[From the Author- This was written for the 2014 Mass Effect Big Bang. Artwork was done by MaxxieDemon (go look at her tumblr page. .com) And my beta reader was angelicsentinel. Don't have a link for her, sadly.]

My name is Erin Leigh Ann. But everyone just calls me Commander Shepard. First Human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. Hero.

I traveled to Ilos. Survived the Omega 4 Relay. Destroyed the collectors. Cured the Genophage. I've done and seen so many things. Great things. Terrible things. Amazing things. Things no one else can even begin to imagine.

Hundreds of thousands of people have lived and died by my words and actions. The words and actions of a single woman. Not just human lives, but asari, turian, salarian, krogan… batarian. I have killed many, but saved countless more. Civilization continues unhindered, irrevocably changed. They are no longer synthetic or organic, but something else entirely new. Something we have no word for.

I am supposed to be dead. "Add your energy to the Crucible," that's what the Catalyst said. "Everything you are will be absorbed and then sent out."

I wasn't supposed to retain my sense of self.

Now, I am omnipotent. I see, know, and hear everything. I have, I think, taken the Catalyst's place. There is no way to confirm this, however, save my knowledge that it no longer exists. If it does, I do not recognize it as such. Though I am omnipotent, my knowledge of the future is hazy at best.

The past and present, they are clear as crystal, but too many choices of too many individuals effect the future.

I am pure thought. Many saw me as a close to a God as one could possibly be. But now, I am a God. I have no physical presence, so time is hazy. It seems to all happen at once, as well as stand still. As I watch, civilizations rise and fall. Wars are fought and lost. The Reapers come again and again. My own life plays out in seconds and yet takes lifetimes to conclude.

I am powerful, and yet powerless. The storm within me must remain unspent. Trying to manipulate the lives of others ends in only failure. I cannot change free will. I cannot even leave messages to those I have loved.

As if spawned by my thoughts, time spirals so that every moment spent with Thane plays, seemingly all at once. Suddenly, a thought forms. With all of this power, I could create life. I could bring him back. But… What about others? Anderson. I see him again. Sitting beside me, watching the destruction of our home. Dying of a gunshot from my own weapon, held by my own hand.

I hear his words again. "You did good, child. You did good. I'm proud of you."

A glimpse of his future comes to me, unbidden. Kahlee Sanders, having recovered from her loss, has moved on. Anderson's life, lonely. Drowning himself in alcohol. Lauded as a hero, yet miserable. Cursing me for subjecting him to this hell. The vision ends with a gun held to his temple.

I couldn't do that to him.

Thane's life is uncertain. If, as I assume, I can bring myself back, his life is entwines too much with my own. Would he be happy? Would he resent me? The words from his final message to me swim in the air, but it seems to me that I hear him whisper them as well, "I will await you across the sea."

Yet my mind strays to the countless others I could bring back. Like Ashley, whom I left to die back on Virmire. Or Mordin, who sacrificed himself to give all krogan a future. My mother, whose ship was destroyed in the skies above Earth even as I spoke with the Catalyst.

Could I go further? Bring back another Prothean? More than one?

Even as the thought forms, I know better. I do not know enough about Protheans to do so, and even if I could, it would never be enough to rebuild a civilization. I ponder this dilemma for centuries, for seconds, for no time at all.

I am Commander Shepard, and I have made my choice.