Author's note - I know, I know. I should be working on PGatVotO.. and well, part of chapter 12 is finished, but I really need to write fluff now and then to get me through the angst. Also, I know the classes (and people)aren't in the same order as in the books, but bare with me, I just typed it up this way. :]

Disclaimer - Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

"This is a bad idea, isn't it," I muttered, my focus turning to Alice. She was avoiding my gaze, whistling innocently.

"Have some faith in us, Bella. I, for one, highly doubt health class is a subject for chaos," Jasper offered in his attempt to draw my suspicion away from his pixie wife.

"Yeah, Rosalie and I get to be cooks!" Boasted Emmett. Alice slightly pursed her lips as she escaped into the school building.

Edward wrapped an arm around me, kissing my cheek. "The principal asked us to do this while he negotiates new salaries. Really now," he bested me with his crooked smile. "This day will be over before you know it."

Gym

"Okay everyone, stretch those legs." Alice had taken over gym. Nearly half the class was in tears.

"I don't think we can all learn to do the splits by the end of the session," whimpered Jessica.

"You can't?" The teacher's face fell in gloomy disappointment.

Tyler raised his hand. "Um, Miss Cullen, I'm not sure how to say this, but most of us males in the room would rather not participate in an after-school ballet presentation. I mean, usually substitute teachers just have us play bombardment, remember?"

"ALICE!" We all turned our heads to see Jasper swing open the gym doors, his eyes filled with lust.

"How did health class fare?" Alice asked (for the sake of everyone else), gravitating toward her husband's persuasive intensity.

"They forced me to teach sex ed," he spoke with a husky voice as he drew her into a passionate kiss.

The entire gym boomed with everyone's cheers.

"Good, now get her out of here!" Lauren yelled, waddling toward the cart full of dodgeballs. Angela was lying next to it, trying to use the metal bars to raise herself off the floor and out of her uncomfortable, failed attempt at doing the splits.

English

"Miss Swan, would you read from where we'd left off yesterday?"

I rose from my chair as I cleared my throat. "What man art thou that thus bescreen'd in night so stumblest on my counsel?"

"By a name, I know not how to tell thee who I am. My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word." The verses flowed from Edward's lips as though honey, bringing the entire room to awed silence. I was dumbfounded and had nearly lost my place in the book.

"Please continue, Miss Swan," he said, taking a leisure step toward me. I swallowed hard.

"My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words of that tongue's utterance, yet I know the sound. Art thou not Romeo and a Montague?"

"Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike." Edward was a mere foot away now. I heard one girl sigh dreamily behind me as another girl huffed with some sort of irritation.

"Do you realize how jealous you're making everyone feel right now?" I whispered in annoyance, trying desperately to keep my head from floating off.

"You have no idea," he smirked.

A sudden knock at the door made the whole class jump. It was Alice. "Hi Edward! I'm afraid you'll have to take over health next period and.." her eyes darted to the left as a pale, lanky figure grabbed her hand and began to steal her away, "..there'ssomethingIneedtosearchforinthejanitor'sclosetseeyalater!"

Lunch

I stepped into the cafeteria and immediately cursed myself for not packing a lunch. Several kids were hunched over their chairs, throwing up on the linoleum floor. Emmett had emerged from the kitchen, clad in a 'kiss the chef' apron, pointing with his ladle in defiance.

"Are you calling my wif-I mean girlfriend a bad cook?" He accused no hurler in particular.

"You're the one who prepared that dish!" Rosalie shouted from behind the food counter.

I moved sideways to allow Eric to scramble by. He was hugging the butt of his pants. "Ch-chili.. don't eat it, Bella." He warned as he made a dash for the bathroom.

Health Class

Edward exhaled with agitation. "We're juniors. Shouldn't you have learned these things already?"

"Um, yeah - this is Forks though. Our town is characterized by its lofty morals." Mike boldly reminded his teacher.

"Lofty morals my ass, teenage pervs," Edward muttered under his breath as he placed a hand over his brow and pouted softly.

My eyes wandered around the room. The afternoon class was smaller than usual.

Most of the students were in the nurse's office. But apparently the dozen or so sitting in this classroom..

Edward tossed a note on my desk.

I'd rather not be subjected to their crude thoughts a moment longer.

Count to ten and get under your desk!

I sighed with relief. This session had been just as embarrassing for me.

"Hey class, what's that outside?" Edward pointed to the window. With everyone's attention diverted, he briefly disappeared, returning just as the fire alarm went off. Water immediately sprayed down from the ceiling.

Edward folded his arms, a smug grin on his face as he watched the kids scream and run out of the room.

My empty stomach whined as I sat huddled under my desk.

If the Cullens ever subbed again, I would definitely fake an illness and stay home.

I hope you enjoyed the read. Please review! ^__^