The Cure
There is a cure.
A cure to heal me and everyone else with these misguided thoughts and feelings. We are all ill with the same disease that have been spreading all around the world. Most people are immune, but the very few of us that aren't. We have to suffer with the consequences that comes with it. Some people have accepted us, the sick ones, because we can't help it. It's not our choice to get sick. While others are scared of us, that this disease might be contagious after all. Or they think it's our fault entirely, that we chose to be sick.
I can't feel any different, physically. I'm still me, I look the same, talk the same, act the same. But apparently I'm not, not anymore. To be honest, I feel better, now that I know what it is, before I had no idea what was wrong with me. I'm glad that they could tell me, so that they can fix it, so that they can cure me and everyone else who are bearers of this disease. Apparently this disease have existed since the beginning of time, according to my doctor. Just that we haven't acknowledge it's existence until now. Before, it was as if it didn't exist because it was wrong, different. Now, it's still wrong but we can help those who have it, instead of ignoring the problem.
I guess I should be feeling thankfull, that they can cure me, but it feels like it's not the disease they're trying to cure, but me. Because it feels like I've had this for as long as I can remember, it's a part of who I am. That part is seen as something wrong, not normal and in my case disgusting. It feels like they are trying to make me like everyone else. As if it's a goal that you and me want to achieve more than anything else. But that's not true. I don't want to lose myself, because that's exactly what it feels like, what it sounds like. This cure is going to take away the disease that is, me.
My doctor says that this disease called "homosexuallity" infects the brain.
That it changes you.
What you feel.
What you want.
What is right.
And what is wrong.
Is all an illusion.
The cure will make me sane, right now I have been living in a delusion were everything I feel isn't what I really feel and every thought and action that I have made haven't been mine, but the disease, tricking me.
They're telling me that the person I love with all my heart, is not real love.
They're telling me that what I feel about him is an illusion made up from a disease.
But, he said he loved me too.
Was that an illusion? The words he spoke, the gestures he did, the smile he made every time our paths crossed, the kisses he gave me in the morning as I woke up next to him, the love we shared with each other day and night. Is a lie, made up in my head?
Every touch, was an illusion.
Every word, were never spoken.
Every moment we shared, never existed.
Every kiss, was all in my head.
He doesn't exist.
Our love have never existed.
I see.
So, that is the cure.
To pretend.
To live in a lie.
To deny yourself.
That, is the cure. - Isa Sophie Ring.