rather depressed about the end of the world and stuffs so I decided to write this, as its apparently going to be the end of the world soon (in two weeks in fact) no one word or two word reviews, this time tell me what you want to accomplish before you die
Lying face up on the black , plush bedspread, staring at the bumpy ceiling Jade realised there was nothing, nothing to look forward to, nothing to accomplish, nothing accomplished. Nothing to be proud of, you could be saying 'well she got into hollywood arts' but that's not really an accomplishment, it was easy sing a little song, do a little number and ding, ding, ding you get in. It was easy back then, then everything went down hill, down hill fast, the old principal left and principal Ikener started and he was never here, so the school started to rot from the inside out.
I realise that I'm a pretty depressing person to be near, I'm just a depressing person in general, but that's just me, little misunderstood Jade, no one understands, everyone's happy without sad little Jade, without Beck, perfect little Beck, who everyone loves, who all the girls launch themselves at right left and centre. The one the girls always wonder why he chose me, well I always wondered why he asked me out, but I was later to find out it was just to mess me about and use me for sex and to say that he was a "nice" guy for going out with the girl who had nobody.
Nobody cared, everyone was the same, everyone saw the walls, no one saw inside, no one sees the real me, everyone that has in the past has left or betrayed me, so I shut down, I talk to someone the walls raise up, when I'm alone the ugly cracks begin to show and the walls break down. I cry, I bet that's a thing you thought you'd never hear, Jade West crying. Well I do, when I'm alone, never in front of a crowd because I hate it, its weak. Crying is a sign of weakness and I hate it, I hate being weak its disgusting, its not me. Its not what I used to be like, I used to not give a damn what anyone thought of me, if I insulted someone or injured them I would never apologise, but now I say sorry at the slightest things, its disgraceful.
There is only one person who is still here although she has seen inside but not fully, she thinks she has but she hasn't, she's seen the nice side of me, I've never been mean to her. She has never seen my threatened side or my mean, spiteful side. She hasn't seen the whole of me but the problem with her is even when she's here, she's not. She's preoccupied. Further proving I'm just an inconvenience, she's just like the others, look at me in sympathy but inside forever judging. I know it, she doesn't want to be here, its because I begged her is the only reason she is it hurts to admit it, I'm on the verge of tears but its true. Its like an angel in disguise, I don't know if I would be sadder if she wasn't here than I am now. Can't dream, I've lost the inspiration, it hurts to admit that. The fact I can't think of anything happy, but its true. Never have I felt like this, the words she says, the words she forgets stick like a dagger to the heart, to feel that she's forgotten something so important to me, yet to her its a mere sentence to make me happy when I'm down, but its never true. None of it. I've learnt not to be excited, or look forward to anything anymore, because it always leads to disappointment. Nothing ever ends up happy, not for me. The others most of the time, but never me. It hurts to be called a freak of nature, it hurts to be told you belong in a psycho ward. It hurts to know that I'll never experience the happiness they feel, it hurts to know nothing will be returned, no feelings, nothing. It hurts to know someone you feel so strongly about will never feel the same. It hurts for people to say that "you two should get together" when she will never feel the same
Lying there the same as me, looking at the bleak ceiling. I want to know what she's thinking of, what's going through her head, but I won't know because she never tells, she's the suffer in silence type and it hurts so much to know I can't help her when I would give anything in the world to stop her pain, to take away all her bad memories. All her bad experiences.
But then I remember that can never happen, nothing can ever happen.
I just wish I could live in my past dreams.
For now I just have to wait for the end to come.