A/N Sorry Windies, I said you'd be next but when I saw an article yesterday on Yahoo I had to write this one first. Tis fluffy. Everyone enjoy.
"Hey, check this out Bones." Booth waved a his folded newspaper excitedly under her nose before proceeding to read aloud. "'The world record for the largest number of people dressed as Smurfs has been smashed. The city of Swansea was turned blue as a group of 2,510 people, the majority of whom were students from the local university, crammed into the Oceana nightclub to almost double the previous record.' How cool is that?"
"Not very, I would imagine. Being painted blue from head to toe or wearing a body stocking would likely be quite uncomfortable. Not to mention being packed into a club like sardines can't be pleasant and probably breached all kinds of the health and safety regulations."
Booth sighed. "It was just a bit of fun Bones. I thought you might find it interesting, or amusing maybe."
"Not really." She continued flipping idly through her magazine, then paused and looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "What is this fascination of yours with Smurfs anyway, Booth?"
"I don't have a fascination."
"You mention them on a fairly regular basis."
"I have a eight year old. Parker loves watching cartoons."
"You watch them when he's not around. You read comic books too."
"Graphic novels, Bones. And so what, maybe I'm just a big kid at heart." He flashed her a grin.
"Perhaps Sweets will have some insights," said Brennan as the office door opened and their psychologist appeared.
"There's no need to bring him into this," Booth whispered, suddenly wary.
"Into what?" asked the psychologist.
"Nothing."
"Booth's Smurf fixation."
"I am not fixated." He turned to Bones as they entered the office and hissed, "he's gonna suck all the joy out of this for me. Every time I watch that show from now on I'm going to associate it with Sweets and his needling."
"So Smurfs huh?" Sweets smiled, taking his seat and gesturing for them to do the same.
"He brings them up quite frequently."
"I do not!"
"He recently likened a dead body to a purple Smurf."
"The guy'd been pickled in a vat of wine!"
"He's also given me a Brainy Smurf figurine."
"Only because you told me that story about that jerk jock in high school," Booth said defensively. "It was a gift, Bones. I was trying to be nice. Come on Sweets, help me out here."
"It all sounds innocent enough to me Dr Brennan."
"Exactly," agreed Booth. "If I feel like drawing Smurf analogies why shouldn't I? There doesn't have to be some deep meaningful reason for it."
"But everything we do is for a reason, correct Dr Sweets?"
"Well actually that's not strictly-"
"Ok, you need a reason?" Booth interrupted. "How about this. I had a big case a few years back. It was a really big career break for me, got me promoted to Special Agent. It was a smurfing case, Bones. Smurfing! That's why I have them on the brain. Satisfied? Problem solved, case closed." He rubbed his hands together happily. "I should be a shrink!"
"Isn't smurfing the act of hitting somebody in the face with one's penis?"
"No, Bones! No!"
She looked at him quizzically.
"Well, ok yes, that's called smurfing too, but this was a case of structuring. You know, money laundering."
"Ah. But presumably the other kind would constitute a crime as well."
"Yeah, it would be an assault if it was unsolicited. But that wouldn't fall under federal jurisdiction unless the crime went… across… state lines." A mental image Booth didn't particularly want was beginning to form in his mind. "How do know this stuff anyway, Bones? You're supposed to be pop culturally retarded."
"Angela gave me an urban dictionary for my birthday a couple of years ago in an attempt to help me 'get down' with the lingo. It's been most informative."
"Apparently."
"Do you like smurfing, Booth?" she teased with a straight face.
"Dear lord, kill me now." He looked heavenward, then over to Sweets with an expression of desperation on his face.
The doctor cleared his throat to hide his amusement. "Let's get back to the topic at hand shall we?"
"Can't we just talk about my potty training or something? How is any of this actually helpful?"
"Perhaps it's not, but we won't know unless we get to the bottom of the issue."
"It isn't an issue, it's a cartoon," he pointed out. "I'm a fan. It's not harmful, it's not even annoying. Right Bones?"
He looked at his partner who passed his comment over.
"You probably don't remember this Booth, since it was a Vicodin related episode, but you once likened my being partnered with Sweets to being protected by a Smurf."
"Thanks Bones," he whispered, leaning towards her, "now I'm gonna get in trouble with the teacher."
"Dr Brennan brings up an interesting point here, Agent Booth."
"No, she doesn't."
"Just hear me out. Several of police forces around the world, Greece and Denmark for example, are referred to as Smurfs because of the characteristic blue colour of their uniforms. Therefore surely being protected by a 'Smurf' isn't a bad thing?"
"I meant it in the small cartoon creature sense," he bit back. "I was being derisive."
Sweets ignored him. "In a way, you are a Smurf yourself, Agent Booth."
"Oh yeah? How d'you figure that one?"
"Well, you're a cop, right, one of the 'boys in blue' so to speak?"
"I'm a federal agent Sweets, not some uniformed beat cop. Anyway, that blue is their skin," he pointed out, "not a uniform."
"Ok so maybe you don't actually wear blue like some officers, but you perform the same function as any other enforcer of the law. You wear a metaphorical 'white hat' too, in that you are one of the good guys." Booth conceded the point with a shrug. "And the gender imbalance and Marxist model of the Smurf village is mirrored in the structure of the police force."
"And he had to go and ruin it!" Booth threw up his hands in defeat. "So what, now I'm a Smurf and a Socialist?"
"Of course not. All I was suggesting is that, as where all Smurfs are all created equal and work toward a common good, within the police each person has a specific job to perform for the benefit of the community, a uniform to wear, and a spirit of solidarity that keeps the unit strong."
Brennan laughed. "Your views on what constitutes socialism are grossly oversimplified and inaccurate, Dr Sweets."
"Yeah, what she said. And what about for Papa Smurf?" challenged Booth.
"He's not their leader so much as an equal revered by the others for his age and wisdom."
"I'm never going to be able to watch that show again." Booth groaned, sitting back against the couch, his shoulders slumped. "So what are you saying Sweets? That I like Smurfs because I'm a cop or that I became a cop because I like Smurfs?"
"What do you think Agent Booth?"
He scowled. "I think I really don't like you people."
A/N Thanks to Sky News for that little snippet at the start. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading. J.