Author's Note: This fic is in the category of "Missing Enthusiasm", a term coined by DQMW fans to describe love scenes between Sully and Michaela written either canon, but "when the cameras shut off", where intimacy was hinted at, or off canon as a fix-it fic in scenes where there was none, but people wish there had been. These scenes/fics are not solely during their married years, but can also include their courtship and engagement periods as well, keeping in mind levels of intimacy that are in character during those times. If you enjoy these types of fics, be sure to check out the DQMW community called "The Missing Enthusiasm Enthusiasts". If you're on Facebook, you can also send me a PM and I can invite you to the secret FB group where you can talk with other MEE writers/readers, add your own ideas for MEE scenes, etc.
This fic was written as an entry for the weekly word challenge in the Facebook group "FanFiction .net Writers Unite!". (I had to put an extra space so it didn't get deleted.) The word for this week was "deception".
"You're not Andrew Strauss. You're David," Michaela gasped.
"I'm so sorry Michaela. The last thing I ever wanted to do was to hurt you," David tried to convince her.
His words; however, fell on deaf ears as Michaela's world began to spin out of control, both physically as well as emotionally. With a soft thud, she fell into a heap at David's feet.
"MICHAELA!" Sully yelled, who had rounded the corner just in time to see her fall.
By the time Sully knelt down beside her, David was on the other side trying to revive her.
"What happened, Andrew?" he asked, using the name he had introduced himself with. "I was roundin' the corner and saw ya an' Michaela talkin' an' all of a sudden she fainted."
David didn't know what to say, but he didn't have to contemplate that long, because Sully soon felt her fingers moving against the back of his hand where he had been holding it gently.
"Com'on, Michaela," he whispered softly as he lovingly stroked her cheek with the back of his other hand. "Ya gotta wake up for me. Please."
After several more moments of loving caresses and whispers from Sully, Michaela's bi-colored eyes fluttered and opened, meeting the depths of Sully's blue ones. When she woke, she was surprised to see both Sully and David kneeling over her. "Sully... David?" she said weakly.
Thinking that Michaela had unintentionally used an incorrect name for the naturalist, Sully grew concerned, afraid that she had suffered a brain injury from her fall or time of unconsciousness. "I'm here," Sully swallowed, trying his best to not let Michaela know how worried he was. "But this is Andrew Strauss. Don't ya remember him? He's a naturalist"
At the name "Andrew Strauss", Michaela immediately bolted up. "No! She yelled before running off crying.
"MICHAELA!" Sully again called to her, but she didn't even turn around to acknowledge him.
Michaela ran. She ran as fast as she could. She heard Sully call after her above the noise of her sobs and feet hitting the ground, but she kept going. For the first time since they had met, she couldn't go to him. She didn't want to go to him. She had to get away. Where could she go? If he came after her, and she was certain he would, he would find her quickly if she went home or to the clinic. That only left two choices. Not able to climb in her mental state, she took off into the woods.
To say that Sully was stunned was an understatement. What had gone on between her and Andrew? He wanted to run after her, but wanting desperately to find out what had caused Michaela's bizarre behavior caused him to stay behind and try to get some answers.
"What happened? What did you do to her?!" he exclaimed, knowing in his gut that Andrew was to blame, he just needed to find out how.
"Believe me Sully, I didn't intend to hurt her. But I had to tell her that I'm not Andrew Strauss. My real name is former Capt. and Dr. David Lewis."
Sully struggled to grasp what he just heard. "What are ya talkin about? David was killed in the Civil War."
David shook his head. "I was gravely injured, but survived. I knew if I recovered enough to go back, I'd have to, so I took the identity of my best friend who died in my arms. Believe me, there were times I wish I'd died. It took me years to completely recover."
"Why didn't ya write ta Michaela when ya knew ya'd live?! She was heart broken when she thought ya died! Gettin' a letter from ya, even a few months after she got word ya died sure woulda been better than comin' out here after all this time... when she started her life over... only ta sneak around posin' as someone else. And this friend who's identity you stole... how could ya do that ta him? His family? They didn't suffer enough either? Even after we started courtin', she always talked about how ya supported her. When her pa died, she didn't just lose the only other person that supported her, but all her pa's patients abandoned her, too. Where where ya then? She sure coulda used ya! That's why she come all the way out here the summer a '67... and she was still mournin' ya then. Eight years, David! It's been EIGHT YEARS! I may not be from Boston and used ta fancy things, but when I proposed to her, I promised that I'd love her and never leave her. What about your promise?" Sully fumed, demanding answers... answers that would never be good enough.
David sighed, "Sully, as I said, I was gravely injured. I never thought that I'd fully recover, aside from the loss of my eye. I know how hard she worked to become a doctor and she had her entire career, and life, ahead of her. She didn't need a patient for a husband to hold her back."
"That's right!" Sully yelled back. "She's a doctor. She spends her life puttin' others safety an' well bein' above hers. She no more than gets here an' she almost died durin' a grippe epidemic when her medicine ran out, she saved Colleen's hands from frost bite, she went lookin' for Brian when he ran away an' later performed brain surgery on 'im when he fell outta a tree, she nearly got herself shot tryin ta shut down a mill that was poisonin' the water supply with mercury, she treats black people an' Indians no matter what others think, she saved Miss Dorothy's life by provin' she didn't kill her abusive husband, she traveled all the way back ta Boston an' saved her ma's life when some half-brained doc misdiagnosed her, she saved Matthew from a mine cave in, she treated a typhus epidemic at the reservation, she even got kidnapped by Indians when she got in the middle of their dispute with the army...an' while she was doin' all this, she raised three great kids. She even ran for mayor to improve the lives of the townsfolk. An' you have the nerve to tell me that you didn't want to "hold her back" by her possibly havin' ta take care of ya?! Ya don't know Michaela at all. Ya never did. If ya did, you'd know that treatin' ya is all she'd wanna do if she knew ya were injured like that."
David was stunned. While he felt horrible for misjudging Michaela, he also fell more in love with her with every point Sully made. He had to beg her forgiveness and win her back.
"Not ta mention ya just showed up at her door one day an' told her ya were leavin'!" Sully continued. "Did ya ever talk ta her about your decision? Did ya ever consider how she'd feel?"
David opened his mouth to answer, but Sully had other ideas, and he certainly had heard enough of his lame excuses.
"This" Sully said as his knee connected with David's groin. "Is for makin' her think ya were dead."
David remained on his feet, but slumped at the waist in pain.
"An' this," Sully's knee made contact again, causing him to collapse on the ground, feeling as if his manhood had been impaled inside of him. "Is for rippin' her heart out all over again by comin' back. I want ya outta town by the time I come back with Michaela, if you're not, I'm gonna call the Marshal an' have ya arrested for desertin'. Let's just say I know they take that quite seriously. Not ta mention identity theft."
Sully didn't wait for David's reply before running in the direction that Michaela had. Knowing there was only two places she'd go, he ran into the woods.
When Michaela arrived at the spot where Sully had proposed just two short weeks ago, she collapsed to the ground exhausted, both physically and mentally. She couldn't believe it. David was not dead. He not only wasn't dead, he had come to town and formed a friendship with her, Sully, and the children under the guise of an alias.
As she lay on the ground and began to come to grips with the events of the day, the shock wore off and was replaced with the realization of the depths of his deception. He didn't just abandon her when he enlisted without discussing it with her, he deceived and abandoned her when he allowed her to think that he had been dead. He'd been deceiving her every day for the past eight years! The promise he made to her when they were engaged meant nothing to him.
Oh, no... Their engagement! David was alive, so were they still engaged? She had promised herself to Sully thinking that David was long dead. Was she really engaged to both men? What was she going to do...? She wanted to marry Sully, but would she be obligated to marry David? It was true that she never truly loved David, but rather was attracted to his professional passion and skill, and of course the fact that he encouraged her own. From the time she was a young girl, Michaela's mother stressed the importance of a "good match", something based solely on financial, material, and societal security rather than love or a common bond. She always rejected that idea. It wasn't as if she would ever have the opportunity to even entertain that prospect, or so she thought. She didn't think any man would ever support her career- until she met David.
Michaela shook off that thought. That was then. Things were different now. How could he he say he loves or supports her when he abandoned her? It would have been bad enough being in a loveless marriage, but being forced to marry him now would be complete misery... and that wasn't even factoring in living without Sully.
Sully. How her world had changed the day she met. He was everything she wanted in a husband, and everything she didn't expect. He seemed too good to be true. Her heart knew long before her head that he was the man that God had created for her. He was the one that she loved. He was the one she wanted to marry. He was the one she wanted to raise her three children with, and the one who she wanted to be the father of any children she might carry in the future. He was the one she wanted to come home to after a hard day at work and find solace in his arms. He was the one she wanted to run to after the elation of delivering a baby or saving a patient's life. He was the one she wanted to make love to in the quiet of the night...
Even if she could get out of her engagement with David, would Sully still want her? When he had pledged his love for her in his proposal, neither had expected this to happen. Resigning herself to a loveless marriage was one thing, but if Sully turned her away, she would surely die of a broken heart. As much as she loved her children and didn't want to cause them any more pain than they had already experienced in their short lives, Sully's rejection would kill her. When they first arrived, Matthew had rejected her guardianship and had assured her that he was capable of taking care of his brother and sister. How much more he had matured since then. Yes, he was preparing to start a life of his own that already included helping Jon care for Ingrid's sisters, but Colleen and Brian would be well taken care of. Ingrid would love and nurture Brian as if he was her own and Matthew would make sure Colleen would go to medical school. If Sully rejected her, that would prove her a complete failure as both a doctor and a woman. They'd actually be better off without her.
In more emotional torment than before, she sobbed harder than she thought physically possible.
Sully ran until he could hear her heart wrenching sobs. Slowing his pace, he looked around and smiled when he found her in the exact spot he thought he would. Not wanting to startle her, he slowed to a walk, moving nearly silently as the Cheyenne had taught him. When he was within several feet of her, he let out his bird call.
"S... Sully...?" Michaela gasped between sobs, but not turning around to look at him. Did he know why she ran off? If he did, what must he think? Did he still want her? Did he still love her?
"It's me," Sully said softly as he touched her shoulder, giving her space if she wanted it, but making physical contact to comfort her.
"How did you know where to find me?" she asked, still not turning to face him.
"You're my heartsong. Your heart called out ta mine," he smiled, even though she couldn't see it.
"Oh Sully... Andrew... David..." she gasped as she tried, and failed, to tell Sully what David had told her.
Taking her attempt at talking as a good sign, he moved forward and in one movement gathered her in his arms and settled her in his lap as he sat cross-legged on the ground, in the exact spot he'd been laying when he had his vision of her. "It's ok... I'm here... I know... Let it out..." he attempted to comfort her as he lovingly ran the hand that wasn't around her waist up her arm.
Every heart wrenching sob killed him, but he knew that she had many years of grief she needed to relive and get out. As much as he wanted to kill An... David, his focus was completely on being there for Michaela in any way that she needed him. While it hurt to think of her with another man, past, present, or future, his heart ached even more for the pain Michaela was experiencing. She was such a tender hearted woman that she, no doubt was mourning her loss all over again, no matter how much she'd been hurt by his abandonment. It wasn't long before Sully's silent tears joined her much louder ones.
"You... you know...?" She finally struggled to speak after what seemed like hours.
Sully nodded against her head that was tucked into his neck. "He told me," he said simply.
Michaela let out a sigh. She was still devastated and confused, but not having to tell Sully about David was a relief. "Hold me..." she pleaded with him in the same tone she'd used when Sully had rescued her from the Dog Soliders.
Sully smiled at her request, given that he already was, and tightened his grip around her. Any other day, and the intense force of his strong muscles flexing around her would have been painful to both of them, but today it was welcomed and she immediately fell into an exhausted sleep.
When Sully noticed her calm, even breathing, he let out his own sigh of relief, thankful that her demons had granted her a brief respite as she escaped her sorrow to sleep. As he watched over her sleeping form, he could help but wonder if this was the last time he'd be granted that pleasure.
"You're still here..." Michaela said sometime later, still in a sleep induced haze.
"Of course," he said, a little bit shocked that she'd assume different. "I'm not leavin' ya unless ya want me ta," he assured her as he placed a kiss to the top of her head. Foremost, he wanted to her to know that she wasn't alone, but if his words had impressed upon her the difference between he and David, well, that was even better.
"I'll never want you to leave," Michaela whispered which made Sully smile.
"Then I won't," he assured her again.
The pair sat silently for a long time before Sully finally spoke, not reliquishing his tight grip on her, "Michaela, if ya wanna marry David, ya have my blessin'." His words brought bile to his throat, but he knew he had to assure Michaela he wanted whatever she thought was best for her... even if it killed him.
"I knew you didn't want me anymore!" Michaela sobbed anew, but didn't move from his embrace.
Sully's head spun. "No! No! That's not what I meant!" he hurriedly said. "I jus' wanna see ya happy and if, now that ya have the chance you were cheated outta, you think David would make ya more happy than me, you should marry him."
"Sully!" Michaela gasped, prying herself from his arms to look him in the eyes. "How could I possibly love him after what he did? Not to mention the fact that I never loved him in the first place."
"You didn't?" Sully asked, completely confused.
"No," she said. "Mother always stressed the importance of making a good match for a husband in terms of finances and their place in society. I rejected that, not only because I didn't want to live that life, but because I never thought I'd find a man that would be willing to marry me due to my career. But when I met David, I found myself resigning myself to my own definition of a good match. From the day we met, David always respected my choice to practice medicine so, when he declared his love for me, I quickly accepted. I never imagined there was a man that would respect my career, so I wasn't going to wait around another man who felt the same way and that I loved. Yes, I was devastated when he died, but because I thought of him as a very good friend and colleague- not someone I loved romantically. I thought that David was my one and only chance at marriage. I never imagined meeting you. I'm not saying that I don't need some time to process and cope with everything that's gone on, but you're the only man I want to marry."
Nearly before Michaela had uttered the word "marry", Sully lunged at her, tackling her to the ground. Her squeal of delight was swallowed by Sully's kiss as he kissed her passionately, nearly inhaling all the air that was in her lungs. How Sully wished that he could make love to her and show her exactly how much he loved her! Even though he, only moments ago, was uncertain he'd ever have that chance, now that he knew he would, that day seemed a life time away. In spite of her timidness when it came to courtin' an' sparkin', Sully knew that she would respond enthusiastically to him that day so his tongue begged entrance into her sweet mouth. As he anticipated, she immediately responded by opening her mouth to him and moaning. Their tongues dueled wildy, each exploring every reachable inch. Their moans reverberated into mouth of the other, making the other moan in return, much like a tennis volley... their passions escalating with each exchange. Never had their kisses been laced with so many emotions... love and lust, passion and delight, relief and happiness... Before long, Michaela felt Sully's evident desire for her, desire that matched the sensation she was beginning to feel internally as well. This would normally terrify her, but she'd spent hours in a mixture of numbness and sorrow that she just wanted to feel, she wanted to feel every joyous emotion that bombarded her body from the inside out.
Sully; however, had a better grasp on his thoughts than Michaela did and reluctantly pulled away enough to separate their lower halves. Rolling on his back, he brought Michaela's head to rest on his chest.
"I love you so much," Sully choked with emotion when he finally calmed enough to speak.
"I love you too, Sully," Michaela replied, her cheek not leaving his chest. "I always have and I always will."
Suddenly he heard, and felt, Michaela sigh. "Michaela?" he asked simply, deciding that, in light of the events of the afternoon, asking her "What's wrong?" would be the stupidest thing that could possibly come out of his mouth at the moment.
"I love you and want to marry you, Sully," she made sure to reiterate. "But what am I going to do about David? He's still in love with me and I was promised to him before I even met you. I'm obligated to marry him now that I know he's alive."
"Don't worry about that. David'll never bother you again," Sully assured her.
At this, Michaela lifted her head and looked at him puzzled.
"I ran him outta town," he said simply.
"You did?" she asked in a mixture of shock and pride.
"Yep. I hoped you wouldn'ta choose him so I took a chance an' told him ta be gone by the time we came back ta town. I figured if ya chose him, I'd already be hurt enough that I wouldn't care if ya were mad at me for makin' him leave. Either way, I hadda defend your honor and let him know what he did was wrong."
"You always defend my honor," Michaela whispered before kissing him softly.
"'Sides," Sully said when the kiss broke. "If you woulda married him, ya wouldn'ta had children with him."
Michaela looked at him puzzled again.
"I kneed him," he replied, trying not to smile. "Twice."
At this, Michaela laughed and hugged him tight.
"Com'on. Let's go home," he said, pulling her to stand.
"To our children..." she she finished, smiling coyly at him and wrapping an arm around his waist.