Title: "A Conversation in the Rain"
Author: Sashocirrione
Spoilers: MAJOR Spoilers for everything up to anime episode 25, manga chapter 58.
Warnings: NO UNDERAGE READERS. Rated T. Sexual references.
Summary: L makes an unusual deduction about his place in the world, and shares it with Light.
Pairing: LxLight
Additional Notes: This starts within the rooftop rain scene that was present in the anime but not the manga. All canon events previous to this have occurred, but so have many non-canon events (it should become clear in the text itself exactly what I mean by this, as despite initial appearances this actually is probably the most AU thing I've ever written).
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, and I do not make any money from these writings.
The voice startled L out of his thoughts, "Ryuzaki, what are you doing out there in the rain by yourself?"
It was Light. L felt almost tired of it all. Light was Kira, that much was almost certain, but if L's deductions were correct, then Kira wasn't a problem at all compared to the new problem. Still, Kira at least deserved to get wet for committing all those murders and generally being a pain to catch, so L pretended he couldn't hear until Light came out into the rain, getting completely soaked, and repeated his question.
L answered, "I have made a very alarming deduction. I wish it weren't true. I keep trying to find ways to disprove it. Yet it is supported by many different pieces of evidence, and every time I look for evidence to the contrary, I only find more reasons to support it."
Light looked distinctly worried before he covered it up with a blank expression, but the only thing he said was, "What do you mean?"
L said, "I know what you are thinking. You think I mean Kira, but I'm becoming almost bored with Kira. Yes, I think I might quit the investigation. I wonder what would happen if I did that? It would be interesting to see."
Light said, "This is... you're still suspecting me. It's another test. You wouldn't quit. I know you. You believe in justice too much. Besides, you know that Kira can kill from a distance. If you ran away, you couldn't be sure that Kira wouldn't just kill you wherever you went. There's no safety in disappearing now."
L said, "I believe in justice, but I do not believe in things that are pointless. If my newest deductions are correct, then the entire Kira case is completely pointless."
"You believe Kira can't be caught?"
"I believe Kira can be caught, but catching him is just as pointless as not catching him. Why should I waste my time and energy on something that is just being done for amusement in the first place, and that will doubtless be repeated in different variations forever?"
"Ummm," Light said, "I don't understand."
"When is the last time you went to the bathroom?"
"I... well, I can't think of it, but I'm sure it happened. Why does it matter? I don't know what you're getting at. You're not supposed to waste time thinking about things like that."
"And yet, Light, you have an excellent memory. You should be worried about this. When is the last time you went to the bathroom? Think hard. Try to remember."
Light looked puzzled, angry and very thoughtful all at once. After a time, his head drooped and he said, "I just can't remember. It doesn't make sense. But it isn't important. We have bigger things to worry about, like Kira. There has to be a second notebook out there."
"I thought you'd see it that way. And when is the last time you ate?"
"Ryuzaki, you... your questions are completely pointless. I don't know why this is bothering you."
L said, "Light, you have an instinct to not worry about these things, to avoid questioning them. Fight your instinct. When is the last time you remember eating?"
"Things have just been so busy, trying to catch Higuchi and dealing with everything. There isn't anything odd about it."
"Try."
Light paused, looking upset, and then said, "Well, this is going to sound stupid, but when we went to that cafe after our tennis game months ago. Although, I don't think I actually ate any of the food I ordered."
"You are aware that if you haven't eaten for months, you'd be dead by now?"
"Don't be silly."
"I'm completely serious, Light. We have a problem. And, answer me honestly, are you sexually attracted to me at this moment?"
Light blinked, unable to hide the shock from his face.
L said, "We are dealing with a very serious issue. Are you, or are you not, sexually attracted to me? Complete honesty will benefit both of us in this situation."
Light averted his eyes and in a monotone said, "Yes. Yes, I'm sexually attracted to you. Are you satisfied now? Why are you being so weird?"
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm sexually attracted to you as well. When did this start?"
"What!"
"Light, when did it start? This is extremely important."
"This morning."
"It started for me at that time as well. Doesn't this seem rather sudden and coincidental? I could believe you might be attracted to men. You don't even slightly respond to any woman, even a professional model who constantly throws herself at you, but I distinctly remember being heterosexual. I felt something when Misa kissed me. I never would have taken it further, but I felt it all the same."
Light crossed his arms and said, "You're saying I'm gay, Ryuzaki? I'm not the weirdo. I'd rather expect it from you."
"No. Of the two of us, you are the most likely to be gay. I am more interested in cake and detective work than women, but I have still shown some interest. However, we are getting off topic. We need to return to the central issue. I think this concludes it. I have no more doubts about what is happening. I've been gathering evidence for weeks, including thousands of supporting details, and I no longer find it possible to believe any other conclusion."
Light said, "What is your deduction?"
"It would take too long to explain the entire case I've built, but consider this one fact. Gratuitous romantic entanglements are very common in fiction, even if, no, especially if the people involved would not normally be attracted to each other because of serious obstacles, such as incompatible sexual orientations or that one of them would likely end up dead if they did have sex."
"You're saying we're fictional characters. Do you realize how idiotic that sounds?"
"Oh, but it's quite true. I'm sure of it now."
Light said, "L, you've completely lost it. Either that, or you're planning to fake a mental illness as part of some scheme. Let's go inside. We've both getting soaked."
Light turned and headed for the door. L followed.
L said, "You see what I mean about the Kira case? It's pointless if we're fictional characters, because none of this is real. We're just being toyed with, anyway, for someone else's amusement. I could catch Kira a thousand times, and it would be just as meaningless as not catching him a thousand times."
Light reached the door, opened it for L, and in the next moments they were both inside, out of the rain.
Light said, "We need towels. Do you know the nearest room for them?"
L pointed. "That door on the left. There's a large linen closet there."
Light headed where L had indicated, and L followed, dripping constantly on the floor.
L said, "The idea of being someone else's plaything is disturbing. Since I cannot do anything about it, I should consider the good aspects to it. It means I am immortal. I shouldn't fear death, because it will never be real. I can die countless times in all sorts of ways, but I will be alive and well as soon as the story is being told again. I shouldn't fear difficult or painful situations either, because no matter how bad they are, they will pass and all trauma of the event will be erased when the story restarts."
Light shoved a towel in L's hands and said, "Here."
L continued, "It also removes blame. I should not blame you for being Kira, because you were simply set up to be that way, just as I was set up to chase you, and all our struggles and encounters were perfectly scripted. There was no choice involved."
"I'm not Kira! And I can prove you've wrong about us being fictional characters. If so, then everything is scripted and we'd never be allowed to deduce we're fictional characters. So, just give it up."
L wrapped the towel around his shoulders and followed Light to some nearby steps to sit down.
L said, "There is such a thing as breaking the fourth wall. We could be fictional characters in a series that allows such events. However, I don't think that works with the tone of how things have been so far. No, I think this means something different. Our adventures have been very exciting. I think whatever work of fiction we're in must have become popular, creating sequels, prequels, and fan fiction. We would be in all of it, in slightly altered forms and without our memories of any incompatible timelines. In some of it, we might be allowed to break the fourth wall, as I am doing now. Our sexual attraction is further evidence of this. Fan fiction tends to be obsessed with romance and pairings. It is quite likely that at the moment we are in a fan fiction story."
Light said, "Okay, I admit it's really weird not being able to remember the last time I ate or went to the bathroom. But, there has to be a better explanation than this, right?"
"No, Light. I'll take you downstairs and let you see all the files I've accumulated, the vast amount of evidence I've built up, piece by piece. No other conclusion is possible. You'll agree once you see everything I've seen. We think alike. I know you will come to the same conclusion."
"If, if this is true... it would be terrible."
"You like control, Light. You don't want someone else to control you. But, knowing what is happening, we can exercise as much choice as we possibly can in this situation. We should explore the possibilities and enjoy it. If we are characters, and we're being put into various pieces of fan fiction, there is a strong chance that most of that will either be happy, fluffy pieces where we enjoy ourselves with friendship and everyday activities, or pornography where we enjoy ourselves having lots of hot sex. Like I said before, we're immortal, and we'll always get over anything bad that might happen to us."
"That... well, that does sound nice. I could get used to it."
L said, "Are you having as much trouble holding back your lust as I am?"
Before Light could respond, L leaned forward and kissed him hard. At first Light's lips were cold and unresponsive, then they starting moving against L's lips and heating with the activity. L licked Light's lips, thrilling when Light didn't resist, slipping his tongue into that hot mouth and battling with Light's surprisingly aggressive tongue. L kept pouring more and more passion into the kiss, tilting Light's head back and increasing the onslaught of lips and tongue and teeth until Light was shivering and moaning.
L then broke the kiss and said, "We shouldn't worry about the Kira case any longer. Instead we should have fun. There are no risks, no consequences. Do you understand how... exciting that is?"
Light glared at him for a moment, then grabbed the front of L's shirt, bunched it up in two fists, and said, "Just shut up and fuck me."
A/N (Author's Note):
This is one of those things that just sort of popped into my head as a nearly-complete fic, and I couldn't rest until I wrote it down.
I think it's kind of an homage to all those fanfics that start within the rooftop rain scene, especially those that take a parody route such as L declaring he's not gay.
Also, if it were possible for a fictional character to realize they were a fictional character, L is one of the few who might be able to deduce it on the basis of intelligence alone.
In case you didn't realize, the AU part of this fic is that it is set in a universe where all Death Note fan fiction is true. It kind of happens serially, with the characters starting anew with altered memories for each new fic.
This is a one-shot. I don't intend to write the sex scene. I think that some fics are better with actual sex scenes, and others are better with implied sex scenes, and this seemed to be one where it is better to simply imply it.
I am not uploading this to my adult fan fiction dot net account, because this could be considered a parody, and that archive has extremely strict rules about parodies. I don't want my account there to get banned because of just one fanfic.