Dan was in the bathroom standing in front of the mirror. There was a razor blade on the sink. He was thinking about doing it. He couldn't take it anymore. He's had a crush on Phil for the past year and he could never tell him. He promised himself that he wouldn't. He was too afraid that it would ruin their 7 year long friendship. He was not ready to give that up. He told Phil everything (well almost everything.) They were always there for each other. They live together for god's sake. And that's just it. They live together so it makes it more difficult for Dan. He see's Phil everyday and it hurts him that he just can't be with him. And looking back at old videos doesn't help one bit. "No wonder why our 'fans' ship us. That one time when Phil attacked me in one of our 'Philisnotonfire' videos. I wanted to kiss him more than anything. And those cat whiskers are the cutest thing.", Dan thought to himself.
He looked down at the razor blade that was still sitting on the sink. He picked it up and put it to his wrist. Just as he was about to, the door opened (even though he was pretty sure that he locked it) which of course scared him and soon he felt a very sharp pain in his wrist. He already felt the blood coming out. "Dan…?", it was Phil of course. Who else would it be? Dan looked at his wrist it was bleeding so badly. It wouldn't stop. The cut was really deep. "D-Dan? Bloody hell! What did you do that for?" Even when Dan was in so much pain he couldn't help but notice how amazing it is to hear Phil's voice. But before he knew it he fell to the floor. His vision was blurring "D-Dan I'm calling an ambulance!" he said, panic in his voice. And he ran out the door. This was the last thing Dan saw before he passed out.
Dan woke up in the hospital with a bandage on his wrist. Phil was asleep in one of the very uncomfortable-looking chairs that was in the room. He looked so cute… There was a knock at the door and Dan closed his eyes again and pretended to be asleep. But Phil automatically woke up from the knock. "Come in!" The door opened. "Hello Phil? I'm Doctor Edwards", the Doctor said. "Is he going to be alright?", Dan heard Phil immediately ask hopefully. "Yes he's going to be perfectly fine. He should be waking up soon. But he lost a lot of blood, so make sure he drinks lots of water. I'm actually going to go get some for him and papers for you to sign and then you'll be free to go. Sound good?" "Thank god, thank you so much Doctor, yeah that sounds good", Phil said with relief in his voice. "Okay, be right back then" And he left. Dan thought it would be a good time to "wake up" so he groaned and opened his eyes. "Dan! You're awake", Phil said walking next to him. Dan smiled then said while stretching, "Yeah I'm awake!" Dan looked right into Phil's eyes. He couldn't resist. But they looked sad, they looked like they were full of tears ready to pour out at any second. "You gave me a scare there mate. I thought I was going to lose you", Phil said, his voice cracking. This made Dan feel worse than he already did. "I-I'm sorry Phil. I didn't think it would hurt you that much." Phil, sniffled, "But why did you do it? Is there something I don't know about? Is someone giving you a hard time?" The tears that were waiting to pour out all came out at once. Soon his face was covered in tears. " I-I mean you could have told me. You can always tell me things like that Dan. You can tell me anything!" Dan's eyes started to fill up with tears. He couldn't stand seeing Phil cry. It broke his heart.
"I couldn't tell you and I still can't", Dan said looking at Phil. "Why?", Phil asked another tear running down his face. "It would ruin our friendship. It would ruin everything and I really don't want that to happen. I'm so sorry Phil" But before Phil could respond there was a knock at the door. Phil wiped his face on the sleeve of his jumper. "Come in", Phil said trying not to sound like he had been crying. The Doctor came in with papers and a large cup of water. "Here Dan, drink it all. You're going to have to drink a lot for the next couple of days", he handed him the cup of water then turned to Phil. "If you'll just sign here…" As Phil signed and filled out the papers, Dan drank the whole cup of water. He hated water more than any drink out there. But if he had to…
"Done already?", the doctor said holding his hand out for the cup. Dan gave him the cup. "Well you're free to go your clothes are over there by the sink so you can change out of that gown." Dan didn't even realize that he was wearing a gown. "Alright, thank you Doctor," Dan said with a polite smile. He turned the doorknob and left. Dan sat up to get out of the hospital bed when Phil said, "I'll just leave you to get changed" He then opened the door and left. Dan got dressed into his own clothes and left the gown on the hospital bed, opened the door to see Phil leaning against the wall waiting for him. "Ready?" Phil asked. "Yeah, definitely"
Soon they were in a taxi on the way home. It was a very silent ride. When they got to their flat Phil paid the taxi driver, they got out and headed for their flat. Dan got to the door first, desperate to get inside, rush to his room and avoid Phil for the rest of the day. He had to wait because Phil had the key. When Phil got there he pulled out the key and was about to put it into the keyhole when he stopped, "When we get in there you're going to what's going on, alright?" Dan's eyes grew wide, "No. Definitely not" He could never tell Phil. Never. He promised himself that. "Then I'm not opening the door", Phil said putting the key back into his pocket. "We'll sit out here all night all night if we have to" Dan really didn't like the sound of that. He was already freezing cold. "O-Okay fine! I'll tell you when we get in there alright? Now just open the door before my penis falls off!" Phil smirked and took the key out of his pocket yet again and unlocked the door. Dan was about to run to his room without telling Phil but Phil grabbed his uninjured wrist, "Don't even think about it Dan" He had no choice. He had to tell him. This was going to ruin everything. Their friendship. They've been friends for ages. Well it was nice while it lasted. Phil closed and locked the door. He turned around and crossed his arms. "Okay Dan, tell me" Dan was going to think of a lie but before he knew it there were already tears starting to form in his eyes and he was already talking. Telling him everything, " P-Phil I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. I've loved you for such a long time and I never wanted to tell you because I never wanted to ruin this friendship. I didn't want to make things awkward. I love everything about you Phil. Every single thing" the tears were streaming down his face already, " I-I love your laugh, your smile, the drawn-on cat whisker. I love the way you can always make me laugh or smile. I never ever wanted you to know. I've tried my best to hide it and…" He sniffles. He didn't dare look at Phil before he fled to his room without another word. He couldn't finish. "Dan wait!", he heard Phil shout but he didn't look back.
Why was this happening?
Why did he ever get the razor blade out?
What the hell was he thinking?
Why didn't check to see if he locked the door?
None of this would have happened. Phil would have never known. After a couple of minutes of crying in bed he heard footsteps. Phil. Thank god he actually locked the door this time. He heard a knock, "Dan can I please come in?" He ignored him. There was a couple seconds of silence. "Dan, please open the door" Dan reached for the lock and unlocked the door. Phil opened the door. He looked at Dan. Dan new he probably looked like a mess. His face got really red when he cried. His face was still wet with tears. But he still didn't wipe the tears from his face. Phil got into Dan's bed and leaned over, took Dan's head into his hands and kissed him. Dan felt his heart starting to beat really fast. Phil finally pulled away after about 30 seconds. Before Dan could speak Phil started, "I've wanted to do that for so long. Dan, I love you too. Do you know how hard it was for me to see you so hurt? I open the bathroom door and I see a razor blade to your wrist. It hurt so bad to see you like that. And in the hospital I was terrified that I was going to lose you. Never do that again. Please" He kissed Dan again. When Phil pulled away again Dan didn't know what to say. He was in so much shock. He was so unbelievably happy. "You don't know how happy I am right now", Dan said with a smile. Phil giggled "This is the happiest I've ever been. But there better not be any more of this" he said gently grabbing Dan's bandaged wrist which Dan almost forgot about. Dan laughed, "Oh there won't be, trust me. I'm too happy to ever do that again"