The strains of a child's laughter washed over her. She smiled as she watched her five-year-old daughter run in circles past her, as she was being playfully chased by a dark haired boy the same age.
"I have a feeling there will be more of that to come," she heard her husband's deep timbre voice say beside her. He nudged her shoulder with his and chuckled.
"I don't know why you find that idea so funny, Dad," she asked. She nudged him back with her own shoulder. She then reached down and grasped his hand in hers and squeezed it.
"You're right, I am putting a stop to this right now," he said and feigned getting up. She gripped his hand tighter and pulled him down.
"I think we are safe for now," she laid her head on his shoulder. "But it is nice to see her playing and so happy."
It still amazed Peyton Sawyer Scott at the miracle in front of her – her daughter Sawyer Brooke Scott. She beat all the odds to be born and Peyton beat all the odds to stay alive to see her now.
Fate, that fickle trickster had taken so much from her. She still wondered if this life she was living was a dream she would wake up from and face a real life that was a nightmare. But each morning she awoke to her husband Lucas beside her and her angel of a daughter down the hall.
Life was good but something was missing.
Peyton settled in and waited for her husband to come to bed. He was tucking in their daughter and reading her just on more story, as she always pleaded, before bedtime. She was so her father's daughter; with her love of books and her increasing love of basketball.
Lucas walked through the doorway of their bedroom and headed for his wife. He leaned over her and kissed her on the forehead.
"Is she all tucked in?" Peyton asked as she reached up and took his hand to pull Lucas down beside her.
"Yep, two stories and she was out like a light," Lucas told her and clasped his hand tighter to hers. "The park was a great idea, really wore her out."
"What did I tell you?" Peyton smiled at him. "It was a good day."
"Every day I can spend with you and Sawyer are good days," Lucas said and then dipped his head in embarrassment. He realized how sappy the comment was even before all the words left his mouth.
Peyton saw the slight blush in Lucas' cheek. "You are such a dork sometimes," she said and reached up and stroked his cheek. "But you are my dork."
"Kind of like when I was such a mess," Lucas brought up alluding to a dark time in their history.
"Yep, that too," Peyton giggled.
"What is up with you today, by the way," Lucas brought up kind of out of the blue. They had known each other since they were 16, been friends or lovers for almost 15 and married for five. Lucas knew when Peyton had something on her mind.
"What do you mean?" Peyton turned her head slightly. "I told you this was a great day."
"Yeah, a day that saw my wife staring off into space," Lucas pointed out. "And looking sad at other times."
"It's just that…" Peyton began but stopped.
"What," Lucas prompted stroking his hand through her hair.
"I feel like something is missing," Peyton admitted rushing out her words. "I feel selfish for saying this, but I feel like there is a hole."
"What kind of hole," Lucas asked but having a sinking feeling he already knew the answer.
"It's just that…" Peyton bit her lip. "I want another baby, Lucas." Peyton let out a deep breath. "There I said it."
Lucas got up from the bed and moved to the other side of the room. He began to pace and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand.
"You know how I feel about this, Peyton," Lucas exclaimed. He rubbed his face with both his hands. "I almost lost you last time. I almost lost Sawyer. To me, it's not worth it." Tears he had been trying to hold back began to pool in his eyes.
"Oh, but honey," Peyton said as she got out of bed and moved to his side. "I want to give Sawyer a brother or sister. Someone she can rely on when we aren't around some day."
"I don't want that someday to be in a few months, if we loose YOU," he added emphasis on the you. "I can't and won't live a life without you, Peyton."
"But, Lucas," Peyton began. Lucas stepped away and turned his back on her.
"Don't do this to me Peyton," he said quietly. "Please, don't ask me to do this."
"Fine," Peyton said. "I'm going to the spare room for the night."
"Peyton, please," Lucas pleaded. "Don't be like this. Don't let this tear us apart. We have more then we ever dreamed of. Do we have to be greedy?"
"No," Peyton said as she went to the bedroom doorway. "I just need some time."
"Peyton," Lucas tried again but she walked out.
Lucas moved to the foot of the bed and sat down. He put his head in his hands and stared at the floor. He thought back to four of the worst days of his life. The feeling of sheer joy coupled with the oppressive feeling of utter grief. On the one hand, he held this beautiful new life in his hands, his baby daughter Sawyer. In the other, death had a strong grip on the only woman he had truly loved, his angel Peyton Sawyer Scott.
Thinking about having to go through that again forced the bile to rise in his throat. Peyton could hate him, hold a grudge or just plain resent him until the end of time for not wanting another baby. But at least she would still be alive, he would have his wife and Sawyer would have her mother. He could live with that trade-off.
Lucas just wondered if Peyton could.
In the early morning hours, Lucas felt the bed dip and arm wrap around his waist. He reached up and stroked his wife's arm.
"I'm sorry," she whispered in his ear and laid her head on his shoulder. "I just feel cheated. Feel like I am cheating you."
Lucas rolled over and Peyton moved back to lay her head on her pillow. He propped his head on his hand and looked down at her. "Never feel that way, Peyton. Never." He stared at her intently. "We are so blessed. We have everything. Let's not wish for things we can't have."
"Okay," Peyton said. Lucas noticed a lone tear began to streak down her cheek. Lucas leaned down and kissed her. He laid back and pulled her into his embrace. "I love you," he whispered. "This, having you in my arms and our daughter down the hall, it is all I will ever need."
Peyton shook her head and nuzzled closer to him. All the while, that hole inside her grew a bit wider.