As i laid there...as i laid there with my brother on top of me.. i thought.. is this really what i always wanted?
is this a sin?
if my mom found out..would she still love me the way she did?
every time i thought about these things..i hurt my heart so much.
because every time i am with you..each moment is priceless..each moment i am with you is love. each moment i am with you..is..
a sin.
''Hikaru?'' i said. as i woke up out of bed.
''mmmm what?'' he mumbled. under the bed sheets.
''what happened last night?'' i asked.
''how should i know?'' he replied.
at times like these i regret being with him...
each time he says he loves me..it stabs my heart with regret.
of loving you.
i am ashamed to walk around holding your hand. kissing your lips.. touching you...
and were brothers..
but as much as i always wanted this.. i cant help but feel like..i am the one who is doing something wrong.
as i laid there thinking about you.. i turned to you. i wrapped my hands around you..
i kissed you..
i said i loved you over and over.. and then..
i started to cry.
because each time i said ''i love you''
each time..
it felt like those words could last forever.
but slowly drift away..
''Kaoru! whats wrong?'' Hikaru said. as he started at me in shock.
''its nothing..'' i said softly.
''its okay..'' he muttered under his breath before he kissed me.
i was falling in the water..
the water in a dream.
the water that Hikaru and i drank..
that water would fall on us..and it would never come off.
because we didn't want it to.. if we even tried.. i wouldn't work because..
we didn't hate this water.. we loved each moment of it being on us..
so that water stayed with us
in our hearts..
and the more in stayed..the more i started to love it..the more i fell in love with you..
the love that i had..i wanted it stay in my heart..with you.
and i love each moment..
though i hate loving you so much..i regret it and i am ashamed..
but as long as i am with you..
the water will always be there.
the end.