flamingo pink!" said Sirius, then before Lily could protest he raised his
wand and muttered something under his breath, across the great hall Snape's hair
turned flamingo pink, the Slytherin's began laughing at him. James, Sirius and
Sasami began to laugh hysterically. All the color had drained out Peter's face; he
hoped that Sirius wouldn't do anything like that to him. Remus tried hard not to
laugh at the poor boy's plight, but he couldn't. Lily shook her head disapprovingly,
"You guys all need to grow up!" she said and then left the great hall.
"Well, she's right guys," Sirius said seriously (no pun intended). They all looked at
him shocked, then he smiled evilly, one that would to this day strike fear into
anyone who was not his friend.
"It's only fitting that we give him robes to match." And then he muttered something
under his breath again, and Snape's robes became the same Flamingo pink as his
hair.
~*~ End Flashback~*~
Remus shook his head at the memory. That was what started the tradition,
one of them always pulled a prank on Snape at least once a day for then next seven
years they had at Hogwarts. It was then that it hit him, he was the last living
Marauder, since two years ago Remus and Sirius had declared Peter dead to them.
He was the only one still holding every single memory of the boys from their very
first prank to the last one they ever did as a group. It was the very night that Lily,
James and Harry went into hiding with Peter as their secret keeper. Just before
their very last meal together…
~*~ Flashback~*~
"Are you sure about this guys? Won't Lily kill us?" asked Peter nervously
shifting his weight from one foot to another.
"Nah, she'll be fine, it's just one kid, they can have another." Said Sirius.
"I don't think Lily views it the same way." Said Lauren,
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" asked James indignantly.
"Nothing, nothing at all" mumbled Lauren with a grin on her face. James scowled at
her for a moment.
"So you don't get mad a Sirius for saying that Harry's just one kid… you guys won't
mind if we eat him-" began Sasami.
"EAT HIM! WHAT YOU MEAN WE'RE EATTING HARRY!?!?!?!" yelled James.
"I'm kidding Jim," Laughed Sasami as Remus tried to keep James back from Sirius
who was now hiding behind a very pale Peter. Once James calmed down Sirius
feigned injury.
"Gee, ever since you've had this kid, you've been no fun," said Sirius lifting Harry up
above his head to examine the boy in the half moon light. Then much to James
horror Sirius threw Harry high up into the air,
"Like I said, it's only one kid they can have more, this one smelled funny anyways."
Remarked Sirius examining his nails. James had to be restrained from killing Sirius
once again. Only when he showed James that he had Harry under a levitation spell
did James relax again.
"So what's the plan?" he asked Sirius as he grabbed his son out of the air.
"Well, you know how Lily is about to start breathing fire because everyone is sold
out of ham, gee, I wonder why? Could it be due to the fact that we bought everyone
out of ham to ensure that this prank would work? I figured, we pretend that Laur
here found an alternative to ham, and brings Harry in on a platter to be the main
course." Explained Sirius, miming Lauren bringing a platter with Harry sitting on it.
"Or, my idea, everyone knows what a great cook Laur is, no one turns down her help
with food preparation. She starts cooking the stuffing to the ham. Lily tells her
that she doesn't have ham, and then we have Lauren look at Harry in his high chair
and say that she's found an alternative and picks up Harry and puts him in a pan and
puts him in the stove. Not on of course," concluded Sasami seeing James' face.
"So which one should we do?" asked Remus.
"I like Sasami's idea better." Said Peter,
"Yeah, I agree with Peter, It would shock her more to see me actually pretending to
cook Harry." Said Lauren.
"Yeah, since we all now Laur can keep a straight face when she wants too, even if we
don't want her too. I think it'll work" concluded Remus.
"So My plan it is." Said Sasami.
"Lily, have you finished the Salad?" asked Lauren as she was busily preparing
them ham stuffing.
"Yeah, I just finished what do you need next?" asked Lily as she washed her hands
clean of the strained carrots she had been feeding baby Harry.
"Could you bring in the Ham?" asked Lauren.
"I'm sorry Laur, but I couldn't get a ham. All the stores were sold out." Said Lily as
she wiped the strained carrots off of Harry's face. Lauren smiled over Lily's head
at James, Sirius, Remus, Sasami and Peter who were trying to act normal but were
finding it difficult now that it was time.
"Oh don't worry, I'm sure I can find some kind of substitute meat." Said Lauren as
she began to scan the kitchen for the meat. She paused for a moment to watch Lily
and Harry.
"He's getting pretty big isn't he?" stated Lauren thoughtfully.
"Yes, he just turned two a couple of months ago." Said Lily
"Perfect. Just perfect." Said Lauren as she walked over and picked Harry up.
"Oh not yet, the little angel still doesn't sleep all the way through the night." Smiled
Lily as she let Lauren carry Harry over to where she was cooking. Lauren carefully
set Harry down in a pan and pretended to mess with the dials on the oven. Then she
poured vegetable oil and seasoning on Harry.
"Um, Lauren what are you doing?" asked Lily raising and eyebrow at her friends
strange behavior.
"Oh. I just found the substation meat." Said Lauren.
"May I ask what you're planning to use as the substation meat?" asked Lily looking
confused.
"Why Harry of course, many people consider baby meat a delicacy. Haven't you ever
read Jonathon Swift's 'A modest proposal'?" She said as she picked up the pan with
Harry in it and put it carefully in the oven and closed the door.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" yelled Lily pushing Lauren out of the way and retrieving her son
from the oven. Before fainting, amid the hysterical laughter of those gathered in
her house.
~*~End Flashback~*~
It had been a good prank; sure Lily had never let Harry be in the kitchen
ever again. At least that's what the sparse information that the Marauders
received of their friends while they were in hiding said.
"Uh, Professor Lupin?" asked Ginny, pulling him out of his reminiscing. It's time to
go, we have to pick up everyone else." Ginny informed him, "Dad, borrowed a car
from the ministry to take us. It should be here any moment." Said Ginny as she took
his hand and lead him downstairs
Now don't anybody cheer to soon! There's still another chapter…I hoping to be able
to put it up tomorrow!
-Smicc
Warning: This contains Spoilers from Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix.
The characters you don't recognize such as Sasami, Lauren, Kathy, and Annie are
mine.
Harry Potter is not mine no matter how badly I wish it to be… wah! It's not mine!
So please don't sue me... not worth your time anyways I don't have any money…
I just read the Order of the Phoenix in 17 hours, straight, not stopping for sleep
and I needed to write this fanfic.
"Today is the day," thought Remus Lupin morbidly as he uncurled himself and
got up off the bed. He glanced out the window in the small dirty room he had been
staying in number 12 Grimmuald Place. The weather outside seemed to be reflecting
his mood; it was overcast and gray, the rain clouds above threatening to spill over at
a moments notice. He pulled on a shirt and attempted to flatten his hair before
leaving the room to join the rest of the Order at a very silent breakfast
downstairs.
"Did you sleep any last night?" asked Tonks kindly, Remus didn't bother
answering, and he knew she could already guess from the dark bags under his eyes.
Last night had been better than most, he gotten maybe two, possibly three hours of
sleep last night. Since Sirius death the only thing that allowed Remus to get the
few hours of fitful slumber that he managed was the thought that Sirius was in a
better place, a place were he was free, free to roam, free from the dementers and
those who thought him a criminal and mass murderer. Also the thought that he was
with James and Lily. Most likely swapping stories of Harry, for stories of what
they'd been up to. Either that or pulling pranks on some unfortunate spirit who
happened to be in their general vicinity of them at the wrong time.
Molly pulled him out of his reverie by placing a large plate of eggs, sausages
and toast in front of him. Remus looked at if for a while as if he was confused by
what it was. He carefully took a bite of sausage, he then gave the rest of the
Order who had been watching him intently a half smile and swallowed the sausage
before looking back down at his plate, "You know… I never liked sausage… I always
ordered it to save it for Sirius. After he had finished his detention he always liked
to sneak down to the kitchen to get food, more specifically sausage, he loved
sausage. He always complained that they gave you detention during dinner time just
to starve you on purpose." Said Remus taking another bite of sausage. The others
gave him pitying looks before clearing their own dishes, leaving Remus to his
thoughts. When nobody was looking Remus slipped the remainder of the sausage
into his pocket out of habit.
He began aimlessly wandering around the house only stopping to pull the
curtains over Mrs. Black's incessant slanders. Ginny had pointed out to Remus, that
maybe she had started to accept that the Order was here to stay because they
hadn't heard from her much. At the time Remus had nodded his head at Ginny's
feebly attempt to cheer him. The only reason Mrs. Black had stopped yelling as
often was two very specific reason's neither of them having to do accepting the
Order. The first reason was that fact that Sirius made it a point to be as loud and
obnoxious as he could in protest of being locked in the hated house from childhood.
The other reason was that a few weeks ago, recently after Sirius had died, Mrs.
Black's jeers had been happy, and aimed at the fact that she would never again she
that 'Traitorous scum' in her house again. Hearing this Remus and Harry had gone
berserk and just about leapt down her throat admonishing her and praising Sirius
and had very nearly destroyed the painting and come very close to breaking the
spell that kept it on the wall. Since then Mrs. Black had not ranted about her son
while Harry and Remus were near. But, Harry had long since returned to his Aunt
and Uncle's house on Privet Drive, leaving only Remus to threaten the picture. But
that would change today, the Order was to pick up Harry, Hermione, Neville and
Luna and then proceed to Sirius private funeral.
Remus was supposed to give Sirius eulogy at the funeral, but how to say it
without offending anyone, or causing those who had only met him through the
Order and only known him a short while to spend the rest of their lives with a bad
last impression of Sirius. But if he couldn't do that how was he to give the eulogy?
Sirius lived to have fun by embarrassing others, in fact his favorite motto was a
muggle one, "It's funny if it's not you". Sirius had of course taken the meaning the
wrong way, no matter how hard Lily and Remus had tried to persuade him that it
meant you should think about how others felt before you pulled pranks on them. He
still took them meaning to be, to make people laugh, embarrass someone or injury
someone in a funny way. Thinking back Remus could still remember the first prank
Sirius had ever pulled.
It had been on their very first day of school, The first time Sirius laid eyes
on Snape he was talking to a couple of other Slytherins, Sirius knew right away,
that the muggle motto he lived by had been made entirely for him and Snape.
Coming from a Pureblood family everyone had expected him to be put into
Slytherin, Sirius himself didn't like the sounds of Slytherin. So when he had been
placed in Gryffindor, it shocked everyone, it was the very same reason that Mrs.
Black still calls Sirius a traitor. But because Sirius was a Pureblood, his family
having been bound to the Dark Lord, knew a lot of Hexes, Curses, and Jinxes that
even most of the teachers didn't know, so that day he decided to put those skills
against Snape.
~*~ Flashback~*~
"Would you look at that git," said Sirius through a mouthful of sausage, as he
nodded his head towards Snape chatting with two other Slytherin boys.
"I bet he hasn't washed his hair in a week!" said James.
"Longer than that I'd say," piped in Peter (a/n: grrrr! He needs to die! Die I tell ya!)
"Maybe his family can't afford Shampoo?" said Remus. All three turned to look a
him incredulously. James and Sirius burst out laughing,
"Yeah sure that's it! Good one Lupin!" said James sarcastically.
"The Snape's unable to buy shampoo!" laughed Sirius even harder.
"That's not very nice! You should stop making fun of him!" said Lily jumping in to
defend the underdog.
"Well, its not entirely undeserved Lily. I mean, he really does need to wash his
hair…or maybe he can just donate the grease to a fast food kitchen!" laughed
Sasami, getting a high five from Sirius for a well-placed joke.
"Good one huh Lauren?" said Sasami elbowing the extremely quiet Lauren next to
her. The girl responded by staring at Sasami, till she was slightly unsettled by the
girls stare, then Lauren returned to her breakfast. Sasami just shrugged at the
boys.
"I think-" began Sirius before James interrupted him.
"Really you actually think!?!" Joked James.
"Ha ha, very funny" said Sirius sarcastically.
"As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I think Snape's hair would look
good, oh, Flamingo pink!" said Sirius, then before Lily could protest he raised his
wand and muttered something under his breath, across the great hall Snape's hair
turned flamingo pink, the Slytherin's began laughing at him. James, Sirius and
Sasami began to laugh hysterically. All the color had drained out Peter's face; he
hoped that Sirius wouldn't do anything like that to him. Remus tried hard not to
laugh at the poor boy's plight, but he couldn't. Lily shook her head disapprovingly,
"You guys all need to grow up!" she said and then left the great hall.
"Well, she's right guys," Sirius said seriously (no pun intended). They all looked at
him shocked, then he smiled evilly, one that would to this day strike fear into
anyone who was not his friend.
"It's only fitting that we give him robes to match." And then he muttered something
under his breath again, and Snape's robes became the same Flamingo pink as his
hair.
~*~ End Flashback~*~
Remus shook his head at the memory. That was what started the tradition,
one of them always pulled a prank on Snape at least once a day for then next seven
years they had at Hogwarts. It was then that it hit him, he was the last living
Marauder, since two years ago Remus and Sirius had declared Peter dead to them.
He was the only one still holding every single memory of the boys from their very
first prank to the last one they ever did as a group. It was the very night that Lily,
James and Harry went into hiding with Peter as their secret keeper. Just before
their very last meal together…
~*~ Flashback~*~
"Are you sure about this guys? Won't Lily kill us?" asked Peter nervously
shifting his weight from one foot to another.
"Nah, she'll be fine, it's just one kid, they can have another." Said Sirius.
"I don't think Lily views it the same way." Said Lauren,
"And just what is that supposed to mean?" asked James indignantly.
"Nothing, nothing at all" mumbled Lauren with a grin on her face. James scowled at
her for a moment.
"So you don't get mad a Sirius for saying that Harry's just one kid… you guys won't
mind if we eat him-" began Sasami.
"EAT HIM! WHAT YOU MEAN WE'RE EATTING HARRY!?!?!?!" yelled James.
"I'm kidding Jim," Laughed Sasami as Remus tried to keep James back from Sirius
who was now hiding behind a very pale Peter. Once James calmed down Sirius
feigned injury.
"Gee, ever since you've had this kid, you've been no fun," said Sirius lifting Harry up
above his head to examine the boy in the half moon light. Then much to James
horror Sirius threw Harry high up into the air,
"Like I said, it's only one kid they can have more, this one smelled funny anyways."
Remarked Sirius examining his nails. James had to be restrained from killing Sirius
once again. Only when he showed James that he had Harry under a levitation spell
did James relax again.
"So what's the plan?" he asked Sirius as he grabbed his son out of the air.
"Well, you know how Lily is about to start breathing fire because everyone is sold
out of ham, gee, I wonder why? Could it be due to the fact that we bought everyone
out of ham to ensure that this prank would work? I figured, we pretend that Laur
here found an alternative to ham, and brings Harry in on a platter to be the main
course." Explained Sirius, miming Lauren bringing a platter with Harry sitting on it.
"Or, my idea, everyone knows what a great cook Laur is, no one turns down her help
with food preparation. She starts cooking the stuffing to the ham. Lily tells her
that she doesn't have ham, and then we have Lauren look at Harry in his high chair
and say that she's found an alternative and picks up Harry and puts him in a pan and
puts him in the stove. Not on of course," concluded Sasami seeing James' face.
"So which one should we do?" asked Remus.
"I like Sasami's idea better." Said Peter,
"Yeah, I agree with Peter, It would shock her more to see me actually pretending to
cook Harry." Said Lauren.
"Yeah, since we all now Laur can keep a straight face when she wants too, even if we
don't want her too. I think it'll work" concluded Remus.
"So My plan it is." Said Sasami.
"Lily, have you finished the Salad?" asked Lauren as she was busily preparing
them ham stuffing.
"Yeah, I just finished what do you need next?" asked Lily as she washed her hands
clean of the strained carrots she had been feeding baby Harry.
"Could you bring in the Ham?" asked Lauren.
"I'm sorry Laur, but I couldn't get a ham. All the stores were sold out." Said Lily as
she wiped the strained carrots off of Harry's face. Lauren smiled over Lily's head
at James, Sirius, Remus, Sasami and Peter who were trying to act normal but were
finding it difficult now that it was time.
"Oh don't worry, I'm sure I can find some kind of substitute meat." Said Lauren as
she began to scan the kitchen for the meat. She paused for a moment to watch Lily
and Harry.
"He's getting pretty big isn't he?" stated Lauren thoughtfully.
"Yes, he just turned two a couple of months ago." Said Lily
"Perfect. Just perfect." Said Lauren as she walked over and picked Harry up.
"Oh not yet, the little angel still doesn't sleep all the way through the night." Smiled
Lily as she let Lauren carry Harry over to where she was cooking. Lauren carefully
set Harry down in a pan and pretended to mess with the dials on the oven. Then she
poured vegetable oil and seasoning on Harry.
"Um, Lauren what are you doing?" asked Lily raising and eyebrow at her friends
strange behavior.
"Oh. I just found the substation meat." Said Lauren.
"May I ask what you're planning to use as the substation meat?" asked Lily looking
confused.
"Why Harry of course, many people consider baby meat a delicacy. Haven't you ever
read Jonathon Swift's 'A modest proposal'?" She said as she picked up the pan with
Harry in it and put it carefully in the oven and closed the door.
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" yelled Lily pushing Lauren out of the way and retrieving her son
from the oven. Before fainting, amid the hysterical laughter of those gathered in
her house.
~*~End Flashback~*~
It had been a good prank; sure Lily had never let Harry be in the kitchen
ever again. At least that's what the sparse information that the Marauders
received of their friends while they were in hiding said.
"Uh, Professor Lupin?" asked Ginny, pulling him out of his reminiscing. It's time to
go, we have to pick up everyone else." Ginny informed him, "Dad, borrowed a car
from the ministry to take us. It should be here any moment." Said Ginny as she took
his hand and lead him downstairs
Now don't anybody cheer to soon! There's still another chapter…I hoping to be able
to put it up tomorrow!
-Smicc