Harry was fighting the voledemort in hogwarts his hair was flipping wildly and the lightning arks of the wands was too horribly strong for voeldemort so he shielded his eyes but dropped the wand in the process and Harry was smiling and went to fastly pick up the elder wand because the elder wand was the key to life and magic and death and love so he picked up the wand fast and waved it in the air "Hah voldemort i have beaten you to get the wand and now i will strike you down and avenged my parents and the other people that died including my friends and pets now die NOW" Harry was about to cast the spell that makes you super dear WHEN SUDDENLY NEVILLE WAS RUNNING TO QUICKLY GET THE SWORD OF GRYFFINDOR TO HARRY TO STAB AT VOLDEMORT BECAUSE IT WAS COOL TO DO THAT WHEN HE SUDDENLY TRIPPED OVER THE SNAKE ANACONDA AND HE FELL BUT THE SWORD WENT FASTLY IN THE AIR AND LANDED IN HARRY'S HEAD HARRY HAD
DIED
Harry suddenly ended up in the white train station because he was in purgatory so he saw all the dead babies there too and then he saw Dumbledore "Dumbledore why am I dead I killed Voldemort good didn't I" harry asked suddenly "No Harry Neville was spastic and the sword of your great grandpa Godric got stuck in your head and that kind of kills you ahaha" Dumbledore exclaimed loudly
The exclamation scared all the babies so they began to cry and then suddenly Voldemort's aborted fetus came out from under the benches of the train station and began to stick his thundercock into Harry's back "Oh god get it off me before I catch the gay" Harry yelled but
It was too late he had caught the gay so he ran to quickly rape Dumbledore but Dumbledore had a high intelligence and knew this was going to happen so he kicked Harry into a ungay machine so Harry was not gay but he fell too far and also fell into a train The train said RUSSIA IN THE NINETEENTH CENTURY
Dumbledore roared in outrage because Harry was not going to heaven he was going to hell and hell was Russia
In Russia in 18- (he dosnt give the year in the book), Raskolnikov was getting his axe ready for going to kill his pawnbroker woman and he had spent the whole day worrying about being caught because he is human and really cares about the people he kills because he is nice and he went out his door and down to the building where the woman lived wit her sister and i'm not gonna write this whole thing out so just read the book if you want to know what he looks like or whats going on in the street or whatever but then suddenly Harry Potter fell on him! "WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU COME FROM" "THE FUTURE I MUST KILL VOLDEMORT" Rasklonikov was very scared and upset by the boy but he thought oh look this man is a killer like me and he said "i can get you to france so you can kill this guy (see cuz Voldemort sounds french and stuff) if you come help me with what i am doing" besides Raskolnikov had been checking out Harrys little wizard body and he liked what he saw but he could worry about that later right now it was about justice.
Harry said okay and Raksolnikov dragged him quickly down the street to the building and took him up the stairs to the pawn ladys apartment and he rang the door bell and they waited until she opened the door and he said he wanted to sell her a thing and since that was her job she said okay and opened the door and he gave her the thing and then killed her with his axe "NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING" "Its okay she was a bad person" "oh okay" and then Harry looked at Raskolnikov and saw his beautiful bearded face glistening with the old lady's blood and he remembered how strong he was when swinging the axe and he was so overcome whit what was going on that he just tackled Rasklonikov there and started raping him on the dead woman's corpse "NO NO STOP I DONT WANT THIS" but suddently Raskolnikov realized he did want it and he fell in love with Harry and they put their thingies in each others for a lonf time until the ladys sister came home.
Unbeknownst to Harry and Ragnarok the sister was a cocklion A cocklion is a lion with a giant cock made of gold that detects gays and russians so they could not hide from him when he came in the room "Don't move these things are like the Jeff Goldbloom reptiles" Harry said to Rocknroll so he did not move and they stayed still for a very long
Time so they just kept doing it but without moving because guys do that very easily and the Cocklion decided to fly away on her rocket wings Harry and Rickenbocker sighed heavy sighs from the gratuitous sex and from hiding so hard that they laughed but suddenly the moon began to fall from the sky so Harry jumped out of the window nearby and fell into some green clothes and shouted at the moon "I know you are voldemort moon you will be stopped" so Harry and Ragnaros began to run toward French really fastly so they could find Voldemort before the moon feel
Raymundo and Harry were running as fast as they can but they were behind one another and every time Hrary tripped Rameses would trip and fall and end up inside of him and then they had to do it with their penises and this happened so many times that they got to france after the moon had dropped and harry shouted at the sky "VOLDEMORT YOU BASTARD YOU DONT DESERVE THE MOON YOU DESERVE NEPTUNE TOPS" and then the skies opened and Jesus Christ started coming down for his second coming but Harry was so angry that when it happend he had shot a spell at where the moon was and it hit Jesus and he feel and they ran over there but he was daed and Rakeskull picked him up and said Harry what have you done but Harry was already naked and trying to fit the eifel tower inside himself in grief because now the moon was going to kill his parents in the future
"NOOOO" said Rainkoff and he pulld Hary off the tower and said its okay well get him we still have a chance and then he and harry started rubbing their junk together in the street but everyone was okay with it because it was france and a few people joined in and suddenlt they were in a giant french orgy and even oscar wild showed up and Raklonishove punched him in the face because he tried to brand harry before he could but then Rancor decided he loved Harry too much and he branded everyone else in the orgy instead and now he owns paris so he sent them all after the moon when harry saud "I AM HAVING A CHILD AND IT BELONGS TO... JESUS"
Then Harry's stomach exploded and out came the final boss from silent hill 2 except they werent attached to a bed they were attached to the elder wand "That was my lover's favorite dildo" Screamed Rdrfhgysugvaerhargh so he lunged at the boss and did the bug where you make their attack loop so he went down in three minutes "I must get the S ending if I can save Harry" but he did not he got the A ending so a giant corgi came out of the boss and hugged Ron Jeremy and they played together and married and had ten kids and live happily ever after OR DID THEY BECAUSE THIS IS THE END OF THE FIRST HALF