We've all seen it before, the story where Naruto get adopted by a ninja, maybe Kakashi, and he get's to realize his true potential even if the academy instructors try to hold him back. It's a good read too... well, most of the time it is. I now present you with a diferent yet similar scenario of Adopting Naruto.
Quick note: When Naruto says random numbers, like in this chapter he says it took him less than fifteen to reach the Hyuuga compound, the number is always how many seconds it took him to do something or reach a destination.
Side note: Like most stories i've written except for Formerly Known As... I don't expect this one to achieve much more than A second chapter. If it does, then woopdeedee and good for me. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. However, I do own the Suzumebachi's.
Chapter one: The Running Man
My name is Suzumebachi Naruto and I like to run. Like the great conqueror Alexander, I treasure speed. If I'm moving fast I feel like I'm free, like I can't be hurt, like I can achieve whatever it is I wish to achieve. What do I wish to achieve, you ask? I want to be the fastest person in the world.
I'll bet you thought I'd say something stupid, like wanting to be the Hokage. Who the hell would want to lead a bunch of assholes who believe they are the light of the earth? If you go to any other village on this stupid little continent you'll find that they think the very same thing and that the other villages are barbaric or stupid in their ways. Hell, I remember all that Anti-Sound propoganda a few years ago after the last Uchiha got a hickey and left to join some snake dude in the Sound village.
Funny, isn't it? My sister, Iyou, has been trying to convince the Hokage to let us leave this stupid little village for years, ever since I was six and came home with a broken arm and other severe injuries. It healed overnight, but it still hurt when it happened. Anyways, my sister has tried to convince both the Fifth and third Hokage, before he died, to let us leave, but they say, 'No if some get's their hands on you they could use your knowledge of the village's layout to formulate a proper plan of attack. Yes, I understand that it is dangerous for Naruto here, but this is for the greater good, I'm sorry.' It happened everytime we went to see the old fogies. In fact...
"I'm sorry, Iyou, but you, Naruto, and Kikai can't leave without risking the-"
"The safety of your village, right?" Everyone looked at me for interrupting the Hokage, "That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard. I've been to the gates, just sat and watched as people, people who have lived in this village for years, left the village with nothin' more than a fare thee well. You're just a lyin' bitch, just like the last Hokage was a lyin' asshole. If you didn't want the saftey of the village compromised you wouldn't have let the Uchiha leave. You're just a bunch of lyin' shitheads with some kinda grudge aainst me and my family. You might as well just say it's that because it's obviously true, old hag."
Next thing I knew I was held up by the collar of my shirt by the big busted blonde hag and she growled in my face something that sounded like the words, "What did you call me?!" Sis, moved to try and stop the Hokage from killin' me. I held up my hand to her, stopping her from advancing.
I slapped a smirk on and replied with, "I called you a lying bitch and an old hag. What, hard of hearing, grandma?"
She reared a fist back, shaking with rage, preparing to crush my skull with the deadly fore she used that 'chakra' stuff to produce.
"Please, hit me, kill me. I'd love to see you rot in jail for attacking a civillian with deadly force," I looked her in the eye and she glared at me with such intensity that, had I been a lesser man, I might have pissed myself, but I wasn't, so I didn't. After a minute or so she lowered her fist, but her glare never wavered. She uncerimoniously dropped me and I landed silently on my feet.
"Request denied. Get the hell out of my office!" She stamped our reques forms so hard the desk cracked. As soon as we were out of the office Iyou smacked the back of my head.
"What was that for?!" I asked grumpily while rubing my head.
"I don't care if we aren't ninja, Naruto, you must respect the Hokage."
"What for?! She doesn't even respect us enough to tell the truth! She's just a bitch and we all know it!" I yelled at her, then look down in shame for yelling at her, "I'm sorry, Sis. I didn't mean to-"
She suddenly enveloped me in a hug, "It's OK, Naruto. I know how you feel, but until we are granted permission to leave we have to play by their rules." I nodded, hugging her ack before pulling away. I looked at my watch and cursed.
"Shit! Sorry, Sis, gotta run. Ino's gonna kill me if I'm late again," and I took off.
I should probably explain this new development.
Yamanaka Ino is a Chuunin of the leaf village. She is loud, bossy, progressively violent, can kick you in the nuts harder than anything you've ever felt before, and is one of the most loving, caring, and affectionate girls you will ever meet. Now if I could only get her to go out with me...
I work in her flower shop, making deliveries. It's pretty easy to figure out why I work there, but how I work there... now that's another story...
----Flashback----+
I was about ten at the time, to early to really know what love was, but I certainly understood the crush I had on Ino. I stood infront of her father who was glaring at me, but for different reasons than anyone else in the village. I of course knew everyone hated me. Figured it was probably because I was related to some freaky snake dude. Not by adoption either. Turns out one of his experiments got free and had a kid. Guess who that kid turned out to be. But Yamanaka Inoichi was glaring at me like a protective father, protecting his daughter from urchins who would wish to steal her innocence.
"So let me get this straight, kid. You want to work here because you have a crush on my daughter and plan on using the time when she's working here to secretly woo her without her noticing, thereby breaking the hold that the evil Uchiha has over my daughter?"
"Um..." I didn't quite no how to reply, "Something like that?" It was more of a question, but like I said I didn't quite know how to answer.
"Perfect! You're hired!" Now the guy was all smiles. Yeesh, my boss is a freak. Hope Ino doesn't turn out like him.
---- End Flashback ----+
I know, I know, it wasn't really all that spectacular, but it was weird for me none the less.
After about thirty seconds of runnin' I arrived at the door to the Yamanaka flower shop. I could already sense an atmosphere of anger. I steeled my resolve and readied myself to dodge projectiles.
As soon as the door opened and she turned her head to glare at the next person to walk in, I gulped. Not because she looked like she wanted to kill something, not because she was holding a Kunai so tight in her left hand it began to form depressions to match her fingers, not because of the bit of blood splattered infront of the counter. No, all of that I could handle, had handled that before. It was that eery cheery smile she put on when she saw it was me.
"Oh, Naruto," she said in a sweet, singsong voice, "Would you do me a favor?" That was not a request people. That was a 'If you don't help me get revenge I'll castrate you slowly with a rusty spoon!!' and I was not about to deny her.
"Hyuuga Neiji ordered this bouquet of flowers," I looked to the bouquet and saw a mass of exploding tags and Kunai seals wrapped around the stems. Poor bastard. Another one bites the dust. Ino had had a number of boyfriends, me excluded much to my chagrin, and Shikamaru, Chouji, Shino, Kiba, and now Neiji had just been a few of the ones to taste her form of revenge for dumping her. I was all too happy to be the one delivering such revenge.
"On it, Boss," she liked it when I called her boss. I picked up the bouquet, went out the front door, and poored on the speed. It took me less than fifteen to reach the Hyuuga compound. A quick jump and another three to reach the Branch House and I had to try hard as hell to keep the smirk off my face.
I found Neiji walking around outside, enjoying the August weather.
"Hyuuga Neiji, You have a delivery," I said professionally. I seriously expected him to not repond or atleast see the explosive notes in the bouquet, but he didn't. Instead he stood, took the bouquet of assorted flowers, and began to lean forwad to sniff them. I knew from experience to bolt before the notes went off. I was back on the other side of the compound wall in a fourth of the time it took me to find him and almost smirked when I heard the massive explosion and the scream for a medic.
I took my time walking back to the flower shop, once again steeling my resolve, but this time for another reason. Ino was extremely... well, the nicest way to put it was clingy, but the truth is for about a weak after she got dumped by someone she'd sleep with anyone that was willing. Do you realize how tempting an offer that is for someone like me? I'm a teenage boy, seventeen to be exact, and have a crush on a girl who was at the moment probably willing to get in the sack with me. The only thing that prevented that from happening was the fact that she wouldn't be doing it because she liked me.
I finally walked back in and was not surpised to find her flirting with a pretty boy who'd walked in to by flowes for his girlfriend. I sighed and walked up to the counter.
"Neiji got his package, Boss, and this guy has a girlfriend wating for him outside," I preferred to try and stop her advances on others if I could help it, instead of just sitting back and watching. Ino just huffed, gave the man his flowers, and glared at me.
For twenty minutes we stayed like that. Her glaring and me... well, standing there trying not to show fear.
"I think you're gay," she said suddenly.
"Huh?" Was my oh so intelligent response.
"I've come on to you, just like I have to other guys, but you just brush me off like an annoying fly. If you're not gay, then you must not be human," she said, then gestured to her body, which was quite generously blessed by the boob and butt fairy, "I mean, I know I'm not the hottest thing on the planet, but I'm sure as hell not ugly."
I almost grinned at this, "I'm not gay, Ino. I just ain't willin' to sleep with someone whose on the rebound. If I sleep with you I want it to be when you are in a state not addled with grief from your last failed relationship," I turned and picked up the next bouquet, checking the address, "See you in an hour, Boss." I knew I had to leave before she decided something I said made her angry. I also had to stay away to let her cool down.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU COWARD!! MY RELATIONSHIPS DON'T FAIL!! THOSE GUYS WERE JUST DICKHEADS!!"
---- Outside of the Academy----+
Ten seconds later I was at the ninja academy. I looked around for the one that the flowers were designated for and saw her sitting on a swing all alone. It was the True Hyuuga Prodigy, Hyuuga Hanabi. She was five years younger than me and already a Jounin, whatever the hell that meant. She seemed lonely, probably was. When you advance in anything fasterthan the norm you tend to find yourself spending less and less time with your peers, and while the Hyuuga keep up that prim proper stick-in-the-ass image about them, they too need contact with peers.
I approached, purposefully adding sound to my footsteps. You have no idea how many near death encounters I have had because I forgot to make sound when approaching a ninja.
Her icy, white eyes turned towards me with scrutiny, sizing me up to see if I was an opponent. Seeing the flowers in my hands must have given away my status as a civilian because she narrowed her eyes in disgust at me. I frowned.
"What?" I asked gruffly.
"I don't understand how someone can be happy about being weak. I could kill you right now and you couldn't do anything to stop me. Doesn't that bother you civilians?" I guess it was a reasonable question for a normal person, but I'm not a normal person.
"Only if you could catch me, kid," I said, holding out the flowers to her.
She ignored them and in a burst of high level speed she appeared behind me, pointing a kunai at my back seeing as my superior height made it impossible to put one to my throat.
"I'm no mere child, civilian, I am-"
"The True Hyuuga Prodigy, Hyuuga Hanabi, heir to the greatest clan in Konoha. Blah-dee-blah-dee-blah. Well, I'm Suzumebachi Naruto," I took off the sound again and my image wavered, "And I'm going to be the fastest man on the planet." I still stood infront of her, but instead of holding the bouquet I now held her kunai. The bouquet could be found in Hanabi's hands.
She seemed astonished at first, then came the question, "How did you-"
"I told you. I'm gonna be the fastest man on the planet," and I walked away. It's always fun interrupting people when you know what they're going to say, almost making you seem psychic until they realize they are being dreadfully predictable.
After the confrontation with Hanabi I just walked around for a little while, about twenty minutes, when I ran into one of my favorite running partners, Hatake Kakashi. He appeared infront of me with a puff of smoke.
"Hello, Naruto," he said lazily.
"How's it goin', Hatake?" If he appeared infront of me it meant only one thing; trouble.
"Someone's after your head," could this guy sound any more bored?
"Civilian?"
"You wish. S-class level missing nin, apparently working for a hidden organization."
"What are S-class level missing nin, I'm guessing that's bad, doing looking for me?" A few people have tried to explain to me the whole ninja power classification thing, but I never really cared enough to remember.
"You're fast, Naruto, you know that. They probably want to use you as a scout or a delivery boy," suddenly his wrist beeped and he rolled it over to look at the face of a digital watch, "Well, this isn't good. It appears I'm late to Shizune-chan's birthday. Take care of yourself, Naruto." And he was gone.
I shrugged. I'm not gonna lie and say I've never been in a fight before, but I also wont tell you I'm the best street brawler on the planet either. I can kick some ass, but mostly I just run. If I ran into those S- whatever dudes I'd just kick 'em in the shins and run.
Surprise, surprise, not ten minutes later I as pulled into an alley by two guys in black cloaks, with straw hats, and red clouds on their cloaks. One was short, only a little taller than Ino, the other was tall as hell and had a big ass wrapped... thing on his back.
The short one spoke in a hollow, lifeless voice, "Uzumaki Naruto, you will come with us."
"Sorry, pops, never heard of the guy, see ya later," I turned to leave the alley and there stood the short one infront of me. I started to grin. Oooooh, this is getting fun.
"Hey, Itachi, let me take his legs. He wont need him and it will keep him from-" the big guy couldn't finish because I'd just kicked him into one of the walls in the alley and then landed silently.
"Y'ain't takin' my legs," I turned to the other one and started grinning again, "You're pretty fast. Almost silent too. How about a race?" The little one cocked his head to the side.
The big one behind me got up again and swung the wrapped whatever the hell it was at me. The force of the impact knocked up a huge cloud of dust. The big one had a smirk on his face, apparently thinking he had obliterated me.
Imagine his surprise when he found me staning on his left shoulder, asking, "What the hell are you carrying, man?"
He growled and tried to punch me, but I was gone before his fist even got close. Now I was next to the little guy, arms crossed, "Your partner has anger management problems, ya know that?" The little one looked at me in silence for a few moments before speaking.
"You should not be able to move that fast without chakra," he stated, "and the sound of your footsteps is missing."
I shrugged and jumped up used the alley wall as a launch point and jumped out of the alley while calling back, "Chakra is for pussy ninja. I use Ki." When I landed my image flickered for a moment before fading completely. I love being able to do that.
I made my way back to the Yamanaka flower shop after that little encounter, only to find a still fuming Ino. Ah hell. Bring on the uber ninja, it's safer.
"' Bout time you got back, Suzumebachi. You've got work to do," I was never good when she used my surname. She proceeded with making do nearly every damn thing that the shop needed done except for running the register. She can be really spiteful.
---- End Chapter One----+
A/N: Ok this is my new story. I like the idea for this. I just need to think up more stuff for it. The pairing is up in the air. I don't care if you vote or not I'll decide which of the girls he goes with in the end. This will be updated randomodically, between the times I post new chapters for Formerly Known As... and when I'm bored with playing FFXII. Hope you enjoyed it.
Out.