Disclaimer: Neon Genesis Evangelion belongs to Gainax, ADV, Star Child, Movic, ING, and Dynamic. The Fight Club belongs to 20th Century Fox, Regency, and 1999 Fox. If legal representatives ask me to remove this from FanFiction, I shall do so. Also, if anyone wishes to copy something from here, he/she may do so after asking me for. Finally, this has been rated R for the fact that there will be Light Gore, almost minutely described and/or detailed, as well as various physical facts a tad bit too much pointed out. (Sorry, Lemons and Limes won't be appearing, only teasers at the most :)).
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AN: I've always loved the movie Fight Club, it's awesome really. However, sorry to disappoint any fans of the movie but Tyler Durden won't be appearing. This is really more of a Humour/Mischief fic, so expect some serious messed up events.
This starts shortly after the Tenth Angel...
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Cyber-Undead presents:
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The things you own...
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This is narrative.
"This is a dialogue."
"THIS IS SHOUTING."
'This is a quote/EMPHASIS made either during a dialogue or narrative.'
These are thoughts.
These are mouthed and facial expressions before, during, and after, a dialogue.
This tells where and when the following happens.
(These will be Author Notes)
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"If you wake up in a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"
-Tyler Durden
7:24 AM Katsuragi/Ikari/Sohryu residence"BAKA! GET UP AND MAKE ME SOME BREAKFAST NOW!" Such was the morning routine here: everyday, since the Second Child was transferred to NERV in Tokyo-3, she would rise, prepare her bath, check if the Third Child A.K.A. Spineless Hentai Baka was awake already and preparing 'HER' breakfast, take a bath, get dressed, shout at Shinji Ikari, eat, and leave for school. And shout some more, during the trek, at him...
Today, though, things seemed to be different: Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, Ruling Wimp, was not on his room. He wasn't either at the kitchen where she first checked, neither in the bathroom.
Fuming, she entered it and proceeded to see if he was hiding under the floorboards or in a drawer. The futons' sheets were all made, which meant he didn't spent most of the night here. His backpack was nowhere in sight too, so he already went to school. Actually, now that she thought about it, he, after making dinner and then washing the dishes, went out. She hadn't asked him where he was going – Probably to go play voyeur with Wonder Girl-, and she had stayed up watching soap operas 'till midnight, and he still hadn't gotten back. Twisting her nose, she thought of possibilities when she heard
"YEEEHAAAWWWW!!!" Slitting her eyes and forming a grin, she headed to the kitchen, where one major babe, wearing a loose tank top and shorts, was sitting, with an empty Yebisu can in front of her. If Shinji were to see this: a purple-haired goddess donning very revealing clothes, if one could call them such, with a tank top allowing any viewer a good glimpse of the bottom of her breasts, and the upper part as well since the tops' straps, not only were very thin, but the right-one was broken, which made the whole right side of the top to cover more of her belly than her bosom, along with her shorts which covered only six inches of her thighs, and only having the top-low button securing them along her waist, therefore also revealing the simple fact that she wasn't wearing any underwear; and a display of female human teenager physical perfection with only a red towel covering her, just barely since now it had slipped so most of her upper chest was in plain sight, along with a long crack of the towel in her upper right thigh, which showed a VERY good part of her right-side of the waist (1), he would surely have a heart attack (2). But he wasn't, so she asked, not politely
"Hey, where's the baka hentai?"
Misato looked at her, grabbed a second can, popped it open, and replied
"No idea. - She then proceeded to consume the alcoholic liquid in the can, in 'one swift stroke' – So, he's not on his room? Chuckles Maybe he got up really early because of you."
"As if you're any better. He could be lying dead in a gutter and you wouldn't know about it, until the Commander warned you that we would receive another Child!"
Misato stared at her, with a not-very-nice scowl.
Humph "Alright, I'll contact Section 2. Grumbles At least, you two will head to school..." And that's what Misato did; she grabbed her phone and dialled a number. Asuka, satisfied with her success in dominating the situation, went to the bathroom.
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25 Minutes LaterAsuka exited her room, wearing her school uniform. She then wandered around the house, looking for Misato. She heard some panicked shouts from the balcony, and headed there. She found her, talking on her cell-phone, with a face etched with confusion. She then heard Misato saying she was going there to pick him up now. She lowered her cell, turned to Asuka, and said
"I'm off to the hospital to get Shinji. I'll then take him to school."
By the time Misato finished speaking, she was already outside, heading to the elevators. Asuka blinked, growled, and then headed to school.
Now everyone will say that Humans are the only species on this planet with a high IQ. This means that nobody would believe the fact that a warm-water penguin, which watched everything, shook his head several times, and entered his freezer muttering softly about the emotional ranting and mislead humans made all the time...
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45 Minutes LaterBoring... and fake. I'm seriously considering telling everybody the truth about the Second Impact. That should quiet that old teacher who's always rambling on and on about life before 2000... - Here, she turned her head towards the windows, at her left and a couple of seats backwards, making her look above her left shoulder- Even Wonder Girl is here... I wonder though, what happened to her to become a doll? ... Then again, it's best if I don't know... 'No questions asked, no questions made'...
Then, faintly at first, Asuka heard what seemed to be hard tires screeching against the roads' pavement. Recognizing it immediately, she made a quick mental math equation predicting how many seconds it would take until a certain Blue Alpine would show up, just outside the school, most likely right in front of the gates, and drop the Pervert Stooge.
Counting down, with her palm outstretched right in front of her face, from four to none, with her fingers, along with silently mouthing it, she heard, not only an increase in volume of the tires which meant that she was approaching, rapidly, but also a very sudden stop, notifying her that the baka had just either broke his forehead against the glove compartment or went sailing through the front window and adorn the sidewalk.
She figured he would take 3,5 minutes to get to the classroom, so she started rehearsing a few lines to throw at him during lunch break.
It had been now almost ten minutes, and she was wondering what was taking him so long, when, suddenly, she heard the sliding door. What she saw, though, she wasn't expecting.
Shinji Ikari was standing there, wearing his school uniform. There were a few minor details about his condition that were... unusual. For starters, his clothes were wrinkled and severely stained, like as if he had been rolling on the floor repeatedly. His face, however, was in a worse condition. He had a large purple-bluish swelled bruise, covering his right upper side, starting underneath his right eye, and going to the middle of his right cheek. His left eyebrow was all covered in a bandage, that had a blood spot on its middle; and his left eye was slightly blooded, though such wasn't very easy to tell since his eyebrow bandage left his eye-socket shadowed. His lower lip had two cuts, close to one another, in the middle and right side of it, already crusted, and leaving his lips dry. His nose seemed a bit unlevelled, but maybe that was an illusion cast either by the bandage covering its middle or the heavily red-tinted nostrils. His shirt had its up most buttons loose, revealing his upper chest with a very light crimson tinge (3). He had been, most obviously for her, involved in a brutal fight. And he lost too; there was no doubt about that!
As if that spineless baka could ever win a fight... Only on his precious Eva and he has to go berserk to win...
Their professor saw him as well and politely asked
"What has happened to you, Ikari?"
He pivoted his head sideways and simply stated, with a mockingly serious face and tone
"I fell off the stairs."
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TBC
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1-I warned in the disclaimer :)
2-Who wouldn't?! Besides, if one goes to Tucows and download the WordWeb program, the word "lime" comes with several meanings, one being: Verb: lime Ilm (...)2. Cover with lime as to induce growth (large sweat-drop)
3-Again, I did warn in the disclaimer...
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AN: No beta-reader has proof-read this chapter.