{Why}

{By: BrokenComatose}

Disclaimer: It isn't mine.

I can't do this...

I once more dropped the cell phone onto my lap, looking down at the half-dialed phone number I knew by heart. It was yours, and I knew it.

The fingerprints that had rubbed the numbers off the keys were getting worse each day.

Why is this so hard...just call him...tell him you forgive him...

I dropped my head into my hands and gripped my hair, squeezing my eyes shut. You were all I had thought about the last few days. It was around that time when you first invaded my land, and your face, then and now, was all I saw.

The wall was cold and hard, and I couldn't help but wince as you pressed me to it. One of your hands on my hip and the other against my stomach, you had me right where you wanted me.

I was now know yours to break.

And break me, you did. You took all I had, and more against that wall that night.

You said you loved me. So many times that I lost count.

The horrid part?

I believed you.

I brought my head out of my hands to cover my eyes with them, trembling a bit. I wasn't sure what I was going to get myself into with you.

I got in too far. Way too deep.

I sat up with my elbows on my knee and rested my chin in them, covering my mouth with a hand. It used to be easy for me to block you out of my head. It was a defense. One I had needed for a long time.

Those were the easy days. When I could just go on with my life. Days where you may have passed my mind one or twice, but never enough to make me dwell on it.

Until you decided to try and get me back a few weeks ago.

"Toris...!"

I froze at your voice. You had to be lose, but I wasn't sure how close until you grabbed me by the arm and turned me so your body was pressing mine into the wall.

"You been ignoring me, da?"

You looked hurt, but I knew the look by now. It's the one you used to give me to get what you really wanted.

"N-Nie...I haven't been..."

"Lies."

The press of your hips to mine almost made me gasp and sink back into my instincts; I instead put my hands against your chest, turning my head to the side.

"N-ni..." I stopped myself in the middle of the word then swallowed slightly. "Nyet..."

I should have expected it, but I still gasped as your gripped my chin and turned my head back to yours, pressing yourself closer so I could feel your breath against my lips.

"Don't lie to me, dorogoĭ..."

The pet name immediately made me blush, something I hated. You smiled at this and ran your thumb over my cheek and down the side of my face, letting it come to rest on my bottom lip.

"Still so beautiful..." You were quiet, and I instinctively leaned forward a bit to hear you better, only to be pushed back against the wall harder with your mouth over mine.

My body was telling me that I wanted this. The feel of your body against mine was something it had grown used to, and seemed to long for again. My brain was telling me to stop you, you couldn't do this.

You seemed upset by my lack of response, so you slipped the hand on my stomach further down and nipped at my bottom lip, slipping your tongue into my mouth when I gasped at the pain.

You knew just how to get my body to respond, even after all these years. I was yours to do whatever you wished if you pressed the right buttons.

I couldn't stop the low whine that escaped my throat as your pressed your hips to mine once more, harder.

A moments later and you weren't pressed against me anymore, but a hand of yours was now in my hair.

"Come back to Russia, da...? Russia is...sorry."

I froze up again, staring up into your eyes.

This was the first time you had uttered those words.

And that was the beginning of this breakdown.

I hadn't realized I was shaking as hard as I was until I heard my phone hit the hardwood floor. I jumped before I bent down to pick it up, staring at the number I had learned long ago.

My head was once more telling me no, my body was telling me yes, and my heart was telling me to do what I thought I needed to do.

I was always reminded that not all the times I had with you were bad, but the constant ache of my back reminded me that most of them were.

But, there seemed to be something telling me what I was about to do was right. To tell you...to tell you it was alright. That I forgave you.

With shaky hands I finished pressing the buttons of your phone number into my phone.

With a hand in my hair and my elbows on my knees, I did what I'd been meaning to do for years.

"I-Ivan? It's me...Toris..."

A/N: Not...the usual, I know. But meh. I hope you guys enjoyed it!