Silence in the streets, the only people up right now were cut throats and bakers, so late in the night to be almost morning. The shape of someone slithering from shadow to shadow could only be seen when a splinter of moon light fell through the fog and touched a shoulder or a cowled head. The silence wasn't broken as the shutter opened, having been greased the night before. She slid inside the window, shutting it carefully, this was the bad part of town, even if there was screaming no one would come investigate for a good hour so as not to be caught by whatever was making someone scream.

There was a fire banked in the grate and it gave off a soft glow and a little warmth against the chill that had slipped into her bones as she had crawled through the streets in the icy water. She watched him quietly as he lay on the bed, snoring as only an alcoholic can, loud and guttural with a heavy underline of mucous. She remembered wanting nothing more than to put a pillow over his face every time he drank before bed. Quietly she lit the lantern by his bed and took a good look at him.

He looked haggard as if the few years since she had last seen him were thirty. She felt a twinge of regret, she had loved him once, maybe not fireworks from here to eternity kind of love, but it had been there. It was sad it had come to this. Wordlessly she picked up the sword that lay next to him and smiled faintly. It was a nasty habit that could cause him to cut off things that were vitally important if he wasn't careful.

She drew a chair next to the bed and kicked the mattress. She could tell he had woken by the lessening of his snoring. He was trying to gather his surroundings and create a surprise attack. She was ready for him when he turned, she grabbed the wrist of the punch he had thrown, turning underneath it and yanking it behind him sitting on his back. 'And now you've got that out of your system let's have a chat.'

He stiffened at the sound of her voice. 'Get off me.' He snarled, trying to move and push her off, she simply held on tighter.

'Not this time.' She said calmly. 'I couldn't hog tie you at the landsmeet but this is a whole other matter.' She shifted, pulling his other hand behind his back. 'You're out of shape.' She noted. 'It must be all that drinking you do.'

'I think I deserve a drink or two after what you put me through.' He growled darkly but didn't struggle.

'Oh, of course, let's blame me again for your shortcomings, that never gets old.' She moved his arms slightly.

He was silent for a long moment. 'I never blamed you for anything.' He said, only the tone of his voice betraying his anger and she laughed softly at the absurdity of it all.

'You always were a rotten liar.' She noted. 'But your self pity is no longer required, I need a king and as I told you once, if I'm going to have a king it's damn well going to be a legitimate one.'

'I have no interest in being your king.' He said simply. 'Or anyone's.'

'Well that's a lie.' She leant forwards and began to speak into his ear. 'I remember seeing your face as I spoke to Eamon about it. Before you left you had almost agreed. You had almost decided it would be a good idea. We both knew the truth. The only thing that changed was what I did with Loghain.'

'He should have died for what he did.' The barely suppressed violence of his tone was something she had only ever seen on the battlefield before.

'And he did.' She said softly.

'A hero's death.' His anger was rising and she felt almost pity.

'Would you have rather it been me?' She asked softly, he had been so in love with her he could barely breath at times.

'I…' He hesitated.

'Because that's the thing you were never told. In order to kill an arch demon there must be a sacrifice. A grey warden sacrifice.' She paused and let that sink in. 'You or me?'

There was tension in his body but no more violence, her words had eaten away his self righteous anger and replaced it with confusion. 'It should have been me.' He said, his voice broken and she released him. He rolled over to gaze at her in the lamplight.

'I disagree, he died for his sins in the end. His location of death changed.' He took a long shallow breath. 'You are needed Alistair.' She told him.

'By who?' He asked. 'From what I hear we're in for a Cousland reign of glory.' He was bitter.

'Maybe, but I can only do so much.' She said smoothly. 'After Anora…' She shook her head. 'Well let's call it the unfortunate incident. A civil war was on the cards and the steps I took were necessary to prevent the world from being ravaged. Again. I honestly didn't intend to take the throne for the Couslands.' She was quiet and lay down next to him. 'I need you Alistair. So does everyone else. We need to forget the horror of the last days and live again.'

'You want me to legitimise your reign is what you're saying.' He rolled on his side to look into her eyes. 'You know there were nights when I would have killed to have you this close to me.' He said, his tone soft and smooth. 'Where does Zevran fit into this?' He asked. 'I take it you are still together?'

She considered quietly. 'We spoke about this.' She said seriously and looked at him. 'He understands the necessity.'

'But he isn't happy about it.' Alistair noted and she shrugged.

'Sex is sex, Alistair. He accepts that I love him without laying claim to my body.'

'And what of children?' He asked. 'You will have to produce an heir and it has to be mine.'

'Zev has, let's just say he took steps to never hear the pitter patter of tiny feet long before we met and leave it at that.'

Alistair sighed at her words. She knew that this was the big risk, he was a prude, or at least he had been, from what she understood he had spent some time with women since leaving her. She loved Alistair but Zevran was the person she was in love with, the person she wanted to grow old with, if Alistair couldn't accept that then she would just have to lie to him. She shivered as Alistair reached out to stroke her hair from the side of her neck and looked him in the eyes. 'I missed you.' He said softly.

'I missed you too.' She told him seriously, not having his humour in the final days had been heart breaking. 'When we assaulted the fort, all I could think was that you were supposed to be there.'

'What was it like?' He asked after a long moment.

'Scary. At the time it was the scariest thing I had ever done.' He smiled gently at that.

'And I remember the scariest things you'd ever done up to that point, I'm impressed. What about now?' He asked.

She took a breath. 'Ruling the country, making sure I am not destroying the lives of people I'm supposed to help. Killing the arch demon was easy in comparison.' She rubbed her face. 'I probably shouldn't admit that to the man I'm asking to be King.'

He sighed at that. 'I know I should agree.' He said gently.

'What's stopping you?'

He rolled over onto his back and looked at the ceiling. 'Truthfully?' He asked and took a breath. 'I don't… know if I can handle my wife being with someone else. I don't know if I can share you.' She considered that for a long time.

'Alistair, I love you, I love you now, I loved you then. My trouble is that I love Zevran too.' He looked at her.

'Can I ask you a question?' She nodded. 'Why did you choose him and not me?'

She bit her upper lip thoughtfully. 'Because of his attitude. His life, out of everyone that travelled with us, his life was awful. Yet he found joy in the simple act of living, living for the moment. At a time when I was looking to the future every day, when I could only see a world I wasn't long for, he was there showing me how beautiful the world was now. I needed that then. I need that now.' She looked at him.

'And I gave you nothing of that?' She gave a soft sigh.

'Not in the same way. You were the one I shared the darkness with and by sharing it, it lessened. After you left I felt alone, Loghain knew he was living on borrowed time, there was none of that companionship of the grey wardens.'

He bit his lip. 'If things had been different. Would you… actually no I don't want to know.' She smiled at that, moving to stroke her fingers down his cheek. 'Are you sure Zevran will accept this?'

'He suggested it.' Alistair raised his eyebrows at that. 'Not in the, go and sleep with Alistair way, but he told me that I had duty to fulfil and so long as I didn't discard him he would support whatever I needed to do.'

He was silent for a time. 'He's going to give me pointers isn't he?' She laughed softly.

'Probably.' She agreed. 'He always found you quite endearing so I wouldn't put it past him to offer, uhh, on the job training.'