Authors Note: I would like to explain my point of view before I continue with this story: I am a psychology major and a volunteer every week in a place with high rates of mental illness. So when I continue to see fan-fictions on here that try to glamorize suicide it really gets my goat. :/
Here's what a suicidal Raven would more be like; based and inspired from what I've learned and seen. I hope to show that disorders such as depression are anything but glamorous.
I think it also goes without warning that this comes with a trigger warning.
For the last two weeks, Raven had not left her bed. She either slept or lay there as the clock by her bed ticked by. Every morning she would lie there, unable to find the energy to get up in the morning. The sweat from the last week stuck her mattered hair to her forehead and stank her sheets. But Raven couldn't find the motivation to even shower. Because to Raven, there was nothing to be motivated about. She lay in her sweat and grime, unable to bring herself to do anything but lie and stare.
Her friends tried to get her to leave her room. Some days were good, where Raven felt the strength to sit among the Titans for a few hours. Other days were bad, where if the Titans tried to physically pull her from bed it ended with Raven in tears. The Titans wanted to help but every time they tried, it just seemed to make things worse. This last week had been bad and it had been close to impossible to get Raven out of bed.
Robin knocked on Raven's door with the intention of finding an end to this. Raven's behaviour had been strange and erratic and Robin had no idea how to deal with it. The Titans leader was at a total loss on what he could do for the Titan. How could he help someone so unwilling to help themselves?
He wasn't surprised when Raven didn't answer. He punched in the override code and entered. Raven paid him no mind, buried in her blankets.
"Get up," Robin commanded bluntly.
Raven didn't move. She barely acknowledged his existence, lost in her own troubling thoughts. Robin didn't give her any room for excuses. He pulled the blankets from Raven with a sharp pull. She cried out, cuddling tighter into a ball.
"Raven, please," Robin pleaded, clutching her blanket.
But Raven didn't move. She didn't look up. She just stayed in that tight ball, a sorry and painful sight to her friend. Robin, in his mind, had no other choice. He picked Raven up and carried her away to the bathroom. She didn't struggle or say anything as Robin ran the bath. In her leotard, he lifted her into the hot water. She didn't seem to mind this either. It was when Robin turned away, only briefly, to look for some soaps that Raven burst into tears.
"Raven..." Robin sighed, wanting to support his friend but at a total loss on what made her upset to begin with.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed, finding it hard to keep her head upright.
"For what?" Robin tried to console.
But it only resulted in Raven to cry hard as she choked out, "everything."
Robin could tell Raven hadn't eaten in a while. She was very light to carry and her normal skin tight uniform appeared baggy. He awkwardly washed what he could without trying to break boundaries. Raven didn't seem to care if he did or not. Her head just hung to the side, the strength to support it seeming too great. Having to drag her out of the tub and dry her, Robin thought he could leave her with the responsibility to dress herself. Leaving the bathroom to make a favourite food of Raven's (waffles), he returned to find Raven standing where he left her, having not moved a muscle.
Robin growled aloud in frustration, on the verge of snapping when a hand was placed on his shoulder.
"Allow me," Starfire said from behind with a kind smile, floating into the bathroom and closing the door behind her.
Robin stood outside the door as he heard Raven begin to cry again. His fists clenched and unclenched in frustration, his mind unable to grasp what to do. What did Raven want?! With Raven freshly dressed, Starfire lead Raven by the arm into the Titans living room. She sat where Starfire placed her, in the middle of the couch, and made no attempt to move. She just sat, eyes staring ahead and showing no interest as her team mates gathered around her.
"Here," Starfire said gently, placing a plate on Raven's lap.
She didn't acknowledge Starfire or the plate. Beast Boy decided to try his hand.
"Hey Raven, read any good books lately?"
Raven turned to him as her eyes began to water and her bottom lip quiver. She quickly turned her head away from him and mumbled, "I don't want to talk anymore."
"Raven, man…" Cyborg groaned, making Raven's sniffles increase.
The four Titans shared a worried look, all confused and ill-equipped to deal with Raven. They all cared so much for their friend and where trying so hard. Why couldn't Raven see that? When they turned back, Raven was gone and her plate left untouched.
Raven's behaviour continued for another week. The Titans took turns in trying to look after Raven but their frustration was driving a wedge in their relationships to Raven. They began to dislike being around Raven, finding it hard to deal with her let alone what would set her off. This meant they began to try less. They began to stop giving Raven so much effort.
Then, one day, Raven appeared to suddenly become right. The Titans, all relieved beyond belief, passed it off as a phase in Raven's life. They let Raven carry on among their usual activities without barely a word to what had happened. She was, after all, better. Right? Only a few days after her miraculous recovery, Raven wouldn't answer the door.
"Raven?" Cyborg called, continuing to knock on Raven's door, "you'll be late for combat practice."
With no reply, Robin came to stand beside Cyborg and called, "please Raven?"
But still no response.
"Open the door," Robin commanded.
After Cyborg punched in the override keys, everything erupted into a whirlwind. Raven lay on her bed, vomit on the floor below her. She was unconscious, barely breathing with foam coming from her mouth.
"Raven!" Cyborg and Robin screamed as they raced to Raven.
Robin was quick to check her pulse and breathe before Cyborg hurled her into his arms and ran for the medical bay. The noise attracted the attention of Beast Boy and Starfire.
"Dudes, wha-" Beast Boy lost his words as he caught sight of Raven in Cyborg's arms.
"Friends!" Starfire cried as her and Beast Boy gave chase after them, "what is going on with friend Raven?"
But there was no time for replies, no time for explanations. Cyborg dropped Raven onto a bed and began to fish for equipment.
"Please Raven, please!" Robin pleaded as he fumbled for her pulse again, his eyes darting in panic to Cyborg.
"Whatever she's taken, we've got to get it out," Cyborg commanded, pulling a tube attached to a large machine out of the medical cupboard.
Cyborg positioned the hose over Raven's mouth and began to make move to push the tube into Raven's mouth when Robin slammed the door shut. Shut out from the medical bay, Starfire and Beast Boy sat in the hall waiting. Beast Boy squeezed his fists as he tried to hold back the tears pricking in his eyes. Starfire clutched her hands to her mouth, trying to hold the sobs that were breaking through. The time killed them as the clock on the wall ticked the seconds away. The only thing the Titans could do was wait.
Author's Note: I hope you hated reading Raven this way. It certainly hurt me writing her like this.
If you or a loved one is experiencing symptoms of depression or suicidal thought, then please contact a professional immediately. Some numbers are:
USA: Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-2433
Canada: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
Australia: Lifeline: 13 11 14
New Zealand: The Lowdown: 0800 111 757
Always call your appropriate emergency line in an emergency.
Always good to end on a safe note. Thanks for reading and take care everyone. :)