Super Smash Bros. Talk Show

Author's note: Okay, this is not in any way to be serious like my other Super Smash Bros. fanfic. This is purely humor – plain humor. If you are looking for action with a decent plot, don't read this. It has no plot whatsoever. None. If you are looking for a good laugh, read this. This reads like a script. In order to avoid confusion dialogue is normal, and actions or anything not dialogue is within parentheses. Anything in asterisks include sighs, coughs, and anything muttered under one's breath. Also, I will be taking suggestions for anything to happen. Anything can happen in this story. I'm serious; it has no plot whatsoever.

Warning: Contains excessive violence, mild language, unproper grammar, large words, character bashing, and angry girlfriends. Faint-hearted Roy fans should not read this – it contains a lot of Roy-bashing, Roy-insulting, and generally anything bad happens to Roy. No, I do not hate Roy; I just think it's fun to bash him now and again. I do make fun of other characters too.

Disclaimer: Celticskyedancer definitely owns Super Smash Bros…. OW!

Master Hand: No you don't, you're just some nobody we hired to write a decent introduction for Roy because he obviously lacks the intelligence to write his own.

Celticskyedancer: Oh, OK. I don't own Super Smash Bros. Nope. I know you all knew that. (receives angry glares from Master Hand. Yes I know he doesn't have eyes and is just a hand, but it seems like he's glaring angrily at me.) I'll shut up now. Promise.

Part One: Marth

Roy: Welcome to the Super Smash Bros. Talk Show; I'm your host – Roy of Pherae. Perhaps you remember me from my brief appearance in Melee. It was perhaps the greatest time of my life. I was so thrilled that they were making Brawl. Then I got cut. Thrown out like a bag of trash. Nintendo felt sorry for me though so they hired me and all the other rejects to host this talk show.

Master Hand (MH): "Me and all the other rejects?"

Roy: What do you want me to call them? We're rejects!

MH: You don't say "me and all the other rejects."

Roy: I'm sorry you find it insulting.

MH: It's bad grammar!

Roy: What?

MH: It's not "me and all the other rejects"; it's "all the other rejects and me." You never say "me and."

Roy: I don't care about proper grammar.

MH: You have an introduction written by celticskyedancer. Read it!

Roy: I am reading it!

MH: No, you're not. I read your script; you are making this off the top of your head. We hired a professional writer for a reason.

Roy: Technically she's not a professional, she only an amateur fanfic author. And I am reading her script.

MH: No, you're arguing with me.

Roy: Maybe this argument is part of the script.

MH: Now that's an insane thought. Now get back to your job, Reject.

Roy: Why you little…Anyways, all the other rejects and me. (glares at Master Hand.)

MH: Very good.

Roy: (continues to glare)…are working on this show. Operating as our electrical battery…producer, Pichu. (all the lights go out).

Young Link (YL): Pichu fainted from using his electric attacks.

Roy: Just plug him into a battery to recharge. He'll be fine. (lights come back on.) Operating four cameras with only his mind – that is so cool – Mewtwo. (cameras turn towards Mewtwo for a second, then turn back to Roy.) Dr. Mario is our stage producer, and my man, Young Link, is the guy in the audience. Now you may be wondering why I'm working for Nintendo when they clearly think that I suck. Well, I'm not the type of guy who holds grudges. I'm not mad that Nintendo fired me. I am definitely not here just to find some way to embarrass my friends on public television. No, I am so not that type of person.

MH: I'm sure everyone believes you.

Roy: They sure do.

MH: (whispers over to Crazy Hand) Does he not get sarcasm?

Crazy: MuSt GeT cAnDy

MH: (to himself) Why did Nintendo have to hire my deranged brother?

Roy: Our first guest is the Prince of Altea, my ex-best friend, Marth Lowell.

Marth: (walks onstage amid cheers.) Hey Roy, what's up?

Roy: Oh not much seeing as I never heard from you. I am your "best" friend, and you never wrote me once. Not even a "Hi Roy, how ya doing?" or "I'm sorry you got kicked out of Brawl." I bet you rejoiced when I left.

Marth: I put in several good words for you, but Nintendo replied with an adamant "No." When I asked why, they said it was for "confidential" reasons.

Roy: That's probably the Japanese way of saying that I suck.

Marth: …So what's this about embarrassing us on public television?

Roy: I said I wasn't going to do that.

Marth: right.

Roy: See, you believe me.

MH: He doesn't get sarcasm

Marth: I noticed. He never did.

Roy: What's sarcasm?

Marth: You don't need to know.

Roy: Is that the Japanese for "You suck, Roy"?

Marth:…Japanese? Roy, you're an idiot.

Roy: Why thank you…Hey! I am not idiot!

Marth: Yes, you are.

Roy: Well you're vain.

Marth: You're immature.

Roy: You're egotistical.

Marth: You're a dumbass.

Roy: You're…vain.

Marth: Vain?

Roy: Yes, vain. It means that you…

Marth: I know what it means. Roy, you can't double-use insults.

Roy: I didn't double-use vain. But you are vain.

Marth: You can't triple-use insults either. (Roy begins to open his mouth.) You can't quadruple-use them either.

Roy: I have a small vocabulary, okay?

Marth: Obviously, moron. Try using a thesaurus.

Roy: I don't need a thesaurus, whatever the hell that is; I have a Mewtwo. Hey Mewtwo, I need a good insult to throw back at Marth.

Mewtwo: Usually I wouldn't share my vast stores of knowledge with suck low-life as you, but since you are asking for an insult…

Roy: Enough big words, just give me an insult!

Mewtwo: Narcissistic

Roy: That sounds cool. Marth, you're narcissistic.

Marth: What? I am not!

Roy: Ooh, that must really be a good insult. Hey Mewtwo, what does narcissistic mean?

Mewtwo: It means you're in love with yourself.

Roy: But wouldn't that make me narcissistic? I mean, I love myself.

Mewtwo: Not like that. It's not that you love yourself; you're in love with yourself. (sees Roy's blank face.) *sigh* You have a girlfriend, right?

Roy: Yep! Lilina. She's in the audience. (A girl with deep blue hair and eyes in a red and white dress and a red cap stands up.) I love you, Lilina! (she blushes.)

Mewtwo: Well, saying that Marth is narcissistic means that he loves himself like you love Lilina.

Roy: Oh…(actually thinks about it.) *epiphany!* Oh! That's sick, but true. Wow Marth, all this time I thought you were gay, but you're just narcissistic.

Marth: I am neither gay nor narcissistic. I do have a fiancée.

Roy: Oh really. Then where is she?

Marth: Right over there. (Points to a girl with blue hair and eyes in a red dress.)

Roy: Wow. Who is she?

Young Link: (Runs over to Marth's fiancée.) Who are you?

Sheeda: I'm Sheeda.

Roy: Wow. She's like an older, hotter version of Lilina.

Lilina: Excuse me? Just what does that mean?

Roy: Oh Lilina…I-I didn't m-mean anything b-by it.

Lilina: You didn't mean anything? You just said she was hotter than me! Do I mean nothing to you? (Elfires Roy.)

Roy: I didn't…

Lilina: You didn't what? You are such a pig, Roy! (Forblazes him.)

Roy: Lilina, don't you think that you're over-reacting? I only said one thing…Okay, so I shouldn't have said it, but…

Lilina: But what? You still would have thought it.

Roy: Come on, Lilina. I still love you. I'm not a narcissistic freak like Marth.

Marth: One, I am not narcissistic; vain, maybe, but not narcissistic. Two, don't pull me into this little spat you and your girlfriend are having.

Lilina: Maybe we should; you're fiancée started this.

Sheeda: How is this my fault? Don't blame me because you're mad at your idiot boyfriend.

Lilina: What did you say about my boyfriend?

Sheeda: He's an idiot.

Lilina: That's it sister, you wanna take this outside?

Sheeda: Why not?

Marth: Ladies, calm down.

Lilina: Stay out of this narcissistic freak.

Sheeda: Don't you dare insult my boyfriend.

Lilina: You insulted my boyfriend.

Sheeda: That's because your boyfriend is a moron.

Lilina: Well your boyfriend is a sissy.

Sheeda: True, but I see it as one of his redeeming qualities.

Marth: What? Not you to, Sheeda. Why does everyone think that I'm sissy?

Roy: Because you are sissy, and you have sarcasm. Which is Japanese for "you suck."

Sheeda: (To Lilina) See, I speak only the truth when I say that your boyfriend is an idiot.

Lilina: *sigh* I know.

Mewtwo: Sarcasm is when you say one thing but mean the exact opposite. It's English.

Roy: Like if I say Marth is manly, but I really mean he's sissy.

Mewtwo: Well, yes, but you have to use the correct tone of voice.

Roy: huh?

Mewtwo: Forget it.

Roy: So Marth, how come you never told me about this Sheeda.

Sheeda: What?! You never told anyone about me? I thought you loved me.

Marth: I do love you Sheeda, but you have to understand that I have very good reasons for not talking about you.

Sheeda: Like what?

Marth: Like people would start making dirty jokes about you. They did that with Lilina.

Lilina: What?! (to Roy) And you didn't stop them? I can't believe you!

Roy: I had no control over it. I tried to stop.

Lilina: I bet you just didn't care.

Roy: Lilina, don't say things like that. (bell rings) Looks like it's time for our first commercial break. Stay tuned to see who comes on next. Come on Lilina, I'm serious. I had no control over it.

Author's note: Look forward to more insanity. This story is insanity. In liquid form…just ignore that last comment. Anyways please give me feedback. FYI the next person is Link; so give me some really good ideas how to torture…erm, interview him. Ideas for other characters interviews are also welcome.