Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note characters.
Listening to: Light Lights Up Light (for piano)
*
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Sayonara
**
A word that guaranteed nothing.
*
He laughed. Lunatically.
The corners of his lips almost touched both of his ears. His inhuman, beast-like laughter, echoed in that silent cemetery. Beside him Ryuk watched in admiration, murmuring, "Human is so much fun…" Ryuk himself never laughed that way. He even hardly found any shinigamis laughing that way.
The young man's eyeballs have turned scarlet since ten minutes ago, resembling the peel of ripen apples. He then shouted in front of L's tomb, ignoring his sanity. His shout blended with his ludicrous laughter.
"TAKE THAT, RYUUZAKI!!" he screamed, so much satisfied the cursed detective has gone. "NOBODY'LL STAND IN MY WAY NOW!!" his scream got more and more deafening.
The cemetery only replied him with silence. The tomb in front of him did the same. Also the wind. Though maybe its breeze whispered in dismay:
"Human is the evilest being of all…"
The young man, whom attractiveness has been ruined by the sadistic expression, finally stopped laughing when he needed to breathe for an air. The corners of his lips have turned normal, although his irises were still scarlet in colour, peeking beneath his eyelids.
"The victory is mine…," he hissed, almost like a serpent.
Far away beyond his heart, in the bottom of his brain, and in the deepest part of his soul…there was a tiny ray of light. It was general truth that all humans, without exception, possessed lights. Nobody was born as a malevolence devil.
The tiny light was the fraction of his previous angelic personality, yet it has been long buried by the darkness which owned him. The light was shrieking, shouting, and screaming hysterically in fear and anxiety in his subconscious mind as the hidden result of his guilt.
His heartrending scream echoed in subconsciousness, together with a mad laughter he released for the second time.
"SAYONARA, RYUUZAKI!!!"
Sayonara. A word that guaranteed nothing.
*
*
Years have passed.
The tiny light got dim and dimmer all the time, swallowed by his wickedness.
It, however, began to illumine again—weakly though—when his father passed away. Thanks to his tears, from which the proverbs said to be the evidence of love. And love, without doubt, is one of the things which can turn on the light.
The light appeared in his dream while he was sleeping. It had the figure of the same Light Yagami, only this one's expression was covered by very deep guilt and remorse.
In his dream, in the middle of solid darkness, guilt-sided Light Yagami was running futilely with short breath. The one and only glow only exuded from his pure brown eyes, those he had possessed before Death Note destroyed his life.
His pace boomed in horrifying sounds when he loped and struggled to escape from the murky terrain. His inhalation got shorter and shorter, blended with fear. Fortunately he finally saw bunch of lights down there, made him breathing in relief.
Too bad…the light in fact was only a decoy. He unexpectedly arrived in a room where a lady wearing leather jacket gazing at him in sadness. Her face was pale as white marble.
Naomi Misora.
"No…," whispered Light, stepping backwards when the lady slowly approached him. On her neck there was a clear outline of rope.
"Look what I've become, Light Yagami…," she whispered, her voice echoed.
"No…"
"My body is never discovered…," whispered Naomi Misora again. "The smell of my rotten corpse is always ignored by the people who passed the location of my death…"
"NO!" screamed Light, soon turning around and ran away with extreme shudder. He stumbled for several times during the process, but without giving up he tried so hard to get out of this hell…this darkness…
Yet suddenly something pulled his legs and made him fell headfirst. He immediately turned his head to see who the one in charge was.
And he shrieked uncontrollably when he found out…
Ray Penber.
"I was about to get married…," whispered Ray Penber, his face pale as tissue, his wide eyes looked at Light fiercely.
"No…it wasn't me…," whispered Light, trying to free himself from the man's grasp, but Ray's hand kept locking his legs like a handcuff.
"Quite an easy thing for you, isn't it…?"
"No! Let me go!!"
"To kill and to play…"
"It wasn't me…," now Light's voice mixed with weep.
"You have to pay…"
"NOOO!!" Light shrieked. The more he pulled himself, the more Ray prevented him to be free. In the middle of his panic state his hands traveled on the floor, looking for anything which could help him. Seconds later he unexplainably found a gun…and without thinking further, he soon reached it and shot Ray's head harshly.
Ray's head, exploding blood, drooped. His hands automatically fled Light's legs.
On that dreadful moment Light's body shook feverishly… He clutched his head and shouted in an extremely tragic sound…. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! No…no…I didn't mean to…"
"Light Yagami…," suddenly in his surroundings there came tens of hollow voices.
No. Not tens of hollow voices. Hundreds of. "Light Yagami……Light Yagami……"
Being stricken, Light slowly stood up…the hair on his napes raised up. His eyes widened in dreadfulness when finally he saw those voices' owners….
Hundreds people…hundreds criminals he had murdered…some of them were covered with bloods. Some were headless…some even only showed up in the shapes of fragments. They stood encircling Light, their eyes were full of wraths and reprisal.
"You made me standing in front of the train…and made it hit me completely, Light Yagami…," whispered a headless man.
"No……," Light clutched his hair, weeping in grief. He tried to find any path to escape, but all have been blocked by those awakened dead men.
"I lost my head…," the headless man continued. "And do you know what happened to my family when seeing me died that way…? My wife committed a suicide…my daughter wandered nowhere in the town…depressed…"
"No…," wept Light.
"You made me jumped from the building…," now was a man whose face was covered with blood talking. "I was about to redeem my sin…but you judged me that cruel, Light Yagami…"
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" in the middle of his fright, Light bumped the dead men and ran as fast as he could. His short-breath mixed with weep. "Help me…," he sobbed. "Anybody…please…"
But then…
"BOO!!!" something surprisingly dropped from the ceilings and hung right in front of Light's eyes.
The shocked-Light automatically jumped and fell backwards, his heart almost leapt from his chest.
"How are you doing, Light?" the creature smirked very wide. Ryuk. He stood upside down in front of Light, cackling gleefully.
"Ry…Ryuk…"
"Happy to see me?"
"Help me get out of here…," Light pleaded. "Please…"
"Okay," answered Ryuk casually. "But firstly I would like to show you something."
"I'll do anything, just get me out of here soon, okay?!"
"Just take it easy, Light," replied Ryuk. He then pulled something out of his closed wings. At first Light thought it was Death Note…but he was wrong. The creature unexpectedly showed him a mirror.
"When you look at this mirror, you'll be able to see how your face will be after you die."
"What are you talking about, Ryuk—"
Light didn't have any chance to finish his sentence or refusing Ryuk's offer, because Ryuk instantly showed him the reflection he was talking about.
A second later Light's excruciating scream and Ryuk's laughter blended in one…
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NOOOOOO…NOOOOOOOOO…!!" screamed Light. Never ever he screamed that painful and loud before… His agony has reached its peak when he saw his reflection in his mirror…
He probably would scream till forever if he didn't hear a voice behind him.
"Light-kun!"
Light's scream instantaneously stopped.
He soon turned around…and shrieked seeing the young man in front of him…
It was the one he had killed in triumph… A young man with raven messy hair, hunched back, and long-sleeved white T-shirt who gazed at him in sadness….
"Stay away!!" Light shouted at him. "Leave me alone, Ryuuzaki!!"
"Light-kun—"
"You want to torture me as well, aren't you?!! I've been enough with it, now leave me alone!!"
"Listen to me, Light-kun—"
"STAY AWAY, RYUUZAKI!!" Light ran as fast as possible, leaving L behind. He has been quite far when his hands were strongly pulled and his body was forced to spin, forced by L to look at him once again.
"Light-kun—"
"Go away!! Leave me alone!!" Light kept rebelling. "Stop torturing me, just kill me right away!! Kill me, Ryuuzaki!!"
"Light-kun, I don't—"
"KILL ME!! KILL ME RIGHT AWAY!!! KILL ME NOW!!! JUST KILL ME…KILL ME……RYUUZAKI……"
He sobbed very hard when L pulled him into a tight embrace…
His hot tears dropped heavily…soaking L's hair…
…
…
"I…can't take it……," Light sobbed. "I'd…better die…Ryuuzaki…"
"You have to stay calm, Light-kun….." whispered L, his fringe totally covered his eyes.
"You want…to revenge…don't you…?" sobbed Light. "Kill me now…kill me……"
"I won't kill Light-kun…I want to help him…"
"You lie……I have killed you…you must want to avenge…"
"No……," L clenched his teeth only to block the tears which were so ready to fall…
Silence conquered the terrain then… There was only the sound of Light's sobs which getting more and more agonizing all the time…
"I'm scared……Ryuuzaki…," Light whispered. "I…"
"I know…"
When his shoulders began to shake, and his tears trickled one by one…L has just realized…that he started to cry too…
*
*
The darkness has resigned.
L brought him to a very peaceful and comfortable place, a café with the sweet smell of shortcake and toffee. They sat mirroring each other on a soft puff chairs. Sort of… because L was crouching as usual, eating his shortcake thoughtfully.
Light gazed at L's childlike feature with his swollen brown eyes. They were all alone in that place. The ambience outside had the same tranquility—there were only a group of floating clouds, sometimes hitting each other in delicate motion, like the cluster of ready-spun cotton.
"Why…?" Light finally began to talk. His voice was a bit broken. "Why you forgive me this easy…?"
L swallowed his cake before answering. His pure eyes gazed at his vanilla tea, which had been mixed with approximately twenty sugar cubes.
"I don't know," L answered in small tone.
"That's not an answer. Just tell me why you want to help me," said Light impatiently. "You're not my friend, and I've killed you…"
"I truly don't know, Light-kun…"
Again…, whispered Light, fisting his hand. He started to feel heat in his eyes. He hated that innocent voice…he always hated the way L exploring his thought, with those damn naïve eyes and tone…
"One thing I know is just…," said L then, "Light-kun is Kira…," he put his favorite strawberry on the table, then encircling it with lots of sugar cubes. "I always know it. Always…. However, when Light-kun lost the memory about Kira, Light-kun's truest nature emerged, making me realized that in fact Light-kun is a very loyal and kind-hearted friend… Light-kun must remember that moment, ne…? We had been very good friends…"
Light didn't reply. He stared at the table in pain. He then closed his eyes; for some moments he avoided looking at the young man in front of him.
But moments later his eyes snapped open, and his hands soon grasping L's arms really tight.
"Help me, Ryuuzaki…," he begged. "I don't want to kill anybody again…I have to set this wickedness aside…I beg you…"
"I can't…," replied L, almost whispering. His fringe once again covered his tunnel-like eyes.
"What do you mean you can't?!" now Light stood up and shook L's shoulders harshly. "You want justice to prevail, don't you, Ryuuzaki?! You also clearly said you want to help me—"
"I'm only able to see you in your dreams, Light-kun—"
"I don't care! The bright side of my personality getting dimmer all the time, I have to solve this, Ryuuzaki, I want to be the past Light Yagami, you must know what I sh—"
"Stop forcing me!" snapped L.
Light was completely stricken. He was hardly hearing L snapping at someone before…
Slowly Light releasing his hands, his eyes stared at L's trembling shoulders. The young man's raven fringe still covered his eyes.
"You don't know the load of troubles I had to face only for seeing you in your dream," whispered L after quite long time. "I no longer have any chance in the Earth, try to understand. The one and only person who can help Light-kun is Light-kun himself…."
Light shut his eyes. He sank himself on the chair, pressing his temple with thick mourn.
"Can I…," he whispered then, "I mean…is there any possibility my life will change after I wake up of this dream…?"
"I don't know. If Light-kun can remember this dream, Light-kun possibly can change. But the chance for Light-kun to remember this dream is only one percent…"
"Why?!" Light's emotion rose up again. "What do you mean by one percent—many people wake up with remembering his dream!"
"This dream is Light-kun's subconscious state," answered L, still with head-bowed. "Light-kun's subconsciousnes is rebelling. It's strongly covered with massive guilt, grief, and the wish to come back to the moment before Light-kun got the Death Note. Light-kun's subconsciousness also begs to see me again only for the sake of my forgiveness. That's the reason why I'm permitted to be here now. However…subconscious state is always repressed by the conscious one. Light-kun's consciousness now has been conquered too brutally by the note's evil. That's why Light-kun only has very tiny possibility to remember this dream…because Light-kun's consciousness won't let his subconscious state takes place…"
…….
With this Light's last hope flew away…
His tears trickled down his cheeks as he sank his head above the table. His shoulders were quivering when he sobbed heartrendingly, the sob which would slash everyone's heart…
Including L, of course… The young man grasped his teacup so tight, so he could hold back the grief which was so ready to burst at anytime…
There was nothing could be done now… Everything was too late for Light…his consciousness was no longer able to love… His eyes have been too blind… Everything has been too dark…spooky… The purity of his heart, his longings towards the light…everything has been buried in subconsciousness which would never be able to come out…
The good-looking young man was crying for long time. Yet finally he raised his head when his sobs ceased a bit. He gazed at L, who was now constructing a small tower from sugar cubes. He smiled slightly when gazing at L's child-like eyes…it felt like he only needed to gaze at his eyes forever…and that's enough…
"Ryuuzaki…," he said with broken voice.
"Hai'…?" L answered, gazing back at the young man.
"Will we meet again…?"
L's fringe, once again, covered his tunnel-like eyes. "I myself don't know, Light-kun…but I really want to see Light-kun again… This dream happens because the remaining light in Light-kun's heart was a bit moved by the death of Light-kun's father… I don't know whether in the future the light will emerge again…"
Light nodded in understanding. His tears kept falling, and now he was crying earnestly in silence.
Without thinking further, L pulled a ply of tissue, then swept away Light's tears. "Light-kun will wake up in no time…," said L.
"No, I don't want to wake up, Ryuuzaki…"
"You will, and better you bid me sayonara right now…"
"I won't bid any farewell!" snapped Light, standing up and once again shaking L's shoulders severely. He even had to climb up the table and kneeling there. His tears flowed like rainfalls… "We'll meet again, Ryuuzaki!!" the young man kept shaking L's shoulders in the middle of his sobs. "Promise me we'll meet again, Ryuuzaki…promise me…."
"See you again then…Light-kun…," whispered L.
Because he knew 'sayonara' is a word that guaranteed nothing…
While 'see you again'…it is a sentence filled with hopes…
They stayed in that position, until finally a bunch of blinding light showering them, swallowing everything…and only left darkness.
…
Light Yagami had waked up from his sleep.
He didn't remember his dream.
Not at all.
*
*
"Yochiru Sato. Accident. Being knocked very hard by a truck. Death at 2.31 pm…. Tatsuya Ori. Crushed by a train. Death at 9.00 pm at Ueno Station."
Light Yagami thought about the criminals he had to kill in the middle of his breakfast time. The more he thought about it, the more scarlet his eyes were. The moment of his father's death seemed very far right now…
"Good morning, Light-kun," Matsuda greeted cheerfully. He sat in front of Light and immediately poured the rice into his bowl.
"Good morning," answered Light calmly.
"Have you felt better?" asked Matsuda.
Light a bit frowned his forehead. "Sorry?"
"You kept whining in your sleep last night," answered Matsuda, began to eat his breakfast. "You kept calling Ryuuzaki's name."
Silence.
"Really?" Light asked back afterwards, trying not to look suspicious.
"Yes," Matsuda gazed at him in sympathy. "Listen, Light-kun, I know you're very much losing him. But he has passed away, there's nothing you can do."
"You're right," replied Light, showing depressed expression.
He didn't know whether he did call out Ryuuzaki's name in his sleep. He couldn't remember his dream anyway. But he didn't mind; in fact, his heart now was replying Matsuda's words with red glint in his eyes.
I have different point of view, Matsuda. Paradoxically, his dead permits me to do everything I want.
*
*
Times passed by.
His death finally came.
With extremely wounded body, he endlessly whined in grief as he ran futilely under the burning sun…
Why everything has to end this way…?
His short breath mingled with sobs as he recollected the moment before he got the Death Note… Massive remorse began to spring then… If only he hadn't got the note…he surely would have walked beneath the sun in peace…reading his text-book, reviewing foreign poetries taught by his teacher…
His strength died away when he arrived at a warehouse. The good-looking young man laid on the treads inside, his amber eyes gazed at the ceilings in lament.
All of a sudden, he felt strong burning in his chest…
Heart attack.
Forty seconds later he would meet death. Alas…was this the symptom of being dying…? The pain didn't only occur in his heart…but also in his whole body. Also his throat. It wasn't an ordinary pain…it was equal with the pain suffered by a thousand people. He felt so hurt that he couldn't scream, only staring at the ceilings and whispered fruitlessly in the middle of his despair as his spirit stuck in his throat.
God…
Would you please forgive me…?
How painful it is… Regret always rises when everything has been too late…
His heart kept counting…nine…eight…seven…six…
Suddenly he saw a black-haired young man mirroring him. He—his feature was transparent—looked at him in sadness as before.
Ryuuzaki…, he whispered in his heart. Would he help me…?
One…
His amber eyes finally closed in a very slow motion.
…
The end…
*
*
Heaven knows how long time has passed ever since the death picked him up. The most obvious thing was: he has been in another dimension when his eyes re-opened. The clouds were clustering like ready-spun cotton. In the middle of those lumps, there was a café from which the sweet smell of shortcake and toffee were blown to his face.
He knew this place. Now that he died, he could remember three layers of memories: unconscious, subconscious, and of course conscious.
In front of the café, there stood a young man whom he had seen before he died.
"Ryuuzaki…," he whispered.
"Light-kun…," the young man replied. His fringe totally covered his eyes.
"Ryuuzaki!" Light immediately ran towards L and hugged him tight, laughing in blissfulness. "Thanks God…so I will live here? With you? This is great, Ryuuzaki!"
L didn't reply the embrace, only bowing his head.
"You won't live here…," he whispered after quite long time.
Light's expression changed right away.
The blissful smile has gone…exchanged by panic and fear.
"What do you mean I won't live here?!" he snapped, releasing his hug and shaking L's body in anguish. "Then why I'm here now, Ryuuzaki?! What am I doing here?! What are you doing here?!"
"In his dream…Light-kun asked me to make a promise, didn't he…? Light-kun wanted me to see him again…"
"Yes, I want you to see me again!!"
"I'm fulfilling my promise now. My promise is only to see Light-kun again….therefore I can't do any other thing, let alone invite Light-kun to stay here…"
Light gazed at the young man…before releasing his hand and shedding warm tears as he got everything…
"The one who uses Death Note can't head to heaven or hell," whispered L. "Light-kun can only be here for a while. Only to see me…and only to see the place Light-kun would get if only Light-kun did not…," L didn't continue. His whispering voice sounded broken now…
Light nodded, completely resigned...
"I understand," he said. Softly, his hand swept L's fringe away. He then gazed at L's pure child-like eyes…before his knees dropped on the surface and started to sob.
"I understand…," he whispered in the middle of his weep. He and I could never be together in the same dimension…even though our hands once handcuffed to each other… He is Sherlock and I'm Moriarty… And now I will fall off to Reichenbach Falls for eternity…
L's fringe once again covered his eyes. He fisted his hand and bit his lips to prevent his tears falling. Yet…no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't do it… The tears kept trickling down behind his fringe…signifying the open wound within his heart…
"Sayonara, Light-kun…," he whispered.
When Light heard that word…he realized he couldn't ever rectify it again… He couldn't ever ask L to see him again…
The word was the closing stage of everything. The finish line of every wish and hope. Also happiness.
"Sayonara…," whispered Light. "Ryuuzaki…forgive me…"
"It's no longer important now…," whispered L.
Light's body gradually disappeared. He was ready to enter the dimension which was completely different with L's dwelling… The place without colours, without hopes, without the scent of shortcake or toffee. Dimension which guaranteed nothing…except the nothingness itself….
Before his body was completely lost, he still had a chance to smile at L…whispering, "Arigato…Ryuuzaki…" He thanked him for fulfilling his promise, also thanked him for showing this beautiful and peaceful dimension though only for a while.
"Lawliet…," whispered L. "My name is Lawliet…"
Light was startled, then smiled sincerely. "Lawliet…," he said in a soft voice. "A wonderful name…almost resembling mine…"
"Hai'…," replied L.
His tears trickled again after Light completely vanished.
"Sayonara…," he whispered again.
Sayonara…
A word which guaranteed nothing…
*
*
Afterwards…
L kept living his after-life in the middle of the floating clouds. He was still fond of the cakes made by Watari. They lived happily as a family—so often Watari laughed with his old-sounded voice when listening to every bits of L's jokes.
Once, with his usual crouching position and wide child-like eyes, L asked Watari something. "Watari?"
"What is it, Ryuuzaki?" replied Watari, serving a bowl of ice cream with chocolate topping and dozens of cherries.
"Don't you feel bored of living with me?" L asked.
"Hohohoho..," laughed Watari, clapping L's shoulders softly. "A very fool question."
"But you surely got a clever answer."
"Taking care of you is the biggest bless of all," answered Watari. A simple answer which succeed touching L's heart. "Every place is a wonderful dwelling, as long as I can always serve your favorite pastry, Ryuuzaki."
L gazed at the old man, then gave him his rare smile.
"Arigato…," he whispered.
Watari nodded and ruffled his hair in devotion.
"What are you thinking of, Ryuuzaki?" asked Watari, seeing L hasn't begun to eat his ice cream.
"Hm? No…nothing," answered L in small voice.
"Do you still worry of Light Yagami?"
L went silent, picking the cherries which were still stuck on its stem.
"In my life…," he said then. "…no, even after my death…this is the first time ever I get involved so emotionally with a criminal…"
"You truly care of Light Yagami," Watari stated. "You always remember the time when he lost the memory of Kira. You both were getting along very well with each other; if only he didn't owned Death Note, you both would be very good friends."
"Hai'…," said L, putting his cherries back into his bowl. He then took a deep breath. "I hope he'll be alright, wherever he might be now…," he finished, gazing at afar with his solemn black eyes.
But of course Light-kun wasn't alright…
Everyday he stayed in a colourless dimension without hope, without the scent of shortcake or toffee. The dimension which guaranteed nothing, except the nothingness itself. The dimension in which an apple was flavorless, just like a grain of sand. The dwelling with rancid-smelled air.
Light Yagami's body was degenerated there, tormented by everlasting boredom which made him stabbing his stomach multiple times, only in order he could die once again. But no…he couldn't die again. He would live there forever, drowned in hopelessness and despair.
His good-looking face also transformed, really resembled the face shown by Ryuk in his terrible nightmare.
The skull-shaped face. The eyes resembling cesspit.
The face of a shinigami…
*
To all the beauties and splendors of heaven and earth…
I bestow you the word that guaranteed nothing:
...
Sayonara…
*
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--End—
**
*