Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Harry Potter.
Dear Voldemort,
Hogwarts now officially sucks and it's all Dolores Umbridge's fault. She's sp evil that briefly, I thought she was you, but after I tried to pull her nose off and hair to prove it was really you with a false nose and a wig I learnt quickly that it wasn't you.
Anyway Did you miss me? That's a stupid question I know you did.
As a way to make it up to you for not writing, I have convinced all my friends to write to you and not just you but also your Death Eaters.
I'd also like to know if Bellatrix Lestrange is your girlfriend?.
Harry Potter.
Dear Lucius Malfoy,
I think you have really awesome hair. You're a massive jerk, but you have nice hair. Do you use a special type of shampoo?.
Also, I'm pretty sure Hermione and Draco are dating now if they're and he hates her I will break into your home an bite you.
I am wearing a book as a hat this has nothing to do with anything I just thought you should know.
Harry-If Draco Hurts Hermione You Will Suffer-Potter.
Dear Potter,
I was so happy when you stopped writing, but no you had to start writing to me again and ruin my happiness.
Whatever Bellatrix and I are or aren't its none of your business.
Also, did you write to Lucius? Because he's been crying for the past hour and I'm pretty sure that's a normal response from getting a letter from you.
The Dark Lord.
Dear Voldemort,
The fact that Lucius is crying is really funny, I read your letter out in the Great Hall. Umbridge doesn't believe the letters are from you because she's an idiot and mean.
It is really funny when you put whipped cream on the Library floor and scream an alien did it.
Also have you have seen my blue socks?
Harry Potter.
Dear Lucius Malfoy,
I am awesome and I read the letter you sent Draco. I know where you live be afraid, be very afraid.
Would you also tell Wormtail, I'm going to use him for potions ingredients and Snape is mean. I'd do it myself, but I have to go to detention in a little while.
Who knew that skateboarding through the great hall dressed up as a pumpkin while screaming insults at people would result in detention.
Hermione Granger.
Dear Potter,
Why would I have seen your socks?.
I'd ask you and your friends not to write to me or my Death Eaters, but I know it'd achieve nothing.
But I should warn you and your friends that when the moment comes you'll suffer terribly.
The Dark Lord.