The Love Of Your Life Chapter 1: C h a p t e r O n e, a dark angel fanfic

Author: Michelle Drake gypsychic04@c4.com

Author's Note: This is actually one of the first fanfics I've ever written, and has been sitting on my computer collect cobwebs. I can't believe I am actually posting this- I am *extremely* overprotective of my stories . . . I tried to keep it sort of long without completely rambling (although chapter one is extremely short). I know that there are a bunch of post fics . . . but this is a little different. Please tell me if you like it!!!! Just a warning to any of you who have read this far and are planning to read to the end (which I advise you do!), it is very, very, very over dramatized. I refuse to let Max and Logan get together without some big, horrible, down right heartbreaking scenes (at the very end of course . . . ). But- this is all so very, very, very good!!!! I have a sequel all ready written . . . and almost complete. The more reviews I get, the faster I post it . . . get it? Hehehe! Amy, KT, Angie, and Laura . . . I can't forget to mention you all! :) Everyone please remember . . . the first chapter sucks . . . but the rest gets a little better . . . I swear!

Spoilers: Post AJBAC

Summary: Logan gets ready to get married three years after Max dies (Post AJBAC). Trying to let her go is hard, especially when she is still alive, and if you think that's bad, guess when Max shows up? . . . M/L shippiness and lots of angst, and romance . . .

Feedback: PLEASE, Please, please review, remember, flames are always good, but compliments aren't bad either!!!! :) E-mail me if you have a question about my writing, or anything at gypsychic04@c4.com.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dark Angel characters. Yeah, I know, (sadly) I don't own Michael Weatherly- oh poo!!!! He belongs to Jessica Alba, and I don't think she will let me have him. Logan and Max, and other characters belong to James (King of the World) Cameron and Charles H. Eglee and all the apes at Fox. I do however own this story and my other stories- so there!!!! Oh- and I own Julie- she's my character (if you'd like to borrow her- please ask, I'd be happy to lend her to you for other stories because throughout the progression of this one she becomes a little interesting!)- not the baboons who own Fox. I also own Alec- he's my love slave . . . but that's besides the point . . .

. . .T h e L o v e O f Y o u r L i f e. . .
by Michelle Drake

. . .C h a p t e r O n e. . .

"Who's that?" asked a long haired, blonde women curiously looking over Logan's shoulder. "Is that her?" she asked eying a photo that Logan had been looking at longingly.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said quickly shoving the picture in the drawer shutting it clumsily, being caught off guard. He didn't want to have to explain everything- he hated having to explain everything. It was a picture of Max and Logan at his cousins wedding over three years ago. It had been their first real date and the night that Logan had decided that he was in love with Max, and that if he were to get married to anyone, that it would be her. That was all impossible now, all those dreams he had thought up about what there lives would be like if they ever had the chance to get married were simply erased. Thinking about Max and the life that they would never be able to spend together, let alone talking about her was just too hard. He hoped that maybe if he hid the picture and pretended that it never existed, that Julie wouldn't question it. He hated having to explain it to everyone. He hated the way that they would look at him with those expressions of pity and ask questions, pretending that they cared and understood. No one understood how much it hurt.

"Bling told me about her, you know, 'the love of your life'. It's a good thing I'm not the jealous type," she said laughing lightly, trying to lighten up the depressed mood he had been in for the past week. "She's really pretty," she commented, hoping that he would take down the icy mask that he seemed to be wearing.

"She wasn't the 'love of my life', we weren't like that," he said with no emotion, covering up what he was really feeling. Of course she had been the 'love of his life', and now she was gone. He didn't need to be telling this to Julie. Especially a few days before their wedding. He didn't need to tell her that Max was still the love of his life, and that she couldn't ever compare to her, as much as she tried.

"How come I had to go to Bling to find out about her? Were you afraid to tell me or something?" Julie asked, a little sad and confused. Bling had only told her a few bits and pieces here and there. All she knew was that Logan had been madly in love with her and she died very suddenly. Other than that, Logan never breathed a word about her.

"Because you can get anything out of Bling," he said, mentally noting to not tell Bling anything anymore. "And because I'd rather not talk about it." Brushing the topic off always seemed better than talking about it.

"I know it must be hard to get over someone you loved," she said still wanting to get more information out of him without upsetting him. "If you ever want to talk about her, I'll listen," she emphasized. It was hard being in love with someone, and not knowing a big part of their life. What was even harder was seeing how much someone you loved hurt, and not being able to help stop that hurt.

"Please- just don't. It took me a three years to finally be able to get over her, so please, just don't. I'll tell you everything later. It's just too soon to be able to talk about her," he said stumbling over his words.

It had taken him so long to finally be okay. He remembered how bad things had been those first days after she had died. Those first few day when a part of him died. He had sat in the same spot in front of the window for days, not eating or sleeping. He kept replaying that night over and over, like a broken record until he practically drove himself mad. He had driven himself so mad to a point where he had almost killed himself. He just wasn't ready to give into the fact that she wasn't coming back- but he had to face reality- He was there when she died. He watched her die in his arms. That day still haunted his thoughts. Even though he knew what had happened, he still had the feeling that she wasn't really gone. That had been almost three years ago, but he still felt like she could still possibly come back to him.

"I'm sorry," she said sympathetically, a little taken aback. "Do you think it's too soon to be getting married?" she said almost painfully.

"No," he said taking her hand, gesturing for her to sit on his lap. "No it's not too soon," he said smiling as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek, wrapping her arms around his shoulders in a comforting hug. Logan silently scolded himself as he wrapped his arms around Julie; he was getting married in a few days to one of the most beautiful and caring women he could think of, he shouldn't be feeling so doubtful, but he was.

. . .

Logan sat at his desk later that night. Julie was already asleep in their bed, but he found himself tossing and turning. Not wanting to wake her, he wheeled himself to his study, and without even thinking, took out the picture of Max. It was all he had left of her.

"Max- I miss you so much," he said quietly staring at the ceiling. "I wish that you were here with me. Just for a few seconds, so that I could touch the face I see every time I close my eyes." Tears began to come to his eyes but they remained unshed. Logan refused to let them out, something he refused to do ever since that horrible night she had died in his arms. "I know this might sound horrible- but I haven't cried over you. I just can't bring myself to because I know if I do- I'll never be able to stop," he managed to choked out, continuing to stare at the picture. "I'm getting married in a few days. I really love her- so much; but I will never love her the way I love- loved you- still love you," he continued, "I told myself that you would have wanted me to move on with my life, but I still can't seem to shake the feeling that you're not really gone. Like your still alive out there somewhere. Maybe I'm just being naive. My mind tells me that your gone, but my heart still tells me your out there still . . ." he quietly trailed off. "Maybe I'm just kidding myself, it's been three years."

He gently put the picture back in the drawer next to his mothers locket. He had never had the chance to give Max the necklace. He took it out of the drawer, and let it slip in and out of his fingers. After he and Julie had gotten engaged, he considered giving it to her but never did. It was Max who had gotten he necklace back for him, it rightfully belonged to her now, it could ever belong to anyone else. Logan also remembered what his mother had said to him when he was little; " . . .and one day you'll give it to the love of your life. The women that you could never imagine living without, the women that steals your heart away and turns your whole world upside down." Logan knew that he could never and would never give Julie the locket. He loved Julie as much as he possible could, but he still felt guilty.

He put the locket back in the drawer next to the picture, and vowed that he wouldn't take either of them out ever again. He went back to bed, feeling a little better about everything. He had kept everything bottled up for so long. Finally letting go and saying everything outloud he felt made him feel so much better.

. . .

Author's Note: I know, it was a bit slow, and a bit short, but first chapters always help set up the rest of the story, and normally suck . . . once you get to chapters three and four it all comes together, and then five and six everything completely explodes. Please bear with me, first chapters aren't very good . . . but it *will* get better . . PROMISE! You know the drill . . . review, review, REVIEW!!!! The more reviews i get the faster I post the next chapters . . . Luv y'all! Let's say . . . fifteen reviews then you get chapter two . . . okey dokey? And please read some of my other fics . . . if I get more reviews on those I will finish this faster, and get the sequel going! :) And please review for each chapter you read . . . that way i will know how many people have read it . . . you can even just write . . . I hated it or I liked it and leave it at that . . . it takes only a few seconds and I would greatly appreciate it!

Just a shameless plug . . . PLEASE read Forever Changed It is a good M/L and M/A fic . . . :) Also read Worst Fear, and Back In Your Arms more post AJBAC fic . . . I think I have about five more post AJBAC fics . . . great fun stuff! :)