A/N: It`s my first time delving into the realm of fanfiction. (yayz.)

I`m not a native English speaker, so feel free to correct me whatever the case may be (Lost reference anyone? No?). Also, constructive criticism is always appreciated.

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of the characters depicted in this story. However, I own the plot (?). Hurr hurrr.

Title: Bipolar

Summary: Some people like being around Yachiru. Byakuya doesn`t.

Spoilers: None.

Characters: Byakuya Kuchiki + a feisty fukutaicho

Rating: I`m not good with this. I don`t know what 'mild adult themes' means. Maybe a pastel-coloured theme? I think a hardcore adult would go for a theme with skulls and bikes and such.

K+, I guess.

Enjoy!

'Nee, Byakushiiiiiiiii, I`m boooooored!'

Byakuya pinched the bridge of his nose. He had neither the time, nor the desire to interact with the vile being perched on his desk.

Feigning ignorance is the best solution.

'Byakushiiiii! Ya hear me, you big meanie?'

I am a Kuchiki. I shall not let this...this thing bother me.

Moments of silence passed. Byakuya was prepared to make a mental victory dance, until the creature decided to prod at him and play with his ink, spilling it all over the paperwork.

'Fukutaicho.' He hoped that the Arctic tone he had used would make his feelings clear. 'Do you not have duties to attend to?'

The figure thoughtfully tapped its lips with a finger and crawled a bit more unto the desk, its legs dangling now over the edge.

'Nope, don`t think so!'

Just as expected.

'Is there something you desire specifically from me, fukutaicho?' Again with the cold tone. That apparently did nothing impressive to the thing.

'Buy me dinner, Byakushi!', it replied with a beaming grin.

'No.'

Here. This should be the end of it.

'Why?'

Or not.

'Because I work during my working hours. I advise you to do the same.'

'P-weeeeeeeez?' Cute pouty lips and teary eyes were pointed in Byakuya`s direction and, for a brief moment, he thought about giving in.

I am a Kuchiki. I shall not indulge it. I must resist.

'No.'

'Pretty pweez?'

'No.'

'Pretty pweez with a cherry on top?'

'No.'

'Fine.' The creature paused for a while, then decided to act again. 'Then I'mma kiss ya and kiss ya and kiss ya kiss ya kiss ya until ya come with me. Byakuya and me! In a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!...'

'Fukutaicho!' Byakuya snapped.

'...and I'mma yell embarrassing things about ya fer the whole division to hear! HEY DO YOU KNOW HOW BYA MOANS WHEN...'

The figure didn`t get to speak anymore as a tekken-covered hand pressed over its mouth and the other wrapped around its neck.

'Give me one valid reason not to use Senbonzakura, fukutaicho.' The tone used this time was more than ice. It was rage with a topping of hatred and tiny little fudges of murderous intent.

'Ou wuvv wee?' it took a wild guess, its voice muffled by Byakuya`s hand.

'Yes, fukutaicho, I do love you. Consider yourself lucky.' His grip on the creature loosened and he gave out a sigh of defeat. 'Will you stop harassing me if I agree to treat you to dinner?'

'Sure thing, Byakushi!' and it gave him a wet peck on the cheek.

'Very well. Let us proceed, then.' He made a move to exit the room, but suddenly stopped and turned to the being that was following him closely.

'Oh, and Abarai-fukutaicho? Please refrain yourself from visiting Kusajishi-fukutaicho. It does funny things to your personality.'