I think T is an accurate rating for this, but if you feel I need to raise it to M because of some of the topics of conversation, please let me know and I will do so accordingly. Thank you! And enjoy :)
Rachel and Kurt really had become too close. After Rachel had accepted her loss in the Presidential election, and Kurt found the heart to forgive her for running, they went right back to being each other's best friend, except this time they had hardly any limitations when it came to hanging out. And as much as Kurt loved Blaine and Rachel loved Finn, what they loved even more were the double dates in which the two NYADA hopefuls ended up chatting more than either of the couples combined. They didn't have exactly the same personality, but when an argument came up, they decided it made them stronger as friends.
Because of Blaine and Finn's trust in their partners, they found no reason to be worried when Kurt and Rachel had constant sleepovers and road trips to New York and monthly memorials of Judy Garland. They were just best friends, and neither had any attraction to the other outside of a platonic love for the other's performance skills.
But even Kurt and Rachel had to admit it: they were becoming far too close. They changed in the same room, spooned in either one's bed all through the night, and Rachel even picked up a box of condoms for Kurt once after he told her about one upcoming weekend he was having with Blaine.
One Sunday morning after a sleepover at Rachel's, she was in her bathroom, brushing her teeth when Kurt came in, said Good Morning and proceeded to piss in her toilet without so much as a warning. Neither thought anything of this, and after that, they always peed with the door open when it was just the two of them hanging out.
Rachel was the first one to notice how these situations may seem odd to an outside person. She realized that maybe it wasn't normal to be this close with her male friend only because she suddenly felt embarrassed to tell Finn about it. It's not that she was hiding it from him (she swore she would've told him if he asked), it's just that it never came up. Finn actually loved that he wasn't the only one that Rachel had to gush about Broadway and NYC to.
Kurt took a little longer to notice, however, since he'd always felt like one of the girls anyway. Plus, he was about 200% gay and therefore not aroused in the least by any of Rachel's lady parts. But he couldn't deny it for much longer - people were even starting to think they were some sort of weird couple.
He was at Target with Blaine when it really hit him.
On My Own began playing from Kurt's pocket as his cell phone went off and he quickly reached in and pulled it out, smiling at the picture of his best friend making a fish-face that appeared every time she called him.
"Hey Rach!" he exclaimed, turning away from Blaine who was contemplating hair gels so he could get a private moment. "What's up?"
"Hey Kurt," Rachel's sweet and naturally flirtatious voice came through the speaker. "Do you wanna come over for some voice R and R? We have that RENT duet in glee club tomorrow, so I figured we can get some hot tea and honey and just watch the movie and practice possibly."
"Yeah, totally!" Kurt responded. "I'm at Target right now, so I'll go home and change and I'll be right over."
Blaine came up from behind him with the cart and set his two bottles of hair product inside. He didn't even have to ask who Kurt was talking to - it was always the same nowadays. "Tell her I say Hi."
"Blaine says Hi, by the way," Kurt bit his bottom lip through a smile towards his boyfriend.
"Hey Blaine!" Rachel said loudly over the phone as Kurt held it out between the two of them. "Don't let Kurt drink any coffee today! The caffeine will mess up his voice for the-"
"Okay, Rachel," Kurt rolled his eyes and put the phone back next to his ear. "I'm gonna go now. Is there anything you need from Target?"
"Um..." Rachel hummed, thinking over her shopping list. "A box of Kotex would be lovely actually."
"Sure thing, Rachel. I'll be over later!"
"Thanks Kurt. See you soon."
Kurt hung up his phone and put it back in his pocket before directing the basket down a different aisle.
"So what are we getting your girlfriend?" Blaine asked playfully, linking a finger in one of Kurt's back pockets on his jeans and following him as he helped push the cart.
Kurt either didn't catch the joke, or simply thought nothing of it. Girls called their friends girlfriends all the time - it was normal. "Just some girl stuff. I should've guessed anyway. I'm pretty sure she's gonna start her period today or tomorrow."
Blaine almost literally couldn't believe his ears. What did Kurt and Rachel even talk about when they hung out...? "I'm gonna stop you right there, and have you think about what you just said."
"What?" Kurt shrugged, turning to look Blaine in the eyes.
"You know her cycle, Kurt? That's creepy."
"We spend a lot of time together..." Kurt tried to explain, turning into the correct aisle and eyeing down the female product that he had noticed that Rachel used the most often.
"I find it very weird that you're buying her that... stuff," Blaine crossed his arms over his chest.
"They're called tampons, Blaine. You can say it. It's not like Lord Voldemort."
Blaine coughed in disbelief. "You're starting to sound like a girl. And it's not very attractive."
Kurt dropped his jaw and gave his boyfriend a shocked looked. And then, he sort of realized it himself. "Ew."
A smile broke out across Blaine's face and he nodded slowly. "Exactly."
"Should I still buy these for her?" Kurt held up the box that was now in his hand. "I mean, she's bought us condoms before, so it's only fair, right?"
Blaine shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, I've seen girls buying condoms before, but I can't say I've ever heard of two gay guys buying a box of, uh, tampons."
Kurt thought about it, but he had told Rachel that he'd buy it, and he did sort of owe her from before. And then he had a brilliant plan and he grinned widely. "We could weird out the cashier."
"Oh, my God," Blaine laughed, finally uncrossing his arms and putting his hands in his pockets.
Kurt loved this game. They would buy an obscene amount of something - anything from Chapstick to lube - and then make insanely suspicious faces while being rung up in the check out line. It was always amusing, more so every time they did it, but Blaine always felt so awkward and uncomfortable.
Kurt's smile had turned to a little pout when he saw Blaine's disapproving look.
"Fine," Blaine gave in and rolled his eyes. "Put it in the cart."
"Thank you, B," Kurt shimmied over to Blaine and set the box in the basket behind him without moving from his line of view. He puckered his lips and raised his eyebrows, asking for something he knew both of them wanted.
Blaine licked his lips and pressed a quick peck to Kurt's. He hadn't been angry at him in the first place, but he knew it would've been impossible to stay it if he had been.
Kurt arrived at Rachel's house shortly after six pm, bag of popcorn and box of tampons in tow, and chatted with her dads for a few minutes before Rachel came downstairs and invited him up to her room. Usually, he'd just go straight up, but he really enjoyed talking to her parents as they were the only adult gay men that he actually knew - and they had a sense of humor that never got old.
When they got to her room, Kurt handed her the box and lay down on her bed. She eyed him with raised brows.
"What?" Kurt asked, a clueless expression across his face. "First time buyer, here."
Rachel raised the box with one hand and put the other on her hip. "Super plus? What do you think I have down there? The Grand Canyon?"
Kurt rolled over onto his stomach and kicked off his shoes onto the floor. "You're one to talk!" He began mimicking Rachel in a squeaky "Dumb Blonde" voice that actually sounded nothing like hers, "Hmm. Perhaps I'll get Kurt extra large condoms for when he has sex with his boyfriend this weekend."
Rachel rolled her eyes with a smile. To be honest, she hadn't really thought it through when buying them since it had been her first time, but she wasn't about to let Kurt know that. "Hey. I've seen your dick enough times to know enough of your endowment. I'm fairly certain that vaginas are harder to measure from a distance than that."
"I don't know..." Kurt said through his teeth. "I'm pretty sure that from the amount of times you've had sex with my brother in this past month alone, the Grand Canyon doesn't sound too far off..."
Rachel stood with her jaw dropped before laughing and throwing the box at Kurt's head. He ducked just in time, but it didn't stop him from reaching a pillow from behind it and chucking it at Rachel, giggling all the while.
"God, Kurt," Rachel said, picking up her pillow from the floor and walking over towards her bed. "You're such a bitch."
"Yeah..." Kurt smiled, craning his neck to watch Rachel.
She climbed up on her bed and set one knee on either side of Kurt's body, reaching down and massaging her knuckles into his shoulder blades. He let his head fall onto the mattress and closed his eyes for a moment to really take in his much needed back rub. He let out an exasperated sigh as her hands made their way down and across his back. "You know, Rach. If that whole singing thing doesn't work out for you, you could so become a masseuse."
"I don't know," Rachel kneaded her palms along Kurt's spinal cord. "I feel like it would be weird to massage a back that wasn't yours or Finn's.
A tired moan escaped Kurt's lips as he moved his neck so the opposite cheek was resting on the bed. He tried to keep his eyes open so he wouldn't fall asleep.
"My gosh, Kurt. Don't orgasm under me."
Kurt smiled and let out a much more theatrical moan. "But I'm so horny for you, Rachel." He shifted the weight of his hips as he would've done if he had an erection - that he most definitely didn't have at this moment. He could honestly say that Rachel had never turned him on in that way before.
Rachel laughed out loud and wrapped her arms around Kurt's shoulders in a weird, uncomfortable hug that she seemed perfectly fit for. "What would I do without you?"
"I don't know, but I have a feeling it would involve a lot more My Little Pony stickers."
Rachel laughed again, and Kurt felt her warm breath on the back of his neck.
"Now get off of me, and let's make some tea," Kurt wiggled out from under her and stood up off the bed. "I might need an extra strong remedy today. Sucking penis can really dry your throat out."
Rachel stood with her mouth open. "You did not."
"Well, I mean, not today..." Kurt made his way toward Rachel's door and opened it. "But you know how it is. You swallow once and your swallowing for a week."
Rachel followed after him into the hall and both their voices got lower so that no listening ears could hear. "Um, no. I can honestly say I do not know how it is."
"Oh, come on, Rachel. You practically scream blow-job."
She shook her head with a smile that Kurt could see she was telling the truth. They reached the top of the stairs and began making their way down side by side. "No wonder Finn's always so grouchy..."
"Ew, Kurt!" Rachel squealed quietly.
"Not ew," Kurt corrected her, now whispering as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "Blow-jobs are just another way of saying 'I love you.' Except without words and more of like a coughing sound..."
Rachel began giggled almost uncontrollably. "Shh, shh."
They rounded the corner into the kitchen which had an open doorway to the living room where Rachel's dads were sitting, watching TV. Joseph was sitting up straight on one end of the couch and Elijah was lying down, his feet in Joseph's lap receiving a foot rub.
Elijah called out when he saw Rachel reaching into the top cupboard. "I swear to God, Rachel, if you're using any more of those avocados for facial masks, you're buying the groceries next time!"
"I'm just making tea, Dad!" she answered back, standing on her tip-toes as she tried to reach the Lipton bags that were just barely out of her grasp.
"I've got it." Kurt saw what she was trying for, and got it for her, having at least half a foot on her.
There was already a kettle of water on the stove, so Rachel just turned on the burner as she opened a lower cabinet and pulled out two mugs.
"You drink more tea than all of China combined..." Elijah mumbled jokingly.
"Aba," Rachel stuck her head out through the door frame. "Will you please tell Dad that tea is good for you, and more importantly, good for your voice?"
Joseph smiled at his daughter before turning to his husband. "It's true," he shrugged.
Kurt began opening the tea bags and placing one inside each mug. "Just be glad we're not drinking alcohol, Mr. Berry," he grinned, winking at Rachel. She nudged him slightly with her hipbone that ended up being halfway down Kurt's thigh.
"I trust you, Kurt," Elijah responded. "It's Miss Berry that I'm worried about."
"Oh, Daddy," Rachel said, her hand on her heart in an almost sarcastic manner. "I would never."
The kettle began to whistle and Kurt reached over and poured the boiling water into each cup as Rachel mixed in about a teaspoon of honey into each.
"Yeah, you better not..." Elijah mumbled from the other room, loud enough so they two in the kitchen could hear.
"Hey," Joseph patted his husband's feet. "Time to switch."
Being careful with their drinks, Kurt and Rachel made their way back to the doorway where they saw Elijah moving his feet off the couch and sitting up straight while Joseph took his former position.
"You know what sounds really lovely right now?" Rachel looked up to Kurt, but gave him no time to respond. "A foot massage."
Kurt cracked a smile before turning to the two men on the couch and widening his eyes as if being friends with Rachel was simply the most stressful thing in the world. They understood and smiled back at him with raised eyebrows. Kurt let out a chuckle.
"Is there some sort of gay telecommunication going on here?" Rachel only slightly kidded.
"Yes," Joseph responded. "We're all agreeing on how much we all love you more than anything."
Rachel smirked, and it had been a silly comment, but it really meant a lot to her. She absolutely loved being loved. "Love you too, Aba."
With that, the two teenagers turned away and carefully made their way up the stairs and into Rachel's bedroom once again before setting their drinks down on the homemade Funny Girl coasters they had done together a couple months back that were sitting on Rachel's vanity.
Rachel began rummaging through her drawer, pulling out a pair of sweatpants and taking off her plaid skirt to put them on. She then unbuttoned her blouse and hung it up in her closet. Feeling comfort in her sports bra, she decided not to put another shirt on instead. Meanwhile, Kurt moved the pillows and blankets off Rachel's bed and onto the floor, setting up a little picnic in the middle of her bedroom with the popcorn and hot tea.
"What I don't understand," Kurt began, "is how your dads are so comical and you don't have a funny bone in your body."
Rachel rolled her eyes, laughing. "It's because my real mom is Shelby Corcoran, and you and I both know how she is..."
"Oh, God," Kurt grinned. "I take it back. You could be so much worse."
Rachel nodded, sitting down on the blankets that Kurt had set up and bringing her cup to her lips. "Exactly."
Kurt joined her after putting the DVD in its player and pressing play. They snuggled up pretty close, arms linked under the sheet.
"And vocal rest and relaxation starts... now." Rachel stated as SeasonsofLove started on the screen.
Except for neither of their vocals really got any rest. By the time Angel came on screen, both were squealing about how much they loved her and were already getting emotional over what they knew was going to happen by the end of the film. Not to mention that they just couldn't not sing along, as if it was some sort of physical inability they had. When RENT was on, Kurt Hummel and Rachel Berry were singing.
When Light My Candle started, they both stood up and acted out their performance that they were going to do the next day in glee club. Kurt was actually singing a male part, and he insisted on twice as much practice to get into a straight character, so they ended up watching the scene four times in a row. By the last time, they were collapsed back on the floor in their respective positions, only now more all over each other than before.
"You know what I realized?" Rachel asked, now paying little attention to the movie that she knew by heart anyway. "You and I have exactly the same taste in men."
"What do you mean?" Kurt asked, still trying to stop himself from giggling over saying Rachel had "the best ass below 14th street" four times in a row.
"Okay," Rachel straightened up. "Like, for example, Nigel Barker or Jay Manuel. Who would you do?"
"Nigel," Kurt shrugged. That was simple enough.
"Same here!" Rachel exclaimed.
"But that's an easy one," Kurt responded. "How about... Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling."
"Gosling."
"Okay, me too," Kurt admitted.
"And," Rachel continued. "Besides my fling with Noah, we've had crushes on all the same guys in high school."
"Not true," Kurt shook his head. "I never had a thing for Jesse."
"Oh, come on. You told me you thought he was attractive."
"Cute, yes. But I didn't have an actual crush on him."
"Whatever," Rachel shrugged. "The truth is just that I've been in love with your boyfriend and you've been in love with mine."
Kurt's laugh was loud and short. "I don't think you were in love with Blaine, Rachel. More like drunken lust."
"I don't know, Kurt. I kissed him plenty of times while I was sober, and he kissed me right back."
"You had to, Rachel. It was for a play."
"You jealous?"
"Of you?" Kurt raised an eyebrow. "No way."
Rachel grinned and stared directly into Kurt's eyes. "You know," she started, "I've always kind of wondered what it's like kissing you."
Kurt nodded. "You too. I was too busy asking Brittany questions the one time we made out that I don't think I ever got an accurate representation of the female mouth. And to be honest, I used to wonder what made kissing you so much better than the idea of kissing me to Finn."
Rachel's cheeks brightened to a pinker shade.
"Don't worry," Kurt clarified. "I don't want to kiss Finn anymore. I mean, ew. But I've always wondered about you, Rach."
"You can kiss me now, if you want," Rachel offered. "Just so we can see what it's like."
Of course Kurt's mind raced to Blaine, the same way that Rachel's did to Finn, but this wasn't cheating, because he had no attractive to Rachel. And he'd just tell Blaine what happened the next day, and everything would be fine. Without much more time to analyze the situation, he leaned down and placed a small, warm kiss to Rachel's lips. She moved in closer to him, but didn't dare touch him anywhere but his mouth, afraid that she might forget everything except the fact that he has a penis and lose control.
When they pulled away, Kurt broke out into a smile. "I've officially swapped spit with Rachel Berry."
Rachel stared wordlessly and it was clear she was thinking of something she probably shouldn't have been.
"Rach?" Kurt asked after a moment. "What are you thinking about?"
Rachel finally broke her gaze with Kurt, glancing down and letting out an audible breath. And she answered him honestly. "Blaine's penis."
In shock, Kurt choked on her words. "What the hell?"
Rachel shifted her eyes around on her lap before looking back up to Kurt, an almost embarrassed smile across her face. "I'm sorry; I just... What you said earlier and... your mouth. And his..." She shivered at the thought.
Kurt began to laugh, leaning forward into Rachel and not believing how silly she could be. "Don't worry. The cooties are long gone," he said in an overly sincere way.
Rachel nodded, taking the joke after realizing how stupid she must've sounded.
"So..." Kurt began again, rocking side to side ever so slightly. "You wanna try that again? You know, when you aren't thinking about Pavarotti."
The look on Rachel's face turned to disgust. "Please do not tell me you named your boyfriend's member after a dead bird..."
Kurt bit back a smile and shrugged, and Rachel shook her head in disbelief. But she soon stopped and looked up at him with raised eyebrows. Because she kind of did want to kiss him again. And he didn't know why in the world he wanted to kiss her again, but he did. It had been sweet, and while it had felt weird kissing someone who wasn't Blaine, it was also kind of fun. The fact that he had gotten no sexual pleasure out of it whatsoever was also pretty interesting.
Without thinking of the consequences, because really, they both decided, there couldn't have been any, they leaned forward. Only this time when their lips touched, they did so with open mouths, tongues gliding in softly next to the other. Rachel moved her hand to Kurt's chest for balance, foregoing any feeling of pleasure because of the simple fact that Kurt was definitely gay, and she just couldn't get her mind to forget that.
The pulled apart after no more than five seconds, and inches away from each other, they began laughing.
"You know, you're actually not so bad at that, Rachel," Kurt admitted. "If there was a boy version of you... I'd get on that."
Rachel giggled and let her hand fall back into her own lap. "There is a boy version of me, Kurt. It's you."
Kurt tried to frown at the thought of that, but it was actually kinda true, so he ended up laughing again. He looked at Rachel, and he automatically remembered what it felt like to kiss her, and he wondered if he'd ever be able to look at her again without that memory. It wasn't a bad memory at all. It was just one he didn't really have any desire to repeat.
"I have to pee," Rachel smiled, and hopped up, making her way to the bathroom.
Kurt turned his attention to the screen, but he couldn't pay much attention to Tango:Maureen because all he could think of was Rachel's lips on his. He started regretting ever kissing her simply because he couldn't forget it. The first, closed mouth kiss, would be easy to explain to Blaine, but the second was going to be a little more difficult. And then he couldn't imagine coming home later and having eye contact with Finn without thinking about when he locked lips with his girlfriend. And what if Rachel didn't ever tell Finn about it. Kurt would have to continue to lie to him every day... This was more complicated than he'd anticipated.
"Kurt!" Rachel's voice came from the bathroom.
He turned around to see her sitting on her toilet, pants around her ankles.
She grinned widely and almost guiltily. "Wanna grab me a pair of underwear from my drawer and the box of Kotex that I threw at your head?"
"Ew, Rachel!" Kurt whined, but stood up and followed her request regardless. He opened the box of tampons as Rachel changed her underwear and took two out, one for Rachel and one for himself. He played with it as she situated herself. "I don't even understand this at all..."
Rachel flushed the toilet and stood up to wash her hands. "I'm gonna guess you don't want me to explain, do you?"
Kurt pushed the cotton out of the applicator on accident and tilted his head when he saw it come out. "And this whole thing goes in your..."
Rachel laughed, throwing her old panties into her dirty laundry hamper.
"That just doesn't seem comfortable."
"You get used to it," she shrugged.
Kurt shivered at the thought and tossed the unused tampon into the trash as he followed Rachel back into her bedroom. And then, it wasn't even an elephant in the room, but he had to ask it. It was killing him. "So are you gonna tell Finn?"
"That I started my period?" Rachel raised an eyebrow at him, sitting crossed-legged on the blanket on the floor. "He'll figure it out."
Kurt laughed and joined her on the floor. "No. I mean that we, you know, experimented with one another."
Rachel shook her head nonchalantly. "I wasn't going to, but if you think I should... I mean, Finn knows we're just, we're best friends. And that you're gayer than Freddie Mercury, so I don't see why he'd have an issue with it. Do you think he would?"
Kurt swallowed and shook his head as well. What she was saying made plenty of sense. "It's just, he's sensitive about this kind of stuff. I mean, I'd tell him. But it's not my place, I don't think."
Rachel nodded, understandingly. "Are you gonna tell Blaine?"
"Yeah, of course," he said, although the 'of course' was a bit of a lie. He wasn't 100% sure of it quite yet.
A moment of silence fell upon them as Rachel pulled the top cover back on her, her torso chilly from not wearing a shirt. Kurt fixed the pillows behind them so they could lay back comfortably again and Rachel grabbed her remote to go back to the scene in which they stopped paying attention on the movie. It was pointless though, because they began talking again almost immediately as they were silent.
"Kurt, do you think our relationship is weird?" Rachel asked, biting her bottom lip.
"You know, I'm kinda glad you brought that up, because I've been thinking the same thing..."
"I mean," Rachel huffed, trying to complete a sentence that corresponded with her thoughts, "I love our relationship, and you're a completely amazing friend, and I wouldn't want to change the way we are friends. It's just... people think we're dating."
"Right," Kurt grinned, happy that she felt the same way as him. "They're so dumb. I'm obviously in love with Blaine. And you love Finn!"
"Head over heels," Rachel agreed.
"I think," Kurt shifted his weight so he could look directly at her, "everyone in our school, and in our entire town, has this idea of being too close for comfort. As if the only people who should spend any time together are a husband and his wife. And most of the time, even they hate each other. They forget that you can have friends that you love."
Rachel grinned and tried not to let a tear drop fall. She still felt a little guilty about the whole school president thing, and it felt good to know that Kurt forgave her for it, and it was just a good feeling to know she actually had a friend that loved her. "Love you too, Kurt."
"It's like..." Kurt began again, looking up as if his words were written on the ceiling before he got a hold on his thoughts and turned back to Rachel. "It's like we can't be too close for comfort because it's comforting for us to be this close."
Rachel leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto Kurt's arm before resting her head in his shoulder and turning her attention to the movie. He reached his arm around her, and they stayed that way until it was over.
A/N: So basically I love Hummelberry. And I hate that they're fighting on the show! So what do I do? Stay up to 6 in the morning writing some future headcanon, ahaha. I just want them to be friends so bad... Thanks for reading and putting up with my crazy fantasies :)