Mr. Fat Free Patrick
- Spongebob decides to help Patrick try to lose weight after it gets out of control. The desire for junk food however only gets worse.
Characters
Spongebob Squarepants
Patrick Star
Squidward Tentacles
Gary The Snail
Larry The Lobster
Gymnasts
Kids
Don The Whale
Sandy Cheeks
Bubble Bass (mentioned)
Patrick's Cousin (mentioned)
Patrick's Mother (mentioned)
The story starts at The Krusty Krab. The shift is over for the day and Spongebob & Squidward proceed to walk on home.
SPONGEBOB: What a fantastic shift Squidward! The Krusty Krab is the most beautiful place under the deep blue sea!
Spongebob blinks his eyelashes.
SQUIDWARD: If you think crusty stains & moldy toilets are the most beautiful place under the deep blue sea, give me that seaweed you found there.
They arrive to their houses that are only 400 yards away.
SPONGEBOB: Goodnight Squidward! See you tomorrow!
SQUIDWARD: I certainly hope not.
SPONGEBOB: Ahahahah!
SQUIDWARD: Idiot
Spongebob strolls to his Kitchen and finds Patrick raiding the refrigerator.
SPONGEBOB: Patrick?
PATRICK: Hi Spongebob! I'm just borrowing your food supplies again!
SPONGEBOB: Okay um, you could've asked.
PATRICK: Well you were at work and my tummy rumbled and uh, well, I couldn't resist!
SPONGEBOB: Well, can you eat here, that is my food after all.
PATRICK: Okey Dokey Artichokey!
Patrick sets the supplies down onto the table.
PATRICK: Oh and Spongebob? Do you know what Diet means?
SPONGEBOB: Yeah, it's when you eat healthier food to lose weight and be healthier.
PATRICK: Eww! No way! Healthy food is toxic waste and pink slime made from pipes!
SPONGEBOB: That's McDonalds Chicken McNuggets.
PATRICK: Same thing!
Patrick takes out ice cream and a bowl and begins scooping for Vanilla & Strawberry.
SPONGEBOB: Well uh? Do you by any chance have to do one of these diet thingies?
PATRICK: Hmmmmm, many people were calling me Fatty, Fatso McGee, Patrick the Cable Guy and..
SPONGEBOB: I get it.
PATRICK: I honestly don't understand why they were calling me such mean things.
Patrick scoops out 10 gallons of ice cream and sticks it into the bowl.
PATRICK: I am as healthy as an ox! My mother said so!
Patrick applies some sprinkles, tic tacs and a chocolate chip cookie.
PATRICK: If those people want to call me fat, they are wrong! Gary, pass the whipped cream.
GARY: Meow
Patrick begins spraying whipped cream onto his ice cream float.
PATRICK: So all in all, I may be brilliantly stupid but those meanies are stupider!
Patrick swallows the entire float and forms a pot belly.
PATRICK: So, how was work?
Spongebob stares in shock at the pot belly.
SPONGEBOB: Um Patrick?
Patrick notices.
PATRICK: Oh fishpaste!
Patrick punches the pot belly into himself and returns to somewhat normal but looks a little heavier.
SPONGEBOB: Perhaps maybe you should trim off some of those calories buddy.
PATRICK: Pfft! Be real! I am the healthiest sea star under the sea!
Suddenly a tear is heard.
PATRICK: Ahh
Patrick turns & has ripped a hole in the back of his pants. Spongebob covers his eyes.
PATRICK: Oh um uh, okay, maybe I put on a few extra pounds but I am still healthy! I can prove it! I'll run! And I hate running!
Patrick runs into the living room and collapses already running out of breath.
PATRICK: Oh man! Curse that fowl sport!
Patrick has a little trouble getting up but eventually succeeds.
PATRICK: Well, I can still limbo! And fat people can't limbo!
Gary & Spongebob hold a limbo stick. Patrick proceeds to get into limbo stance & collapses to the floor, burps, farts & reforms the pot belly which smacks him in the face.
PATRICK: Ow! Uh, there's a logical explanation for this, perhaps my body is just having a bad day! They have them you know!
SPONGEBOB: Patrick, just face it, you have gotten bigger and you need to lose weight, try Larry's Gym!
PATRICK: No! I hated Gym class! I'll still have nightmares of playing volleyball!
SPONGEBOB: No! Not PE! Gym! A workout Gym!
PATRICK: Oh? That Gym! No thanks!
SPONGEBOB: Patrick, come on.
Patrick exits the pineapple & following is Spongebob.
PATRICK: Why should I run? You just saw me collapse!
SPONGEBOB: Pat, there's no other way, you have to lose weight.
PATRICK: What happens if I stay fat?!
SPONGEBOB: You can turn into Bubble Bass and live in the Condos for the Forever Obese for instance.
PATRICK: And turn into a tuna can?
SPONGEBOB: Yep
PATRICK: No! NOOO! OKAY! FINE! I'll go to the Gym!
SPONGEBOB: Okay good! First thing 6 AM! Be there!
PATRICK: I can't, 7.
SPONGEBOB: Why?
Patrick shows his tear again causing Spongebob to block his eyes.
PATRICK: I have to borrow another pair of pants from my cousin.
The scene cuts to Larry's Gym at 7 AM. Spongebob & Patrick enter to see tons of gymnasts & trainers that look so much more fit than Patrick.
PATRICK: These are some really weird looking fish.
SPONGEBOB: Those are trainers Pat.
PATRICK: They ain't trains!
Larry The Lobster walks up.
LARRY: Hey Spongebob, hey Patrick!
SPONGEBOB: Sup Larry!
PATRICK: I'm going now!
Patrick turns to leave but Spongebob stops him.
LARRY: You're buddy okay?
SPONGEBOB: Yeah uh, he's just scared, he needs to lose weight.
LARRY: How bad.
SPONGEBOB: Very bad.
PATRICK: AAAHH!
Patrick collapses to the ground due to his obesity & several ecstatic little kids run up & use his belly in place of a bounce house.
PATRICK: I haven't worked out and I already feel pain.
Larry blinks his eyes not believing this sight.
LARRY: Whatever happened to your friend is an unacceptable tragedy.
SPONGEBOB: Ice Cream Floats.
LARRY: I figured. Hmm, I think we can help your starfish friend out, but it's not exercise that can help him.
SPONGEBOB: Come again?
Larry pulls out a statistics chart.
LARRY: Those extra calories & unneeded proteins are a result of as you said, Ice Cream Floats, or should I say belly fat. Patrick needs to descend to a strict diet of just Asparagus for at least one month until he dips into a category where he's still fat but not this fat.
SPONGEBOB: Okay! No problem! Where can I get Asparagus?
LARRY: Let's see! DON!
Don The Whale runs up in his extreme fitness, chews on a piece of cauliflower and then gulps down water.
DON: Yes Larry?
LARRY: Show Spongebob where the Asparagus is.
DON: Why? The Sponge dude is a weakling but he isn't out of shape.
LARRY: It's not for him, for the other one.
Larry points to Patrick, who is using his pot belly to store his tears in, since he just had another nightmare about volleyballs.
DON: OH MY NEPTUNE! AND I THOUGHT BUBBLE BASS WAS BAD! ASPARAGUS COMING UP!
Don runs and returns in a split second with several boxes of Asparagus and runs away to erase "Super Fat Patrick" out of his mind.
LARRY: Good luck Spongebob!
Spongebob has trouble trying to drag Patrick out of the Gym until being provided by a wagon by a Gymnast who also picks up and puts Patrick in it.
SPONGEBOB: No problem Larry.
LARRY: And be aware that it's hard to convert to a new food item.
SPONGEBOB: Thanks for the heads up…
Spongebob has trouble trying to wagon his friend to his house. The Gymnast returns and does it instead.
The scene cuts to Patrick's house where Patrick sits at the table looking grumpy.
PATRICK: I hate Asparagus!
SPONGEBOB: I know you do buddy but you need to get healthier so just try to put up with it for the next month.
PATRICK: Errghh, okay, for you Spongebob.
Spongebob sets a covered tray down onto the sand table.
SPONGEBOB: Good
Spongebob uncovers it to reveal just one microscopic piece of asparagus. Patrick looks horrified.
PATRICK: Buh Bye!
Patrick tries to get up but is stuck and sandwiched in between the table & chair.
SPONGEBOB: Sorry buddy but Larry advised to start small. Well, here comes the train and a reluctant choo choo.
Spongebob tries to feed the piece of horror to Patrick that is even smaller than a pebble. He resists but eventually has no choice and chews and swallows it. Patrick vomits.
PATRICK: Horrible!
Patrick then falls asleep.
The scene jumps to inside Spongebob's Kitchen, near to midnight. The back door opens quietly and walking in is Patrick, which in his words, is going to sneak a "quick snack." Gary spots him.
PATRICK: I'll pay you five bucks if you say nothing.
GARY: Meow Meow
Patrick pays Gary $5 and Gary slithers away to go back to sleep.
PATRICK: Ok! Let's see what Spongebob has in the fridge! Hehe!
Patrick opens the fridge only to find Spongebob's fowl Crystal Blue drinks.
PATRICK: Fishpaste! Wait what's this?
Patrick finds a note and reads it.
PATRICK: 'Patrick, think about what you're doing and please stop, bedtime is a nice option right now. Love, Spongebob.'
Patrick crumbles and throws away the note.
PATRICK: I need my munchies!
Patrick searches and raids the cabinets but instead of finding Chef Boyardee's & Ramen Noodles, he finds Vegetarian Chicken Containers & Steamed Coral In A Can.
PATRICK: Grrrr! Wait, I still have the stash!
Patrick maneuvers to Spongebob's food pantry which is devoid of anything junk & sugar. He reaches to the top of the third countertop where he keeps a stash of junk food and other delights. He feels something.
PATRICK: Aha! I knew he wouldn't find my hidden Gummy Worms!
Patrick however instead finds a bag with a note in it.
PATRICK: Huh? 'Patrick, give up, I thought of everything, you are not slick, I'm sorry. Love, Spongebob.'
Patrick slams the pantry door shut.
PATRICK: FISHPASTE!
Suddenly a light turns on from the stairwell.
SPONGEBOB: Patrick? Is that you?
PATRICK: Oh barnacles, the police.
Patrick opens the fridge, grabs some of the Crystal Blue drinks and retreats into a closet. Spongebob descends down the stairs.
SPONGEBOB: I didn't leave the Kitchen this much of a mess, why is my fridge open? And why are there three of my Crystal Blue's on the floor leading right to the closet?
Spongebob, intrigued, opens the door to find Patrick gulping down a Crystal Blue pretending to be healthy. He vomits the disgusting healthy drink.
PATRICK: UGH! HOW CAN SPONGEBOB DRINK THIS GARBAGE?! UGH! Uh oh, Hi Spongebob! I'm a healthy! Have you by any chance see my stash?
Spongebob sighs and taps his foot knowing his friend well enough to break in the house and look for junk food.
The scene cuts to Spongebob and Patrick at Sandy's, 30 days have passed, Patrick's month is almost over but he really can no longer take eating just one piece of Asparagus a day.
PATRICK: Ice Cream…. Gummy Drops… Chef Boyardee's.. Why did you leave me?!
Patrick breaks down crying in Sandy's grass.
SPONGEBOB: He needs help Sandy, I feel bad but I don't want my friend to really regret it later.
SANDY: Hmmm, how long has it been since he has eaten say a cookie?
SPONGEBOB: Patrick?
PATRICK: What's a cookie?
SPONGEBOB: Oh no! The healthy food is starting to make him be dead inside! This isn't his usual stupidity! He always knew what a cookie was!
SANDY: Spongebob calm down! I got an idea! Perhaps I can make an invention where the food Patrick usually likes is made but with the right equations & plans, I can make it healthier.
PATRICK: What's a food?
SANDY: Oh Texas Twisters, we need to do this fast.
SPONGEBOB: Yep! Very fast!
The scene jumps to Sandy wearing goggles and making an invention where she can make a healthier alternative that simulates Patrick's old diet. Patrick is on the brink of consciousness & unconsciousness.
SPONGEBOB: Hurry Sandy! I don't know if he can hold on much longer!
SANDY: Gall darn it! Contain yourself!
Sandy finishes her invention & takes out a platter of Chocolate Chip Cookies.
SANDY: Here feed him this.
Spongebob opens the mouth of Patrick, who is in a vegetative state by this point.
SPONGEBOB: I hope this works.
Spongebob inserts the cookie inside and moves Patrick's jaw up and down. Patrick's eyes open wide and he bounces up as if nothing happened. Spongebob and Sandy smile. Patrick happily chews on the cookie & then swallows the rest.
PATRICK: COOKIES!
SPONGEBOB: YAY!
Sandy shows a potion.
SANDY: With dabs of a healthy potion!
SPONGEBOB: Yes!
Patrick looks fit.
PATRICK: Hey! I think I lost some pounds!
SANDY: Let's see!
Sandy weighs Patrick with her BMI Calculator. Patrick was 334.7 lbs on the first of the month, now he is 314.7 lbs.
SANDY: He lost 20 pounds!
SPONGEBOB: YAY!
PATRICK: What's a pound?
The scene cuts to Spongebob at home relaxing in his chair watching TV with Gary. Suddenly he hears the phone ring. He picks it up.
SPONGEBOB: Hello?
SQUIDWARD: Spongebob this is Squidward, um, has Patrick looked a little different lately?
SPONGEBOB: Not that I recall.
SQUIDWARD: Okay, maybe I am seeing things, well bye, moron.
Squidward hangs up and looks out his window to see a very tall & buff Patrick tending to his garden & devouring another plate of Sandy's delicious and healthy cookies. Larry drives by and is amazed.
LARRY: Now those are some gnarly muscles!