Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! ^-^
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The extermination of the small, nameless village had been quick and easy and, for a few of the six sent on the mission, fun. The village was completely demolished and could have easily been mistaken for a landfill if not for the dead bodies and blood everywhere. The scent of death and smoke could be smelt from a mile away. If not for Kisames water jutsu the flames resulting from Deidaras explosions would have continued burning and would have eaten away at the surrounding forest for hours as Deidara preferred, but that would have caught unnecessary attention.
The six Akatsuki who carried out the mission were filthy. Dirt, blood, and other questionable fluids were splattered all over each member almost artistically. The nighttime sky made it even more difficult to distinguish the fluids due to the lack of light. They were in need of a cleansing which was instantly brought to attention by the youngest member.
"This is disgusting, un!" Deidara complained while trying in vain to wipe himself of the filth covering him.
"Deal with it brat!" Sasori snapped who was walking closest to the young bomber. "We will have to wait 'til we arrive at the base to cleanse ourselves. I highly doubt any village would welcome us in to bathe with our current appearance."
"Well we could just take a break and find a river! Pein didn't say we had to rush, un!" Deidara continued. "'Sides, aren't you worried that it'll stain your body or something? You are made of wood, you know, un." Deidara added slyly with a small smirk. This caused Sasori to stiffen indicating that he very nearly overlooked this.
"The brat's right. We do need to stop. I have no doubt someone will take notice of the mess we made back there and will be searching for those who did it. We need to wash off. We don't need unnecessary fights." Sasori called out to the other four. Deidara smirked knowing his last comment regarding Sasoris puppet body would work and that the other four would agree with Sasori.
"Hah! As if anyone's gonna take notice of that now! It's in the middle of the fuckin' night! 'Sides, it's not like we can't kick their fuckin' asses anyway if anyone tries to start shit ! I wouldn't mind another fuckin' fight!" Hidan yelled loudly. This earned him a glare from his partner and the puppet and bomber. Hidan ignored their glares and continued to walk with a smirk while pulling along a bright red childs wagon full of things him and Kakuzu snatched up before the village was destroyed. It was filled only with money and alcohol.
"I agree with Sasori and Deidara." Itachi said quietly. "I doubt Pein or Konan would approve of us making a mess of the bathrooms at the base." He elaborated while Kisame nodded in agreement. The maids at the base would not appreciate it either.
"Well I guess it's settled then. There is a river less than a mile west of here." Kisame informed the others as him and Itachi turned and began walking in that direction. The other four followed. Deidara was very nearly bouncing and Hidan merely shrugged not really minding going for a swim while Sasori and Kakuzu followed quietly.
After about 20 minutes of walking the river was in sight. They walked down the steep hill leading to the river shore. The silence was broken only by Hidans constant swearing due to his wagon nearly tipping multiple times. After another ten minutes they arrived at the shore. The Akatsuki members stopped before the river when Sasori suddenly took notice of a lack of presence amongst their group.
"Where's Deidara?" Sasori voiced his thoughts while scanning the area almost frantically. How could they have not noticed? He was one of the loudest of the Akatsuki! The others also began to scan the area halting their previous actions almost instantly. The silence was suddenly broken by a loud, long whoop. Their heads instantly snapped toward the noise to see Deidara jumping off a cliff into the river. "Brat!" Sasori exclaimed while jerking forward slightly before Deidara made contact with the water and disappeared below the surface. Almost instantly Deidara popped back up. His gasps for air and breathless giggles instantly broke the tense atmosphere as the other members relaxed.
'Idiot brat! Does he not know there may have been rocks at the bottom of the cliff? He didn't even know how shallow it was!' Sasori thought furiously. Deidara began doggy-paddling over to the other members with a huge smile. As he exited the water and approached the others Hidan laughed loudly before approaching Deidara and slapping him on the back good naturedly.
"You crazy little shit!" He laughed. Kisame appeared amused while Itachi and Kakuzu frowned disapprovingly and Sasori glared furiously and shook his head.
"This stupid cloak nearly drowned me, un! It's heavy as shit when wet!" Deidara exclaimed excitedly while removing said cloak. Sasori shook his head disapprovingly. The other members copied his actions and removed their cloaks to throw them in the river to rinse them as best as the river could. They then set them on the shore to dry. Then they entered the cool water.
"Idiot brat." Sasori mumbled as he smacked Deidara on the back of the head as Deidara passed him to enter the river too. Deidara glared at him but continued into the river. Hidan swore loudly at the cold water while Kisame dunked and came back up laughing breathlessly. Itachi and Kakuzu dunked and began wiping at themselves to remove the crust from the earlier mission. Deidara and Hidan began splashing at each other earning a glare from Kakuzu and Itachi who also got splashed. Kisame joined them. They then began wrestling in the water trying to drown each other. Itachi and Kakuzu talked amongst each other about 'immature, loud men' quietly. The other three eventually stopped and laughed in between gasps at the cold water and the water fight. Sasori sat at the shore with his wet cloak using it as a washcloth to wash himself.
"Danna! Aren't you gonna swim with us, un?" Deidara asked as he doggy-paddled closer to the shore until his hands could touch the river bottom.
"We're not here to swim, brat. We're here to bathe and that's it." Sasori said sternly while glaring at him, Hidan, and Kisame.
"Whatever! I say we have some fuckin' fun! We aren't in a fuckin' rush now are we?!" Hidan yelled out as he swam over to Deidara. "Hey!" He exclaimed as he instantly popped up out of the water to stand up. "I have some fuckin' alcohol!" He yelled out excitedly as he ran to his red wagon and grabbed six bottles. He set one on Sasoris lap before running in the water to hand one to the others. Deidara and Kisame took theirs with a grin and Itachi and Kakuzu refused theirs.
"Sasori's right." Itachi said as he glanced at Sasori then back to Hidan. "We shouldn't waste time acting like children." He stated monotonously.
"What the fuck ever! We never get a fuckin' break! So you two pull those sticks outta your asses and take a fuckin' bottle!" Hidan yelled while shoving a bottle towards Itachi insistently. Itachi and Kakuzu glared at Hidan viciously. "What are you scared of getting in fuckin' trouble or something?! Quit being a bitch boy and have some!" He continued with a smirk. Itachi narrowed his eyes even more if possible. He then yanked the bottle out of Hidans hand. Hidan laughed loudly and walked over to Kakuzu holding one out to him too. Kakuzu and Hidan had a stare down while everyone watched quietly. Hidan was smirking and Kakuzu was attempting to kill him with his glare. Kakuzu then ripped the bottle out of Hidans hand. Hidan then pushed back to float on his back while laughing loudly. He floated back over to Kisame and Deidara, who already began drinking.
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"Did you see that fuckin' idiot who I killed?! The one with the stupid ass pitchfork?!" Hidan yelled enthusiastically while laughing loudly. "Fuckin' funny as shit! He was fuckin' pitiful! He was hardly worth sacrificing to Jashin!" Hidan continued, guzzling down his bottle loudly. Deidara and Kisame laughed with him. Kakuzu chuckled and took a drink of his bottle while Itachi and Sasori smirked. They were all sitting in a circle in the river with the water up to their necks. None of them were wearing clothes. Hidan took his off first 'because he fuckin' wanted to' and the others took theirs off because they were weighing them down and they wished for them to dry. They had all finished their first bottles and were now on their second. To say they were buzzed would be an understatement. Itachi, Kakuzu, and Sasori had relaxed noticeably and were now even participating in the other threes fun. The other three had become even more wild.
"I seen that! He was pitiful, un!" Deidara replied while taking a swig of his bottle. Being the smallest and youngest he got drunk faster than the others. "Did 'ya see when my bug crawled in that one guys head! It was hilarious! His head friggin' popped, un!" Deidara slurred while laughing and falling back into the water and shooting back up instantly, coughing and laughing. Hidan and Kisame boomed with laughter and the other three chuckled.
"I seen that. It was very surprising to say the least. I was about to attack him and his head exploded. Then when I was washing off I believe a piece of his brain was stuck to my shirt." Itachi said with an amused smile, taking a drink of his bottle. This caused another round of laughter. Suddenly Kakuzu sobered up. If one were to observe him while drunk he would appear to be the most bipolar of the six.
"Shhh! Shhh! You guys! Someone's gonna hear us!" Kakuzu hissed out silencing the other five. Then Hidan and Deidara began sputtering and began laughing loudly again. Kisame soon joined them and Itachi and Sasori began smiling again chuckling quietly.
"You dipshit! Who the fuck's gonna hear us out here! We're in the middle of fuckin' nowhere!" Hidan boomed out in between laughs. Deidara and Hidan leaned against each other attempting to support each other due to their intoxicated states and uncontrollable laughter.
"I said shut up!" Kakuzu snapped. This lowered their laughing to giggles.
"You! You're grumpy!" Deidara wheezed as he laughed and pointed his swaying finger at Kakuzu drunkenly.
"Shut. Up!" Kakuzu ground out angrily. Everyone silenced again. Then Hidan and Deidara began sputtering and laughing again. Kisame chuckled and Itachi attempted to hide his smile and soft chuckling by facing down and Sasori smirked while raising an eyebrow at Kakuzu. Deidara handed his bottle to Sasori then dunked into the water and began to swim towards Kakuzu.
"No! No! Deidara! Where'd he go?! He's gone! He disappeared!" Hidan cried out covering his face dramatically then began laughing again and leaned against a chuckling Kisame who patted his shoulder 'sympathetically'. Deidara then popped the top of his head out in front of Kakuzu allowing himself to breath through his nose and peek up at Kakuzu. Kakuzu continued glaring at Deidara. Then Deidara emerged from the river til he was eye level with Kakuzu. His cheeks were full of water and he did something that no one has ever done to Kakuzu in his life. He squirted the water out of his cheeks and into Kakuzus face. He then shrieked and kicked away from Kakuzu while laughing wildly. Everyone else laughed with him while Kakuzu wiped at his face furiously. Deidara swam frantically to Sasori and grabbed his wooden shoulder and hid behind it peeking out at Kakuzu.
"Danna! Help! He's gonna kill me!" Deidara cried out dramatically in between his breathless giggles. Sasori continued chuckling and Hidan leant on Deidaras shoulder laughing uncontrollably at Kakuzus face while patting Deidara on the back. Kakuzu continued glaring viciously at the two but he began wavering and eventually smiled and began laughing loudly. Louder than the other two. Everyone stopped laughing and stared at Kakuzu as he began laughing uncontrollably. Deidara moved back in between Sasori and Hidan with wide eyes. Itachi then joined in on the laughter and was eventually laughing as uncontrollably as Kakuzu was. Kakuzu then leant on Itachis shoulder attempting to hide his face. Hidan then broke out in booming laughter and began pointing at the two. The other three joined in and they were all laughing loudly. Their laughter eventually died down to chuckling.
"That's the first time I've ever heard you two fuckin' laugh like that!" Hidan exclaimed with a big smile. The other three nodded and voiced their agreements. The chuckling died down and it was silent.
"Man I want a woman." Kisame said changing the subject while taking a swig of his bottle.
"I fuckin' know right?" Hidan voiced his agreement. Looking at Kisame who nodded. "It's been forever since I've been laid." He elaborated looking out at the other five to see they nodded in agreement. He then double takes at Deidara. "Hey! You could pass for a girl!" He joked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, and began laughing. Deidara glared hatefully at Hidan with wide eyes. Deidaras hair was down so the other four could see what Hidan meant. His long golden locks, bright blue eyes, and childish face did prove Hidans point. Hidan reached for Deidara playfully and Deidara kicked away from him til his back hit Sasoris arm. Deidara did not understand that Hidan was only joking. The other four joined in on the laughter. Sasori wrapped an arm around Deidaras shoulder.
"It's not funny!" Deidara yelled angrily. Sasori stopped laughing and patted Deidaras back. Hidan tugged on Deidaras foot playfully causing him to jerk his legs up to his chest. Hidan then swam over to Deidara who was kicking at him wildly, attempting to get him to back up. Sasori then reached over with a smile and pushed Hidan away.
"That's enough, Hidan. Leave my partner alone." Sasori said. Everyone's laughter died down when Hidan noticed Deidara still looked angry.
"Hey you know I was joking, right?" Hidan told Deidara seriously. Deidaras glare instantly dropped.
"Oh you were. Thank goodness, I was scared, un!" Deidara said relieved. He relaxed instantly and the two began laughing again and the other four chuckled.
"We should see who could drink their bottle fastest!" Hidan exclaimed loudly and randomly. "I challenge you all to a fuckin' drinking contest!" He yelled while thrusting his bottle in the air.
"But we don't even have the same amount of alcohol in our bottles." Itachi responded, holding his bottle up to his face. The other three did the same. They then held their bottles together. They didn't contain the same amount, but it was close.
"Close enough!" Hidan exclaimed. "Unless you guys are fuckin' scared!" Hidan challenged with a smirk. The others shook their heads indicating they weren't. "'Kay. On three. One..two...THREE!" At that all five began chugging as fast as they could. They all finished around the same time and instantly began arguing about who won. This led to a brawl. They began playfully fighting and then they blacked out.
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Deidara was the first to wake up. He woke up shivering in his damp Akatsuki cloak. As he gradually gained consciousness he realized he was squashed. Between what felt like two people. He snapped his eyes open. He looked down to see two sets of arms wrapped around his torso. Kakuzu was snuggled up to his side tightly while shivering slightly. He looked above him to see Itachis face cuddled up in his hair. Itachi was curled around his body and also was holding him tightly and shivering. He thought back to last night while praying profusely that nothing too strange happened. He recalled the fight between them, then Kisame swimming around madly and chasing everyone while exclaiming that he was a shark, all of them jumping off the cliff and then Itachi, Kakuzu, and himself laying on the shore away from the water in their damp cloaks and falling asleep to Kisame swimming around while explaining that he was sleeping in the river 'because he's a shark' and then he fell asleep.
So nothing bad, they must have gotten cold and sought out the nearest heat source in their sleep. He attempted to get up but the other two would not let go. He struggled for another minute before becoming annoyed.
"Get off, un!" He yelled out in frustration. The other two instantly woke up and after taking in their positions, pulled away. He then heard a chuckle and looked above him to see Sasori.
"Took you long enough, brat. I've been poking at you for awhile now." He said with a smirk. Deidara groaned and rolled over on his stomach and stretched. Sasori chuckled. He layed there for another minute and then rolled back over and sat up. Looking out at the river he could see Hidan and Kisame floating near the middle of the river. Itachi and Kakuzu were up and gathering their clothes up from the ground and putting them on. Thank goodness they wore their cloaks to bed too otherwise waking up would have been a lot more awkward. He pushed himself up and gathered his damp clothes up and put them on. He walked over to the shore and looked out at Kisame and Hidan. He cupped his hands around his mouth.
"KISAME! HIDAN!" He yelled as loud as he could, hoping they would awaken. Kakuzu hissed in pain, obviously having the worst hangover of the four. Hidan jerked then thrashed around while swearing profusely, attempting to stay above the water. He splashed Kisame unintentionally who also woke up in a similar manner. Deidara laughed loudly at them. They calmed down and used their chakra to walk to shore. When they got out Deidara was reminded that they weren't wearing any clothes. He smirked. They probably froze their asses off. When they came closer it was evident that they did by their violent shivering.
"Some shark you are, un." Deidara said with a smirk. Kisame looked at him confusedly when suddenly he remembered. He smiled sheepishly as he recalled swimming around and choosing to sleep in the water because he said he was a shark. How embarrassing. Deidara snickered. The two then also gather their clothes and got dressed.
"We need to get moving now. No doubt Pein will be angry with us for taking our time." Itachi said quietly. The others agreed instantly. They then began their way to the base at a breakneck speed. They arrived at the base three hours later. Once they stepped through the door their rings informed them that all of them, excluding Sasori, were to meet in Peins office.
Strange. Deidara thought to himself. Maybe we're not in trouble. They went up the stairs to the third floor, which was exclusively for Pein and Konan. They made their way down the hall to Peins office. Itachi knocked.
"Enter." Pein called out. They did as told and all five stood in a line in front of his desk. Konan was sitting next to him reading a paper. She glanced up and nodded her head in acknowledgement. Pein finished writing something on a piece of paper before setting his pen down to also acknowledge the five Akatsuki. He focused his intense stare on the five in front of him. "Do any of you know why I called you here?" He asked. The five shook their heads. Konan glanced up again with amusement in her eyes. Pein sighed. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. A sign off irritation. Not good. He opened his eyes, obviously pissed.
"What in the world were you doing last night?!" He snapped out.
"I suspect you already know, sir." Itachi answered emotionlessly. It was best he answer than Hidan. And he knew Hidan would. Only one thought crossed his mind. Zetsu. He thought he heard something multiple times but ignored it because he was drunk and didn't really care. How foolish.
"Yes. I do. "He bit out viciously. "You men are Akatsuki. You are the elite. The best the shinobi world has to offer." He continued while making his way around his desk to stand in front of the five. "Yet you men were acting like foolish, impulsive teenagers last night! To do something as foolish as get drunk after you've demolished a village! Of course that would attract the attention of others! To consume alcohol when you were being hunted down?! None of you could even walk properly! Let alone fight!" Pein roared.
Ah yes. That's why Kisame said he was sleeping in the water! He couldn't even walk so he went on about him being a shark and being a swimmer, not a walker! Deidara thought to himself. He had to bite his tongue to not let his amusement surface.
"You could have been ambushed and wiped out! Do you understand now why such choices were foolish?!" He received a few responses indicating that they had. "Good. That is all. You are dismissed." He said while turning away to contain his anger. They quietly made their way out and down to the second floor, which contained their rooms. Sasori stood leaning against the wall with a smirk.
"Danna! You should have woken us up earlier! Maybe then Pein wouldn't have found out!" Deidara said while directing a glare towards the puppet.
"Zetsu was watching the entire time. Pein would've never suspected had it not been for him. Even if we were to arrive at this time." Itachi informed. Deidara glanced at him before continuing to glare at Sasori. He now knew Sasori wasn't drunk. He overlooked the fact that he was a puppet due to his intoxicated state. No doubt he knew Zetsu was there.
"I told you to just wash off and get out. Not one of you listened. Now you paid for it." He said with a smirk. Deidara stomped to his room angrily. Hidan strode to his room with a smirk, he didn't give a shit what Pein said. He had fun. Kakuzu and Itachi walked to their rooms showing no emotions. They had been foolish to allow themselves to be pressured into drinking. It was uncharacteristic of them. But they both knew they wanted to drink so it was easy to be convinced to do so. Sasori made his way to his room, next to Deidaras.
The brat will get over it. He thought to himself while glancing at Deidaras door and entering his room.
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First fanfic! Woo hoo! Poor Akatsuki never get to have fun haha.