This Diary Belongs To:
Allison Devonne Munroe
/
Date: Wednesday (08/19/10)
Mood Music: "Mean" by Taylor Swift
The cow jumped over the moon.
I'm the cow.
Tawni's my moon.
Let me explain.
When I was twelve and So Random! premiered on the Mixed(Up) channel, I no rainbows fell in love with Tawni Hart. I TiVo-ed every episode. I bought her posters. I stood in the rain for three hours outside some swanky hotel and endured disgusted looks just to get her autograph (but of course, she doesn't remember that). She became my role model, and I vowed to someday be worthy enough to work with her.
And when I was sixteen my silly wish came true. Not only that, but my comic hero became my best friend.
It's not great.
See, let me put this in the same way Tawni justified throwing away the sparkly, miracle-on-your-body, light-pink dress she bought two weeks ago—it's pretty, but I'm over it.
My best friend is completely useless to me.
All the fun things that put the "best" in best friends are just non-existent in our relationship.
I love sharing secrets.
She says sharing secrets is celebrity suicide.
I enjoy makeovers.
She threatened to stab me in the eye with her mascara wand the last time I got too close to her with her Cocoa Mocho Cocoa lipstick.
Sharing clothes is an unwritten rule.
She got a lock for her closet so effective, even Zora can't crack it.
I would go on, but the list would take up this entire diary and still need more room.
The point is, I'm in need of someone (or thing?) to let my feelings out to without being judged, and that's where you come in, my super j'adore-able Tinkerbell diary whom I will from now on refer to as Henry.
It is to you that I will reveal my innermost secrets and opinions.
Not to mention this is the perfect place to use my Text/IM lingo without letting anyone know I'm bandwagon-ing.
LOL THIS IZ GUNNA B SOOO MUCH FUNNNN
I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.
Tawni's so yesterday.
So yesterday, so yesterday / I'm just a bird that's already flown away…
(Hillary Duff reference—I apologize, Henry.)
As you can see, I'm a pretty random thinker.
Makes sense.
I'm on a show called So Random! after all.
And so as to not give you a metaphorical headache, I will try to categorize my scattered thoughts into the three D's.
First D:
Dating. Boys boys boys. Or rather, Tawni and my mother pressuring me about boys boys boys. They think I should date. I don't agree. Work is my top priority, and any free time I have I will from now on devote to you, my dear Henry.
Be flattered.
On to the second D.
Dieting. I spent the month of July stuffing down my grandmother's brownies and lemon bars in Wisconsin. I should've jogged back to LA. Then you wouldn't have to witness my mind-blowing inability to stick to a diet.
They call me Sonny. Because my butt is the size of the sun.
And the third D is…
…
Okay, fine.
There is no third D.
I'm not a liar, I swear, Henry! But The Two D's just sounds so lame.
Therefore, I shall make it my mission to find a third D.
I will not let you down.
Now on to more pressing things.
Like this week's episode of Gossip Girl.
OMG LOL SERENAZ SUCH A SLUT LYKE 4REALZ.
Seriously.
This season is POPPIN'.
I'll admit to you, Henry (because there are no secrets between us) I'm a closet Derena fan. I mean, Nate and Serena are cute and all, and it's pretty effing obvious that when God was giving out the looks, Chace Crawford got them twice, but Dan and Serena are just… home. Dan's such a sweetie. And I hate him and Vanessa together. I swear, WTF is up with that, anyway?
Tawni's coming.
I'm sorry to say this, Henry, but our newfound relationship must be kept under wraps.
Till next time,
Sonny.
Date: Thursday (08/20/10)
Mood Music: "Intuition" by Selena Gomez & The Scene
This. Right here. Is my. Pretty. Girl. Swag.
I'm in my "Real Princesses of New Jersey" costume (complete with the blond wig), texting on my new Blackberry (customized with my signature cow case, of course), and munching on a jelly-filled croissant (Oh yeah—I decided starting a diet in the middle of the week was stupid; I'm starting Monday).
Selena Gomez's new album is playing in the background. (I totally forgave her for not answering my phone calls—I blame Mr. Mackenzie for scaring her off).
Yep, this is the life.
You should've seen me walking down the hallways. Every part of me screamed SWAGGER.
Until Chad Dylan Cooper ran into my shoulder totallyonpurposethatjerk.
"Sorry, Cinderella." I could hear the smirk in his voice.
He didn't even bother to glance back at me.
"It's Snow White, actually," was my lame comeback. "Snowy, to be more exact. Get it straight!"
He walked away silently, his head held high, and looking admittedly hot in that Mackenzie Falls uniform (TELL NO ONE, HENRY).
His pretty boy swag was a thousand times better than my pretty girl swag.
Yep, this was the life.
My life, to be exact.
Sigh.
Still no third D.
Still searching for third D.
I'm getting bored looking.
(Do work, son.)
Date: Thursday (08/20/10) – continued
Mood Song: "Careful" by Paramore
So Chad's got himself a new leading lady on Mackenzie Falls.
Temporarily.
See, on the season finale in May (that I may or may not still have saved on my DVR IT'S MY MOTHER'S FAULT, MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, HENRY!), Mackenzie spotted Chloe at his family's charity gathering, slow dancing with some snooty, European kid named Michael-Anthony (yes, all together. He's your regular Chad Dylan Cooper).
Mackenzie's too worried about class differences.
Michael-Anthony's offering a spot in first-class Tours, France.
Chloe's a smart girl.
Penelope set it all up so Mackenzie would see them romantically swaying to the music. Close-up of his adora—stupid, heartbroken face, and END OF SEASON 3.
This season, he's trying to make her jealous by pretending to date Michael-Anthony's equally snooty cousin Richelle, played by none other than Rose Signorini (she played the lead in the TriDark movies).
I ran into her in the commissary, and let's just say it didn't go well.
I'm kinda not cool.
She's kinda not nice.
With her glossy, black hair, and pale-but-in-a-pretty-way complexion, even Tawni feels threatened (not that she'd ever admit it; not that Rose would ever need to hear it).
Our less-than-a-minute long conversation pretty much consisted of me babbling about how she's my favorite character on TriDark and her running her claw-like fingernails through her straightened locks while obnoxiously popping her gum in a "Can't-you-just-screw-off?" manner.
I think I'm cursed, Henry. Cursed to have all my favorite celebrities care more about their flawless looks and fat checks than the fans whose money gets them the flawless looks and fat checks.
Meeting her bummed me out.
Chad thinks it's because I'm jealous she'll be making out with him in the upcoming episode.
Chad: Why so gloomy?
Me: Your new guest star.
Chad: Aw, it's okay; just remember that when I'm kissing her, the passion's not real. I know, it might be a little hard, considering my impeccable acting skills.
Me: Jerk off.
Chad: To your picture.
…
I didn't quite know what to say to that.
…
He was kidding, right?
…
What if he wasn't?
…
OMFG WHAT IF HE WASN'T?
…
Yeah, he totally was.
/
Author's Note / First story. And a poor attempt at humor. But review if you liked it, anyway, please! (: