Would It Matter
if I wasnt here tomorrow would anybody care
still stuck inside this sorrow
I got nothin and going nowhere
I know Im a mess and I wanna be someone
someone that Id like better
can you help me forget, dont wanna feel like this forever
Elena Gilbert sprang from her place on the couch. Her six-year-old legs sending her all about the living and around again. Her sleek pig tails bounce with every step and her voice shrieks with excitement as the door bell rings. She lets her impatience take over and goes to open the door. Just as her hand is about to reach the handle, her mothers hand is on top of it and pulling her away from the opening door. Elena let's out another squeal and jumps up into the guests arms.
"Uncle John!" Her mood is contagious and John Gilbert laughs at her behavior.
"Elena, sweetheart!" John smiles a hello to Miranda Gilbert over the little girls shoulder.
Elena pulls back and tries to put on her most serious of faces, "What's in the bag, Mister?"
He chuckles even more and carries her into the house, "A surprise."
"Oooooh, ohh. Can I see?" Elena jumped around in his lap.
He shook his head, "Not until Jeremy comes in here and get's his surprise too, Elena. Promise me that we'll wait until he's done taking a bath?"
Elena huffed before agreeing, "Okay, Uncle John."
"John, would you like something to drink?" Miranda questioned from the kitchen.
He called back, "I'm fine, thank you."
"Your loss. Greyson made his raspberry lemonade earlier," She halfheartedly teased before opening the fridge.
John laughed, watching Elena shake the bag to try and tell what was inside, "He does make a mean lemonade."
"Uncle John. Uncle John. Uncle John."
"Yes. Yes. Yes."
"Can I show you something?" Elena's smile reached form ear to ear.
"Of course, sweetheart."
Elena snatched up his hand and dragged him around the room twice before finally taking him out into the backyard. By this time they both were laughing quite a bit. Looking around the yard, John noticed that the grass was newly cut and the bonfire was closed off for the season. Turning his attention in the direction Elena was taking him, he saw what she wanted to show him. A child sized, plastic playhouse occupied the far corner of the yard. It was white with an orange roof and windowpanes.
"It's fit for a princess," John complimented as he was left outside while she slammed the door behind her.
Elena called from within, "I was going to invite you in but you're too big!"
They both laughed again and he sat down on the grass directly outside, "Open this window, here, and it'll be just like I am."
"Good idea!" Elena swung the shudders open and smiled cheekily at her relative.
Though she did not know it, John was savoring every moment he got with her. His daughter. Every hello, hug, laugh or smile would fill his heart with a certain amount of pride and he couldn't help but smile down at his flesh and his blood. John laughed with her and hurt with her, every time he came around. She was oblivious to what was right in front of her. The way their smiles curved just the same. Their hair might not be the same color, but it sure had the same texture. The way she knew how to brighten a room with one word or look, reminded him of himself as a child. Their concern for the wellbeing of those around them was equal in every way. The list went on and on.
This little girl was raised to believe his brother was her father. Greyson Gilbert was a good one, at that, and Miranda was a hundred times better than Isebel would have been. When Elena was born, her parents knew they couldn't afford to raise her. Their relationship didn't last long after that either. John sat there in the grass, watching his daughter play, and thought about how much he'd love to be her father now. How much he wish'd he could go back and take her in for himself. For better or for worse. But he also knew it was too late. She had a brother now, a family life, and John was not going to rush her away from all that she's known.
The only way this could have worked out the way he wants it to, would be to have changed his mind that night. The night his daughter was born and he was too much of a coward to stand up for his child and take her in. He was too blinded by his love for such a soulless woman, who didn't even want her child. No matter the consequences or restrictions. John Gilbert wished badly and everyday. But it was never enough to get his little girl.
So he comes and visits with presents and little party tricks because that's all he has anymore. A few times a year, some stuffed animals based off of a cartoon, and tricks he picked up traveling. He would never be her father, no matter how badly he wanted to be. And that kills him inside.
That is John Gilbert's weakness. His achilles heel. His one regret and his one wish.
But you can't go back in time. You can only go on forewords and so John will because these small happy visits are all he has.