Peter may not have been the brightest bulb in Gryffindor Tower but Sirius and James were a few of them. Remus knew it would only be a matter of time before they started to figure it out. He often lay awake at night dreading the day they would realize what he was and leave him out in the cold. If he could only make his lies, his illnesses and visits home to his mother, a bit more believable. He could already see a seed of doubt in their eyes every time it was mentioned.
Please don't hate me...
Now he walked down to the Great Hall for breakfast, happier than he had ever been. His heart swelled even further at the sight of the friends who had done just the opposite of abandon him.
"You get any sleep last night, Moony?" James asked as he joined them. He only grinned as he loaded sausages onto his plate, listening to Sirius' and James' newest ideas. To call themselves 'The Marauders' and create a map under their nicknames...
Years later, as Sirius Black was lead away, the pure blood's eyes held the same pleading that the werewolf's had in school but he didn't see it then.
Please don't hate me for this...
Thirteen years in Azkaban. Thirteen years he had spent believing with every fiber in him that Sirius Black was the one responsible for Lily and James Potters' deaths. Thirteen years Remus had done the one thing he had always silently begged the other wouldn't do to him.
Please don't hate me...
The same old plea had returned to his eyes, realizing the other man had every right to this time. There weren't even any justifications that seemed good enough. No, "what else was I to think?" or "You were the Secret Keeper, after all, we all thought so." Only the familiar...
Please don't hate me for this...
Again he couldn't see that his plea was reflected in the other's eyes. For he had been the Secret Keeper until he had the brilliant idea to change it and ruined everything. In his own way he had killed Lily and James. Listening to his Godson's fierce accusations only intensified the prayer that was becoming a mantra in his conscience.
Please don't hate me...
"...wouldn't Sirius have told you they'd changed the plan?" It was only then that Remus recognized the guilt in his friend and what it meant.
"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," He replied. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?"
"Forgive me, Remus." The werewolf could have cried at the words. He was the one who needed forgiveness.
"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," he assured him. "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy?"
"Of course," said Black, and the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face, earasing a bit of the sorrow.
Please don't hate me for this...
James' young son, Sirius' Godson, struggled against him but Remus was not going to let the boy loose his life; he knew where ever they were, neither man would forgive him if he let such a thing occur. He could see the acceptance slowly rising behind the glasses that were the finishing touch on the very picture of James Potter. He could also see the blame that Sirius and himself had felt to often in their life, the same fear.
Please don't hate me...
And Sirius never had. Although for a span Remus thought he hated him, Sirius had never reciprocated. Even when, in the end, hatred had become something that came easily for the last of the Most Noble House of Black. Neither man ever had any real cause to worry and yet...they had because neither could believe they deserved to have such a friend.