Disclaimer: I have now nor ever had any claim to the greatness that is ER.
Authors note: Okay I've been gone awhile and I'm sorry, I've been sorta busy, sorta lazy, sorta a lot of things. I've been sorta heartbroken; but what can you do, life goes on blah, blah, blah.
Anyway I'm sorta dark and angry at the mo so not really any happy endings and nothing too long at the mo, sorry.
She'd been drinking that much was obvious as she moved to capture his lips in a crushingly passionate kiss.
" I don't want to be alone anymore," She pleaded desperately trying to push his jacket from his shoulders.
He wanted her, He'd always wanted her but the taste of alcohol on her lips reminded him that this wasn't her.
He wanted all of her, not just the broken, liquor numbed shell of her that needed to feel wanted.
He moved away breaking the kiss even as his body protested the loss of contact. He was met with confused and hurt brown orbs that stared questioningly up at him.
"Please, I know you want me" She begged without a shred of pride left.
"I don't want to be alone" She repeated reaching for him again.
Again he stepped away.
"I can't" He sighed dramatically, He wanted too. He wanted her so badly and if it wasn't for the damn conscience that he had developed because of her, he would have taken her right there against the door. He would have pushed her back hard against it and screwed her hard and fast right there. Show her his want, his need.
Taken what he wanted without the nagging in the back of his head that told him she was drunk and didn't really want him, just the temporary comfort he could bring.
He hated himself for even thinking about how good she would feel against him but he hated her more for not really wanting him with the same burning need he felt.
"I can't," He repeated as much to himself as to her, his anger tainting the words.
Her eyes became watery as she sought out his gaze.
"I thought you loved me?" She questioned glistening tears escaping to stain her cheeks. He felt a stab of pain in his chest, his heart dropping at the sight of the pain he had put in her eyes.
That was why he couldn't and if she hadn't been drunk she would know that.
"I do," He confessed angry at his admission, at his own weakness. "But this isn't you" He clarified knowing that she wouldn't understand; she wasn't listening to him she just wanted him to ease her loneliness.
He moved out of her way and led her to the couch.
"You can sleep here" He offered she was in no condition to get home. He brought her a pillow and blanket; she took them without meeting his gaze.
He left before he gave in to the overwhelming need to comfort her.
"I love you Ray" She called after his retreating back and damn him he wanted to believe her.